by Beth Andrews
Gulping in the stale air, he tipped his head back. The anger that had simmered in his gut since he’d realized what Faith thought he’d done quickly grew into a toxic brew of fury and disgust. Disgust at himself for being so focused on her all this time, for being so certain she’d been the one who’d suffered abuse, that he hadn’t considered Austin might have been the victim. Fury at the sick son of a bitch who’d preyed on that sweet kid. But worse was the sense of helplessness. Someone had hurt Austin.
And there wasn’t a damn thing Nick could do about it, except make sure it never happened again.
FAITH’S STEPS SLOWED as she approached Nick’s bungalow. His neighborhood was quiet, the tidy street lined with older, well-maintained homes. She placed a hand over her roiling stomach. After she’d left him in the concession stand, she’d hid in her car for the entire practice. Even now her face heated as she remembered the way she’d treated him. How she’d jumped to conclusions.
Stopping on the sidewalk in front of his place, she chewed on her thumbnail. His car was in the driveway and light flickered through the large window to the right of the front door. She wiped her damp palms down the sides of her jeans and, after a quick prayer for courage, walked up and…turned around and went back down the stairs.Oh, God, she couldn’t do this. She couldn’t even take a full breath. Dizziness threatened to overwhelm her. Bending at the waist, she wrapped her arms around herself and concentrated on breathing. In through the nose. Out through the mouth. Until the feeling returned to her hands and feet.
Before she could change her mind, she hurried back up to the porch and knocked on the door. The muted sounds of a television set drifted through the open window and a moment later, the door opened.
Nick frowned. “Faith. Is everything okay?”
She opened her mouth, readying some frivolous lie about being in the neighborhood. Or maybe she could pretend she’d just been lonely and wanted his company. He would accept that, accept her at face value. Because he cared about her. And the last thing she wanted was to lay herself bare to him, to see the warmth in his eyes turn to disgust when he found out how she’d failed as a mother.
“Yes. No. I mean, I’m fine.” She stopped babbling and swallowed down her nausea. “I’m sorry I didn’t call first, but I was hoping I could talk to you?”
He studied her in that intense way of his that used to make her cringe. But this time, instead of trying to hide behind a cool stare, she let him see her unease. Her worry that he would slam the door in her face. That once he found out the truth, he wouldn’t want her anymore. Finally, he stood aside.
“Thank you.” She walked into his large living room, which opened into a dining area. The room itself was a study in brown. Beige walls and carpet, long taupe curtains and a dirt-colored leather couch that had seen better days. The only color came from the baseball game playing on the large flat-screen television on the wall.
“Can I get you something?” Nick asked as he snatched a newspaper off one of the tan armchairs before gesturing for her to sit. “Have you eaten?”
It was then that she noticed a bottle of beer and a plate with the remains of a T-bone steak and baked potato on the wooden coffee table. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner.”
“No problem. I was done.” He looked around as if trying to decide what to do with the papers in his hand before shoving them on top of his baseball hat on the matching chair. “I can make coffee or I have soda.”
At this point she was one short step away from overloading. The last thing she needed was caffeine. “A glass of water would be great,” she said as she perched on the edge of the chair.
He grabbed the plate and walked into the kitchen and around a corner. A short minute later he came back and handed her a glass of water. The ice clinked in her shaking hands.
Sitting at the end of the sofa, he took a long drink before setting his beer back down. “I didn’t hear you pull in. Where’d you park?”
“I walked.”
“It’s almost three miles from your house.”
“I used the time to think.” She’d needed to figure out what to say. After a quick sip of water, she set the glass on the table. “Kathleen took the boys to the drive-in.”
“Yeah, they told me about it before practice.”
Faith twisted her fingers together in her lap. “So you know how excited Austin is. He’s never been to a drive-in before.”
“Seemed to me he was more exciting about spending the night at Trevor’s house afterward.”
“It’s his first friend sleepover,” she blurted. “The first time he’s spent the night away from me since…since I left my husband.”
“You okay with him being away from home? Away from you?”
“I…” No, she wouldn’t lie to him. Not tonight. “Even though I trust Kathleen and even though I’m sure he’ll be fine, I’m still terrified something will happen to him.”
Admitting the truth was much harder and much easier than she’d expected.
“What are you doing here, Faith?”
“I want it to be real,” she whispered.
“You want what to be real?”
She cleared her throat, noticing for the first time that his feet were bare. “I want my life to be real. I don’t want to keep pretending. Or lying. Especially to you.” Raising her head, she met his eyes. “You were right. I’m not from Pennsylvania. I grew up in South Carolina, outside of Charleston.”
“Why lie about it?”
“I was embarrassed.” And with that admission, guilt threatened to swamp her. “We lived in a rented trailer on this small weed-choked lot. God, I hated it. I always thought I was so much better than that…” She pressed her lips together. “We had nothing. My mom tried but…” Faith shrugged and took another drink. A drop of water from the sweating glass fell on her bare leg and she used her wrist to wipe it away. “She had one dead-end job, one lousy relationship, after another.”
“What about your father?”
