by Claire Adams
In order to help him, I had done some research during my lunch break and put together a list of babysitters in the area that came with credentials and stellar reputations. I had sent it to him earlier this morning, hoping he would be able to find someone he liked and trusted, or more importantly, someone Noah liked.
It was almost eight o’clock, so it had been an unusually long workday. Because Jake was not in office as much, I had a little more on my plate than usual. I had even sat in on a few meetings on his behalf when he’d had to cancel at the last minute. I didn’t mind working overtime, especially knowing that it allowed Jake some breathing room to take care of Noah.
I removed my jacket, went into my room, and changed into sweatpants and a comfortable t-shirt. I realized as I walked back into my living room that doubled as the kitchen, that I missed Jake. I missed Noah, too. I wanted to call and say hello to both of them, but then I thought better of it. I didn’t want to overstep my bounds, and I didn’t want Noah to start thinking of me as anything other than his babysitter…at least right now.
Even as the thought crossed my mind, I wondered what was possible for my future with Jake. Did I even have a future with Jake? I felt a sinking feeling in my gut as I realized that I could never really have a future with him as long as my secret stood between us. How could I expect him to look past the fact that I’d kept this massive piece of information from him?
Suddenly deflated, I decided to eat something and turn in early. I had just put some macaroni on the stove to boil when I heard my phone ring. Hoping that it was Jake, I jumped to answer it, but then I saw my mother’s name on the screen.
“Fuck,” I sighed underneath my breath.
I hadn’t spoken to her in months; we hadn’t exactly parted on the best terms, and I had studiously avoided her calls ever since I’d left Michigan. But now enough time had passed that I’d stopped feeling resolute and started to feel guilty. After all, our issues aside, she was still my mother and I couldn’t just wish her away just because it was easier that way.
Taking a deep breath, I picked up and answered. “Mom?”
“You answered,” she replied, sounding genuinely shocked.
“I’m full of surprises.”
“Don’t I know that.” Her tone had an edge to it.
“Mom… We haven’t spoken in months; please don’t start with me.”
An uncomfortable silence filled the air. “How is life in San Diego?” she asked, apparently choosing to listen to me this time.
Grateful she had conceded, I was more than happy to answer her question. “Great,” I replied. “I love it here.”
“You settled in okay?”
“I did.”
“Where are you living?”
“An apartment block about a half hour from where I work.”
“Is it…okay?”
“It’s small,” I said. “But the neighborhood’s decent.”
“Do you have any friends?”
“Not many, to be honest,” I said. “But I did make one good friend. We met at the gym and see each other at least once every week. Her name’s Melody; she’s not native to San Diego, either. She moved here for college and then loved it so much she decided to stay.”
I could tell that Mom couldn’t care less about Melody, but it was safer to talk about her than anything else. I could sense Mom’s tone changing slightly, and I hoped she wasn’t going to go there.
“And work?” she asked. “How’s work?”
“Great,” I said shortly, before attempting to change the subject. “How are you? You haven’t told me what you’ve been up to lately?”
“That’s because this is the first time you’ve deigned to answer my call in months.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. “Mom…”
“I know, I know… You don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “But sometimes we have to talk about the things that are uncomfortable. We didn’t exactly leave things on the best of terms.”
“Because you refuse to let me live my life,” I said. “Because you refuse to acknowledge that I’m a grown woman capable of making my own decisions.”
Mom actually snorted at that. “Please.”
“What?” I demanded.
“It’s not a question of making decisions, Kristen,” she said curtly. “It’s about making the right decisions.”
“Oh that’s rich, coming from you,” I snapped.
“Excuse me?”
“Is Ted still around?” I demanded. “Or has he left you again?”
There was a heartbeat of silence from the other end. “Dad,” she corrected. “Would it kill you to call him dad?”
“It just might actually,” I said. “I’ll stick with Ted, thank you. And, you haven’t answered my question yet. Is he still there?”
“He’s…been around.”
“What does that mean?”
“He comes and goes.”
“Like always, huh?” I said coldly. “Some things never change.”
“He is your father,” she said.
“In name only,” I shot back. “He has never been my father.”
“Kristen—”
“No,” I snapped. “He doesn’t get to waltz in and out of our lives whenever he pleases and expect to be welcomed each time. You may not be willing to admit the truth, but I accepted it a long time ago.”
“Is that so?” Mom asked angrily. “And, what truth is that?”
“That Ted never really cared about either one of us. He just used you because he knew you would just keep taking him back no matter how badly he treated you.”
“That’s not true—”
“Bullshit,” I interrupted. “I don’t know what kind of sick power he has over you, but it’s worked for him all these years. You need to wake up and face the truth, Mom.”
“Don’t you think that’s a little hypocritical of you?” she asked pointedly. “Especially given the reason you moved to San Diego in the first place.”
“That wasn’t the reason,” I said defensively. “It wasn’t the…whole reason.”
“No?” she asked. “Then why were you looking him up?”
