“Thank God.” Her shoulders dropped farther. “If he had hurt anyone…” Her voice trailed off.
“I know what you mean.”
“It would have been impossible not to blame myself for the rest of my life.”
“Nothing Louis did is your fault.”
“But that wouldn’t have stopped me from feeling guilty if he’d shot someone.”
“I understand. Take a few deep breaths. It’s all over. You’re going to be okay now. He can never hurt you again.”
London sighed. “I loved him at one time. Why would I fall for a man who would hunt me down and kill me?”
“It just happens sometimes. You are not to blame. Escaping the clutches of someone trying to control you is very complicated. You’re one of the lucky ones now. He can never hurt you again.”
London nodded, her lips pursed. A tear ran out to trail down her cheek. “It’s still hard. I was married to him.”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” Rayne gave her hand another squeeze. “You want to climb out of this closet? There’s a detective who’s going to need to speak to you. He’s waiting in the bedroom.”
“Yeah, I’m okay.” London let go of her knees and leaned forward to crawl out of what was arguably the messiest closet Rayne had ever seen. She backed out first, and then stood and reached out a hand to help London.
“Ma’am.” Pierce met them, nodding. Someone else was with him now. Probably the partner he’d contacted. A woman. Tall. Serious. Blond hair pulled back in a tight ponytail.
A noise at the doorway had Rayne spinning around.
Colin shoved into the room. His gaze scanned everyone, crazed. He rushed forward. “London? My God. You’re okay?”
“I’m fine.”
He turned his attention to Rayne. “How…?”
“I called her,” London stated. “When I couldn’t reach you.” She let out a sob, but then pulled it back together.
Colin grabbed her into a tight hug and then reached for Rayne’s hand and pulled her closer too.
Rayne thought it might be best if she let the two of them have a moment alone. She wasn’t family. She was hardly even a friend. She was just some woman Colin had slept with a few times.
You know you’re more than that…
It didn’t matter. Colin didn’t let her go even when she gave a slight tug.
He released his sister, held her shoulder with his other hand, and met her gaze.
“We need to ask her some questions,” Pierce reminded them.
“Of course.”
“Would you like to sit, ma’am?” Pierce asked, pointing at the bed.
“Yes. Thank you.”
Colin stepped back, dragging Rayne with him. As soon as his sister was sitting on the bed, hands under her thighs, he pulled Rayne into his side and set his chin on top of her head. He held her tight, probably needing to absorb some of her strength.
She set a hand on his chest. “She’s okay, Colin.”
“I know, but give me a second. I’ve never been so scared. Thank God I didn’t know you were here too. I would have lost my shit.”
She tipped her head back, meeting his gaze. “Would you?”
He closed his eyes and set his forehead against hers. “Yes. Of course. I’m sorry I got stubborn this week and didn’t call you. It was stupid. I shouldn’t have been such a jackass. Thank you for being here for London.”
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” She touched his face. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch the other day. It was uncalled for.”
He hugged her tighter and kissed the top of her head.
Rayne scanned the room. “How did you survive in the army? You’re a slob,” she teased.
His body vibrated against her, even though she didn’t hear his chuckle. “I hated that part of the military. Swore I would never bother to tuck in a sheet or hang a shirt again.”
Rayne smiled against him, feeling the clenching of her heart easing just a little.
London was answering questions from Pierce, who had taken a seat on a chair someone must have brought in from the dining room. His partner stood behind him with a notepad.
London appeared strong, shoulders back, nodding and speaking coherently. She could do this. She would live through this. She was stronger than she believed.
CHAPTER 14
Two hours later, Colin felt both relieved and grateful that Rayne offered her home so that he and London would have a place to sleep where a man had not been killed. The blood stains alone were enough to bring bile to Colin’s throat. Even after the coroner removed Louis’s body, Colin did not feel comfortable.
There was also the matter of two broken windows and multiple gunshot holes throughout the house. Luckily, a very drunk, stupid Louis had no aim. He’d jerked his weapon around wildly and shot it several times, but he hadn’t hit a single officer. The only injury in the skirmish had been a fatal shot to Louis’s chest.
Now, Colin was driving his Tahoe with London in the passenger seat, following Rayne back to her house. He’d offered to go to a hotel. She’d been adamant, which frankly pleased Colin greatly.
He realized nothing between him and Rayne had really changed just because she’d rushed to help his sister, but he hoped when he got her alone, he could apologize more thoroughly for walking away from her on Sunday.
He’d been an ass, which he’d slowly understood over the past three days. He simply hadn’t quite had the balls to call her yet and admit it. As he gripped the steering wheel, he thought back on the various lists he’d gone over time and again in his mind.
For one thing, Rayne had secrets. She had shared a few things, but they seemed to only scratch the surface. There was more, and until she was willing to open up to him beyond telling him her father had died a year ago and her mother had been unwell as Rayne grew up, they were at a bit of an impasse.
