by Sabrina York
Sidney stilled. She shot a look at Cody—the panic in his eyes matched hers.
“Shit,” she whispered.
“Here’s how it goes. I will draw two names from this bag.” She waggled a velvet bag. “And that couple will have ten minutes in the next room to exchange their deepest darkest secrets. Then, when they return, we will quiz them and see how many answers they get right. The couple that wins gets a steak dinner. On me.”
“Wait a sec,” Rafe said. “How is that fair? Some of the couples here are married. They already know each other’s secrets.”
“Not necessarily,” Crystal said with a wicked glance at Ford.
“What?” Ford frowned. “What don’t I know about you?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Um, yes?”
“I’m not drawing couples’ names,” Porsche said, waving at her brother to be quiet. “I’m drawing individuals. For example,” she reached into her bag and pulled out a slip of paper. “First up is Penny . . .” Everyone oohed. “And Hanna!”
With groans, Penny and Hanna stood, and Porsche handed them a stack of cards.
“What are these?” Penny asked.
“Your prompts.”
Penny flipped through the pile and rolled her eyes. “Oh, lord.”
“Go for it, honey.” Mark slapped her bottom. “I have a hankering for a steak dinner.”
While Hanna and Penny were gone, the party resumed. Claire put on music and some couples danced and others chatted in little pods.
As for Sidney and Cody, they sat next to each other on one of the sofas off to the side of the action and watched. Though they didn’t speak, she was preternaturally aware of his every move, every breath.
She was glad she hadn’t had much to drink, because she needed to keep her wits about her. The last thing she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms or kiss him or any of the other myriad urges whipping through her.
It seemed to take forever for Penny and Hanna to come back, but when they did, the quizzing began. It was hilarious. Hanna tried valiantly to answer questions about Penny, but Penny didn’t even try. She just made up all her answers.
For example, apparently Hanna had her first crush on Bozo the Clown, which was comical because Hanna was deathly afraid of clowns. Her expression to that alone was priceless.
The next couple Porsche targeted was her groom and Brandon Wilder. As the two Brandons made their way into the other room, Rafe, Logan and Ben snickered. The reason became clear when the two men emerged, because apparently they hadn’t shared any secrets at all. They’d just done shots the whole time and could barely stand up.
Porsche frowned at them both and stood, stomping her tiny foot. “People! People!” she bellowed like a third-grade teacher railing at an unruly class. “You have to follow the rules.”
“We’re just having fun, hon,” Brandon said, snuffling her ear.
“That rhymed,” the other Brandon said.
Porsche glared at both of them. “Sit down,” she said in the voice and they both did. But neither seemed remorseful in the least. “Moving on . . .” Porsche picked up her evil bag and fished around for a while. When she pulled out a slip of paper, Sidney knew her name was on it—probably because Porsche’s gaze snapped to her.
She tried to hide her cringe. She didn’t have any desire to share her deepest darkest anything. Not with anybody.
“Sid.”
Hoots rounded the room as Porsche fished some more. As Sidney waited, a strange sensation rippled down her spine. She knew. She just knew whose name Porsche would call.
She wasn’t sure if she should be thrilled or horrified when it happened. With a large grin that would make the Cheshire cat jealous, Porsche murmured, “And Cody.”
Crap.
She glanced at him, but he wasn’t looking at her. He stood slowly and then offered her his hand. Together, and ignoring the blathering of the crowd, they walked into the other room and closed the door.
To her horror, it was a bedroom.
Good lord. How awkward.
She stood with her back to him, her fingers linked tightly. The cumbersome silence between them swelled. He broke it with a sigh.
“We don’t have to do this,” he said.
She glanced at him over her shoulder. Tried for a smile. “If we disappoint Porsche, she’ll have us flogged.”
“She doesn’t have the authority.”
“Technically, she does. At least, according to her. You see, the bride controls all space and time.”
He snorted. “She needs to stop watching that bride show on TV.”
Against her will, Sidney laughed. “Yes, she does.” She turned then and faced him—and her fears—head-on. “So . . . Shall we?”
“Okay.” He sat on the bed, drew a card from the deck and read it. “Favorite color?”
She cast about for an answer, but nothing came to mind. “Clear.”
“Mine is brown.”
“Whose favorite color is brown?”
“Whose is clear?” He grinned at her and drew another card. “Favorite subject in high school?”
“Lunch.”
“Come on, Sidney. We agreed to try.”
“I am trying. This game is stupid.”
“I’m not denying that.” He took another card. “What is your heart’s desire?”
She glowered and snatched the card from him. “That’s not what it says.”
“I know. But it’s what I want to know.” He said this in such a low, somber, sincere tone that caught her attention, caught at her heart. His expression was open, vulnerable and raw. So much so it hurt to look at him. Nonetheless, she stared at him for a long moment, as two sides of her warred.
On the one hand, there was the bitter, wounded side that wanted to resist anything to do with him. And then there was the other side, the one that would do anything to turn back the clock and make things right between them.