“You had no right to go through my computer,” I said furiously.
“Spare me.”
I shook my head. “You are unbelievable,” I said. “How did you manage to turn this around and make it seem like I’m the one with the problem?”
“Let me ask you this,” she said, in an almost smug voice. “Have you told him?”
“What?” I said, pretending like I didn’t know what she was asking.
Inside, however, I was panicking. This was the very thing that I’d been worrying about for the past few days. Mom was right about some things, but the rebel in me couldn’t bring myself to admit that.
“Oh, you know who I’m talking about,” she said firmly. “Have you told Jake who you are?”
“I…no,” I said, unable to avoid the question.
“So what? He just thinks you’re his secretary and nothing else?”
“I will tell him.”
“When?” she demanded.
“When the time is right.”
She laughed. “I never understood why you cared so much about Daphne, about her career and her life and her family.”
“Why do I care?” I said. “How could I not?”
“And Jake?” Mom asked. “You care about him, too?”
I paused, wondering if she could smell the guilt on me.
“Well, Kristen?” she asked. “Do you?”
“Yes,” I said, in a small voice.
“And, do you think he cares about you?”
“I… I don’t know.”
“Even if he does, it won’t last very long,” Mom said bluntly. “Especially after he finds out you’re Daphne’s half-sister.”
Silence fell between us, and I took a moment to try and sort through my tangled thoughts. It was always like this when Mom and I got into it. She left me feeling strangely empty. I wondered if s
he enjoyed trying to tear apart my life because on some intrinsic level she knew her life was forfeit.
“Have you slept with him?” Mom asked.
Shocked by the question, I lied instantly. “No,” I said, without missing a beat.
“You’re lying,” she said. “I can tell.”
“No, I’m not l—”
“Is that why you moved?” Mom asked. “To seduce your brother-in-law? I have to say… I’m surprised, especially after all the judgment you rained down on me.”
I wanted to throw the phone. I wanted to scream obscenities at her, but my fingers were numb, and my heart was cold with anger.
“Don’t… Don’t even try to insinuate that you and I are alike in any way,” I said firmly. “This is not the same thing. Even if there was something between Jake and I… He’s single and so am I. Ted was not single when you got involved with him. He was another woman’s husband. He had a wife… He had a child.”
“And you’re the bleeding heart that always believed you could change the world for the better, is that it?” Mom asked. “What were you trying to do, Kristen? Go there to San Diego and make Jake fall in love with you? Then what? You’re going to spring your little secret on him and watch him fall more in love with you?”
“I didn’t come here for that,” I said, through gritted teeth. “I came here to get away from you and your toxic lifestyle. I came to San Diego because Daphne loved this city. I looked up Jake before I left because I was planning on meeting him and introducing myself as Daphne’s half-sister. I just wanted to know more about Daphne. And, I was hoping to get to know my nephew a little bit. I never intended for my identity to be a secret.”
“And yet?”
“He was different than I expected him to be,” I said honestly. “Something about him was…broken. How could I ask him to share Daphne with me when he hadn’t fully gotten over her himself? I got caught up in the moment, and I ended up applying for a job as his secretary. I never thought I’d actually get it. And once I did…”
“You were scared to tell him the truth.”
“Yes,” I sighed.
“Do you think he’ll accept that story?” Mom asked.
“Apparently you don’t.”
“Sounds like a far-fetched excuse,” she replied. “You need to resign and get on with your life. Instead of staying and trying to steal Daphne’s.”
I cringed at her words. “How can you even say that to me?” I demanded. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”
“Do you remember the day I met Daphne’s mother?” she asked pointedly.
I felt my body grow cold as I realized what she was implying. “Mom, this is none of your business. Stay out of it.”
“Funny… That plan of action didn’t apply to you, did it?”
“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I demanded.
“Tell him the truth, Kristen,” Mom said coldly. “Or you will force me to handle the situation.”
“What?”
But it was too late—she had already hung up. I stared at my empty kitchen table and realized that I had seriously over boiled my macaroni. It was just as well; I couldn’t eat a thing anyway.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jake
I felt like a teenager again. I’d forgotten the strange and juvenile impulses that came with being a young adolescent and discovering that your body had urges and desires you couldn’t always control.
But it was more than just desire. It was the increased pulse every time she walked past. It was the way I looked up excitedly when she walked into the room. It was the way my mind landed on her every time I had a moment to myself.
The first few days after we’d slept together, I had been scrambling around trying to find someone competent to replace Janet. Kristen had picked up a lot of the slack for me when I worked from home. Thankfully, a few days ago, she had sent me over this list with contact numbers of all the best babysitters and nannies in San Diego. It had been an extensive list with details about every person on it. It had taken me eleven meetings and three second interviews, but I’d finally found someone I was happy with.
She was an older woman named Elaine Bennet, she was fifty-two years old, and she was a primary school teacher for fifteen years before she went back to school to study child psychology. After that, she’d decided she wanted to look after children on a smaller basis. The catch was that she wasn’t a live-in and wouldn’t be on call twenty-four seven. She had made that abundantly clear to me. She was willing to come when I needed her to, but insisted on at least a day’s notice beforehand.
