by Amy Brent
Brian nodded. "I can imagine."
He looked at me again and it felt like everything that was said was loaded with double meaning now. I felt sick. I wanted to throw up. I wasn't sure if it was panic or morning sickness.
"Hundreds of thousands of dollars for an MBA at one of the best schools in the country just to be a mom, eh?" He nudged me and I smiled, trying to look like it was funny. I really wasn't. "Kids these days. But accidents happen."
I knew my dad supported me, but I had a feeling it was just because he didn't know who the real father was. Brian seemed uncomfortable on his chair. My dad's phone rang and he stepped out of the room to answer it. Brian glanced at the door where he'd walked through and then at me.
"If he finds out he's going to kill me."
I swallowed and nodded. Brian was right. If my dad found out he was the father he was definitely going to kill him. Kill him and disown me, or something equally serious. I took a deep breath and let it out in a shudder.
"I don't know what to do."
"Let's just take this one day at a time, okay?"
Brian put his hand on my leg and rubbed it up and down. It was the first time he'd touched me since that night on the terrace and the touch was warm and welcome and it felt like it was long overdue. I couldn't rely on it, though. I had to remember who I was and what was a reality. I didn't expect Brian to give up his career for something like this. I had to keep in mind that I was going to raise this baby all by myself, that Brian would be introduced as a family friend, if anything and my happiness would from now on always be last on the list.
The baby, Brian, my dad, their happiness had to come first.
Chapter 10: Brian
She was a typical model - tall and leggy with a waist the span of my hand and poofy lips. Her name was Amanda. She wasn't much of an intellectual challenge - the conversation at the dinner table had been drab, but I wasn't with her tonight for her mind. I wanted sex, some kind of release. I'd been edgy for a while now and I needed to get rid of it. I just needed to be able to think straight.
She wore a wine red dress with an open back and a scoop neck that showed too much cleavage and it would probably hit any other woman on the knee but it only covered her ass and other important bits.
"I'm so glad you were available tonight," she said with a purr. She looked at me like she knew what she was going to have for dessert. It irritated me when women were like this, but once again, I wasn't with her for anything else than what she would offer me sexually. If I even started to compare her to someone like Megan I would be put off by her and send her home, but I couldn't keep putting my life on hold for a woman that was determined on pushing me out of her life.
I wanted to give Megan everything she needed, everything she wanted. She was the kind of woman that deserved more than just sex and money and provision. Someone like her deserved to be loved and lately I'd been starting to think that was something I would be able to give her, too. But if she didn't want it I wasn't going to force myself on her. I wasn't going to expect her to return my sentiment if she just wasn't interested.
"After the Fall shoot I thought I wasn't going to model again, but that kind of life is just impossible to get away from, you know? I was born to do it."
I stepped into the elevator with Amanda, irritated with her, trying to smile and pretend like I wanted her company. She'd been talking about her career as a model almost the whole evening. If I had to hear anything else about how she was good at what she did or cut out for the job or looked good in everything I was going to throw her out on the street.
When we got to the penthouse suite someone stood in front my door. The brown hair, the hands on her back, I didn't need to see her face to know who it was. When she turned around her eyes fell on Amanda and she looked the woman up and down. Amada returned the favor, looking at Megan like she was something the cat dragged in. Megan looked like she was upset. There were new lines on her face, worry lines, tiredness, that hadn't been there before. A woman her age shouldn't look like that.
"Are you okay?" I asked, stepping away from Amanda and toward Megan.
"I'm fine," she said. She really wasn't. I turned to Amanda.
"I'm sorry, Amanda." Not sweetheart, like I'd been calling her all night. Not in front of Megan. Amanda frowned. "I'm going to have to call you a cab."
Her mouth opened in disbelief. "You're kicking me out? For that?" She pointed at Megan.
"Don't be rude," I scolded her. In that one sentence, I realized two things. One, I was able to throw about my single, carefree life for Megan in a heartbeat and not feel bad or torn about it at all. And two, I cared for Megan a lot more than I'd been willing to admit. I had a model on my doorstep, a woman that would be able to give me the night of my life, and all I could think about doing was taking care of Megan, the beautiful woman who was pregnant with my child.
Amanda scoffed at Megan and turned, walking away with hips swaying. When she the elevator doors opened she stepped inside and turned around with a look on her face that told me she was righteously pissed.
"I'm sorry to ruin your night," Megan said. "I didn't realize you were with someone."
I shook my head. "Don't be sorry. What's wrong?"
Her eyes welled up with tears and she pressed her thumb and forefinger against her eyelids, trying to stop the tears. She wasn't wearing any make-up, she was dressed in slacks and a t-shirt and she was pregnant, and she was still the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.
"I didn't have anywhere else to go. My friends are all upstate where I studied. My dad and I had a fight and he's so mad at me."
I stepped closer to her, slowly, trying not to scare her. She leaned into me when I was close enough and I wrapped my arms around her. That barrier of anger and regret between us was finally broken. We stood like that, holding onto each other, for the longest time before I pulled back. I unlocked my door and switched on the lights.
