by Leslie Gould
Shani shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“I had an Englisch boyfriend. He and his buddies had a pretty big influence on Abra and me.” That was how it started, anyway. How it ended was Eve’s fault. She’d set a horrible example for Abra.
“Oh.” Shani leaned forward. “And Tim’s afraid Zane will be a bad influence on Daniel?”
Eve’s face warmed.
Shani smiled. “He’s afraid Charlie’s going to be a bad influence on you too. Right?”
Eve shrugged and tried her best to sound nonchalant. “Who knows exactly what Tim thinks.”
“But why would you . . . What do you call it?”
Eve shrugged, unsure what Shani was talking about.
“When you date someone,” Shani said.
“Court?”
“That’s right. I mean, there’s no way you’d court Charlie or even be interested in him.” Shani held her mug with both hands. “You’re courting Gideon, right?” Shani smiled. “Even though you denied it the other night.”
Eve’s face grew even warmer.
Shani sighed. “I have to say Charlie’s the nicest guy I know. I’ve never even heard him cuss, which is saying a lot for a soldier. But selfishly, I wouldn’t even want you to court him—if you fell for him you’d end up leaving.” She smiled and then took a sip of coffee. “Although I wouldn’t mind if he found an Englisch woman just like you. His ex—girlfriend, not wife . . . ” She grimaced. “Anyway, she dumped him while he was in Iraq. Can you imagine?”
Eve shook her head. She really couldn’t.
“Really, I’d give anything for him to find someone like you—but Englisch.”
Eve didn’t respond.
Shani put down her mug, picked up her fork, and speared a piece of cinnamon roll. “Gideon seems like a great guy from what I saw the other night. Attentive. Thrilled to be with you. All of that.” Shani put the bite in her mouth.
Eve tried to think of what to say, but before she did, Shani swallowed and started up again, “I guess I’m just saying that it seems Gideon really cares for you.”
Maybe Eve did need to reevaluate her vow never to marry an Amish man. Maybe her confusing feelings for Charlie didn’t really have anything to do with him—maybe they were to show her it was time to rethink her life.
Shani wrinkled her nose. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Nikki tries to get Charlie back. Some women can’t handle war, and I guess I should admire her for not pretending she could. It’s weird, some feed off the drama of having their man gone and then break up with him when he gets back. Others break up while they’re gone. You’d be surprised how many relationships don’t survive a deployment.” She cut off another bite of cinnamon roll. “It takes work.”
Eve nodded. She imagined it did.
“Anyway, I’ve obviously had too much caffeine today, since I can’t seem to stop talking.”
Eve smiled.
“But,” Shani said, “as far as Charlie and Nikki, they were a good fit in some ways. I just wonder if he can trust her now. What if they get back together and then something bad happens again? She would probably bail.”
“People change,” Eve said. She certainly had. “Maybe she was just really afraid. I think we all know what that’s like.”
Shani pushed the plate toward Eve as she said, “Didn’t Jesus say not to be afraid?”
Eve smiled and cocked her head. He had. Why was it so difficult for her to obey that command? She’d give anything to stop living in fear—fear of Tim, fear of the church, fear of messing up again. It seemed she’d been living in fear for a long time.
“I know a little about the Bible.” Shani smiled. “I went to a Christian group in high school. Joel grew up going to church, and once we married, we went together. The chapel on base. Places like that.” She shrugged. “We’ll find a church here, once things settle down.”
Eve nodded. “That’s gut. There are lots of choices around here.”
“That’s what Charlie said.”
They talked more about churches, and then Shani took a sip of coffee and changed the topic to Zane’s school. “He missed the fall dance, but apparently there will be a winter one before Christmas break. I told him he’s not going unless I’m a chaperone. You should have seen his face. . . .”
Relieved for a change of topic, Eve leaned back in her chair and listened, but not with her full attention. Her thoughts went back to Charlie’s girlfriend dumping him. Poor guy. She knew what it felt like to be rejected.
