by Howe, Olivia
The Christmas music was bad enough. She wiped the condensation off of her glass, hoping this beer might help her tune the music out.
This growing attraction to Eric? Not so easy to dismiss.
She downed the icy brew, and Winn desperately wanted to ask for another as Eric finished up, winking at her again as the song ended.
She'd never wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear, and jump a disarmingly attractive man, at the same time. Until now.
Eric returned from the stage after a rollicking round of applause.
“Did you like the song?” He touched her hand, and she jerked back from the heat of the casual caress, nearly falling off the stool. She righted herself, a bit ashamed about the hurt expression that crossed his face.
“You were wonderful!” Her proclamation was overly enthusiastic as she tried to assuage her guilt at hurting his feelings.
“Really? I always worry, trying to walk in the footsteps of The King.”
“You did Elvis proud. Your voice is amazing.” Winn warmed at his smile and giggled at herself when her stomach growled.
Uh-oh. Giggling was not good. She never giggled unless she was drunk, but she’d only had two beers.
You also giggle when you’re falling in love.
Which was impossible because she barely knew this man.
Eric must have heard her stomach because he called their waitress and ordered nachos and wings for the table.
If there had to be Christmas music, at least she could console herself with nachos—and beer.
Just one more. Enough to dull the pain.
Gus loved Christmas songs, and Winn fell into a funk every time she thought about how close she’d come to losing him. To endure another hour of this, she needed, deserved, to be numb.
Winn raised her glass and toasted Mr. Willard as he ascended the stage, his Rudolph pin almost blinking in time to the beat of “Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree.”
***
Two hours later, Winn sat in Eric's truck, berating herself for this mess. Like Gus had done a year ago, Eric confiscated her keys and refused to let her drive home.
At least it wasn't sleeting, like it had been last December. The roads weren't slick, and there were practically no other cars out. No one who could swerve into their lane and hit them.
Hurt them.
Her stomach clenched as the unwanted memories flickered like a bloody horror film on the movie screen in her head.
The beer had failed miserably at blocking out the bad stuff.
Eric parked in her circular drive and helped Winn out of his truck. She slipped a little on the walk and was happy for Eric's strong arm around her waist.
“Thanks for the ride home. I shouldn’t have had a third beer, but holidays are—” her voice cracked. “Gus… Tyler’s dad…” She choked, incapable of saying the words to this almost-perfect stranger. “They’re hard.”
He squeezed her arm. “I understand. Christmas is a little… empty without family.”
Winn leaned her head on his arm, and wondered what it would be like to kiss him, with his full lips lingering, making sweet promises and asking for more than she was ready to give. She didn’t want him to kiss her.
Did she?
She shook her head. The loneliness was beating her down. She couldn’t afford the luxury of acting like a fifteen-year old pining for her first crush.
Eric held her arm as they took the steps to the front door, and the heat radiating from her core was like nothing she’d experienced at fifteen, or hell, at twenty-five.
He leaned over, kissed her gently on the cheek, and whispered, “Thank you for coming out. I had a wonderful time tonight.”
Winn's fingers twitched, wanting to tangle in his hair and pull his head to hers and...
Return his pleasantry, thank him for driving you home, and say good night, the angel on her right shoulder pleaded.
As much as she’d argued against her growing attraction for this man, she didn't want to say good night, didn’t want to go into the quiet house alone without…
With a courage aided by one too many beers and the devil on her left shoulder, she leaned into Eric, stood on her toes, and kissed him, his whiskers soft and ticklish against her face.
He grew still.
Then he let her go.
Winn, though chilled by the absence of his body no longer pressed against hers, was hot with shame.
He was put off by her forwardness.
Eric broke the silence. “Not a good idea. I mean, you've had a little to drink tonight—-”
“I know—-”
He placed his fingers on her lips. “You think you know what you're doing, but if I...” He leaned over and kissed her cheek again.
Winn trembled, from both the cold and the ripples of pleasure his whisper of a kiss elicited in her body.
“I want you too, but we can’t. I can’t…” He didn’t elaborate further, and Winn was confused by what it was he couldn’t do.
She pulled her keys from her coat pocket, turned away from Eric, and entered the house, closing the door quietly behind her.
Winn leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and pressing her fingers to her mouth, the taste from the brief press of his lips lingering. The embarrassment of her boldness and Eric’s refusal of her advances lingered as well.
“Oh, God!” she groaned, not in passion, but in humiliation.
“Ms. Garringer, is that you?”
Winn jumped, startled by the voice coming from the couch. Chrissie.
“Yes, but please, call me Winn. Sorry to frighten you.”
“Oh, it’s okay. I’m sorry I fell asleep. I meant to stay alert in case Tyler woke up.”
“No worries. He’s a great sleeper. Nights were rough at first after his dad…” Winn's voice caught. “Well, his occupational therapist was using the weighted vest at school, and she recommended the weighted blanket. Works like a charm. Thanks again for coming over.”
“You had fun? I’m happy to help anytime. Tyler is so sweet.”