“I was around Austin’s age when I got up the nerve to ask her about him, but she wouldn’t even tell me his name.” Faith remembered the moment as if it had just happened. The latest in her mother’s long line of lovers had recently taken off. Faith had been in front of the TV, wrapped in a quilt to beat the chill of the January wind blowing through the cracks around the windows, and her mother had been chain-smoking at the tiny kitchen table. “So I asked her to at least tell me why he left and…she just stared at me. She seemed so broken. Even as a kid I realized how beaten down she’d been by life. She told me they all leave.”
“Some people have bad luck with relationships.”
Faith smiled sadly. “She chose men who wouldn’t stay. I decided I wasn’t going to end up like her. That I was better than that,” she said in self-disgust.
He tapped her knee. “You should be proud of everything you’ve accomplished.”
“When I was younger, I wanted more than a career and the ability to pay my own way. I wanted it all. And I wanted it given to me. I dreamed of a wealthy man taking me away to live a life of luxury. By the time I was sixteen, I knew the chances of some Prince Charming riding up to my trailer and rescuing me were slim to none. So I decided to find the right man myself.”
Elbows on his thighs, hands clasped between his knees, Nick studied her. “I take it the high school sweetheart you told me about was a lie, too.”
Since he made it sound like a statement and not a question, she didn’t bother answering. “The day after graduation, I moved to New York City. I attended cosmetology school full-time, working nights as a cocktail waitress at a private club in Manhattan. That’s where I met my husband.” Though he was fifteen years her senior, he’d been so charming. So confident and sophisticated. And a successful businessman, wealthy enough to make all of her dreams come true. “I tried to convince myself I was in love with him. But what I really loved was what he could do for me. The things he could buy me… That shocks you, doesn’t it?” she murmured. “
You with your happy, well-adjusted family.”
“I’m not shocked. And just because I’m from a small town doesn’t mean I don’t realize some people prefer security over love. Hell, I’m not even saying you were wrong.” Sitting forward at the edge of the cushion, he tucked her hair behind her ear. “But I am sorry you settled for so much less than you deserved.”
A lump formed in her throat and she jumped to her feet, bumping the table. Water splashed over the side of her glass. “I got what I wanted. We had a whirlwind romance, the kind I’d always dreamed of. He took me to fine restaurants, bought me jewelry and clothes. It was so easy to pretend that girl from the trailer had never even existed.”
She began to pace. “I got pregnant on purpose,” she continued impassively, as if she was speaking about someone else. “I needed a way to hold on to him, and it worked.” The worst part was, she couldn’t even regret it. Not when her devious act had given her Austin. “As soon as I became his wife, I thought I had everything I wanted.” Pressing her forehead against the window, she stared out at the burst of sunset. “I didn’t even care about the baby,” she whispered. “What I really wanted was to keep my new life.”
Tears clouded her vision. She tensed as Nick set his hands on her shoulders. “Anyone who’s ever seen you with Austin can tell how much you love that boy.”
“I do love him. More than anything,” she said fiercely. She crossed her arms. “The first time I held him, it was like…I finally knew what love was. He’s all that matters. He’s the reason for everything I’ve done since I had him.” Though Nick’s house was warm, a chill gripped her, made her shiver. “He’s the reason I left my husband.”
Nick nodded, his expression grim. “Because he hurt Austin.”
Hearing it out loud was like a slap across the face. Other than Allison Martin, an attorney who’d helped them when they left New York, Faith had never told anyone the truth. But Nick cared about Austin. Cared about both of them. She needed to trust Nick. She wanted to trust him.
“Yes.” She managed to push the word out past the tightness in her throat. “He did hurt him. He molested him.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
“GOD, FAITH,” Nick said, raking an unsteady hand through his hair. “His own father?”
He wished he was back at the concession stand so he could punch the cooler again. Better yet, he wanted to find Austin’s father so he could take his frustrations out on the sick bastard.“I didn’t know,” she whispered bleakly. “For so long I had no idea what was going on…” She pressed her quivering lips together. “He was hurting my baby and I was totally clueless.”
Nick took hold of her elbow and led her to the sofa, then sat next to her. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“How can it not be? I should’ve realized something wasn’t right. Austin had always been a good-natured kid. But it got so he’d blow up when I asked him to put away his toys or shut off the TV. And he was having a difficult time in preschool. Shoving and biting the other kids. Putting him to bed was a nightmare. I thought it was a stage.” She wiped her palms up and down her thighs, rocking with the motion. “Until one night when I came home early from a meeting and walked in on my husband exposing himself to our son.”
Bile rose in Nick’s throat, but he was sure it was nothing compared to how Faith must’ve felt when she’d witnessed the abuse firsthand. “Was he brought up on charges?”
Nick was filled with trepidation when she hesitated. This wasn’t some suspect he was interrogating, after all. This was Faith. And though it wasn’t easy for her, she was finally telling him the truth.
“Yes,” she said. “After the trial, Austin and I left New York and never looked back. I just… After what happened at the concession stand, I had to explain why I reacted the way I did.”
