by Leslie Gould
“What’s going on?” she asked. Maybe she’d only heard what Eve had said.
“Gideon saw us—together.” Charlie stepped away from Eve. “A few minutes ago.”
“Oh,” Shani said and then shook her head. “Why does that matter? It’s not like . . . ” She glanced from Charlie to Eve. “It’s not like anything’s . . .” Her voice trailed off.
Eve stepped away from the wall. “We should get back. I don’t want Joel to be overwhelmed by the kids. Or for Tim to come home unexpectedly.”
Shani stepped to her friend’s side. “Do you think Gideon would call Tim at the lumberyard? Just because you and Charlie were alone for a few minutes?”
“Maybe,” Eve answered.
“I’m so confused,” Shani said.
“So are we.” Charlie shoved his hands into his pockets. He led the way, hoping Gideon wouldn’t call Tim.
But it wouldn’t surprise him if he did.
24
Do you want me to drop you off at your house?” Shani asked Eve as she turned her van onto Juneberry Lane. “Trudy’s probably not up from her nap. I can bring all the children when she wakes up.”
“Denki,” Eve said. Charlie stirred behind her in the middle seat. After Eve told Shani about Deacon King, the three had stayed quiet. Shani had tried to make small talk a few times, but mostly they’d all been silent during the ride from the hospital.
Shani turned down the Lehman driveway. “I’ll get out too,” Charlie said.
Eve didn’t protest. She at least owed him an explanation.
Shani stopped the van and put the vehicle into Park. “One of you needs to tell me what’s going on,” she said.
Eve looked down as Charlie opened the side door.
“Give us a few minutes,” he said.
Shani gripped the steering wheel.
Eve opened her door, but then said to Shani, “Sorry. We haven’t meant to be secretive.”
Shani raised her eyebrows. “Is something going on between you and Charlie?”
Eve shook her head. “We were just talking. Thank you for taking care of Trudy.”
“I’ll see you in a little bit . . .” Shani said.
Charlie held the door for Eve and she climbed down. After he’d shut it, she said, “We shouldn’t go inside.”
He nodded.
“Let’s go sit on the front porch.” She led the way. Charlie stole a look at her, but she didn’t meet his eyes. They walked side by side up the steps and then sat down on the top one.
She tucked her dress under her legs. “I never should have called you that night.”
Charlie leaned toward her. “I asked you to call, and I’ll always be thankful that you did.”
She shook her head. He wouldn’t be. In another month or so he’d think of her as that crazy Amish girl that had put him through the wringer in an awkward one-week friendship.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
He inhaled deeply. “Don’t keep apologizing. It’s not your fault.”
But it was.
“I don’t think we are meant to be just friends, Eve,” he said. “I think we are meant to be much more.”
His words stabbed at her heart.
When she didn’t respond, he asked, “Do you love Gideon?”
She didn’t answer. He didn’t understand what he was up against.
Gently, he said, “Eve.”
She tried to inhale, but her breath caught.
“Do you love Gideon?” he asked again.
She struggled for air.
“Eve?”
Finally she managed to sputter, “I need to try to explain something to you.” Staring down at her hands, she said, “I can’t leave the Amish.”
“Because of what happened before?”
She shook her head. “Well, that’s how it all started. That’s when I made a commitment to the church because Abra was determined to join, and I was determined to stand by her and be a good friend. To help her and her babies.”
Charlie nodded.
“But this is more. When Abra was dying she asked me to promise that I’d care for her children, which means I can’t leave.”
“Wow,” Charlie said.
Eve bowed her head and stared at her hands. “The children need me.” Charlie didn’t need her, not compared to the kids.
“Why would you promise her that?”
How could she explain to Charlie that it was part of her penance? She loved the children—that was true—but she owed Abra.
Back when Eve was with Patrick, Abra came over to his apartment one night, hanging out with a friend of his visiting from Virginia. Abra’d had too much to drink, and the young man offered to take her home. Eve had said no, Abra needed to spend the night, at Eve’s place. But Abra said she worked the next day and needed to go. Eve insisted she and Patrick take her home, but Abra said that wasn’t necessary.
