Then finally the Gorim told her that word had reached him that her friends were returning, and the little princess went absolutely wild with anticipation. Her preparations were lengthy and elaborate. She would greet them properly of course. No little girl enthusiasm this time. Instead, she would be demure, reserved, imperial and altogether grown up. Naturally, she would have to look the part.
She fretted for hours before selecting the perfect gown, a floor-length Ulgo dress of glistening white. Ulgo gowns, however, were perhaps a trifle too modest for Ce’Nedra’s taste. While she wished to appear reserved, she did not want to be that reserved. Thoughtfully, she removed the sleeves from the gown and made a few modifications to the neckline. Some elaborate cross-tying at bodice and waist with a slender gold sash accentuated things a bit. Critically she examined the results of her efforts and found them to her liking.
Then there was the problem of her hair. The loose, tumbled style she had always worn would never do. It needed to be up, piled in a soft mass of curls atop her head and then cascading elegantly down over one shoulder to add that splash of color across the pristine whiteness of her bodice that would set things off just right. She worked on it until her arms ached from being raised over her head for so long. When she was finished, she studied the entire effect of gown and hair and demurely regal expression. It wasn’t bad, she congratulated herself. Garion’s eyes would fall out when he saw her. The little princess exulted.
When the day finally arrived, Ce’Nedra, who had scarcely slept, sat nervously with the Gorim in his now-familiar study. He was reading from a long scroll, rolling the top with one hand while he unrolled the bottom with another. As he read, the princess fidgeted, nibbling absently on a lock.
‘You seem restless today, child,’ he observed.
‘It’s just that I haven’t seen him – them – for so long,’ she explained quickly. ‘Are you sure I look all right?’ She had only asked the question six or eight times that morning already.
‘You’re lovely, child,’ he assured her once again.
She beamed at him.
A servingman came into the Gorim’s study. ‘Your guests have arrived, Holy One,’ he said with a respectful bow.
Ce’Nedra’s heart began to pound.
‘Shall we go greet them, child?’ the Gorim suggested, laying aside his scroll and rising to his feet.
Ce’Nedra resisted her impulse to spring from her chair and run out of the room. With an iron grip she controlled herself. Instead, she walked at the Gorim’s side, silently repeating to herself, ‘Dignity. Reserve. Imperially demure.’
Her friends were travel-stained and weary-looking as they entered the Gorim’s cavern, and there were strangers with them whom Ce’Nedra did not recognize. Her eyes however, sought out only one face.
He looked older than she remembered him. His face, which had always been so serious, had a gravity to it now that had not been there before. Things had obviously happened to him while he had been gone – important things – and the princess felt a little pang at having been excluded from such momentous events in his life.
And then her heart froze. Who was that great gangling girl at his side? And why was he being so deferential to the big cow? Ce’Nedra’s jaws clenched as she glared across the calm waters of the lake at the perfidious young man. She had known it would happen. The minute she had let him out of her sight, he had run headlong into the arms of the first girl who happened by. How dared he? How dared he!
As the group on the far side of the lake began to come across the causeway, Ce’Nedra’s heart sank. The tall girl was lovely. Her dark hair was lustrous, and her features were perfect. Desperately, Ce’Nedra looked for some flaw, some blemish. And the way the girl moved! She actually seemed to flow with a grace that nearly brought tears of despair to Ce’Nedra’s eyes.
The greetings and introductions seemed hardly more than some incoherent babble to the suffering princess. Absently she curtsied to the king of the Algars and his lovely queen. Politely she greeted the lushly beautiful woman – Taiba, her name was – whom Lady Polgara introduced to her. The moment she was dreading was approaching, and there was no way she could forestall it.
‘And this is Adara,’ Lady Polgara said, indicating the lovely creature at Garion’s side. Ce’Nedra wanted to cry. It wasn’t fair! Even the girl’s name was beautiful. Why couldn’t it have been something ugly?
‘Adara,’ Lady Polgara continued, her eyes intently on Ce’Nedra’s face, ‘this is her Imperial Highness, the Princess Ce’Nedra.’
Adara curtsied with a grace that was like a knife in Ce’Nedra’s heart. ‘I’ve so wanted to meet your Highness,’ the tall girl said. Her voice was vibrant, musical.