He took her hands in his. “You were protecting your son. You shouldn’t have to apologize for that. Ever.”
“Thank you.” She squeezed his fingers. “I can’t tell you how much it means to have you understand.”
While he couldn’t fault her for her actions, there were still some things that weren’t clear. “Why all the lies about your past?”
Averting her gaze, she shrugged and withdrew her hands. “At first, it was easier to make something up in an effort to avoid people asking me questions that I didn’t want to answer. But it was also…is also…a great way for me to pretend none of it ever happened. A way for Austin and me to have a true new start. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
He grimaced. “Guess I didn’t make that easy on you, huh?”
The sight of her small smile made his pulse jump. “I can see where my evasiveness would cause some people to be even more curious. Besides, you’ve more than made it up to me.”
“How so?”
“By showing me there are men out there who always keep their word,” she said, pressing her hand to the side of his face. “By being the type of strong, honorable man I can trust with my son. And my secrets.”
“What about your heart?” he asked hoarsely, his hands fisted at his sides to keep from reaching for her.
He heard her quick intake of breath. “You deserve better than me.”
He’d meant it to be a gentle kiss, a kiss to show her she was more than good enough for him. That he cared for her and her son. But she ran her tongue over his lips, clawed at his shirt.
He eased back. “Faith, I don’t—”
“Please. I want to forget everything, just for a little while.”
Laying her back against the sofa’s armrest, he followed her down, supporting his weight on an elbow as he kissed her ravenously. He hadn’t realized how starved he was for her until this very second. Sliding his hand under the hem of her shirt, he brushed the silky skin of her stomach. She quivered and wrapped her leg around his, pulling him closer.
The sound of a car door slamming jerked him back to his senses. He leaned back and couldn’t help feeling smug at the flush of arousal on her face. The way she had to blink several times before frowning up at him.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“While I’m not expecting any more company tonight, we might want to continue this in the bedroom. That is, if you want to continue this.”
Please, God, let her want to.
Stroking the hair at the nape of his neck, she nodded. “Lead the way.”
Leaping to his feet, he grabbed her by the hand and pulled her up. Not letting go of her, he managed to shut the window, then lock the door, which he couldn’t resist pressing her against for another long kiss. With his arms on either side of her head, he brushed his mouth across her cheek and down along her jawline.
“Where were we going?” he asked, before nipping at the rapid pulse at the base of her throat.
She gasped and bucked against him. “Uh…the, uh, bedroom?”
“Right.” He sucked gently, and felt her moan vibrate her throat. “Then again, this is a nice spot, too.”
Her head fell back and he placed openmouthed kisses up the side of her neck, pausing behind her ear to inhale the subtle floral fragrance she wore. “You were worried about privacy,” she reminded him, clutching his biceps.
He raised his head. “Privacy’s good. So’s a bed.”
“I’m all for both,” she said, using her short nails to lightly trace circle designs over his arm muscles, then his wrists.
At the thought of her doing that to other parts of him, of having her hands on him, their bodies together skin to skin, he clasped her hand and tugged her to his bedroom. By the time he flipped on the light, she was breathless and laughing.
“Sorry,” he said with a grin as he backed her toward the bed. “Too fast for you?”
She shook her head. “I’m flattered.”
Too bad now that the heat of the moment had passed—so to speak—she didn’t look flattered. As a matter of fact, she looked…apprehensive. Which made perfect sense. He doubted she’d been with anyone since her divorce. And the thought of him being her fir
st, after all this time, was both humbling and exciting as hell.
“I think we can afford to slow down some,” he said, forcing himself to do just that. He cupped the back of her head and gently kneaded the tension out of her neck. With a soft sigh, she shut her eyes. “I’ve been thinking of this for too long to rush through it,” he admitted.
Her eyes popped open. “You’ve thought about us…like this?”
“This is one of the variations.” He edged closer until their thighs met. “A tamer one, actually. Turns out I have a very vivid imagination when it comes to you.”
She blushed. “I’m afraid my fantasies about us have all been fairly tame.”
And just like that, Nick went from aroused to painfully hard. Wrapping his free arm around her waist, he drew her against him, massaging not just her neck but her lower back right above her tailbone. “Why don’t we try out one of my ideas first? If either one of us still has enough energy to move when we’re done, we’ll give one of yours a shot.”
FAITH LOCKED HER KNEES so she didn’t melt in a puddle right then and there, simply from his husky words and the images they invoked. Unable to speak, she moved her head. It must’ve passed for a nod because he kissed her warmly before stepping back.
Taking the bottom of her shirt in both hands, he lifted it an inch, then stopped. “May I?” he asked, his eyes dark with desire.She’d meant what she said—that she wasn’t worthy of him. Hell, she was still lying to him. But tonight, she’d do what she could to show him what he meant to her.
She lifted her arms. Nick peeled the shirt up, inch by torturous inch. His knuckles grazed the indentation at her waist, the slight bumps of her rib cage and the sides of her satin bra before caressing her inner arms. Once the shirt was off, he tossed it onto a large dresser, where it slid across the glossy surface and landed against the attached mirror.