‘Well yes, you’d think so.’
‘It didn’t work,’ I put my face in my hands. ‘He saw me and had the bloody nerve to shout my name out, even though I wasn’t looking.’
‘You are joking!!!’ Auntie Jo’s mouth drops open.
‘No I’m not, he just shouted out my name. It took me by surprise so I l looked over and he had the cheek to wave and say hi.’
‘What a plonker,’ Auntie Jo sets her coffee cup back down.
‘Totally,’ I agree.
‘Did you say anything back to him?’
‘I was so taken aback that I stupidly smiled back and waved. I am so annoyed at myself. I wish I had just pretended not to hear him and walked straight out but he caught me off guard.’
‘That’s a pity, it would have been awesome if you had just walked past.’
‘I know, I’ve been doing everything I possibly can to avoid him since I heard he was back,’ I start explaining how I am doing everything in my power to avoid bumping into him.
‘I mean I’ve been texting Gemma and only going to the gym after he has had a workout so I know for sure he won’t be there. Then, bang I have to bump into him when I least expect it,’ I add.
‘That’s so unfair,’ Auntie Jo stirs some more sugar in her coffee and takes a sip.
‘I know and it’s a real pain in the butt because I am going in at 8 or even 9 pm at night to work out and it’s killing me,’ I say as I take a bite of my heavenly Cherry Bombe.
‘That’s not right Sammi. You can’t let this guy control your life.’
‘I know but I am not ready to see him,’ I protest.
‘I appreciate that but how long is this going to go on for? Having to exercise at times that don’t suit you, it’s pure madness. This guy is not some kind of god who gets to dictate how you live the rest of your life.’
‘I’ve even been putting on big sunglasses and checking around the estate before I leave the house and I don’t use my local shop anymore,’ I admit to her.
‘You don’t think he knows where you live?’ she looks horrified at the thought.
‘No nothing like that,’ I reassure her. ‘I haven’t told you, but I found out he lives on my estate.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Gemma saw his address on the form he filled in when he joined the gym.’
‘Oh for heaven’s sake, it’s getting worse by the minute.’
‘Tell me about it.’
We both start laughing about the ridiculousness of the situation. I take a sip of my hot chocolate. It is glorious, rich and chocolatey. I swear this hot chocolate can make anyone happy.
‘It’s like he has no awareness of what he did,’ I ponder this for a moment. ‘He must not think it’s a big deal.’
‘The guy is not right in the head or he is deluded.’
‘I mean does he not remember how things ended between us? You would have thought he would be ashamed and try to avoid me. Or at least feel some guilt and apologise.’
‘And instead you are the one avoiding him,’ remarks Auntie Jo.
‘Exactly.’
‘Well it can’t go on like this.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘This nonsense where you are avoiding the gym and skulking around your own neighbourhood, Sammi,’ she says. ‘You are more than likely going to see him again and it’s probably going to catch you off guard.’
‘That’s what I’m afraid of,’ I wince at the thought of it.
‘Listen you have to remember that he treated you badly … not the other way around.’
‘I know that but look at how he acted last night, like I was some old acquaintance he hadn’t seen for a while.’
‘I don’t understand how why he called out your name either, but at the end of the day, he ruined you self-esteem and he broke your heart. And he doesn’t seem to be suffering.’
‘I always thought I was never good enough for him. He probably realised that.’
‘Hang on a minute,’ Auntie Jo puts her hand up. ‘He was the one that chased you. All this come into the hot tub and chatting you up…..’
‘Auntie Jo,’ I try and interrupt as I am getting a bit embarrassed. I’ve obviously divulged too much information to her over the years.
‘His mother took your phone number on his behalf and he asked you out,’ she is determined to carry on with her rant.
‘True.’
‘He went out of his way to get you and he involved his own bleeding mother in the process.’
‘Yeah I know, I mean that’s why I thought he had deep feelings for me,’ I fiddle with the spoon that came with my mug of hot chocolate. ‘Surely you don’t get your mother involved if you don’t like someone.’