She hadn’t been serious about anyone since Patrick left her over ten years ago. Her thoughts went back to Charlie. Maybe he and Nikki would get back together. That would definitely help Eve manage her feelings.
She smiled at Shani, to encourage her to keep talking. It was good to be with her new friend. A blessing from God. She was glad the woman was so talkative. The more she said, the less likely Eve was to say something she’d later regret.
Her thoughts kept bouncing from Charlie to Gideon. If she was going to stay a part of her nieces’ and nephews’ lives, she couldn’t leave the church. The most logical answer was to accept Gideon’s interest, and perhaps, some day, his love.
19
Shani slowed at the Lehmans’ driveway. She didn’t want to turn down it and risk an encounter with Tim. “You’re certain you want to do this?”
Zane nodded.
“Go to the house first, even if the boys are outside. Let Eve know you’ve arrived.” Eve had sounded so positive during their coffee date that Zane should stop by that Shani had been won over. But now she wasn’t so sure.
Zane opened the door and jumped down.
“I want you to head home before its time for chores. So only stay an hour.”
He nodded and then slammed the door shut.
Shani accelerated and continued on down the lane. She would have liked to have stopped by the Lehmans’ herself. She enjoyed the time she spent with Eve and hoped all of their friendships could continue, although she’d felt downright silly when she’d brought up Charlie to Eve. Even though neither of them would talk about it, something had happened when he went over to wrap her ankle.
But then when she’d brought up Gideon, Eve wouldn’t talk about him either. She’d seemed respectful enough toward him the other night, but she certainly didn’t seem starry-eyed. And not today either. Maybe that was the way it was with the Amish.
Joel would tell her it wasn’t any of her business—and he’d be right. It wasn’t. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder.
She parked the van in their driveway and headed up to the house. She could hear the TV before she opened the door and guessed Joel had been watching sports all day.
Joel turned the volume down when she entered and asked, “Where’s Zane?”
“At the neighbors’.”
“Shani, you’ve got to learn to say no to him.”
“It was Eve’s idea.”
“Did you think about asking me?”
Actually she hadn’t. “I’m sorry.” After getting used to not asking his opinion about daily life, she’d simply forget to. “He won’t be there long,” Shani said. “He’s coming home in an hour.”
Joel frowned. “What did Zane’s teachers say?”
Shani was surprised that Joel remembered. “I only spoke to one. The others were in a meeting. She said he’s doing fine—he just needs some time to adjust.”
She paused for a moment and then said, “I’ll try to do better—”
His eyes drifted back to the TV.
“—at asking your opinion.” Clearly he didn’t want to talk anymore.
Shani hung up her purse and then her coat. Part of her problem was she wasn’t sure what to bother him with and what to handle on her own. She didn’t want to burden him when he was dealing with so much already, especially when he’d seemed so distant. Most of the time he didn’t seem very interested—and certainly not engaged—in the daily life around him.
Joel wheeled a little closer to the T
V as the announcer started talking about the Milwaukee Bucks. It was his favorite boyhood team.
Shani yawned. “I’m going to take a nap.” She was scheduled to work the day shift in the morning, as part of her orientation. She figured a little extra rest would help.
She awoke from a deep sleep to Joel saying her name from their bedroom doorway. The room was nearly dark. It took Shani a moment to realize where she was. Her grandfather’s house. Lancaster County. Zane was at the neighbors’.
Joel wheeled a little closer. “Zane’s not home. You should go check on him.”
The baby kicked. Maybe he was annoyed at being awoken. Or maybe he was trying to get her out of bed. She swung her feet to the floor.
“Take the flashlight with you.” He already had it in his lap. “And the umbrella. It’s raining again.”
She yawned, stood, and followed Joel as he wheeled his chair to the front door, where she slipped into her boots, wrestled her coat on, grabbed the umbrella, and took the flashlight from Joel.
