by Claire Adams
I knew I had to tell Jake the truth. I had let too much time pass already. My future with Jake and Noah was on shaky ground because of the way I’d started things.
I thought back to the last day I’d seen and spoken to Daphne. Her eyes had been hard and passionate and angry.
“How dare you think you have any real place in my life?” she had demanded. “How dare you feel you can advise me about anything?”
“I’m your sister.”
“You’re my father’s bastard,” she snapped at me. “That doesn’t make you my sister.”
I bit back my hurt. “Daphne—”
“I know he’s living with you and your mother, Kristen,” she had screamed at me. “He’s back with you and the home wrecker, isn’t he?”
“You know that’s not my choice,” I had pleaded with her. “I didn’t want him to come back, but—”
“Sure, blame your mother,” Daphne spat. “In the end, you’re just like her. You’re a liar and a home wrecker, too.”
She had walked away, and I had never seen her again.
I looked down at Noah and kissed him gently on the forehead. He was tired, so I was easily able to put him to bed. I watched him as he slept, and I felt defeated and miserable all of a sudden. Had Daphne been right? Was I just a different version of my mother? Was I a liar and a home wrecker, too?
I walked out of Noah’s room and headed to the living room. I was staring at Daphne’s picture when Jake called.
“How’s everything?” he asked.
“Everything’s fine,” I said distractedly. “He’s sleeping now.”
“Did he manage to eat anything?”
“A few crackers and some lemonade.”
“You actually managed to convince him?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, you really are something special.”
“No, I’m not,” I said insistently.
Jake seemed to sense that something was not quite right. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Don’t tell me you’ve caught whatever Noah has.”
“No,” I replied. “I’m just…tired, that’s all.”
“I’m sorry, that’s my fault,” he said apologetically. “I’m overworking you.”
“No, that’s not it.”
“You handling everything in the office and babysitting my kid to boot…”
“It’s the least I can do,” I blurted out.
Jake paused for a moment. “What do you mean, ‘it’s the least you can do?’”
“I… Nothing,” I said, chickening out yet again.
I knew he was too busy to press the issue. “I’m going to be another hour or two.”
“That’s fine,” I said.
“You’re sure?”
“Positive.”
“You’re a Godsend, Kristen,” Jake said fervently.
I bit my lip as tears jumped to my eyes. I wondered if he would still think that once he knew the truth. I prayed that he would, but a little voice inside my head told me that, just like with Daphne, I was being naïve again.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Jake
The Caveman Bar was a quiet little pub nestled in one corner of the city. It was sort of a hidden gem, and I loved going there because it was rarely crowded. The atmosphere was calm and relaxed, the booze was good, and the music was low enough that you could actually hold a conversation. I went ahead and ordered two beers for myself and for Luis.
He showed up ten minutes late, wearing a dark t-shirt and jeans. The light reflected off his bald head, making it gleam. He sat down next to me and grabbed the beer that had just arrived.
“Cheers,” he said after he had chugged down nearly half the glass.
“I think you need to do that first,” I said, smirking at him.
Luis smiled. “How’ve you been?”
“Good, actually.”
“Yeah, I was just about to say, you look good,” he said, observing me with a keen eye. “There’s something different about you.”
“Is there?” I asked, trying to look innocent.
“How’s work?”
“Work’s been hectic lately,” I said. “I’ve been running around trying to stay on top of things, but I’m thinking of speaking to the board soon.”
“What about?”
“About my workload and the reality of running this company single-handed,” I said. “I need some backup, or I’m not going to be able to hold up for much longer. It would be fine if I didn’t have anyone at home waiting for me, but I have a son, and as it stands, I don’t see him as often as I should.”
Luis was looking at me with a strange expression, like he couldn’t quite believe his eyes.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said, reaching for his beer again. “I guess I just can’t believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“That you went from a major in the military to the CEO of a company in a matter of years,” he said. “It’s impressive.”
I smiled. “Sometimes I can’t quite believe it myself.”
“I wish my transition to civilian life could be as smooth—and as meteoric, to be honest,” Luis said.
“I know I’m lucky,” I nodded. “I know that not everyone gets the opportunities I’ve been given. But still…I miss it.”
“You miss being in the field?”
“I miss everything,” I said honestly. “I miss the thrill of being in a foreign land. I miss my uniform and my bunk. I miss the feel of that rifle in my hands. Most of all, I miss that feeling you get when you’re in the lion’s den with your brothers. The camaraderie—that’s what was always most important to me.”
“I understand,” Luis nodded immediately. “I have that, too. I’ve been here a few weeks, and I’m already thinking about my next deployment.”
“There are still days I wake up, and I forget I’m home,” I admitted. “For a couple of seconds, it actually feels like I’m back in Afghanistan.”
“It’s about more than just the brotherhood for you, though, isn’t it?” Luis observed. “It’s about a time in your life when things were simpler.”
