“I’d just like to hammer home two points to underline my opinion that we shouldn’t return the money,” I said. “One: when we accepted these gifts we had no idea Gavin was involved so we can always say we acted in good faith. And two: we accepted the gifts from men who wouldn’t want their connection with Gavin to be known and would probably be deeply upset if they knew we knew about it. Do we really want to go around upsetting vulnerable people?”
“Let’s run with that for a moment,” said Nicholas before anyone else could speak. “If we can’t return this money without causing difficulty to others, does that let us off the hook and justify a decision to do nothing?”
Everyone immediately began to talk at once.
Of course we all had different views.
IX
“Okay, let me sum up,” said Nicholas after all the opinions had been bat-ted around. “Carta thinks the potential damage to others if we try to return the money lets us off the hook of being obliged to return it, Val thinks we’re not quite off the hook and the possibility of a return should still be explored, Robin thinks we should stop worrying about the hook and concentrate on the prospect of spurned donors bad-mouthing us with dire results for the Appeal, and Lewis thinks—”
“Lewis thinks,” said Lewis, “that we should concentrate on doing what’s right, not on what’s going to make everyone feel most comfortable. The truth is that morally this money is quite unacceptable and the donations must be returned.”
Nicholas held up his hand to quell my wail of protest. “Lewis, if we do return the money, what’s Carta going to say in the letter which accompanies the cheque?”
“Crikey!” said Robin, drawing on some ancient well of schoolboy slang. “Yes, that question alone is enough to stop a moralist dead in his tracks.”
“It doesn’t stop me,” said Lewis. “Let me ask you a question of my own: why is no one facing the fact that the tabloids could crucify us if we take this money?”
“But of course we’re facing it!” said Val irritated. “The reason why we’re all here in the middle of a precious weekend is to face the possibility of meltdown!”
“Then why aren’t we discussing whether the press’s inevitable response to this moral issue would be justified?”
“Can I just say something?” I intervened as the acrimony threatened to expand. “There may be no moral issue here at all. Gavin may simply have said to his clients: ‘Hey, if you’re looking for a top City project to support, I can give you a useful tip,’ and the donors, following up this suggestion, may have decided to give to the Appeal purely on its merits as a charitable cause which fits their requirements. And if that’s the way it happened, how can we say their donations are immoral? People often hear about charity projects by word of mouth. Are we to start distinguishing between respectable mouths and non-respectable mouths? Or enquiring whether the tip was given in the bedroom or the boardroom?”
But Lewis refused to back down. “Isn’t it much more likely that Gavin picked three clients who were infatuated with him and then promised them free time in bed if they contributed to the Appeal?”
Val said tartly: “Lewis, if you’re really so keen on returning the money, I suggest you answer the question Nick’s just posed: what’s Carta going to say in the covering letter?”
“The covering letter shouldn’t come from Carta,” said Lewis promptly. “Nicholas should write it and say: ‘Dear Mr. X: For reasons which, because of the confidentiality of the confessional, I am unable to disclose, I very much regret to inform you that I cannot accept your extremely kind and generous donation, which I return herewith. I sincerely apologise if my gesture should seem to you both ungracious and unwarranted, but I feel sure you will understand that a priest must at all times obey his conscience, even if this results in a decision which is not to his material advantage. Yours in Christ, etcetera, etcetera—”
“But the donors will assume Gavin’s talked!” I cried. “You’d be putting him right up excrement creek!”
“That’s probably just where he deserves to be,” said Lewis crisply. “Aren’t we at risk here of establishing co-dependency—of not only condoning Gavin’s way of life but actually making it desirable for him to go on?”
“Carta,” said Nicholas before I could speak, “take a couple of deep breaths. You may not agree with Lewis, but we have to discuss all the angles here in order to reach the correct decision about how we should proceed.”
“Right.” With extreme reluctance I remembered his prayer that we should respect one another’s views.
“Let me just summarise where we’ve got to,” said Nicholas, swiftly moving on. “We’ve established, thanks to Lewis, that it would be possible to return the money if I were to write a letter along the lines he suggests, but thanks to Carta we’ve also established that no immoral pressure need have been exercised by Gavin in order to produce the donations. Comments, anyone?”
“The tabloids will join with me in never believing Gavin didn’t exert pressure of some kind,” said Lewis acidly. “Think, everyone, think! We’re talking about a man who’s been receiving money from these donors for sexual services. Do we really believe these hot tips about St. Benet’s were given by Gavin over anything so innocent as a cup of tea?”
“I must say, Lewis,” remarked Robin mildly, “I don’t know why you’re quite so sceptical about the role of a cup of tea here. I’d say the fundraising approach almost had to be post-coital.”
Everyone began to argue about possible post-coital activity in sex-for-money transactions.
“Stop!” ordered our maestro, eventually seizing control. “Cut the prurient speculation—leave that to the News of the World!” And as we all fell silent he added: “Lewis was right to remind us of the context in which these donations were generated, but unless we hear more about the fundraising from Gavin himself we’re still essentially in the dark.”
“So where do we go next?” demanded Val.