“Did you have any dinner ideas?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I’ll order pizza.”
“I’ll do it,” he said. The landline had finally been installed.
“Denki.” It had become her joke—one Joel didn’t share. She started out the door and then stopped. “Think like Zane. Do you think he’s still at the Lehmans’ place? Or do you think he’s in the pasture or along the creek?”
“Are you trying to decide to take the van or not?”
“Yes,” she answered, holding the flashlight and umbrella tightly.
“Wouldn’t Eve have sent him home by now?”
She nodded.
“Go through the field.” Joel rolled back a little in his chair, expecting her to close the door.
She patted his shoulder. “He’s fine,” she said. “Don’t worry.” Then she hurried on down the ramp. Losing Samuel had changed her husband.
Shani shone the flashlight along the field and the line of poplar trees between her and the creek. An animal, probably a raccoon, darted away, but besides that she didn’t see anything else. Once she reached the neighbors’ she decided to go to the house first. She knocked several times on the back door before Rose finally answered it.
“Is Zane here?” Shani asked.
“He went home.” Rose motioned for her to come in.
Eve sat at the table, peeling potatoes. “He left about a half hour ago.”
Shani pressed her lips together. “Where are Daniel and Simon?”
“Doing the chores,” Eve answered as Lila stepped into the kitchen, Trudy in her arms.
“How about Tim?” Shani asked.
“He’s working on the new chicken coop.”
“In the dark?”
“He has a lantern.”
“Oh,” Shani said. “I’ll go ask the boys if they’ve seen Zane.”
“You go too,” Eve said to Lila. “Put Trudy in the high chair.”
A minute later Lila and Shani headed toward the barn. Shani could see the lantern casting a soft glow behind the old chicken coop, and the sound of hammering rang out in the night.
“How was school today?” Shani asked Lila, even though her thoughts were on Zane. Surely he couldn’t have gone too far.
“Gut. We had a kickball tournament during recess.”
“What do you like best about school?”
“Art,” Lila said. “Our teacher does a lot of it.”
“What kind?” Shani asked.
“Drawing. Watercolor. Sculpture.”
The information surprised Shani. It seemed too impractical for the Amish. “Do you sew and quilt?” she asked the girl.
“Some. My Mamm taught me.”
Shani suspected the girl was being modest. “My grandmother tried to teach me when I was close to your age.”
“The one who lived here?”
Shani nodded.
“I remember your grandfather, but I don’t remember your grandmother at all,” Lila said.
“She died a long time ago. When I was a few years older than you are now.” Shani stopped talking when she heard laughter in the barn.
“Wait here,” Lila said. Shani stopped a few feet from the barn while the girl continued, but then the rain started again and even though Shani had the umbrella she stepped under the eaves of the barn, to the side of the door.
“Hurry home,” Lila was saying, her voice low. “Your Mamm’s outside.”
One of the other boys giggled.
Shani felt both relieved and annoyed.
“Stop it,” Lila said. “Do you want to get caught? Then Zane won’t be able to come over at all.” Her voice grew harsher. “You should have gone home when Aenti told you to.”
“Ach, don’t be bays,” Zane said.
Shani stepped closer to the door. Bays? What in the world was he talking about?
“I’m not angry,” Lila hissed. “Just annoyed. Now go out the back.”
There was more giggling.
“Stop it, Simon. You two hurry up. Dat’s bound to come check in a minute.”
There was a rustling, the sound of feet running, and then Lila’s steps over the concrete threshold. “Daniel and Simon said they built a fort down by the creek today. Zane grabbed a couple of boards to add to it on his way home. He’s probably there now.”
Shani’s mouth dropped open. She’d never expected Lila to lie to her. “Sweetie . . . ” she said.
Lila inhaled.
“Zane was in there. I heard.”
Lila’s expression faded into a blank look.
“I’d never want you to lie for him.”