‘Well you might be questioning how you read the situation but you can bet your bottom dollar that most people would be convinced his actions were due to the fact that he was in love with you.’
Auntie Jo does have a fair point.
‘So don’t for one second diminish what you thought was going on between you two AND while I appreciate that sometimes people’s feelings change, he had no right whatsoever to end things the way he did. No right at all,’ she carries on her rant.
I started getting a bit teary.
‘Listen love I didn’t mean to get you all upset.’ Auntie Jo rummages in her handbag for a tissue.
‘No you haven’t. You’re the only one I can really talk to about this. I mean my friends support me but Leanna just hates him and Gemma bless her, she only sees the best in people. Thank god I have you. I could never tell Mum about this. She didn’t even know I was seeing him, she would have gone mad.’
‘Megan was always worried he was a bad influence on you. She was looking out for you but it’s probably best she never knew. My sister is stubborn as hell and won’t be told she’s wrong.’
‘Well I don’t intend to tell her, I would only get a big massive lecture and a big I told you so.’
We both laugh at the thought of Mum’s reaction to all of this.
‘But listen, in all seriousness, there is a big chance you will see Caspar at some point. He may even try to contact you, especially now that he’s seen you,’ Auntie Jo added.
‘Ohh nooo, I couldn’t cope,’ I panic at the thought.
‘That’s just it. You will have to cope. You can’t let him see that all this has affected you,’ Auntie Jo looks at me with this stern look that she does so well.
‘Well what should I do?’ I ask her, ‘I know I’ll just get nervous and be all awkward around him. He’ll know I’m flustered and that he’s affecting me.’
‘Listen, you need to learn how to channel all that hurt and anger that he has caused you. The best reaction is to look great and act indifferent if you see him.’
‘Indifferent?’ I am confused at what my aunt is suggesting I do.
‘Yes, being indifferent means you just don’t care anymore. He wouldn’t expect that and after the way he acted last night, he fully deserves it,’ Auntie Jo explains.
‘I mean I would have had a bit more respect for the guy if he had apologized and offered an explanation for his behaviour,’ she adds.
‘I just don’t know if I could pull that off,’ I pick at the few crumbs left of my Cherry Bombe dessert.
‘You need to practice it then.’
‘Practice,’ I repeat her words as if this will make me understand what she is trying to say.
‘Yes, you need to imagine scenarios in which you may run into him. You know, like bumping into him in the pub or at a restaurant with your friends, or at the shops. Try and imagine what he would say. Rehearse imaginary conversations in your head so you are prepared if you see him,’ she explains.
I nod my head.
‘No emotion. No happiness, no anger, no awkwardness. Just be civil and polite and cut any attempt at conversation,’ she continues.
I tell her that I will definitely take her advice. We end the afternoon chatting about work. I tell her abou
t my pineapple bride and pushy mother Linda which has her in stitches. That’s the great thing about spending time with Auntie Jo. You can be feeling utterly miserable but she always manages to cheer you up.
After we finish up at the coffee shop, I head off to pick up some groceries. I am still a bit paranoid that I may bump into Caspar without being ready to act all indifferent.
I get home and pack all my groceries away. Right, it’s time to start working on Operation Indifference, as I have decided to call it. First of all I need to look good at all times. Not an easy feat but I will try. I take out a note pad and make a list.
Hair: I need to book in for a weekly conditioning and blow dry session to ensure my hair looks great at all times.
Skin: Book in for a course of microdermabrasion facials to make my skin look glowing and radiant.
Eyebrows: Get an appointment to get my eyebrows shaped.
I’ll need to make sure I don’t leave the house in tracksuit bottoms and t-shirts even if I am quickly popping out to the shops. The hardest effort will be the going gym. I fail to look good when I am exercising as I go really red in the face when I do any cardio.
I finish my list and end the day with a pampering bubble bath and a calming camomile tea. I am so exhausted, that sleep comes easily to me for once.
