by Amy Brent
“Have a seat. She’ll be right out.” She nodded at the seats and picked up a clipboard with something attached. “Fill this out for her, please.”
Jesus, it was a woman to boot. Fantastic.
I found a seat in the corner and read through the questionnaire slowly with disbelief. It asked me how crazy I was in every sense possible, and I shook my head slowly. I answered it quickly, confident that this was not meant for me and when I got to the part about having any suicidal thoughts, I frowned. Hell, no I didn’t. I was just missing a buddy, and it had been a rough patch in my career. End of story.
I marked that with an empathic no and made sure that I was done as I dropped the entire clipboard down on the chair beside me. I just wanted this over with now, and I looked around the room at the tables covered with the generic magazines you always find in a waiting room as well as brochures both on the tables as well as the wall. They spoke of various mental illnesses, none of which I could relate to. They also spoke of the PT SD that I was accused of suffering from. I grabbed one and started to read through it to check off all of the proof that I didn’t have that.
Some of them made me scoff out loud. Who wouldn’t have flashbacks from something like what I had seen? That’s reasonable as well as the fact that I still dreamed about it sometimes and had trouble falling back asleep. So what? I didn’t drink enough for anyone to worry too much about me, and hell, last night I had a great night thanks to the bourbon.
I was finishing up with the long list of symptoms when I heard someone call out my name. “Blake?”
I recognized the voice and looked up as my eyes met green ones that went along with full lips that I was very familiar with in my memory.
Dr. Thomas was the woman that I had met last night!
CHAPTER 4
Aspen
Fuck me running.
My new patient was the man that I had lost all of my self-control with. My first fucking case was with the man I slept with. I pressed my lips together nervously and forced my hands to remain at my sides. “Come on back.” My voice sounded wooden, hollow and I blinked to bring myself out of the horror that I was living right now.
Well, not complete horror. Last night was one for the fantasy bank, and my body could not help but heat up as he stood and walked toward me with a cocky swagger.
“Good morning. I’m Dr. Thomas,” I tried to sound more professional as I greeted him like he was any other patient. “How are you doing today?” I reached out a shaky hand for his clipboard, and he handed it to me with a direct gaze into my eyes.
“I’m better now.” I dropped the clipboard on the floor as he leaned closer to me to speak softly in my ear. “I know your name now.” Blake leaned over to retrieve the item for me, and I managed to get it into one of the slots that were located all over the waiting room successfully. This man was going to be the death of me. I turned to lead him down the wide hallway to my office and felt his eyes on my body as I gulped slowly. I had dressed to the hilt for my first day to impress, but I regretted the black pencil skirt that I paired a cream colored blouse with now as I could imagine his eyes tracing my ass. I knew that my heels made me even taller, and I hurried along as I clutched his papers in my hand.
He followed me into my office, and I sat down behind my desk and pressed my hands over my skirt slowly. Blake could never know how many times I’d gotten myself off in the last few hours with the memories that I cherished from last night. I felt the bun at the base of my neck to make sure that it was still neat and gazed down at his paper. I read the questions carefully and saw a man in complete denial of what he was struggling with. I had read the file, and he was a grieving person as anyone in his position had the right to me. My eyes went to his shirt that told me that he was what I needed to avoid, as well as the file that I had read through this morning. “Is all of this true?” I asked him as I lifted my eyes to his face carefully. I wouldn’t show anything that I was feeling right now, even as the lace between my legs grew damp with need, and I shifted in my seat.
“Absolutely. There is nothing wrong with me.” Blake sat up straight with his jaw set in a stubborn expression as I ached to kiss it and taste him all over again.
“I read the file, Mr. Landon.” I started to say as he smiled wickedly.
“Would you have called me Blake or Mr. Landon last night?” He licked his lips as my nipples stiffened underneath my silk bra. “I’d take either, depending on the position.”
“I know that you lost a very close friend, and I know how painful that can be. I know how it can get into your head.” I kept talking as his gaze darkened slowly and he leaned back in his chair. “You’re not alone in this, Mr. Landon.”
“I get so hard when you call me that,” Blake told me as I felt myself redden. “It makes me want to bend you over this desk and spank you. Would you like that?” His voice was low, but it vibrated over my skin and into my bones as I shivered.
“Stop that. You’re my patient now. Last night…it was a mistake.” I spoke softly and not with the conviction that I intended as he stared at me knowingly.
“It was such a mistake that I jerked myself off to it several times today. How about you?” Blake leaned forward, and I felt liquid pool in my panties as I pressed my lips together. “Are you wet right now?”
“Stop this, Blake. We need to discuss Roger.” I firmly stated as sadness passed his face, mixed with the guilt and regret that I had seen on many faces. “I want to make you feel better about what happened. Can you tell me about that day?”
“Sit in front of me and I can taste you like I wanted to last night. Spread those pretty legs for me, Doctor.” He spoke in a low intense voice as I leaned heavily on my arms and took a slow breath.
“Talk to me,” I softly begged as he rested his face in his hands for a moment. “Let me do my job. It’s my first damn day, and I’m struggling here.”