The boy from Virginia went back home a few days later. When Abra figured out she was pregnant, Eve had been afraid the young man had raped her. She said no, she’d been stupid but willing.
Eve was sure if she hadn’t been willing with Patrick, Abra never would have gone that far. Eve, it turned out, had been a horrible friend—and Abra had paid the price.
“Eve?” Charlie touched her arm.
“Sorry,” she said. “I owe Abra that. I let her down in a way that altered her entire life. What else could I do but promise to care for her children?”
“Did you promise her you’d never marry?”
She shook her head again. “No.”
“Why didn’t you marry years ago, then, after you came back to the Amish?”
She hesitated, not sure if she wanted to answer him.
“Eve,” he prodded.
Finally she said, “My parents had an awful marriage. And I’d seen others where the husband was domineering and harsh. I knew the damage it did to a child—I experienced it. When I finally joined the church, I vowed never to marry an Amish man.”
“So, basically never to marry at all?” Charlie asked.
She nodded, although back then she hadn’t been absolutely sure she’d never leave the Amish again. That was why Abra had made Eve promise.
“And now you feel you’re stuck,” he said. “You can’t leave the church and you can’t marry in it. Except that doesn’t explain Gideon.”
Her face grew warm. “Jah, I know.”
Charlie’s voice was still even. “He’s a kind man though, right? Not like your father? Or . . . others.”
She nodded and raised her head.
He met her eyes. “Do you love Gideon?” he asked for a third time.
She whispered, “No.”
“Then why would you marry someone you don’t love?”
“To be close to the children.” Her eyes swam with tears. “And, for a short time, I hoped I’d come to love him.”
He leaned closer. “Abra might have been too ill to even realize what she was asking. Or it could have been the medication she was on. From everything you’ve said about her, it doesn’t seem like the kind of request she would have made in her right mind.” Charlie paused and then asked, “Would you consider rethinking your promise to Abra?”
“I can’t,” she answered. “There’s too much at stake.”
She could feel his breath as he said, “I wouldn’t come between you and the kids.”
“I know that,” she said. “But Tim would make it impossible. I wouldn’t be allowed to see them. He’d turn them against me, and Gideon wouldn’t intervene, not like he has for Abra’s parents.” The sound of a vehicle stopped her. She headed down the steps, alarmed that Tim would arrive so soon.
But it wasn’t Tim. It was Shani, with the children. The kids piled out into the rain as soon as Shani stopped. Lila was last, holding a screaming Trudy.
“There, there,” Eve said as she took the baby, pulling the blanket over her head to protect her. She turned toward the children. “Everyone go inside.” They all obeyed.
<
br /> “I’ll head back,” Charlie said. Eve could tell he was hurting.
“No, stay,” Shani said, pulling her hood onto her head. “I want to know what’s going on.”
Charlie shook his head slightly. Before Eve could say anything, the sound of another vehicle stopped her. It was the driver Gideon used, with Tim in the front seat.
Eve’s shoulders tightened. Neither Charlie nor Shani said anything. They all stood still as the driver parked the car and Tim climbed out.
Finally he broke the silence, “I was a fool the first time. Not the second.” Tim glared at Charlie. “Leave my property.”
Charlie glanced at Eve. She nodded. The baby fussed and then quieted again.
“Good grief,” Shani said. “Can’t we talk this out? We’re all adults. Not junior highers.”
Tim crossed his arms.
“Thank you for coming over,” Eve said, turning toward Shani. “Please go,” she whispered, not daring to look at Charlie.
Charlie stepped toward Tim, as if he might extend his hand, but Tim stuffed both of his under his arms. Eve felt as if she might be sick.
“Don’t come back,” Tim said to Charlie. “Eve is my responsibility. She’s none of your concern.”
“No, she is,” Charlie answered. “I care about Eve—more than I’ve ever cared about anyone.”
Eve’s heart raced. No one else had ever stood up for her like that.