Chapter 6
I t’s a busy start to the week at work. The new blog has been a hit and we are getting quite a few new brides booking in. My diary is packed full of first consultations with the prospective brides.
My biggest work challenges at the moment are the Pineapple wedding as I have now named it and trying to fight for Amelie’s bridal rights against her pushy mother.
Speaking of pineapples, I am meeting Honey at Bake, the trendy cake and patisserie shop that has been providing the most perfect wedding cakes to our clients.
Thom is the owner and cake maker extraordinaire at Bake. He is used to handling even the most unusual requests, leaving me with very satisfied customers. Even the most difficult bridezilla has had difficulty in faulting any of Thom’s creations. I had called Thom last week, outlining Honey’s cake desires and he seemed quite excited about this particular challenge.
I am waiting for Honey at the shop. Thom has a few tables scattered around the front of the shop and his assistant Lena has made me a cup of tea. I have my laptop with me and take the time to go through a few ideas for Amelie’s cake. I glance out the window and the sight of a familiar figure catches my eye. Walking across the street from Bake is none other than Caspar. I sink lower in my chair and hide behind my laptop. My heart starts pounding loudly in my chest.
Thank goodness, he hasn’t looked over and has continued walking away. This gives me a minute to observe him. He is still so bloody good looking especially in the dark blue suit he is wearing. I wonder if he works around here. I am going to have to make sure I don’t bump into him here. Even my workplace can’t be a Caspar-free zone, it seems.
The door opens, letting in a blast of cool air and looking striking in an emerald green wrap dress, bright purple heels and a silver cat ear headband is Honey. I forget about Caspar and focus on my client.
‘Sammi, good morning,’ Honey air kisses me and sits down in front of me.
‘Hi, you ready for some cake tasting?’ There are a few perks associated with my job and this is definitely one of them. It’s also one of the reasons I need to hit the gym on a regular basis.
‘Totally, I have heard amazing things about Thom,’ she looks around the cake shop in anticipation.
‘Hello ladies,’ on cue Thom comes out from the kitchen with a cake stand filled with delicious looking morsels.
Thom is in his mid-thirties, has dark hair, olive skin and is good-looking in a hipster kind of way.
‘Ooh this looks great,’ Honey is practically squealing with pleasure.
‘Where is the lucky guy?’ Thom has the knack of flattering my bridal customers.
‘Oh he’s working but he is totally happy to leave the cake decisions with me,’ Honey flutters her eyelashes at him.
‘Well, I’m sure you’ll make great decisions,’ Thom put the cake stand in front of us.
He is a genius and I knew I would have to work extra hard at the gym to burn off the calories from this particular cake testing session.
Thom has come up with 5 different pineapple cakes. They are all so tasty plus they look great too. I have no idea how Honey is going to choose between them. Thom’s first creation is a chocolate pineapple cake that is so rich, moist and gooey. I am in love at the first bite. I mean, who knew that pineapple went with chocolate so well.
The next four pineapple cake samples do not disappoint either. Honey immediately settles on the pineapple and carrot cake with cream cheese frosting for one of the tiers of her cake. The second tier will be a vanilla cake filled with a delicately flavoured pineapple custard.
Despite my earlier reservations that she should have a non-pineapple cake layer, we both agree that the chocolate pineapple cake is too good to miss out on.
Of course Honey has to push the pineapple theme further and asks if each tier could have some sort of pineapple décor on it. Thom told her he could dehydrate some slices of pineapple and twist them into flower shapes. He will also dust them with edible gold dust to make them blingy. The top tier of the wedding cake is going to have a small gold-sprayed pineapple on it. It is going to look the nuts. Honey is in seventh heaven and practically floats out of the shop in delight.
‘You never fail to amaze me,’ I turn to Thom after she has left. ‘That cake is going to look stunning. I don’t know how you manage to make anything look so classy.’
‘All in a day’s work,’ he says modestly.