I smiled. “When you decide you’re done with the military, you can always get into therapy. You might be good at it.”
“I’ll take that as a high compliment.”
I smiled. “It was meant as such,” I nodded. “How are things with you?”
“Nothing much, man,” Luis replied. “I’ve been working out a lot, trying to get ready for my next deployment. Mom’s not too happy about it.”
“Why?”
“My term’s coming to a close, and she was hoping that I’d want to retire after it was done.”
“Which you don’t want to do,” I guessed.
“I want to re-enlist,” he nodded. “I think that’s a hard pill for her to swallow.”
“She’s just worried about you.”
“She’s worried about more than that.”
“What do you mean?”
“She wants me to get married, settle down, and start a family of my own,” Luis said. “And since I refuse to do that while I’m still in the military, she just assumed I’d give up sooner rather than later.”
“This life…sometimes it’s harder on the families,” I said.
“How did your family take your enlistment?”
“It was a mixed bag for me, to be honest,” I said. “I came from a family of soldiers. Every generation has had someone who’s enlisted. My father was a soldier, and so was my grandfather, and I’d been dreaming of enlisting since I was a boy. I had an older cousin… His name was Henry.”
“I remember,” Luis nodded. “He died on duty.”
“He did,” I nodded. “He was a few years older than I was and enlisted when he was eighteen, too. It was my dream to serve, and to serve with him… Well, that was just icing on the cake as far as I was concerned. But before my dream could become a reality, he was killed in combat.”
“Fuck,” Luis sighed.
; “I went to his funeral, and three months later, I enlisted myself.”
Luis raised his eyebrows. “So, your parents weren’t happy?”
“My father was proud, but my mother had a harder time with it—especially given what happened to Henry. Actually, she wasn’t the only one. My aunt tried to convince me not to enlist, either. But it was useless; I was even more determined than ever. I don’t regret anything. I met Daphne, and we had Noah, so in the end, something great came out of it.”
Luis smiled at me. “I like this new positive Jake—he’s much easier to talk to.”
“Yeah, he’s much less prone to punch his friends in the face.”
“Well, some of his friends may deserve a punch every now and again.”
I laughed. “No, you were right to say what you did to me. I was so consumed with my own pain that I turned myself into the victim and forget that I have a child to take care of and a life to get on with. But I’ve finally opened my eyes now.”
“As happy as I am to hear you say that, part of me thinks that this change of heart had little to do with me.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” I said evasively.
“How’s Noah?”
“He fell sick a few days ago,” I said. “I had to leave work to go and pick him up.”
“Nothing serious, right?”
“Nah,” I said. “He recovered a day later.”
“Do you have a picture on you?” he asked. “I haven’t seen the little tyke in ages.”
I got out my phone and scrolled through my picture library. There were a few recent pictures that I’d taken of him only yesterday.
“Wow,” Luis said, as he scrolled through the pictures. “The kid’s gorgeous.”
“Right?” I said proudly.
“He looks just like you.”
“Well, you did say he was gorgeous,” I said jokingly.
Luis gave me a light punch on the arm. “He’s cooking?”
“He wanted to make waffles yesterday.”
“Who’s that in the background?” Luis asked.
I glanced at the picture and realized Kristen was in the background. Her back was to the camera, but part of her face could be seen. She had a slight smile on her face and her auburn hair cascaded down to her back.
“Uh, that’s Kristen.”
“The name sounds familiar,” Luis said, wrinkling his brows together.
“Um…she’s my secretary.”
“That’s right,” he nodded, and then he frowned again. “What’s she doing in your kitchen making waffles with your son?”
“Well…she babysits Noah for me when I’m stuck and have no other choice,” I admitted.
“Really?”
“They get along swimmingly,” I said. “They’re the best of friends. I think he may actually prefer Kristen to me.”
Luis raised his eyebrows. “Is there something else you’re not telling me?”I should have known better than to sneak anything past Luis. He was too damn intuitive for his own good. “Well… I’m sort of…kind of…seeing her.”
“As in, you’re dating your secretary?”
I smiled guiltily. “Yeah.”
“Fuck, dude,” Luis said immediately. “I knew it. I knew something was different about you. Your new attitude is because of her, isn’t it?”
“Uh…maybe that’s been a contributing factor.”
“Fuck off,” he said, punching me in the arm again. “This has everything to do with her. When did this start?”
“A few weeks ago,” I admitted. “She was babysitting Noah, and I was having a small meltdown. She showed up and…comforted me.”
“You slept with her, didn’t you?” he asked, sounding delighted.
“Just the one time,” I said. “I made it clear to her that I wanted to take things slow.”
“And how’s that been working for you?” he asked with amusement.
“Pretty well, so far,” I said, without enthusiasm.
“You’re hard up, aren’t you?” he laughed.
I frowned at him. “It’s fucking uncomfortable, dude. It’s like she’s awakened all these…different feelings. Now I think about sex a few times each day.”