She couldn’t ignore the fact that this might be her chance.
This might be her only chance.
And she was tired of being bitter and wounded.
So she sucked in a deep breath, filling her lungs with fresh, clean air. She steeled her spine and grabbed her courage with both hands and said the words that cut her to the core. “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
He was silent for a moment. She peeped at him to find him staring at the cards, his jaw working. Clearly this raw vulnerability was hard for him too. “Neither do I.”
He glanced at her then and their gazes tangled.
“So what do we do about this?” she asked, her voice ragged. Anxiety roiled in her belly and she turned to pace the room.
“I don’t want to do what we did before.”
She stilled. Her heart ached. “Ah, no?”
“Falling into bed. Relying on the chemistry between us to keep us afloat.”
It was impossible not to look at him then. “There’s . . . chemistry between us?”
“You know damn well there is. But obviously it’s not enough. Or maybe it’s too much. Whatever. It’s not enough.”
Her heart ached. A little sob escaped her lips.
He frowned at her, though it was a gentle frown. “We have to talk things through,” he said. “I’m not interested in another temporary fling that’s going to end with you flouncing away angry over nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing.”
A flush rose on his face. “Damn it, Sidney, I told you. Nothing happened with them.”
She sat on the bed beside him and set her hand on his. Stilled him. Soothed him. “I’m not talking about those women. I’m talking about my reaction. It wasn’t nothing, and it wasn’t just over the situation.”
His Adam’s apple worked. “What was it then?”
Here it was
. The core of it all. Her dirty, murky, fetid secret. “I was . . . afraid.”
Surely he would laugh at that. Maybe even shake his head and walk away when he realized what a pathetic coward she was.
She waited for his response for what seemed like an eternity. Finally he said, “What-what were you afraid of?”
She huffed a sound that might have been a laugh. “Don’t you know?”
“Not really.”
“I was afraid you would dump me first. I was certain you would.”
He shook his head. His gaze bored into hers. “Never.”
“I can’t believe that. You dumped me before.”
He cringed. “I was a stupid kid. I’m not that dumb kid anymore.”
She leaned back on the pillows and studied him. “I have a question for you then. One that’s haunted me for years.”
“Shoot.”
“Why did you choose Tibby?”
He snorted. “I didn’t choose her.”
“You asked her out. That next day. Why?”
“Don’t you know?”
“Would I waste this precious opportunity to get the truth from you if I did?”
“I’ve always told you the truth.”
He had. “Then tell me.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Because I knew you hated her.”
“I didn’t hate her, per se—”
“I knew if I picked her, it would drive you away.” He dropped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. “It worked. You left.”
She stilled, frowned down at him. “Why did you want to drive me away?”
“Because. I was afraid.”
Something tightened in her chest. What on earth could he have been afraid of? Confident, brash Cody Silver, the guy who could have any woman he wanted? The handsome, carefree playboy of Snake Gully? “Afraid of what?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“You . . . sacred me. Scared me to death.” He chuckled, though it was a humorless offering. “Mortifying thing to admit.”
She shook her head. “How did I scare you?” Nearly a whisper. She didn’t understand any of this. It was utterly befuddling.
“It was the way you made me feel. I never felt that way before.” He met her gaze. “Not for any woman.”
“So you . . .”
“Yeah.” He forced a laugh. “I dumped you before you could dump me.”
She flopped down beside him and braced her head in her hand and offered a tiny smile. “We are a pair.”
“Yes. We are. So now, we need to decide what comes next.”
“What can come next? You’re afraid I’ll dump you, and I’m afraid you’ll dump me. We’re both too cowardly to trust each other and without trust . . . we have nothing.”
“People change, Sidney.”
“Do they?”
“If they want to. Yeah. Yeah, they do. I am willing to trust you. Trust this. As scary as it is . . . I want to take a chance on us. I’m willing to risk it. Are you?”
She couldn’t meet his eye. She wanted to, oh, how she wanted too. But old demons were hard to exorcize.
He tipped her chin up and made her look at him. “We both admit we made stupid mistakes in the past because of doubt and fear. Do we want those emotions to own us forever? To limit us from what could be?”
“No. Of course not. It’s just . . .”
“What?”
“I can’t silence that little voice, the one that keeps whispering that one day, you’re going to realize . . .”
“What?”
“That I’m not all that special.”
He cupped her cheek, thumbed away her tears. “Sidney. You’re special to me.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Please, tell me.”
“You know. That one day you’ll see the real me. And realize . . . well . . . you don’t love me after all.” How hard was it to say those words? To dig them up and expose them to the light of day. They had hovered, hidden just beneath the surface, all her life. Festering.
He pulled her into his arms, even though she resisted, and he held her and kissed her. “I promise. I won’t. If you promise not to discover the same horrible truth about me.”
“Hah,” she sputtered. There was no deep dark festering wound in his soul.
Was there?