“Let’s move on to the second specific issue of this case—having considered the past let’s take a look at the future. Do we or do we not accept any further donations generated by Gavin? Remember that this time we won’t be able to claim later that we accepted them in good faith.”
The discussion lurched on, like a troubled ship, into still deeper uncharted waters.
X
“I think we should accept no more money whatsoever from Gavin’s clients,” said Lewis predictably.
“I agree,” said Val, trying not to look surprised at finding herself at one with Lewis. As if to distinguish her views from his she added: “It would be as if we’re knowingly profiting from Gavin’s exploitation of gays.”
“You just say that because Gavin’s straight,” I commented, trying unsuccessfully not to sound irritated. “Would you be so quick off the mark if he was gay?”
“Hold it,” said Nicholas, intervening incisively again. “Let’s get one thing quite clear. The issue here’s prostitution, not homosexuality, so we can save the gay debate for another day. Robin, let’s hear from you, please, on the subject of accepting future donations.”
Robin said he felt it did make a difference that we now knew where the donations were coming from. “But I think we should talk to Gavin,” he added, “and find out much more about what the donation-generating context really is. For instance, I’d like to know why he’s doing this and what it all means to him.”
“I agree more information’s essential,” said Nicholas. “Certainly the discernment issue’s unsolvable without it—and while we’re on the knotty subject of whether or not this situation’s from God, let me just issue a word of warning: we must all take great care not to be prejudiced against Gavin because of the way he earns his living. Don’t forget that God can act through a prostitute—God can act through anyone anywhere, and that’s why we can’t ignore the possibility, fantastic though it may seem, that Gavin’s fundraising’s the work of the Holy Spirit. So if you feel your legs twitching in a knee-jerk reaction to Gavi
n’s less attractive behaviour, take a moment to remember that he’s a human being made in the image of God, just as we all are, and as such is entitled to be treated with respect. In fact let’s take a moment to think about that.”
We thought about it. Or to be accurate, I thought: how horribly hard it is to be a Christian! As I tried not to think of Gavin trashing Moira, I struggled to concentrate on his astonishing achievements as a fundraiser.
“And having reminded ourselves that we need to be fair to Gavin,” said Nicholas, “let’s also remind ourselves not to be sentimental. We’re told to love our neighbour, but that doesn’t mean being soppy about him while wearing rose-tinted spectacles—love should be a great deal tougher and more realistic than that, and I suspect Gavin will require us to be very tough and realistic indeed. This man’s big trouble. Not only does he break hearts as easily as a chef breaks eggs but he’s capable of doing an enormous amount of damage to St. Benet’s if we get this wrong and he buckets beyond our control. So the big question we have to ask ourselves, as Robin implied a moment ago, is what makes Gavin tick? If we can understand that, we not only have a better chance of surviving him but a better insight into whether these donations should be seen as the work of the Spirit . . . Robin, let’s hear your views as a therapist.”
“Strictly speaking I can’t have a view,” said Robin, “as I’ve never met this man, but if you want some theorising mingled with one or two imaginative guesses . . .”
We settled down to listen to his opinion.
XI
“I’ll start by stating the obvious,” said Robin. “Gavin’s almost certainly suffering from low self-esteem. Prostitutes are a diverse bunch, but this characteristic crops up regularly right across the spectrum.
“Now, people with low self-esteem have trouble coping with a normal life, so coping with an abnormal life like prostitution is usually very difficult indeed, and that’s why I find it so interesting that Gavin appears to be thriving. Nick and Carta have mentioned a drug-free, keep-fit lifestyle, and that suggests to me that Gavin’s well looked after, even cosseted, in his private life by someone who’s giving him the motivation to keep going. I think this manager of his—what did you say her name was, Nick?”
“Elizabeth,” I said before Nicholas could answer.
“I think Elizabeth must be playing a significant role in his private life as well as his business life, and I’d guess she’d have to be older than him, perhaps considerably older, in order to wield this amount of power and influence over how he operates. At this point Freud rears his venerable head and we all think—”
“MOTHER!” said Val, amused.
“Exactly, and this prompts me to speculate about Gavin’s background. Nick’s told us that Gavin had a brother who died in his teens of leukaemia, and this fact must represent a major trauma. Maybe the mother was so absorbed in her sick son that Gavin was neglected, made to feel of no importance. Maybe Gavin suffered from survivor’s guilt. And where was the father while all this was going on? Where was Gavin’s role model? But before we blame all Gavin’s troubles on his parents, let me say that the parents’ behaviour might well have been as good as it could have been under very adverse circumstances. I’m sure we’ve all met examples of what Winnicott calls ‘good enough’ parents who have several children, all exemplary except for one who’s hell on wheels. But bearing in mind the current presence in Gavin’s life of a masterful older woman, I’d guess his relationship with his mother was off-centre and his relationship with his father was defective.”
“But how can he think Elizabeth cares for him when she organises his life as a prostitute?” I protested.
“His poor self-esteem would make him overwhelmed with gratitude that any woman could want to take a serious interest in him.”
“But how can he have poor self-esteem when he’s bursting with sexual confidence?”