“Your job is to fix people that need it, but I am not one of them. I am only here under orders…is it Miss Thomas?” Blake asked as I took a slow sip from the coffee in my travel cup that boasted the name Harvard to remind me of my school days. “Or is there a mister that you had to run home to last night?”
“None of that matters. You need to give me something here, Blake. Tell me about Roger. How long were you friends?” I pressed the issue as pain flashed in his eyes. We could dance around this for the whole hour, but I would not be doing my job, and he would not be getting the help that his superiors apparently thought that he needed. “Was it a long time? Was he like a brother to you?” My voice shook for a fleeting second as I spoke, reminded of my brother.
“We were close, but I’ll get over it. I just want to go back to work.” Blake told me as he reached across the desk and brushed my hand against his. “Release me so I can do that.”
“I can’t do that now. We have a lot to cover.” My palm turned upwards as my legs trembled and I watched him stroke the skin of my hand. The heat between us was undeniable, and I kicked off one of my heels to press my foot firmly into the plush gray carpeting of my office. “Why did you join the Navy? How did you end up a Seal?” Sometimes backtracking worked with people, and I needed my mind to be off of how much I wanted him right now.
“Family business. I knew that I always wanted to be a part of the Navy and becoming a Seal was everything to me.” His response was quick and reminded me of my family, and he rested his hand near mine after pulling it slightly away. “Last night was the best thing that I’ve experienced in this time I’ve had off. I want to see you again, out of here and away from this setting. I want to make you cry out my name when I fuck you this time. That’s all the help I need, Dr. Thomas. What is your first name?”
I was not supposed to tell a patient that. We were not friends of theirs or social companions, but I felt myself weaken drastically. ‘Why do you need to know?”
“You wouldn’t tell me last night. I asked you twice, and I think I deserve to know your name after I watched you cum on my cock, don�
��t you?” I could feel myself redden as my eyes widened. He never stopped looking at me with that hooded gaze that I had memorized last night.
“Aspen. It’s Aspen.” Shit, I gave in. “Here I am Dr. Thomas.”
“I don’t care what your name is anywhere. I just want to fuck you again, harder and faster. I want you on your knees before me, screaming my name.” Blake kept talking, and I dropped back into my seat as I let out a soft cry. “That’s the only kind of therapy that I need, Aspen.”
“It can’t happen. We are strictly professional as of today.” I reminded him as he reached for my hand while I pulled it away. “We need to forget that ever happened.”
“The smell of your sweet pussy tells me that you haven’t forgotten a thing,” Blake argued as I stared back at him. “My hard cock tells me that I haven’t either.”
“Blake…Mr. Landon. Please stop this.” I softly pleaded as my bones turned to jello and my body became a mass of need and lust. I raised my hand to the button of my conservatively sexy blouse and fanned myself as he stared at the barrier between his eyes and my generous cleavage.
“Unbutton it. Show me your gorgeous tits,” Blake asked me as I forced myself to look at the papers in front of me. I used them to regain my composure and sat up straight as I stared at him.
“I am only here as your psychologist, Mr. Landon. If you don’t want to talk to me today, I suggest we try this next week. I am here for therapy and nothing else.” My voice was firm, and I gained strength from it as he stared back at me. “I can’t help you unless you want me to.”
Blake stood and leaned forward over my desk as he met my eyes with a heated look on his face. “I do want it, and you can help me anytime that you’d like,” I called out to him to make an appointment on the way out and slumped back into my chair as I gulped deeply. I released the button of my shirt and fanned myself as I reached for the bottle of water on my desk.
I drank it in just a few sips as I tried to calm myself down for my next patient, but my body was on high alert and wanted Blake right now. I glanced at the clock on my computer monitor and stood on shaking legs to walk barefoot to my attached bathroom to relieve some of the pressure.
CHAPTER 5
Blake
I left the office in a haze of lust and frustration and headed to my bike. I had nowhere to be until next week when we ran through that routine again, and I glared down at the strain in my jeans before I tugged my helmet over my head. Why the fuck did it have to be Aspen that was supposed to save me from my supposed demons? It took everything I had back there not to take her across the desk hard and fast.
I hopped on my Harley and headed out to the main road quickly, making a quick decision to take a long ride before I went home tonight. There was nothing keeping me here.
I rode over the freeway all afternoon, making a stop near the Chesapeake Bay for a quick dinner of a drive through place. It was gorgeous today with a good breeze and blue waves, but it didn’t bring me joy, not the way riding usually did.
If anything, I felt worse knowing that Aspen was now my head doctor. I had seen the compassion in her eyes and heard the sincerity of how much she wanted to help me in her voice. I was fighting it every step of the way and kept going back to our night together to watch her blush the way she did. It was sexy, and she looked like a hot mess in those professional clothes with that sweaty red skin. I got some perverse pleasure in tormenting her, but I wasn't easy on myself either. It was making me want her just as much as she apparently wanted me.
What a mess.