"Your place is nice," she said, looking around. It was nice but it was a bachelor's place. Everything was expensive and new and it looked like no one lived here. It wasn't the kind of place to raise a child. I shook off the thought. I couldn't think like that.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. Megan nodded and sat down one of the white leather couches. I sat down next to her instead of on a different one and listened to her talk. She told me about the fight, about the money she wasn't going to make now that she had to take it slow and her father's insistence that she take care of herself because she'd messed up. I tried to be objective about it, tell her that he was just scared of what she was going through.
I wasn't sure she believed me.
"It's just going to take time. I know it's hard but maybe it feels bigger because you're already emotional and struggling."
She nodded and leaned into me again, her face in my neck. With her face this close to mine, I was hyper aware of her lips, her smell, everything about her. She was the one that tipped up her head and kissed me. It wasn't like it had been before - this was purely sensual.
I pushed my tongue into her mouth, then stopped myself and pulled away from her. I wasn't going to do this to her now. This couldn't happen.
"I'll prepare the guest bedroom for you and you can stay the night," I said. She wiped her cheeks and nodded. I wasn't sure if she felt rejected. If she did she wasn't showing it.
"Thank you."
Chapter 11: Megan
I didn't have any clothes with me. I hadn't meant to stay over but when Brian offered the idea of staying away from home for the night was an offer I didn't want to refuse. He gave me one of his old t-shirts.
"You can wear it with your slacks. It should be more comfortable."
It was. Not just because it was better than what I'd been wearing but because it smelled like Brian, and it had been worn so many times it was soft from use. I took off my slacks, sleeping only in the shirt.
For the first time in a long time I slept well, and when I woke up I felt like I'd rested. The room he'd l
et me stay in was decorated in dark blue and gray and it was classy and homey at the same time. I was willing to bet it was the only room in the house that was homey, but Brian was a man and without a woman's touch nothing would be as homey as it could be.
I checked the time. It was six in the morning. I listened for sounds in the house but everything was quiet. I was sure Brian was still asleep. I walked in sock and the t-shirt to the kitchen and found cereal in the pantry. Milk in the fridge. A bowl after three different cupboards. A spoon in the drawer. I made breakfast and sat down at the kitchen island.
I was halfway with breakfast when Brian stumbled into the kitchen still looking half asleep.
"Morning," he said. I smiled.
"Morning."
He sat down on one of the barstools and looked at me. We sat in silence for a while. I wasn't sure what he was thinking. His eyes kept roaming over my body but not in a way that made me feel exposed or uncomfortable. In fact, the way he looked at me made me feel beautiful. I hadn't felt beautiful in a long time. It was hard to feel beautiful when you were as big as a house. I still wasn't really very big - at five months my belly was still small, but I felt stuffed and ungraceful.
"Do you mind if I have a shower?" I asked. "
"No, please. Make yourself at home."
I nodded, rinsed the bowl in the sink and walked to the guest bedroom. The bathroom was also blue and gray. The water was hot when I stepped under the spray and it felt good. I let it run through my hair, feeling it wet the strands like fingers, and closed my eyes.
A moment later there was a knock on the bathroom door.
"Yes?"
"Can I come in?"
I hesitated. What would it lead to if I said yes? Did I want to say no?
"You can."
My voice sounded hoarse. Brian stepped into the bathroom and closed the door again. The glass shower walls were steamed up so I was sure he could only see a blurred image of me, but I wanted him to look. At my backside, at least. I was unsure about my pregnant tummy.
Brian started getting undressed. He stepped into the shower and stepped under the spray, coming face to face with me. My breath caught in my throat. He lifted a hand and pushed wet strands of hair out of my face.
"My tummy," I said in almost a whisper.
"Don't. You're beautiful." His gray hair got wet and clung to his head and the edges of his face. He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me.
It was different than it had been the first time. It was soft and sensual. Brian kissed me all over, his hands exploring my body as if he was committing every detail to memory.
He was hard and obviously eager to get inside of me, but he took his time. He made me feel like every inch of me was beautiful. When it finally came down to sex and he pushed into me it was completely different than what it had been before. There was no pain, only a hell of a lot of pleasure. He pushed into me and pulled out, slowly, carefully, building up momentum and speed only when he knew I was ready for it.
My body responded to his. The hot water on my skin and his sex inside of me pushed me closer and closer to an orgasm until it washed through me, light filling me up and clearing everything out until I was reduced to nothing but a blubbery mess. He kissed me and held me and made me feel like it was all for me. His pleasure, his release when it finally came, was just an afterthought. This was all about me and it made me feel like it was so much more than just sex.
Like whatever was happening between me and Brian was so much more than just a quickie at a fashion show. Like it could become something so much bigger.
Chapter 12: Brian
She was beautiful. She kissed me like she was unsure of herself. The confident vixen I'd met at the fashion show had been replaced by someone that was unsure if she was wanted, and I wanted to show her that she was. that I wanted her. Even if she was pregnant, even if everything had changed since the last time we were together.