Lila didn’t respond, but by the light coming through the barn door Shani could see tears pooling in Lila’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” the girl said. “I wanted you to let him come back.”
“Lila!”
Shani turned toward the voice, realizing the hammering had stopped. Tim strode toward them. “Who are you talking to?”
“It’s me. Shani.” She stepped forward, in front of the girl. “I was just looking for Zane. He hadn’t come home.”
“He’s not here,” Tim said.
“I know,” Shani answered. “It sounds as if he’s down by the creek.”
Tim nodded and marched into the barn, calling over his shoulder. “Get back to the house and help your Aenti.”
Lila, without saying anything, stepped away from Shani.
“Wait,” Shani said, reaching for the girl.
Lila turned toward her and Shani whispered, “No more lying, okay?” Shani let go of the girl. “We all need to be honest.”
Lila nodded and took off for the house.
Shani started toward the field. She hadn’t exactly been honest with Tim. She sighed and headed back toward the barn. When she entered, Simon shoveled grain into a trough, Daniel led a cow out the other side of the barn, and Tim knelt down beside another cow. No one was talking or giggling or laughing.
“May I speak with you?” Shani asked Tim.
Startled, he bumped his head against the cow.
“It’ll only take a minute,” Shani said.
“I thought you went home.”
“I will,” she said. “After we talk.”
“Go ahead.”
She nodded toward the barn door. “Outside.” She didn’t want Simon and Daniel to hear.
Tim stood and followed her out. The rain was coming down harder. She opened her umbrella and raised it high so Tim could join her underneath it. He didn’t.
“Zane was helping with the chores earlier,” she said. “I didn’t intend for him to, just to play with your boys in the field after school.”
He didn’t respond.
“But he was in the barn when I got here. I think he’s on his way home now.”
Tim still didn’t respond.
“I just wanted to clarify that,” Shani said, growing more uncomfortable with each second. “I implied he’d been down at the creek for a while. I shouldn’t have. I want to be h
onest—and have you be honest with us too.”
Tim crossed his arms.
Shani rubbed her free hand on the thigh of her maternity jeans. “Can he and your boys play down by the creek together after school? I understand that you don’t want him helping with chores . . .” Shani’s voice trailed off. She couldn’t bear the thought of Zane being ostracized, not when the Lehman children were such a good influence on him.
Tim stared straight ahead, without making eye contact.
“I work tomorrow and the day after. Two days a week, mostly. Zane will check in with Joel after school, but if it’s nice out, he’s not going to want to stay at the house.” Did she have to spell it out to Tim? She couldn’t control exactly where Zane went after school, and it wasn’t as if Joel could track him down and force him to stay home. They could discipline him, sure, but it would be after the fact.
Perhaps Tim was starting to understand because he said, “Jah, I don’t want him helping with chores. Simon is well enough to do them. And I don’t want your boy distracting mine . . . from their work.”
Her pulse quickened, but she nodded.
“If they bump into each other down by the creek . . . then I suppose that’s all right.” He uncrossed his arms. “Now, I need to get back to my own chores.”
“Of course,” Shani said. “Thank you.”
Instead of going through the field, she headed toward the lane, stopping by the house first. When Lila answered the door, she looked up at Shani, a sheepish expression on her face.
“I clarified things with your father,” Shani said.
Lila nodded solemnly.
“That Zane was in the barn.”
Lila’s expression didn’t change.
“I’d like to come in and talk with Eve a minute.”
Lila nodded and stepped aside.
Eve stood at the counter slicing bread, while Rose fed the baby. “Shani,” she said, “is everything all right?”
“I think so. Zane’s probably home by now. I talked with Tim—he doesn’t mind if the boys meet down by the creek to play, after school. I’ll tell Zane. I work tomorrow,” Shani said. “Day shift.” She’d move to swing shift soon. “So I won’t be around. But Joel will be home. Call our landline if you need anything.”