“Yes, we know he has no trouble getting people to go to bed with him,” said Nicholas before Robin could reply, “but does he have a single worthwhile relationship?”
“My guess is that Gavin specialises in the one-night stand,” agreed Robin. “And even if he had an affair, I think you’d find he’d always be the one to end it because he would unconsciously be so afraid of rejection. The enduring interest of his manager would seem miraculous to him, so miraculous that he would shut his mind against the fact that she could only offer him a grossly distorted relationship.”
Lewis said unexpectedly: “What about the possibility of sexual abuse when he was young?”
“It’s just that: only a possibility. Highly sexualised behaviour can certainly be seen in sexually abused children, but it’s not uncommon in adults brutalised by the sex industry.”
“What do you make of this business of screwing in defiance of his orientation?” asked Val. “Is he, in fact, straight? Or is he just doing what comes naturally?”
“Prostitution’s hardly doing what comes naturally!”
“Val’s reminding us,” said Lewis, “that male homosexuals are often extremely promiscuous.”
“I was doing no such thing! Honestly, Lewis, your homophobia—”
“I’m not homophobic! I’m just committed to the unvarnished truth even if it means being politically incorrect!”
“May I remind everyone that homosexuality itself isn’t the topic under discussion?” said Nicholas, effortlessly aborting the diversion. “Robin, your opinion on Gavin’s orientation, please.”
“He could well be as straight as he says he is. It would make it easier for him to switch off his emotions and detach himself mentally from the physical activity by treating his clients as depersonalised objects.”
“Yuk!” said Val with a shudder. “Those poor clients!”
“Well, if they go to a prostitute,” said Lewis, “what else can they expect?”
“Thank you, Lewis,” said Nicholas. “Thank you, Val. Robin, have you anything else to add?”
“Only the obvious comment that the man’s probably deep in denial about his self-destructive behaviour.”
Nicholas turned to the rest of us. “Questions, anyone?”
“Yes,” said Lewis, never backward in coming forward. “Robin, what’s your opinion of Gavin’s fixation with Carta?”
“I’d favour the simple explanation: as soon as he saw her, Gavin made the decision to seduce her to boost his fragile ego, and when Carta persistently turned him down her power to say no made her all the more alluring.”
“How does his hetero promiscuity square with his devotion to pseudo-mother Elizabeth?” Val said confused.
“In his eyes Elizabeth’s the one who’s noble enough to love him. He can’t hope for love from anyone else (so he thinks) but at least he can boost his self-esteem by indulging in recreational sex with attractive women.”
“Pathetic!” muttered Val.
I said to Robin: “Your explanation about Gavin’s fixation with me doesn’t take into account the almost mystical significance Gavin attaches to being a friend of Richard’s,” and Nicholas added: “My theory is that Carta and Richard are both symbols to Gavin of the world he’s left behind.”
“The relationship with Richard interests me very much,” said Robin quickly as if fearing we thought he had missed a trick. “If Gavin’s built a wall around himself by depersonalising his clients, then one can say that Richard breached that wall. But how was it done?”
“Richard took him sailing,” I said at once. “Gavin said he learned to sail when he was a child—presumably his father taught him.”
“In that case, I wonder if we’re looking at someone whom Gavin came to see as a substitute father? Forget the sexual angle for a moment— I’m not suggesting Gavin’s father abused him. But if Gavin was prepared to see this client as a person instead of an object, a person from the world he’d lost—”
“—then maybe that’s when he began to wish himself back in that lost world,” concluded Nicholas. “Maybe what we’re seeing here is a beaten-up travelle
r who’s regaining consciousness but who’s still too weak to help himself. And we know who rescued the beaten-up traveller in the parable.”
“Well, before we all rush off to play the Good Samaritan,” said Lewis sardonically, “let’s just remind ourselves that although we’re required to help this young man if possible, we’re not required to smash ourselves up for him—and that leads us back to the ethics of taking morally tainted money and the tabloids going to town.”
Nicholas said: “Fair enough. We’ve taken a look at the main issues, we’ve got Robin’s psychological portrait to help us and now we’ve reached the point where we can have a general discussion about all the problems, moral or otherwise, which this case presents. Lewis, do you want to start the ball rolling?”
“Fasten your seat belts, chaps!” murmured Val good-naturedly. “We’re in for a bumpy ride . . .”
XII
We talked and talked. Some people think Christians have an easy time deciding what’s right and what’s wrong, but those are usually the people who think Christianity is a monolith, all Christians are fundamentalists and the Bible is like an ethical phone directory, listing every correct response in black and white. The reality is that there are many Christianities and numerous Christians who shy away from fundamentalism, while the Bible is capable of many different interpretations, even by scholars who have devoted their lives to studying it. Besides, we all bring our own agenda to ethical questions, and no matter how far we try to adopt objective positions we can never completely eradicate our subjective opinions. All we can do is to be as aware as possible of our prejudices so that they can be allowed for and discounted; fair, balanced judgements are not beyond achievement, but a great deal of hard work has to be done before they can emerge.
The Heartbreaker Page 24