by Kim Baldwin
“How are you?” she asked as they settled into a pair of folding chairs.
Blayne thought about how to answer. If she were to respond honestly, from her gut, she would say she was miserable. That their separation had been unbearable. Intolerable. That without Alexi in her life, there was very little joy at all. That she needed her, more than she needed air and water. But she had already told Alexi how she felt about her, to no avail. What would such a declaration accomplish now?
“I tried several times to reach you, but you were never there. And there were never any messages from you.” There was no reproach in Blayne’s voice, only sadness.
“Yes, I am very sorry about that,” Alexi replied, not meeting her eyes. “I have been very busy.” She thought of the countless times she had flipped open her cell phone and stared at it, battling with herself. I desperately wanted to call you, Blayne, just to hear your voice. Or even just to know you were there. Hear you breathe. Feel some connection to you. She felt an obligation to continue hiding how she felt for both their sakes, but with every passing moment it was getting more and more difficult to maintain her charade.
“Any word about Theo?”
“No. I am afraid not. And that worries me.”
“I’m sorry.”
A silence elapsed between them.
“They’re going to take me away after I testify. Send me off to orientation,” Blayne said at last. Please, Alexi. Please tell me at least that you don’t want to see me go. That you will feel my absence as keenly as I will feel yours. At least give me that. She had her hands in her lap, and she was fidgeting nervously, picking at unseen lint on her new pants.
“Yes, I am aware of that.” Alexi reached over and stilled Blayne’s hand by placing her own hand on top of it. She felt a growing panic over the imminence of their separation. The words they are going to take me away made it suddenly much too real. It was becoming impossible to continue acting normally. She couldn’t meet Blayne’s eyes. Couldn’t let her see it. Change the subject. “How are you holding up?”
“Honestly? I’m glad to be back with Claudia and Philippe, but I can’t imagine never seeing you again.” Blayne turned her hand over and interlaced her fingers with Alexi’s. “Never talking to you. Not knowing where you are, and how you are.”
She tried to memorize the feel of Alexi’s hand. She stared down at it. Strong, callused hands, a bit larger than her own. She never thought she could feel such comfort, such strength, in so simple a physical connection. She held on tightly, afraid that the moment she let go, Alexi would vanish, like a ghost.
All Alexi wanted to do at that moment was to hold Blayne, to stand up and embrace her fully and try to calm her fears. But she knew that she could not. The entirety of her attention was focused on their enjoined hands, and a part of her wished that Blayne would let go, because she wasn’t sure that she could.
“I guess this is where I am supposed to tell you that it is all for the best.” She tried to sound nonchalant as she said it, but it came out angry and frustrated. She hated having no control whatsoever over the situation.
The statement, and the tone of it, seemed to invite a question. Blayne heard a small crack in Alexi’s absolute certainty, a hint of her inner feelings, and she seized upon it. “You said what you are supposed to tell me. What if you tell me something you aren’t supposed to…for a change?”
“Blayne, there is so much I would like to tell you, so much I need to tell you. But I do not know that I can.” Alexi reluctantly disengaged from her, stood and began to pace, running her hand repeatedly through her hair.
“This may be—probably will be the last time we see each other,” Blayne pleaded. She could see from Alexi’s rapid loss of composure that her feelings were very near the surface. Please let me in. Please. “Time is short, so if you have something to say you better say it. Because they’ll be coming for me any minute.”
After several more seconds of restless pacing, Alexi returned to the chair beside Blayne and took her hand again. She was past frustration now. The desperation over losing Blayne was beginning to make itself felt as a very real pain in her gut. She stared at the clock on the wall, watched the red second hand sweeping them too quickly toward their final goodbye.
“I find it hard to imagine my world without you in it. I find it hard to imagine never seeing you smile again, never kissing you again. Never...” She looked at the floor and shook her head. She was admitting all of this to herself as much as she was to Blayne. “Damn it. You do not need to hear this and I should not be saying it.”
“I do need to hear it, Alexi,” Blayne said. “I needed to hear it or I would have gone crazy thinking it was just me.”
“So now you know,” Alexi’s voice shook. She was relieved to have finally opened up to Blayne about her feelings. There was some comfort in knowing what was between them was mutual. But it did nothing whatsoever to ease her frustration over the situation. “Are you happy? Has my telling you changed anything? No. It has not. You still have to disappear, and I am acting very unprofessionally.”
“Has nothing changed? Really? You don’t think our sharing how we feel about each other changes things?” Blayne asked.
“Everything and nothing has changed, and we both need to find a way to deal with that,” Alexi said. You have made me feel this way, made me fall in love with you, and for what? She felt anger and sadness, and even a little frustration with Blayne. You’ve put me in a compromised position, one I am not familiar with—having to feel, and having to admit to these feelings…and now what am I to do with that?
“Tell me how I'm going to do that, Alexi. You're the expert at this. How do I just forget you and go on?”
Alexi was silent for a long minute, surprised by Blayne’s words. Her voice was so quiet when she answered that Blayne had to strain to hear her. “I am anything but an expert at this. I have never felt anything remotely similar, so I do not have the answers you need. I cannot even answer for myself.”