‘The cakes are so pineapply but in a subtle way,’ I start gushing. God I am beginning to sound like Honey but I couldn’t get over how he had got the cake so right.
‘Pineapply?’ Thom laughs and reaches over to wipe a bit of frosting that is on my cheek.
I look at him and smile shyly. He is a good looking guy. We had been out a few times recently but with both of our busy schedules we haven’t had time to meet up in ages. He is so easy to talk to and I think we both kind of like each other but our situations have definitely held us back.
He has unfinished business with his ex, Sasha and we have never been in the right space at the same time to take things further. There is no awkwardness between us though. My friends think I am nuts not to go for it with him. But I like how things are with us. We’re good friends that go out for dinner occasionally with no pressure.
I say goodbye to Thom and then it’s back to the office for more paperwork. Oh the joys. Did I mention that Honey’s theme colour for the wedding is gold? But she doesn’t want it to look tacky. I finish off my work day by looking over my diary for the rest of the week.
Later this week, I have an appointment at Darlington Manor as a potential venue for Amelie’s wedding. Did I mention that Linda is coming? So that should make things easy – not!
I feel drained and it’s only Wednesday. Remembering Auntie Jo’s words, I am making sure I look my very best whenever I leave the house. This is another reason for my constant tiredness. I am waking up earlier to make sure I have the time to do my hair and apply my makeup perfectly.
I have also been booking in for regular facials and I am having weekly hair conditioning treatments and blow drys. This beauty regime is exhausting and it is killing me. Not to mention, the money I am spending. I am going to be bankrupt if I keep this up.
I still haven’t been able to brave the gym without a Gemma alert. A Gemma alert is basically a text from Gemma letting me know the coast is clear at the gym. Usually Caspar doesn’t finish his workouts until at least 8 pm.
Tonight, I am able to go at 7pm which I thank the universe for as I don’t think I could have coped with a later session. The only bonus about having a stupidly busy week is that I am so tired when I get home. That means I am collapsing into bed and falling asleep without
even thinking of Caspar. Tonight is no different but I decide to have a read before dozing off.
I flop myself down on the bed and reach for my diary. I have avoided reading it over the last couple of days because it is too painful and I haven’t felt ready to go through that particular emotional head spin.
Nov 8th
I am officially 21 today. Leanna and Gemma threw me a surprise party last night and I didn’t even suspect a thing. Gemma said that she couldn’t go out on my actual birthday as she had to go to a family dinner. She said she was cooking me a dinner and we could have a girly night in with Leanna. Leanna picked me up and we walked over to Gemma’s flat. Gemma came down and said that we needed to pop down to the off licence to buy some drinks. As we walked down the high street, we go past Café Paradiso and they suddenly pushed me straight inside!
Surprise …. there were 30 of my school and college mates in there and it was all decorated with banners and streamers. I was so shocked. What a great night, we had great food and a live band was playing. Café Paradiso is a cool night spot
I feel really rough today. I missed lectures and instead Leanna and I spent the day watching dvd’s and snacking on all our favourite junk food. Caspar is taking me out tonight for my 21st. He said he wanted to book something special and spend the night with me. I cannot wait. I wonder what he will get me for my birthday present.
Up until this day my life had been perfect. I was enjoying college and Caspar and I were official. I was really excited over my upcoming celebrations. My birthday fell on a Thursday that year which was great as I hardly had any lectures on a Thursday and Friday. It was a result as I could spend Friday recovering.
I feel a sense of dread as I turn over to the next entry but here goes. Loads of sad faces scribbled everywhere in the Nov 9th entry
Nov 9th
I can’t believe this has happened. How could he do this? My heart hurts so much right now and I want to keep crying but there are no tears left in my body. I waited up until 2:00 am but he never came to pick me up yesterday.
So this diary entry doesn’t actually explain what happened that night. I had been in too much of a state to think straight, let alone right anything legible. I don’t need a diary entry to remind myself. Unfortunately I will never forget the details of that night.
Ghosted: Wicked Wedding Planners Series Page 7