“Yes, it was… fun.” Winn stretched the truth, recalling the non-stop Christmas revelry and Eric’s rejection. She reached into her purse and pulled out cash for Chrissie.
The young woman shook her head, refusing the money. “No, no, but thank you.”
“Are you sure? I hate for you to work for free.”
“It’s hardly work. He’s such a good boy. I hope I can sit for Tyler again soon.” Chrissie picked up her bag from the floor in the entryway and opened the door. “Good night. See you on Monday!”
She closed the door behind Chrissie, turning the deadbolt and latching the chain.
As she readied herself for bed— taking aspirin and drinking a couple glasses of water to ward off the morning-after headache—Winn replayed the night's events in her mind.
The beer, the almost-kiss.
His rejection.
She shook her head in mortification, hoping now it would be some time before she saw Eric again. Maybe by then, she would recover from her embarrassment.
He'd said he wanted her, though. She imagined Eric’s uncontrolled passion, the way he might kiss her and skim his hands over her. She wanted it, wanted him, so badly, but it terrified her too.
Did she deserve to be happy after the hell she’d put Tyler and Gus through last year?
The reflection in the mirror shook its head no.
A sweet, barely audible, voice in her head told her yes.
***
Eric waited for the door to close behind Winn before releasing his breath in a puff of steam. He was grateful for the icy bite of air nipping at his neck as he turned and climbed into his truck. He hit the button to roll down the windows, hoping the blast of wind would cool the raging desire boiling in his blood.
At the moment, the chilly wind didn’t even take the edge off of his frustration.
He’d been eager to take Winn up on her invitatio
n. Stopped for a moment to consider it. He’d never taken advantage of any woman who'd been drinking, and while his id made a powerful argument, Eric wasn't starting that tonight.
She wasn’t built for a no-strings relationship—and that was all he could give right now.
No hearts or souls or anything deeper.
He couldn’t shake the impression, though, that Winn was special, and he wanted to cherish her. Protect her.
Tonight, he’d protected Winn from himself.
It had been too long since he’d been with a woman, and then, he hadn’t experienced the overwhelming urges gripping him since he’d met Winn the week before. He feared he wouldn’t be able to control himself, and would frighten her.
More, he feared disappointing her, afraid she would decide he wasn't worth her effort, or her love.
Love? Where did that come from?
After all the losses he’d suffered, Eric was unsure he could love anymore.
He might put on a good show for everyone else, but he knew the cynic had long ago usurped the happy-go-lucky kid he'd once been.
But optimism shined like the summer sun whenever Winn was around. It made him want to be happy again.
She made him want to be happy again.
Despite all the heartache he’d endured for over a decade, this was a notion Eric wasn't sure he could shake.
For the sake of everyone, though, he needed to try.
Chapter 5
Winn awoke to the sound of Tyler humming through the wall separating their bedrooms. She crawled out of bed and donned her worn fleece robe. The chime of the doorbell ringing startled her, and while she wanted to ignore it, the ding-dong sound would upset Tyler if it was not taken care of—meaning she must go answer it, and Tyler needed to see her do it.
When she opened her bedroom door, the boy was already standing in the hallway. He took her hand and then led her to the entry way. Who would be calling so early on Sunday morning? She unhooked the chain, unlocked the deadbolt, and pulled open the door. Her jaw hit the floor. Eric stood there with a tray of coffee, a box of donuts—and that smile.
She now wished she was one of those women who woke up gorgeous.
Or at least that she was one of those women who had woken up and showered an hour before.
She pushed her long locks behind her ears and managed to return his smile with a weak one of her own.
“Good morning!” Eric handed her a paper cup filled with piping hot caffeinated goodness. “I brought donuts. Can Tyler have them?”
Winn nodded her head and Eric continued, “Plus I figured you could use a little pick-me-up this morning, before we head out.”
His long fingers brushed hers as let go of the cup, and the embers ignited last night stirred to life once more.
“Out?” Winn squeaked, as a cold wind whipped the trees out front before barreling through the front door. It was still freezing. Apparently, she’d forgotten her manners. She motioned him inside. “I’m sorry, please come in!”
“Thanks.” He rubbed Tyler’s head as he had at school. The boy seemed to revel in the affection, and it likely stemmed from him missing his dad. He stepped inside. “Yes, out. To get your car. You left it at Charlie's last night, remember?”
“Oh, yes, of course I remember,” she sputtered. The truth was, the only thing she recalled about last night after they left the bar was Eric’s rejection.
But he was back. Already.
Luckily, Eric focused on Tyler, so he missed the flush burning her face.
“Hey buddy! Do you like donuts?”
Tyler responded by reaching for Eric’s coffee. The man’s gentle laughter warmed her heart. “No, this is not for you, but I’m sure your aunt has something here you can drink.”
Eric turned toward the kitchen as though he’d been here before. Who had rented this house before them? A woman? A young woman? A stab of jealousy, so unfamiliar, lodged in her gut.
Shaking her head, she realized in a town this small, he’d probably been in many of the houses throughout the community at some point in his life.