It was as if she didn’t trust him. And that lack of trust was further solidified with the horrific timing when she’d heard the text from Sylvia and reacted by losing her shit. He could see instantly what she was thinking, and it infuriated him that she would judge him so quickly.
It might not have been rational for him to react so violently to her jealous words, but he hadn’t been able to muster the strength to justify her accusations with an explanation. He could have, easily, but instead, he’d found himself too pissed to bother. Or too stubborn. Unwilling. Perhaps he’d even sabotaged things for no reason.
He’d felt miserable without communicating with her, however. The last few days had left him frustrated. He hadn’t been able to sleep or concentrate. He’d been less upbeat with his clients. They deserved better.
He’d intended to call her when he got home a few hours ago, but instead, all hell had broken loose.
Now what?
The problem was that even though she had trust issues, he was drawn to her. They had chemistry. He’d felt it the moment she agreed to let him bind her at Roses and Thorns. The intensity had increased when he brought her home and watched her come alive under him.
On some level, he’d known that first night she was someone he wanted in his life. They clicked. Their needs and style meshed. Even though they hadn’t had a chance to fully explore all the possibilities between them, he knew she was someone special he should get to know better and hold on to.
Closing himself off from her had not helped. She had every right to be furious with him for his childish behavior. He had hope she would accept his apology considering she’d invited him to stay in her home.
He would do just that—apologize and then talk to her. He needed to dig deep for an abundance of patience where she was concerned. He would get further with her if he showed her nothing but acceptance and kindness than this tantrum he’d been throwing. She had given him an inch the other morning before they’d fought. Could she give him more?
“You okay?” London asked as he pulled into Rayne’s circular driveway.
“Yes. Sorry. I was inside my head.”
“I figured that.” London grabbed his hand. “I’m going to be okay, you know. Eventually.”
He nodded and offered her a smile. “I know. I’m proud of you, both for having the strength to leave Louis and having the frame of mind to call for help tonight.”
She returned his smile. “I’m pretty impressed with myself too. It’s going to take me some time and a lot of counseling to reprogram my mind, but I can do it. Five years is a long time to spend brainwashed into believing I’m a worthless piece of shit who didn’t deserve better.”
He pulled her hand to his chest. “I’m so sorry you went through that. Also sorry it took me five years to realize I needed to step in and help you.”
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. But I appreciate you finding me and offering me an out. I’m not sure I could have left him even when I did, without knowing someone would have my back.”
Colin nodded. “I’ll always have your back.”
She wiped away a tear, and then forced another smile. “So, why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you and Rayne?”
Rayne helped London choose a guest room—of which there were many—and then helped make sure she had everything she needed before returning to her own room where she knew Colin had headed to shower several minutes earlier.
It was after midnight. She should have been exhausted, but her adrenaline was still pumping as she entered her closet and changed from her work clothes into pale pink silk pajamas. The top was a bit skimpy, doing nothing to conceal her nipples, but the pants were loose and hung down to her ankles. It was her favorite pair of PJs.
She climbed into bed, propped up against the headboard, and opened her phone. At least she could pretend to be interested in sorting through email or something when Colin stepped out of the bathroom.
Less than five minutes later, he appeared. He’d brought a bag of clothes like his sister since they couldn’t be sure how long they might be staying.
Colin rounded the bed to her side, sat down on the edge, reached across her body, and leaned against his palm next to her hip. He extracted her phone from her hands.
“London okay?” she asked him.
“Yes. She took a Unisom. Hopefully she’ll sleep.”
He nodded. “That will knock her out.” His face sobered. “I’m sorry again about Sunday.”
She shook her head. “No, really, I am. It was my fault. I had no reason to act the way I did.”
He leaned closer. “I reacted irrationally. It wasn’t necessary. I think I was already stressed thinking that you don’t trust me as much as I’d like, so that just pushed me over the edge.”
She opened her mouth to respond, but he shook his head.
“Even though we’ve known each other for several years, we’ve never shared very much. I’ve thought a lot about it. I know you have a closet jammed with skeletons, and it’s hard for you to let them out. I have no idea what you’ve been through in your life, but I am aware it’s not personal that you don’t open up to me.
“I realize that my issues stemming from what happened with Sarah are just that, mine. Yes, the experience left me a bit mistrustful, but I think you’re worth holding on to, so I’m going to give you whatever time you need to feel comfortable with me. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I’m capable of earning your trust. I promise I won’t pull a stunt like that again.
“In exchange, I’d also like for you to give me the benefit of the doubt and trust that I’m a good guy. We haven’t defined things between us. Hell, we haven’t even discussed an actual us at all.
“What I know is that we click with each other. I enjoy being with you. I love the way you submit to me. I’d like to take that up a notch and explore the D/s side of our relationship more, if you agree.”
Again, she started to speak, to agree, but he wasn’t finished.
“Since we’ve never defined what this is, let me just say that I haven’t been with anyone else since the first night you walked into Roses and Thorns. I have no interest in pursuing anything with another woman right now. My thoughts are consumed with you.