“Wow, looks like you’re finally starting to move on.”
I nodded. “Yup, it only took three fucking years,” I said. “To be honest, I’m not quite there yet. But I’m definitely ready to attempt to move on.”
“Good for you, man,” Luis nodded approvingly. “Do you have a clearer picture of her?”
I scrolled through my photo library and found a picture of Kristen playing blocks with Noah on the floor. I saw Luis’ eyes grow wide.
“What?” I asked, glancing down at the picture myself.
Luis looked up at me slowly. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but…she looks a lot like—”
“Daphne,” I finished for him. “Yeah, I know.”
“Oh good, I wasn’t sure if you were aware of that.”
“Honestly, I wasn’t at first. I mean there was something about her that bugged me a little, but I could never quite put my finger on it. Then it hit me the first day that she babysat Noah. She was lying next to this picture of Daphne, and when I saw their faces side by side, it hit me.”
“And how did you take it?”
“Not well,” I said. “Not well at all.”
“Is this just a fling?” Luis wanted to know. “Or are you serious about this girl?”
“At the moment, I’m just taking things slow and seeing where it goes,” I said. “But things are a little complicated because of Noah.”
“I was going to say,” he nodded. “The kid looks like he’s in love himself.”
“That’s pretty accurate,” I admitted. “He loves Kristen.”
“Then you need to be careful,” Luis said immediately. “If he starts thinking of her as his mother—”
“I know,” I sighed. “I’ve been worrying about that lately.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Are you interested in Kristen for Kristen?” Luis asked. “Or do you see her as a replacement for Daphne?”
The question had me shaking in my shoes for a moment. What was the honest answer? I had no idea, which was exactly why I wanted to take things slow with Kristen. I needed to figure out how I felt about her, once I’d removed her from my mixed feelings about my dead wife.
“I need time to figure that one out,” I said honestly. “This is all unchartered territory for me.”
Luis nodded, but he looked concerned suddenly.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said.
“Come on,” I pressed. “I value your opinion and would appreciate the advice. I promise I won’t try to punch you again.”
He gave me a small smile. “I’m glad you’re ready to move on with your life. I think it’s a step in the right direction. All I would say is…be careful. Make sure that this girl is not just a quick replacement for the love of your life. Make sure you see her as a woman in her own right.”
I nodded, thinking about that moment the night after Kristen had slept over. I had called her Daphne. Was that just an innocent mistake, or was I trying to recreate the life I’d planned on having? I knew only one thing for certain: I’d have to see this through to find out.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Kristen
“I think he’s out for the count,” I said, pushing back a few stray hairs that had fallen onto Noah’s forehead.
He was sprawled out on the living room sofa, his legs flung about in strange directions, and yet, he looked so peaceful and happy. His chest rose and fell in little spurts, and there was a faint smile on his mouth. The living room carpet was a mess of crayons, coloring books, blocks, and toys, and Jake had to tread carefully to get to us.
“It’s about time,” he sighed.
I smiled. “I know. I was getting tired.”
“Getting tired?” he asked. “I passed tired ab
out two hours ago.”
“Reckon we should get him into his own bed?”
Jake nodded and picked Noah up gently so that he was jostled as little as possible. I stayed behind and started to clean up the untidy living room. Luckily, Jake had bought Noah large boxes in which all his things were organized. The toys and all the art supplies had their own special boxes. I had just finished stuffing the toys into their box when Jake emerged.
“You don’t have to do that, Kristen,” he said, as he walked over to me. “Really, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“It’ll only take a few minutes,” I reasoned. “I don’t mind.”
Jake sunk down to his knees beside me and started to help me. I smiled. “You can relax.”
“It would be extremely unchivalrous of me to sit by and left the fair maiden to work,” Jake said, using the terms from the storybook I’d read to Noah fifteen minutes ago.
I smiled. “This fair maiden doesn’t mind.”
“My conscience does, though,” he said.
It was so nice to sit there in his living room, tidying up together after a long day of entertaining Noah. The silence was a welcome respite, and I could feel a little tingle of excitement at the prospect of having a few moments alone with Jake.
We had taken things slowly, just like Jake had wanted. It had been weeks since that first night when we had first had sex. After that, we had gone out a couple of times for dinner, and we’d spent hours talking and getting to know one another. And yet, I still hadn’t found the courage to admit to Jake the truth about who I was.
Every time I attempted to bring up the topic, my nerves got the better of me, and I backed out. I knew my excuses were growing thin, but the longer I waited to tell him, the more fearful I became. It didn’t help that in the last few weeks I had fallen completely in love with Noah. He was a wonderful kid, and I had grown unreasonably attached to him.
While I was thrilled that he seemed to have taken to me just as fast, I was terrified that this would work against me once I told Jake the truth. He would see my connection with Noah as something different. He would assume I had forced a bond with his son to be manipulative. He was less likely to believe it was sincere, and I wouldn’t be able to blame him.