He confirmed this when he asked, “Did you strip the hideous rose-patterned wallpaper? Or was it down when you moved in?”
“Oh, it was like this when we moved in. I guess the owner took it down.”
“Unlikely.” He chortled as he removed his heavy coat. “Tony’s aunt owns the house, and used to live here before moving to Florida a few years back. She wouldn’t dream of ruining her manicure stripping paper. His cousin Leo lived here for awhile before he got a job offer in Atlanta. Actually, seems like he did quite a bit of fixing up around here. Glasses are…”
She pointed to the cabinet next to the sink, and Winn nodded when he pulled the milk out of the refrigerator and held it up.
She should be put off a little by this near-stranger coming into her home and making himself so comfortable. She couldn’t be mad though—Tyler seemed so at ease with him, and Winn had wanted to invite him in last night, but for far different reasons than eating donuts or drinking coffee.
Self-conscious of her appearance once more, Winn desperately wanted to change into something more presentable. “You good here? Okay if I go get dressed? The rumor mill would probably explode if anyone saw me in my pajamas with you, especially after last night.”
He raised an eyebrow at her.
“I mean, after we—you and me and Tony and Anna—were out at the bar last night.”
Eric cleared his throat. “Sure, Tyler and I have things covered out here. We can manage to put away a couple donuts without your assistance.”
Tyler giggled, and Winn's heart melted a little more.
She calmly walked into her room, and closing the door behind her, frantically threw off her robe and stripped off her pajamas. Shivering, she searched her dresser for a bra and fresh panties, deciding against the scraps of black lace in favor of the more comfortable white cotton.
She’d save the fancy undies for a special occasion.
Quickly donning the soft undergarments, Winn then donned a warm fleece from the closet and paired it with well-worn, but form-fitting, jeans. Moving to the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and combed out her hair, then applied a little moisturizer and lip gloss.
Appraising her reflection, she determined it was much better than ten minutes ago, but not as good as last night. Last night, she remembered confidently, she’d looked hot.
At least she’d felt hot when Eric's gaze had traced a path from her loosely curling hair, to the stretch of deep purple chenille across her breasts, to the soft curves of her hips. Recalling how he looked at her last night made her feel like an over-heated Mount Vesuvius ready to blow.
Winn fanned herself as she exited her room
Then she heard Eric talking to Tyler. “You want more? We’ll have to ask your Aunt Winn first.”
As she approached, Tyler feverishly signed “please,” but Eric laughed and held strong. “I’m not sure what you said, but you can tell Winn when she comes out, little man.”
Standing at the threshold of the kitchen, Winn cleared her throat, alerting them to her presence.
She walked to the table and grabbed a chocolate cream-filled donut from the box.
Winn picked up her coffee and washed the donut down with the dark brew, then asked Tyler if he wanted another pastry. He signed “yes, please,” and happy with his attempt at communication, she handed him another.
From the corner of her eye, Winn saw Eric studying her intently, a soft smile lighting his face. His expression was almost one of pride. She didn't know why, but it made her feel warm inside. Happy.
Worthwhile.
She embraced the feeling. No matter how fleeting.
***
Eric hadn’t been sure of how Winn would react to him showing up unannounced, given how hurt she’d seemed when he’d turned her down last night. He was happy she wasn't angry and instead seemed happy he was there.
W
hen he handed her the coffee, their fingers brushed, sending a shock of sparks through his body.
Eric settled Tyler into the back seat of his crew cab. Winn locked the front door and sprung down the stairs, curls bouncing, fresh faced and, honestly, more beautiful than last night.
Funny how the faintest of kisses could change one's perspective.
Eric rushed over to the other side of the truck and opened the passenger door. Winn smiled at him warmly. Cinnamon and vanilla clouded his senses as she brushed by him to climb into the vehicle.
His body tightened involuntarily, and as he walked around to the driver's side, he wondered how he would make it through the morning without exploding.
Making the turn out of the drive, they headed back toward the bar. It was a short ride, so he wouldn’t have much time to put it out there. “So, last night was fun.”
Winn glanced in his direction, her cheeks blushing prettily before she quickly turned her head to stare out of the window. Was she also recalling the moment on her porch? Because he couldn't seem to shake the memory of her soft body pressed against him, the honeyed sweetness of her mouth…
“M-me, too.” She brushed her hair behind her ears. “Thanks for inviting me out. I love Tony and Anna.”
“Yeah, they’re the best. Someday Tony will give in and marry her. He says she's the one, and why he doesn't propose already is anyone's guess.” Eric laughed heartily. Then he cleared his throat. “So, I was wondering, if you'd like to, um…”
“Yes?” Winn arched an eyebrow in question.
“If you'd like to go out again next weekend?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
***
Another night out? This soon? Time to put the brakes on this. Eric was sweet, and Tyler liked him, but it was too much, too fast.
No repeat performances of last night.
“I'm sorry, I can't. It's the end of the semester, and the writing center gets slammed and I’m on call this weekend.”