‘Charmed, I’m sure,’ Ce’Nedra replied with a lofty superiority. Though every nerve within her screamed with the need to lash out at this detested rival, she held herself rigid and silent. Any outburst, even the faintest trace of dismay showing in her expression or her voice would make this Adara’s victory complete. Ce’Nedra was too much a princess – too much a woman – to permit that ultimate defeat. Though her pain was as real as if she were in the hands of a torturer, she stood erect, enclosed in all the imperial majesty she could muster. Silently she began to repeat all of her titles over and over to herself, steeling herself with them, reminding herself grimly just who she was. An Imperial Princess did not cry. The daughter of Ran Borune did not snivel. The flower of Tolnedra would never grieve because some clumsy scullery boy had chosen to love somebody else.
‘Forgive me, Lady Polgara,’ she said, pressing a trembling hand to her forehead, ‘but I suddenly seem to have the most dreadful headache. Would you excuse me, please?’ Without waiting for an answer, she turned to walk slowly toward the Gorim’s house. She paused only once, just as she passed Garion. ‘I hope you’ll be very happy,’ she lied to him.
He looked baffled.
It had gone too far. It had been absolutely necessary to conceal her emotions from Adara, but this was Garion, and she had to let him know exactly how she felt. ‘I despise you, Garion,’ she whispered at him with a terrible intensity, ‘and I don’t ever want to lay eyes on you again.’
He blinked.
‘I don’t think you can even begin to imagine how much I loathe the very sight of you,’ she added. And with that she continued on into the Gorim’s house, her back straight and her head unbowed.
Once she was inside, she fled to her room, threw herself on the bed, and wept in broken-hearted anguish.
She heard a light step near the doorway, and then the Lady Polgara was there. ‘All right, Ce’Nedra,’ she said, ‘what’s this all about?’ She sat down on the edge of the bed and put one hand on the shoulder of the sobbing little princess.
‘Oh, Lady Polgara,’ Ce’Nedra wailed, suddenly throwing herself into Polgara’s arms. ‘I-I’ve l-lost him. He-he’s in love with h-h-her.’
‘Who’s that, dear?’ Polgara asked her calmly.
‘Garion. He’s in love with that Adara, and he doesn’t even know I’m alive any m-m-more.’
‘You silly little goose,’ Polgara chided her gently.
‘He does love her, doesn’t he?’ Ce’Nedra demanded.
‘Of course he does, dear.’
‘I knew it,’ Ce’Nedra wailed, collapsing into a fresh storm of weeping.
‘It’s only natural for him to love her,’ Polgara continued. ‘She’s his cousin, after all.’
‘His cousin?’ Ce’Nedra’s tear-streaked face came up suddenly.
‘The daughter of his mother’s sister,’ Polgara explained. ‘You did know that Garion’s mother was an Algar, didn’t you?’
Ce’Nedra shook her head mutely.
‘Is that what all this is about?’
Ce’Nedra nodded. Her weeping had suddenly stopped.
Lady Polgara took a handkerchief from her sleeve and offered it to the tiny girl. ‘Blow your nose, dear,’ she instructed. ‘Don’t sniff like that. It’s very unbecoming.’
Ce’Nedra blew her nose.
‘And so you’ve finally admitted it to yourself,’ Polgara observed. ‘I was wondering how long it was going to take you.’
‘Admitted what?’
Polgara gave her a long, steady look, and Ce’Nedra flushed slowly, lowering her eyes. ‘That’s better,’ Polgara said. ‘You mustn’t try to hide things from me, Ce’Nedra. It doesn’t do any good, you know, and it only makes things more difficult for you.’
Ce’Nedra’s eyes had widened as the full impact of her tacit admission struck her. ‘It’s not possible,’ she gasped in absolute horror. ‘It can’t happen.’
‘As my father’s so fond of saying, just about anything is possible,’ Polgara told her.
‘What am I going to do?’
‘First you ought to go wash your face,’ Polgara told her. ‘Some girls can cry without making themselves ugly, but you don’t have the right coloring for it. You’re an absolute fright. I’d advise you never to cry in public if you can help it.’