“You have no idea of our ways,” Tim said. “She’s under my authority.”
“She’s a grown woman. She can make her own decisions. I want what she wants.”
“She wants to marry the bishop.”
“Maybe that’s what you want,” Charlie said. “Have you asked her what she wants?”
Tim’s eyes narrowed. “You’re no longer welcome here,” he said.
Shani wrinkled her nose. “Tim Lehman, you may think you can control everyone and everything around you, but you can’t. Someday, sometime, this will all backfire on you.”
“Don’t . . .” Eve didn’t know what else to say. No matter what her friend said, it wouldn’t do any good.
Shani turned toward Eve. “Should I call for help?”
Eve shook her head, wondering who Shani would call.
“Will you come with us?” Charlie asked as he stepped toward her.
Eve shook her head. “Go,” she said again. The baby grew heavier in her arms by the minute.
“We’ll wait in the van,” he said loudly. “As long as you need us to.”
Tim wouldn’t do anything to physically hurt her, but he would berate her with his words. “Please go,” she said again.
Charlie walked toward the van, his shoulders square and his head high.
Shani stared Tim down as she followed Charlie. Once she’d slammed the van door, Tim started toward the house. Eve followed him up the steps to the mud porch.
Trudy sighed, relaxing against Eve. The baby helped her stay calm as Tim began to rant. “Gideon wanted to know how long you and Charlie have been courting.”
“We’re—”
“Don’t lie to me. Gideon said it was obvious, clear as day on both your faces. That day Charlie was in the kitchen, I thought it was just you who had feelings for him, but it sounds as if I was wrong.”
“I never meant to hurt Gideon,” Eve said.
“He’ll forgive you.”
Eve shook her head. “I don’t want his forgiveness. I want—”
Tim bristled and banged his fist against the wall of the mud room. Trudy began to cry.
“To leave this family? These children?” His eyes were furious. “To deny Trudy the only mother she’s ever known?”
“If I married Gideon, I’d—”
“If you married Gideon?” he snarled. “When you marry Gideon.”
“I’ll leave the children then, anyway.” Although she wouldn’t go nearly as far as if she left the Amish. Eve bounced Trudy as she began to scream.
Tim shook his head. “Gideon said you can care for them . . . until I . . . ” He stopped. Find another wife. He couldn’t say it. She knew he couldn’t fathom replacing Abra.
She shook her head. “How will that work? I’ll come over here every day? What about the evenings? And the nights?”
“You’ve spoiled Trudy—she’ll sleep through the night with you gone. And Lila can take care of the mornings and the evenings.”
Eve didn’t respond.
Tim’s eyes narrowed. “I’m going back to work. We’ll go to church tomorrow. You’ll do your part. Gideon will do his. None of us will speak of this again.”
Tim threw open the back door and stomped out. After he slammed it shut, Trudy stopped crying. Eve stepped into the kitchen and then over to the window. Tim climbed into the driver’s car without glancing at Charlie and Shani, who both stared straight ahead.
Once the driver had backed up and headed down the driveway, Charlie opened the van door. For a moment, Eve was tempted to gather up all the children and go with him to Philly. But then she imagined the headlines the next day. Amish Aenti kidnaps nieces and nephews. No matter Tim’s faults, she couldn’t take his children away from him. And she couldn’t bear it if he took them away from her. Tim hadn’t let her finish, but if he had, she would have said she wanted to be allowed to make her own decisions and have a relationship with her nieces and nephews.
Charlie stepped down and started toward the house. Eve rapped on the window and shook her head. He threw up his hands. She shook her head again. Charlie turned toward Shani, who jumped out of the van and hurried to the door.
Eve opened it, tears spilling down her face. “I can’t see him,” she said. “Tell him I’m sorry.”
Shani pulled Eve and the baby into an embrace. “I didn’t realize . . .” she said, “that you two felt this way about each other.”
“I never meant to hurt him.”
“Shh,” Shani said. “None of us can help who we fall in love with.”