Blayne’s jaw dropped. “Is that really true?”
“Why do you ask me if this is true? Do you think I am looking for ways to make this more difficult? Nothing could be further from the truth, and I realize this admission will only make it more difficult, but you make me feel and I do not know what else to do with it but admit to it.”
“I wish you had told me this sooner,” Blayne said.
“And I wish it had been possible, but your safety was not something I was going to compromise by putting us both in a vulnerable position. I get paid to keep you alive, not to feel.”
And that has been the story of my life. Being paid not to feel anything. Alexi felt suddenly defeated, as if too many of her choices had been the wrong ones.
“But you’re not protecting me any more.” Blayne could not disguise her exasperation. “Isn’t there some way we can be together?”
“If only you knew how often I have thought about it, trying to find a way. I am afraid that it is just not possible. Your safety cannot be compromised.” The thought of anything happening to Blayne filled her with a cold kind of terror so profound she had no defense or experience against it.
Alexi looked her in the eyes, and Blayne could see she was fighting back tears. “I will not allow anything to happen to you,” she said. “And definitely not because of me.”
*
Claudia had no problem at all giving Blayne and Alexi some alone time. She was happy to give Blayne the opportunity to be with the woman who had come to mean so much to her, and it also meant she might get the opportunity to get a better look at Vaso, if she was still hanging around.
And happily, she was. Vaso was leaning against the opposite wall, looking slightly bored but when she spotted Claudia, she straightened and raised an eyebrow in appreciative surprise. Her gaze trailed slowly up and down Claudia’s body.
Claudia tried not to squirm under the scrutiny, but it was no easy task. Vaso was everything Blayne had described, and then some. Strikingly handsome, she see
med to embody sexual appeal, and she didn’t have to work at it at all. Though her overt and insolent ogling was a bit disconcerting, Claudia was determined not to show her discomfort. She stared right back.
Vaso smiled rakishly at her boldness and, after a moment, came over and joined her on the bench. “Are you nervous?” she asked.
It was not the opening line she had expected, and it came as a pleasant surprise that Vaso would express regard for her current situation. In fact, she was indeed a bit anxious about her upcoming testimony. “Yes. A little.”
“Maybe I can change that.” Vaso leaned back, crossed her legs, and stretched her arm along the back of the bench, looking every bit like she was settling in for an extended visit with an old friend.
“Oh? What would make you think so?”
“The fact that I know that you would want me to,” Vaso stated confidently.
“Oh really?” Claudia bandied back. “What makes you so sure?”
“Because of the way that you’re looking at me.”
Claudia couldn’t help but smile. “You’re just like Blayne said you were. Have you always been this arrogant?”
Vaso seemed to consider the question. “Come to think of it, yes.”
That elicited a laugh. “And how often does it work for you?”
“I have not been disappointed yet,” Vaso replied matter-of-factly.
Claudia was a little annoyed that she found Vaso’s self-assuredness so compelling. “Okay, Miss God’s-gift-to-women, let’s say hypothetically I do want you to make me less nervous. What do you have in mind? Think you can charm the pants off me?”
“Now that is something I would like to try.” Vaso leered at the expanse of Claudia’s legs exposed by her skirt. “You have a beautiful body.”
“Don’t hold your breath,” Claudia responded. She tried not to fidget, but with Vaso’s gaze on her, it was difficult not to.
“Are you saying that it is not possible, or just not possible for me?” Vaso countered.
“I’m still deciding that. And by the way, I’m still nervous. Your witty repartee isn’t helping a bit.”
Vaso leaned in closer and lowered her voice so the Marshal could not overhear. “Yes, but I am sure your nerves have more to do with me right now. You can deny it but frankly you should not bother.”
Claudia laughed but could not stop the flush of embarrassment that warmed her cheeks.
“I see I am right,” Vaso stated.
“You’re delusional.”
“Hardly. I see it in your eyes.”
“Perhaps I will be the first woman who turns you down,” Claudia threatened, with as much nonchalance as she could muster. But try as she might, she didn’t sound convincing, even to herself.
“Perhaps you shouldn’t hold your breath,” Vaso replied.
“God, you are too much. Do you have any redeeming features whatsoever?”
Vaso pursed her lips as though seriously contemplating her answer. “Hmm…give me a few…days…” She grinned mischievously. “And I’ll come up with something.”
Claudia laughed again. She was enjoying the playful banter far too much. “Oh? You give women a few days? You don’t strike me as the type.”
“I do not know what type I am but I am certain I am your type.”
“You’re impossible! Your type is probably anything with a pulse,” Claudia said. God, you’re dangerous. Seriously dangerous. “Where’s your scorecard? Long full by now, I bet. Or don’t you take notice of names?”
“This is where you are wrong,” Vaso said. “My scorecard includes only beautiful, responsive, and hard-to-get women, Claudia. ”
The way that Vaso said her name sounded so incredibly intimate that Claudia felt as though she had just been undressed. “Yes, indeed. You are definitely everything that Blayne said you were. But for some ungodly reason I like you anyway.” Vaso had certainly made her forget for a moment where she was and why she was there. “Although you are undoubtedly the cockiest woman I have ever met, you do have a certain charm. We might have had fun together. Pity I’m about to disappear.”