Her body was hot around my sex when I was buried deep inside of her, her breasts mashed up against my chest, nipples hard and erect. The hot water streamed in rivulets down her skin and mine, making our lovemaking - that's what it was, not sex - look like something from a porn scene. Except it was so much better because Megan was real. This was real.
When I released inside of her she shuddered with me and I was so aware that this act was what had gotten her pregnant, what had gotten us here in the first place. When she'd told me in the elevator it was something we both wanted then so there was nothing to regret I'd been irritated with her, but she was right.
It had been exactly what I'd wanted at the time, and it had caused something beautiful to happen. I kissed her, helped her clean everything up, washed her with soapy suds. I helped her out of the shower and took a towel. The towel racks were heated and her towel was warm. Megan looked exhausted. I was guessing her energy levels were low because of the baby. I wrapped a towel around her hair and dried her body off with another one.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked.
"You keep asking me that."
She shrugged."I just didn't think you would care this much. When I met you I just wanted to have sex with you. This is so much more."
I didn't answer her. I helped her get her hair combed and dried and peeled back her covers for her so she could get in bed. She was still naked. She grabbed onto my hand and pulled me onto the bed.
"Please, stay."
How could I say no to that? I climbed in under the covers, too, and lay against her. Her skin was warm and soft, her breathing regular. Her eyes were closed but she wasn't sleeping. I traced the profile of her face with my finger, the curve of her nose, her full lips, her perfectly manicured eyebrows.
"Have I told you you're beautiful?"
She smiled, her lips curling up under my fingers.
My phone rang in the other room.
"I'll be right back," I said. I found the phone and answered. It was a business call. When it was over I looked at the screen. I dialed my secretary.
"I'm not coming into the office today," I said. I made arrangements for my meetings to be postponed and turned off my phone. When I got back under the covers with Megan she turned her face to me.
"You're not going to the office?"
She'd heard that. I shook my head.
"Why?"
"I want to spend the day with you. We can stay in bed, or go out to breakfast, or do whatever you feel like."
She looked at me for a moment, eyes searching my face, and then she smiled.
"I'd like that."
I kissed her again and we messed around a little but I didn't sleep with her again. I didn't want to wear her around. When we were done she lay in the crook of my arm, her head on my chest and it was like we were made for each. We fit like puzzle pieces.
"I'm going to speak to Tom," I said. I'd pushed the words out before I could change my mind.
Megan lifted her head and looked at me, frowning.
"You can't."
"I can. I will. I want to be with you, Megan. I want to do the right thing, I want to be there for you and the baby. I'm not going to sneak around behind your father's back. I need to come clean about this."
She sat up, covers tucked to her chest so that she was decent.
"He'll be so mad."
I nodded. Tom was going to be furious. "I have to do this. Not just for the baby, but for you. It's going to be okay. There's nothing he can do about it, and I know once he accepts it he will be okay. He won't lose you, he loves you too much."
She looked like she was going to cry, and I understood it. It was terrifying. I was forty and telling my friend and business partner that I had gotten his daughter pregnant wouldn't be easy, but it was the right thing to do. I wanted to do right by Megan.
"When are you going to tell him?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. Not today. I will soon, though. But today it's just you and me.
Chapter 13: Brian
Fashion shows are hard work for everyone involved
. There are people that do more than others, like the dressers and the stylists and the designers and those responsible for the venue, but there are also those that behind the scenes.
I was a partner that had started up a modeling agency and I even ran around on a fashion show. I tried to get out of it but most of the time there was just too much to do and not enough people to do it.
Megan wasn't going to attend this one, thank God. I'd spoken to her doctor and he'd given her the advice that she had to take off instead of attend. The pressure was far too much for her condition with the baby and she wasn't even that far along yet - problems got worse the closer it was to the birth. I didn't want complications now.
Lisa was too hard on her, the pressure was insane and she was emotional, hormonal and unsure about being pregnant to start off with.
I ran around trying or organize the models and where they needed to be, making sure that Megan's replacement filled her shoes the right way. When there was time to take a breath I made my way outside where the smokers stood. I didn't smoke but I liked being somewhere people forced themselves to take a break. Smokers have no choice - addiction is an ugly business - but how many of us that don't have the bad habit of smoking will take that time to recuperate for five minutes at various intervals throughout the day? It's good to regroup.
Tom came outside a moment later. He looked stressed out. I stood a short distance away from the smokers to avoid the actual smoke, and he came to stand with me.
"It's a madhouse in there."
I nodded. "It always is. Occupational hazard."
He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I'm glad Megan was booked off for this one. I'm really starting to worry about her. I'm scared something will happen."
I didn't answer. I didn't want to say too much and sound concerned where I shouldn't be. The fact that Tom was worried was news to me, though. Of course, he cared about her well-being, but going by what Megan had told me about the argument between them Tom didn't want her to keep the baby if she wasn't in a place to look after the child herself.
"How do you feel about the baby?" I asked. We hadn't had a chance to talk in the past couple of weeks, and before that I'd been avoiding him.