‘That’s not what I meant,’ Ce’Nedra said. ‘What am I going to do about Garion?’
‘I don’t know that you really need to do anything, dear. Things will straighten themselves out eventually.’
‘But I’m a princess, and he’s – well, he’s just Garion. This sort of thing isn’t permitted.’
‘Everything will probably turn out all right,’ Lady Polgara assured her. ‘Trust me, Ce’Nedra. I’ve been handling matters like this for a very long time. Now go wash your face.’
‘I made a terrible fool of myself out there, didn’t I?’ Ce’Nedra said.
‘It’s nothing that can’t be fixed,’ Polgara said calmly. ‘We can pass it off as something brought on by the excitement of seeing your friends again after so long. You are glad to see us, aren’t you?’
‘Oh, Lady Polgara,’ Ce’Nedra said, embracing her and laughing and crying at the same time.
After the ravages of Ce’Nedra’s crying fit had been repaired, they rejoined the others in the Gorim’s familiar study.
‘Are you recovered, my child?’ the Gorim asked her gently, concern written all over his dear old face.
‘Just a touch of nerves, Holy One,’ Lady Polgara reassured him. ‘Our princess, as you’ve probably noticed, is somewhat high-strung.’
‘I’m so sorry that I ran off like that,’ Ce’Nedra apologized to Adara. ‘It was silly of me.’
‘Your Highness could never be silly,’ Adara told her.
Ce’Nedra lifted her chin. ‘Oh yes I can,’ she declared. ‘I’ve got as much right to make a fool of myself in public as anyone else.’
Adara laughed, and the entire incident was smoothed over.
There was still, however, a problem. Ce’Nedra had, she realized, gone perhaps a bit too far in her impulsive declaration of undying hatred for Garion. His expression was confused, even a trifle hurt. Ce’Nedra decided somewhat loftily to ignore the injury she had inflicted upon him. She had suffered through that dreadful scene on the shore of the Gorim’s island, and it seemed only fair that he should suffer a little as well – not too much, of course, but a little anyway. He did, after all, have it coming. She allowed him a suitable period of anguish – at least she hoped it was anguish – then spoke to him warmly, even fondly, as if those spiteful words had never passed her lips. His expression became even more baffled, and then she turned the full force of her most winsome smile on him, noting with great satisfaction its devastating effect. After that she ignored him.
While Belgarath and Lady Polgara were recounting the events of their harrowing journey to Rak Cthol, the princess sat demurely beside Adara on a bench, half-listening, but for the most part turning the amazing discovery of the past hour over and over in her mind. Suddenly, she felt eyes on her, and she looked up quickly. The little blond boy Lady Polgara called Errand was watching her, his small face very serious. There was something about his eyes. With a sudden and absolute certainty, she knew that the child was looking directly into her heart. He smiled at her then; without knowing why, she felt a sudden overwhelming surge of joy at his smile. He walked toward her, still smiling, and his little hand dipped into the pouch at his waist. He took out a round, grey stone and offered it to her. ‘Errand?’ he said. For an instant Ce’Nedra seemed to see a faint blue flicker deep within the stone.
‘Don’t touch it, Ce’Nedra,’ Lady Polgara told her in a tone that made Ce’Nedra’s hand freeze in the very act of reaching for the stone.
‘Durnik!’ Lady Polgara said to the smith with an odd note of complaint in her voice.
‘Mistress Pol,’ he said helplessly, ‘I don’t know what else to do. No matter how I seal it up, he always manages to get it open.’
‘Make him put it away,’ she told him with just a hint of exasperation.
Durnik went to the little boy, knelt and took hold of the pouch. Without a word he held it open, and the child dropped the stone into it. Durnik tied the pouch shut, pulling the knots as tight as he could. When he had finished, the little boy put his arms affectionately around the smith’s neck. Durnik looked a bit embarrassed and was about to lead the child away, but Errand pulled his hand free and climbed instead into Ce’Nedra’s lap. Quite seriously he kissed her, then nestled down in her arms and promptly fell asleep.