I headed home when it was starting to get darker and pulled into a gas station by my house to get some gas for the week. I was parked as far away from the building as possible when I glanced up to see a familiar blue car parked by the pumps. It was Roger’s and I watched as Emma got out and said something into the car as she leaned down to work with her tire.
Roger’s wife was always a beautiful woman, blonde and very much the girl next door. Tonight, she looked tired and frustrated as she looked at the car again with broken eyes. Her hair was in a messy bun and falling down her face. I had never seen her look this way.
I could hear the kids crying and screaming, and his son Bryce opened the door and ran to his mom with tears running down his face. He looked so much like my friend that it tore at my heart. I remembered making the promise that I would take care of his family if anything happened and I had meant that. I had just lost myself along the way after I lost him and I stared at the ground as guilt filled my stomach in a sickening lump.
I heard her raise her voice and stepped back on my bike to leave. I didn’t even offer to help her.
I headed to the liquor store for a fresh bottle of liquor and continued home. Once there, I locked my door and ran some hot water into my jetted tub before I stripped and sank into it. Tears slid down my face and pain stuck in my throat as I opened the bourbon and took a long sip to push it back down. Emma was struggling more than anyone and I hadn’t been there a single time since the funeral. I felt like such an asshole, but I couldn’t find the strength to face her and the kids, to tell them I had failed at keeping their daddy alive. I couldn’t face the truth.
I drank myself into a coma that night, drying off only enough to drop naked onto my mattress before I passed out for the evening.
I woke up the next day numb and cold to everything, which I liked better than feeling my emotions. I decided to do the few things that I was allowed to enjoy, so I made a point of hitting the range to keep my aim on point. The sound of the guns still reminded me of that night but I pushed through it steadfastly as I prepared myself for the day I returned to work. It was an honor to be a sniper in the Seals, and I wasn’t going to lose the one thing that meant anything to me.
I also went on a lot of rides. I traveled all over Maryland and even into some other states, getting hotel rooms and drinking myself to sleep. It didn’t bring me the relief that I was looking for, but it kept me away from home.
I also went to the gym when I was in town. I was in the best of shape, and that wasn’t going to fade because I needed that on the job. The exercise was good for me, and it helped a little bit before I would go home and drink some more.
I found myself looking forward to seeing Aspen again. I wasn’t ready to talk yet, but something about her comforted me and made me feel alive. Ever since I had seen Emma and reminded what Roger left behind, I was feeling unsettled and bored. Roger had been such a good man, a loving family man and there were days that I felt like a useless failure. Maybe this visit I could talk Aspen into letting me take her the way I had that night and relieve some of my pain. That was the night that I had felt a spark, and I hadn’t forgotten it.
The days started to blend with the nights, having no semblance of a schedule, a life. I felt like I was just wasting away in between trying to find a part of who I was and drinking myself to sleep. I saw some of the guys here and there, but we were all still messed up from what had happened. Most of them had girlfriends or families, and I was one of the few single guys in my pack it had never bothered me before, but it was starting to feel lonely now.
CHAPTER 6
Aspen
I tried to focus on my career and my new patients. Ever since Blake had left me a mess in my office, I had tried so damn hard. This was what I had worked so hard for but I finally gave in and took his file home in my briefcase to read it. I sipped my wine and marveled at his military career. It reminded me of my father and who my brother would have become as I curled my feet under me on my couch and sighed.
Blake had a highly decorated special forces career that I read about as I nibbled on popcorn and drank my wine. He had several honors, including two purple hearts, two Bronze Stars with Valor and several others. Blake was thirty-two years old, but I thought he looked considerably younger, though Blake took good care of his body.
Boy did he. I could still feel his muscles under my hands as I pressed my lips together and focused on the task at hand. I kept reading ab
out the man that I could not get out of my mind, and I came to the report about what had happened to him out there. Blake had been one of the few survivors of the ambush that had killed his friend and several other guys. They had been searching for a missing soldier and came upon a group of men looking to kill and catching them off guard.
It sounded like it had been sudden and brutal. The report claimed that all of the Seals went down for cover but not before some had been hit and killed. They had successfully returned fire and managed to get out of there, but my eyes rested on one critical part of the report.
Blake had recounted things the way that she had read it and done nothing wrong but protect himself and his men. Another person had indicated that he started the shooting and was to blame for all of the deaths, though that victim had later died.
Blake was allowed to shoot anyone to save his life within reason, but this man claimed that he killed one of his own and started the firestorm that caused all of this. With all of his honors, would Blake snap like that and kill another Seal? He had passed all of the tests to get into the Navy and then the difficult challenge of becoming a Seal. I knew from my father and brother how hard that was, seeing it firsthand in their eyes and their face when they were going through it. They also glowed with pride through it all and I could tell that Blake did as well. He took so much pride in his job, and he loved it, apparently wanting it all back.
It was on my shoulders to decide whether or not he could return to duty. I had to figure out if he was unhinged or just dealing with a loss and I rested my head against my comfortable chair as I closed my eyes. I couldn’t get the man to stop talking about sex so how was I ever supposed to know?