He forced her to look at him again, but it was with a gentle caress. “I’ll admit it. I’m no choirboy. I’ve been with other women. But not one—not one—since you came back into my life.”
She stared at him. “Not even the Boobsey Twins?”
“Especially not them. God, Sidney. Can’t you see? Don’t you understand? You are the one I want. You. No one else.”
She looked away. “I’m . . . nothing special.”
He gave her a little shake. “You are, goddamn it. You are. You are everything to me. I love your sense of humor, your wit, the fact that you don’t take shit off anyone—even me. I love your hair, your eyes, your smile. I love being with you, even when we’re not fucking. Maybe, sometimes, because we’re not. That we can be comfortable without all that passion. Although,” he had to add, “the passion is pretty fucking awesome.”
He seemed buoyed by her smile.
“I can’t promise everything will always go smoothly. We’re both pretty stubborn and impulsive . . .” Her frown made him pause. He sucked in a deep breath and continued anyway. “But I will promise this, if you choose to have me, you will be the only woman in my life, my heart, my bed, so help me God. If I have to install a fucking portcullis on my bedroom door, no other woman shall cross that threshold.”
His whimsy lightened her soul. Made her feel . . . playful again. So she frowned at him. “What about Mrs. Billingsly?”
She loved the way his brow quirked, his dimples blossomed. “What about Mrs. Billingsly?”
“She’ll want to clean your room occasionally.”
“No.” He shook his head sharply and tried to appear grim, though an effervescent joy bubbled in his eyes. “Not even Mrs. Billingsly.”
Sidney sat back and crossed her arms. “Well, I’m not cleaning your room, so you’d better let Mrs. Billingsly in.”
“Are you sure?” He tried to nibble away his grin.
“Yes.” She nodded definitively. “I’m sure I’m not cleaning your room.”
He leaned forward and cupped her cheeks and made her look at him. “I love you, Sidney Stevens. I’ve loved you as long as I can remember. The only reason I dated as many women as I did was because I was searching for something. Something that wasn’t there. When I saw you again, kissed you again, held you again, I realized why none of those other relationships moved me in the least.”
“Why?”
“Simple. Because they weren’t you.”
Well. That was a lovely thought.
He stared at her for a moment longer, and his too-beautiful lips quirked. “So how pathetic are we that we need someone like Porsche to get us to have this conversation?”
She nibbled at her own smile. “Pretty lame.”
“But I’ll be frank. I don’t care. I don’t care what it takes. If we can . . . be together . . . I would be so . . .”
“So what?”
He swallowed. “So happy. So freaking happy, Sidney.”
She touched his cheek. Traced his dimple. “I would be happy too, Cody.” More than happy. It would be a dream come true.
“So let’s accept the fact that we are both afraid of losing each other. But we will refuse to let that fear limit us. We will pledge to face it rather than run from it. What do you say?”
“I say yes.”
“Excellent.” He bounded to his feet and held out a hand. “Shall we join the others?”
She stood as well and took his hand. “Not yet. Th
ere’s something else I need to say.”
He blinked. “Okay.”
Oh God. This was hard. Such words had never passed her lips. “Cody . . .”
“Yes?”
“I . . .” She closed her eyes and squashed his fingers with hers and just blurted it out. “I love you.”
He didn’t respond, so she opened one eye and peeped at him. He was watching her with a lopsided grin on his face. “Honey,” he said. “I know that. But it’s damn nice to hear.” And then he kissed her.
It was a long while before they made their way through that closed door to join the rest of their friends at the party.
To their shock, the room was empty. The merrymakers had moved on.
It was then that Sidney realized Porsche had orchestrated this entire thing.
It also occurred to her that they were alone. She and Cody had this glorious room all to themselves.
The same thing must have occurred to Cody, because the grinned at her. “What do you say we christen the bridal suite for them?”
A tremendous happiness swelled within her. There might have been some mischief and lust in there too. It had been far too long since they’d been together. And never once had they defiled a bridal suite together.
“What do you say we do?” she said.
And they did.
Epilogue
Sidney leaned back on the sofa of the Stud Ranch parlor and smiled at the cacophony filling the room. It was the fifth anniversary of Hanna’s bachelorette party, and as they had done every year since that fateful event, they all gathered to celebrate.
It had become something of a tradition amongst them, one no one wanted to miss.
Her father sat by the window playing pat-a-cake with Liam, while Logan looked on with the twins, Sam and Seth, on his lap. Charlie and Claire’s boys tore through the hall, apparently having a shootout, and Crystal quietly nursed Bonnie in the corner.
Porsche, who sat at Sidney’s side, leaned over and said, with a chuckle, “Look at Cade.” The big bad former soldier was shuffling into the room behind an adorable toddler with a fluffy blonde ponytail sprouting from the top of her head. Her steps were unsteady and she wobbled quite a bit, but none of that mattered, because her daddy was there to catch her if she fell. Lisa followed them into the room with Gunnar in her arms.