Eve swiped at her eyes. “But we can help how we act on that love.” She’d feared, at first, that her attraction to Charlie was simply that he was Englisch. First because he was safe. Then because he reminded her of her past. She knew that wasn’t true now. He was attractive because he was kind and confident and good with the kids. Because he listened. Because he cared. For her.
Shani hugged her harder. “Something will work out. Charlie wants you to call—tonight.”
“I can’t.” Tears flowed from her eyes. “Ask him to forgive me,” she said, letting Shani go as the baby began to fuss in her arms again.
The next day after the church service in Gideon’s shed, Eve turned Trudy over to Lila and walked toward the bishop’s house. Monika was at the hospital, but her girls had come to church. She gave Jenny a hug, and they headed toward the kitchen to help. “How’s your Dat doing?” Eve asked.
“Better. They’re doing a procedure today—with a stent.”
“Sounds like he has blockage,” Eve said.
“Jah, that’s what Mamm said.”
Gideon’s daughter, Sarah, had everything under control in the kitchen. She was a quiet girl but capable and efficient. She had Reuben in charge of moving the benches into the house, and he’d recruited Simon and Daniel to help. As Eve put the bread in baskets, she noticed Lila standing in the doorway to the living room, holding the baby. Trudy’s blanket fell to the floor, and Reuben quickly picked it up, handing it to Lila.
Eve watched the two. Reuben was four years older than Lila—a significant gap at their current ages, but it wouldn’t seem so wide in a few years. He was a nice boy. Kind and considerate. Not as outgoing as Gideon, but he had some time before he was a man. He’d probably be a lot like his father when he was full grown.
Lila smiled at the boy as she tucked the blanket around her sister.
Eve didn’t see Tim or Gideon until toward the end of the first sitting for the meal. Tim came in first and sat down beside Simon, rumpling his hair as he did. Eve couldn’t see Simon’s face, b
ut Daniel sat across from his brother, and she could clearly see his frown. Gideon came in a few minutes later, and Eve dished up a bowl of bean soup for him.
“Denki,” Gideon said, looking her in the eye.
Her face warmed.
“I appreciate you taking charge of the kitchen,” he added.
“Sarah’s in charge,” Eve replied. “I’m just helping.”
Her awkwardness grew as he continued to stare.
“How about a piece of bread?” She took a step toward the baskets. “And some apple butter. Monika made it.”
He stepped around to the other side of the counter. “Speaking of, I was wondering if you’d like to go the hospital with me. This evening.”
Eve swallowed.
“I know Monika would like to see you.”
Eve exhaled, wondering if he was testing her. “Let me check with Tim,” she managed to say.
A pained expression passed over Gideon’s face. Thankfully Lila approached with Trudy, who had begun to fuss. “Have you eaten?” Gideon asked Lila.
She shook her head.
“Take my soup,” he said. “I’ll take the baby.”
A couple of minutes later, with Trudy asleep in his arms, Gideon sat down next to Tim. The boys left the table, leaving the men to talk. As the second group entered to eat, Eve caught Tim looking at her a couple of times. Once the rest of the members were served, Eve went to take the baby from Gideon.
“Denki,” she said as he scooted Trudy into her arms.
Tim leaned back on the bench. “He has a way with the little ones, jah?”
Eve nodded.
Tim sat up straight. “I didn’t help Abra enough when Simon and Rose were babies. It’s time I learned now. Starting tonight.” He fixed his eyes on Eve. “Go with the bishop to the hospital. Nothing would make Monika happier, I know.”
Eve nodded. It was true Monika would be pleased to see her. But she grew anxious at the idea of going with Gideon.
“I’ll be by around four,” Gideon said.
“Better get the kitchen cleaned up so we can go home,” Tim said. “I’ll take the baby.”
Eve slid Trudy into his arms. She expected the baby to protest, but she didn’t. She settled against her Dat, turning her face against his chest. When Tim smiled down at the little one, Eve realized she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen a positive expression on his face. She wasn’t sure if it was the comfort Trudy brought or the fact he’d manipulated her into going with Gideon.