It wasn’t ideal, but I decided that desperate times called for desperate measures. The list Kristen had given me also offered choice. I decided that in times of emergency, when Elaine was too busy to come, I would call my second-best option—Emily was in her twenties, young and too bubbly in my opinion, but enthusiastic and willing to come at the last minute if I happened to need her. I didn’t like the idea of alternating between babysitters, but at the moment, I couldn’t afford to be picky.
With that problem taken care of for the time being, I had gotten back to work, hoping to make a dent in all the work that had piled up over the last week, but unfortunately, that was proving to be difficult.
Especially because Kristen kept walking into the office every hour with files, notes, and paperwork needing my attention. It didn’t matter what she wore; I was instantly attracted to her. Every time she bent over, I would catch a glimpse of her cleavage and the boy in me did cartwheels. Every time she turned away from me, I found myself checking out her ass as she walked away.
I realized how hard up I had been before. The difference was that I hadn’t been made aware of exactly how hard up I was. Now that the sexual being in me had been awakened, I didn’t quite know how to put him back in the box.
Still, I knew I had to control myself. Sexual desire was one thing, but emotional readiness was another thing altogether. I still thought about that moment the morning after we had slept together and the fact that I’d referred to Kristen as Daphne. It told me that I needed to figure out a few things first before I let sex cloud my judgment. Which was exactly why I wanted to get to know Kristen before sleeping with her again.
All this time, she’d been my secretary. I didn’t know anything about her or her personal life, but now she was this new and exciting woman I was dating. And, it was important to me that I find out who she was before I let myself get invested.
Just then, there was a knock at my door.
“Come in,” I called.
Kristen walked in with a thick yellow file that made my head spin. “Sorry to disturb you,” she said. “But this just came in from New Zealand—details of the new contract.”
She was looking lovely today. She was wearing a nice black skirt, a blush pink blouse that brought out the hazel in her eyes, and her auburn hair cascaded down one shoulder. She looked out of place in my office actually, almost as though she belonged on a runway somewhere.
“Geez.”
Kristen smiled at me sympathetically, eyeing the massive file. “The meeting’s set for the end of October.”
“A month away?”
“A little under three weeks,” she corrected.
I sighed. “I actually thought I’d have a little more free time after I closed the deal with the Japanese.”
“It’s a good thing,” she said. “You’re doing well. Everyone says so.”
“Who’s everyone?” I asked with one raised eyebrow.
“The people in this division,” she said. “Apparently, this company was badly mismanaged before you came along.”
“Is that why the board of directors are so happy now?”
“Apparently so,” Kristen smiled.
I glanced at my watch. “It’s lunchtime…”
“Oh right,” she nodded. “Sorry, I’ll leave you to it.”
“Uh wait, Kristen,” I called out after her, surprised that she had taken that as a dismissal.
<
br /> “Yes?” she turned to me questioningly.
“Why don’t you bring your lunch in here and we can eat together?” I suggested.
She seemed surprised but happy at the prospect. “That sounds nice, but won’t it look a little strange to people?”
“Why should it?” I asked. “You’re my secretary, I’m behind on work, so we’re working and eating at the same time. That’s completely innocent.”
“If you say so,” she nodded.
She retrieved her lunch and joined me at my desk. Feeling as though my desk was creating a formal barrier between us, I walked around it and sat next to her. I noticed that she was fumbling a little with her lunch and realized she nervous.
“So, how’s the new nanny?” Kristen asked.
“Remains to be seen,” I replied. “So far, she seems to know what she’s doing, and she seems to like Noah a lot, too. That helps. I’ve got another babysitter on speed dial, in case of emergencies.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Elaine won’t come without notice,” I explained. “But Emily will; she’s younger and more flexible. I need that with my work schedule.”
“Right,” Kristen nodded. “Has Noah met them?”
“He’s met Elaine a few times now, and he’s met Emily once,” I said. “I’m hoping not to use Emily as much… But I have no idea how this is going to play out. I really need Mary Poppins right about now.”
Kristen smiled. “Don’t worry, you’ll find her.”
“You sound sure.”
“Hey, there’s bound to be someone out there,” she said comfortingly. “And, I suppose until then, Elaine and Emily will just have to do. But if all else fails, I’d be more than happy to step in.”
“You’re offering up your babysitting services?”
“I am,” she nodded. “And best of all, I won’t charge you a penny.”
“Wow, you like me that much?” I teased.
“Actually, I like Noah that much,” she corrected me.
We laughed, and I reflected on how nice and easy it was for me to talk to her. She looked so sexy, sitting there with her blouse slightly parted at the neckline and her hair cascading down her breasts. I imagined what it would be like to take her right here on my desk, but I had to suppress the urge. I had promised myself that sex would have to wait until we knew each other better.