“We are already having fun.” Vaso shifted her body a little closer to Claudia’s. “Are you saying that you would have liked to see me again?”
Their proximity was deliciously unnerving. “Well, perhaps...I mean...”
“This sounds like more than just perhaps,” Vaso replied, inching even nearer.
“Don’t get so full of yourself. I haven’t decided whether you deserve me,” she managed.
“I have no doubt that we deserve each other.”
Claudia half wished she didn’t find Vaso’s low rich voice and melodious Greek accent quite so irresistible. “Well, I’m a real prize. Saved for the select few.”
Vaso laughed. “Go ahead, be honest with yourself. I am sure you will find it freeing.”
Her audacity was absolutely disarming. “I am so completely torn between wanting to kiss you and slap you into next week.”
“I will take curtain number one, please,” Vaso said. “Of course, you can always slap me and then kiss me to make it better.”
“I think you have already been kissed far too much by too many women,” Claudia concluded.
“You think too much. How about acting on some of those impulses?”
“Not a chance. Even if we weren’t surrounded by people. I’m not quite that easy.”
“Maybe not, but you want to finish this, and I know that we will.” Vaso’s demeanor was one of absolute confidence this would be the case.
“And how in the world do you know that?”
“I always finish what I start.” Vaso uncrossed her legs and edged over the final inches so that their bodies were touching.
“And how and where do you think we’ll get the opportunity to finish this?” Claudia was deliciously aware of the warmth of Vaso’s thigh against hers though she made no outward sign of it. “I’m about to go in to testify, and then I’ll be spirited away from here, to a new life and a new identity.”
Vaso shrugged. “I do not know when or where but I know that I have to find a way.”
“Have to?” Claudia tilted her head and studied Vaso, intrigued. “After just talking to me for these few minutes? Or won’t your ego take it well otherwise?”
“Has it only been minutes? It seems like I have been wanting to kiss you far longer than that.” Though it sounded every bit an overused pickup line, it seemed original and entirely heartfelt when Vaso said it, and Claudia found herself wanting to believe it was so.
But just then, a bailiff emerged from the courtroom down the hall, and headed straight for her. Evidently it was her turn to take the stand.
“Well, Blayne said you were charming, and you certainly are that,” she concluded, as she got to her feet. She looked down at Vaso with a frown of regret. “And she said you were my type, and I am forced to admit she is right about that, too. It really is a damn shame we couldn’t have met under slightly more accommodating circumstances.”
“Do not consider this concluded, Claudia,” Vaso replied confidently. “You never know what the future holds.”
*
Despite Vaso’s optimistic declaration, Blayne and Claudia did not get the chance to see Alexi and Vaso again before their orientation and relocation, a fact that depressed the hell out of both of them.
They were settled into a new duplex in a suburb of Portland, Oregon, Philippe in one half and Claudia and Blayne in the other, and their new WITSEC Inspector helped the women both get jobs at a travel agency that was not so different from the Balmy Breezes.
Their lives and routines were soon much the same as they had been before Martinelli’s death. But it didn’t feel at all that way to Blayne. She felt incomplete now, without Alexi, and she wondered whether anything could ever fill the void caused by their separation.
She missed Alexi so much that she even went so far as to telephone The Fairmont one day, totally against the rules, some two weeks after they were resettled. B
ut the Nikolos sisters had checked out, leaving no forwarding address.
That’s that, then, she told herself as she hung up the phone. You’ll just have to try to forget her and move on. It felt like an impossible task.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Blayne was having a particularly bad day. A young couple, about to get married, came in to book a romantic honeymoon in London, and she had to smile and act all helpful and pleasant when the whole experience made her feel desperately lonely for Alexi. Long after they’d gone, she remained hunched over her desk, staring at brochures advertising all the attractions they had been to, so absorbed in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice that Claudia had stopped talking, mid-sentence, to the businessman she was booking a flight for.
A shadow fell across her desk as a familiar voice broke the ensuing quiet.
“I would like to book a trip for two to Fiji, please. By way of Greece.”
For a moment, she didn’t dare look up. Afraid she had imagined it. Afraid to believe that Alexi was really there. But her heart was about to break out of her chest. She knew it was for real.
“That is, if you would like to, of course,” the voice added uncertainly.
She looked up and found Alexi regarding her with an expectant expression. But Blayne was so shocked she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. She knew she must look a bit idiotic, with her mouth hanging open like she could feel that it was.
But she couldn’t help it. Her surreal, off-its-axis life had suddenly tilted sharply again, she didn’t dare believe it was true. She’s here. She’s really here. For me. Three feet away. And God, more gorgeous than ever. Her stomach knotted and her vision swam—she wanted to rush into Alexi’s arms but she didn’t at all feel capable of standing.
“I had hoped you would look rather more pleased to see me.” There was a twinkle in Alexi’s eyes and a smile on her face, so she’d obviously read Blayne right and concluded that her temporary mute paralysis was a good thing. “May I sit?” She asked it casually, as though stopping by like this was something that she did every day.