Feelings moved in Ce’Nedra that she had never felt before. Without knowing why, she was happier than she had ever been in her life. She held the child close against her, her arms protectively about him and her cheek laid snugly against his pale blond curls. She felt an impulse to rock him and perhaps to croon a very soft lullaby to him.
‘We’ll have to hurry,’ Belgarath was saying to the Gorim. ‘Even with Relg’s help, it will take a week or more to reach the Sendarian border. Then we’ll have to cross the whole country, and the snow in Sendaria can pile up in a hurry this time of year. To make things even worse, this is the season for storms in the Sea of the Winds, and it’s a long way over open water from Sendar to Riva.’
The word ‘Riva’ jerked Ce’Nedra out of her reverie. From the very moment that she and Jeebers had crept from the Imperial Palace at Tol Honeth, one single thought had dominated her thinking. She was not going to Riva. Though she might have seemed on occasion to have surrendered on that point, her acquiescence had always been a subterfuge. Now, however, she would have to take a stand. The reasons for her adamant refusal to obey the provisions of the Accords of Vo Mimbre were no longer entirely clear to her. So much had happened that she was not even the same person, but one thing was absolutely certain no matter who she was. She was not going to Riva. It was a matter of principle.
‘I’m sure that once we reach Sendaria, I’ll be able to make my way to an Imperial garrison,’ she said as casually as if the matter had already been decided.
‘And why would you want to do that, dear?’ Lady Polgara asked her.
‘As I said earlier, I’m not going to Riva,’ Ce’Nedra replied. ‘The legionnaires will be able to make arrangements to return me to Tol Honeth.’
‘Perhaps you should visit your father,’ Polgara said quite calmly.
‘You mean you’re just going to let me go?’
‘I didn’t say that. I’m sure we’ll be able to find a ship bound for Tol Honeth sometime in the late spring or early summer. Rivan commerce with the Empire is extensive.’
‘I don’t think you fully understand me, Lady Polgara. I said that I’m not going to go to Riva – under any circumstances.’
‘I heard you, Ce’Nedra. You’re wrong, however. You are going to Riva. You have an appointment there, remember?’
‘I won’t go!’ Ce’Nedra’s voice went up an octave or two.
‘Yes, you will.’ Polgara’s voice was deceptively calm, but there was a hint of steel in it.
‘I absolutely refuse,’ the princess declared. She was about to say more, but a small finger gently brushed her lips. The sleepy child in her arms raised his hand to touch her mouth. She moved her head irritably. ‘I’ve told yo
u all before that I will not submit to—’ The child touched her lips again. His eyes were drowsy as he looked up at her, but his gaze was calm and reassuring. Ce’Nedra forgot what she had been saying. ‘I am not going to the Isle of the Winds,’ she concluded rather lamely, ‘and that’s final.’ The trouble was that it didn’t sound all that final.
‘It seems that we’ve had this discussion once or twice before,’ Polgara observed.
‘You have no right to—’ Ce’Nedra’s words trailed off again as her thoughts went astray once more. The child’s eyes were so blue – so very blue. She found herself unable to look away from them and seemed to be sinking into that incredible color. She shook her head. It was so completely unlike her to keep losing track of an argument this way. She tried to concentrate. ‘I refuse to be publicly humiliated,’ she declared. ‘I will not stand in the Hall of the Rivan King like a beggar while all the Alorns snicker up their sleeves at me.’ That was better. Her momentary distraction seemed to be fading. Inadvertently she glanced down at the child and it all went out the window again. ‘I don’t even have the right kind of dress,’ she added plaintively. Now what had made her say that?
Polgara said nothing, but her eyes seemed very wise as she watched the princess flounder. Ce’Nedra stumbled along, her objections growing less and less relevant. Even as she argued, she realized that there was no real reason for her not going to Riva. Her refusal seemed frivolous – even childish. Why on earth had she made such a fuss about it? The little boy in her arms smiled encouragingly at her, and, unable to help herself, she smiled back at him, her defences crumbling. She made one last try. ‘It’s only some silly old formality anyway, Lady Polgara,’ she said. ‘There won’t be anyone waiting for me in the Hall of the Rivan King – there never has been. The Rivan line is extinct.’ She tore her eyes away from the child’s face. ‘Do I really have to go?’
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