“I’m not going to say that women I work for don’t flirt with me, and occasionally I play along a bit, but know that I’m not sleeping with anyone else, nor am I engaged in any conduct that isn’t professional at any time. I’m asking you to trust me in that respect.”
He lifted his free hand to cup her face. “I’m also going to ask you to step outside your comfort zone and submit to me. Often. We can define what that might look like together, but D/s is important to me, so if we’re going to see if this relationship has long-term potential, we might as well start in that arena.
“Whatever’s in your past that haunts you hardly matters this early in our relationship. I have no right to get bent out of shape.”
His points were valid, and she hoped he meant them, because she was seriously concerned about how he might judge her if he knew the truth. If he felt as disappointed in Sarah as he’d expressed simply because she hadn’t stepped up at the age of nineteen to take care of a baby, how would he feel about what Rayne had done at nineteen? In her mind it was hardly any different, and it worried her greatly.
Nevertheless, she needed to open up a bit more, share the easy parts, start to talk about her childhood. She needed to say something. They both knew it. The longer she kept her secrets from him, the more they would keep her from fully being with him.
His speech was sweet and genuine, and he was right about one thing—it was too early in their relationship to lay everything on the table. They had chemistry between them. Intense chemistry. He was the first Dom who so totally made her body hum. She might not have to tell him everything yet, but she owed him more than she’d been willing to give, and she needed to trust him when it came to his clients.
She licked her lips and gave him a fake smirk. “You done?”
He smiled. “Yeah.”
She grabbed his biceps and tugged him closer so that she could kiss him. He had no idea how much hotter he’d gotten by the second while he ran through that monologue.
She had things to say, but she needed his lips on hers first. So, she claimed them. While she kissed him, he wrapped his fingers around hers and tugged her hand to his chest, holding it tight. After a few seconds, he pulled back. “You think you’re gonna top me tonight?” he teased.
She shook her head, a flush covering her cheeks. “No, Sir. I just thought you might understand how I felt about your speech better with my lips than with my words. I’m not as good with words as you are, but I can convey my feelings with my lips if I put my mind to it.”
He smiled. “Indeed. You did. Now, give me words too.”
She nodded, swallowing. She owed him something. “You’re right. I don’t have any reason not to trust you. It was stupid. It won’t happen again.”
“Okay.”
She still cringed a bit to think he had clients who spoke to him like Sylvia did, but Colin could only be responsible for his reactions to his clients, not their actions. Until he proved otherwise, she needed to believe that he wasn’t sleeping with any of them.
She lowered her face to compose her next words. “And you’re also right about my past. I have skeletons. My father was… Well, he was very private about our family issues. Adamantly so. It’s ingrained in me. And even though he’s not here anymore, it’s really difficult for me to let go of the way I was raised. Scary.
“I can hear his voice in my head all the time. If I let myself imagine him watching me or hearing me from heaven, I cringe, thinking he would be disappointed that I’ve mentioned as much as I have. It’s hard to let go of, even if it’s ridiculous.”
Colin pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles.
“I’m trying,” she continued. “I really am. Give me a chance?”
“Of course. Thank you for sharing that with me. It helps me understand you better.”
She nodded, fighting against emotion. She’d never been one to show emoti
ons in public. This wasn’t public, but it was another human. She hadn’t cried in front of people, not even her father, from the time she was about twelve.
“Are we on the same page?” he asked.
“Yes.” She nodded again, definitively.
“Great. May I dominate you now until the tension flees the room, so you can sleep relaxed and satisfied?”
“I like the sound of that.”
“I have ropes. I know you enjoy Shibari. Shall we start there?”
“Yes, Sir.” She slid into the role. She would probably be open to just about anything he suggested, but being restrained definitely got her off. It wasn’t something she’d been particularly aware of about herself before the night they first scened, but it turned out just the suggestion made her body heat.
He kissed her briefly once more and then left her to pad across the room and grab his bag. When he returned, he held out a blindfold. “You responded well to wearing this the first time. Can I do it again?”
She bit her lower lip. He wasn’t wrong. She had grown very aroused the moment he put it on her last time. Which wasn’t like her. She’d been blindfolded before over the years. Several times with other Doms. She’d never relaxed enough to enjoy herself with any of them, though. Had the other night been an anomaly, or was being with Colin different than other men? “Yes, Sir.”
He slid the black material over her eyes, leaving her in darkness.
Her heart raced, and she took several deep breaths, knowing instinctively the next hour belonged to Colin, and he was going to change her life.
CHAPTER 15
Shocking her, Colin didn’t immediately start restraining her. Instead, he ran a finger down her cheek and then her neck and across her shoulders.
She shivered.
He tapped a nipple, making her gasp and arch her chest.
He chuckled. “That’s so sexy. I love how you respond to me.” His fingers went to the top button on her silk pajamas and pushed it through the hole. Slowly. He moved to the second button next, his knuckles grazing her breasts.
Mastering Rayne (Club Zodiac Book 4) Page 12