by Krissy V
“Bonnie, we need to go to a bank so that I can send that money to the charity. We’re leaving tomorrow so we will have to do it today. Will you come with me? I don’t really know where to send the money or anything.
“Of course I’ll come with you, I have the article with me, I’m sure it says in there where to donate.”
“Great, come on we can ask at reception where the nearest bank is.” We get our bags and go down to reception. They give us directions to the nearest bank, which is a block down the road.
When we get there we are shown into an office and told that the Bank Manager will be with us shortly. When he walks in he asks, “So ladies, what can I help you with today?”
We start to giggle because he called us ladies and then when we look at him he has a really straight face and that just makes us giggle a little bit more. Bonnie nudges me to speak.
“Sorry, I recently lost my husband and he left me a small fortune. I want to make a donation to a Charity back in England and wondered if you could help me organise that please.”
“That is not a problem, do you have your bank details so that I can check your information?”
I hand him my bank details and wait while he taps the information into his computer. He looks at the screen and then looks at me again. “Do you have some form of ID? Just so that I can verify you are who you say you are.”
“Of course I do,” I say reaching into my handbag to get my passport out.
He checks the passport against my details and then says “Mrs. Morgan, I am sorry for your loss and sorry for having to check your ID. It’s just standard procedure you understand.”
I nod. Bonnie hands him the article saying, “this is the charity she wants to donate to. It’s in the UK, I hope that isn’t a problem.”
He shakes his head and takes the article. “There should be a registered charity number on here that I can use to find out where to transfer the funds. Just wait a moment while I go and check the details.” He says as he rises out of his chair and leaves the room.
He is gone for a few minutes and we both look at each other and wonder where he has gone. When he comes back in he says, “sorry about that we didn't have enough information to transfer the money so we had to ring them. There was a number in the article. I have the information now so we can go ahead and transfer the money. How much are you looking to donate Mrs. Morgan?”
“I hope you didn't tell them it was me donating, I wanted to remain anonymous.” I sound really stern, I hadn’t told him that at the beginning, but I don’t want someone contacting me to discuss my donation, I wanted to do this for this amazing charity without them knowing. When I volunteer to work with them, I don’t want them treating me any differently to other volunteers.
“Of course I didn’t tell them who was going to be donating, everyone is anonymous here madam.”
“OK then,” I say starting to relax. “I’m looking to donate £200,000.” I hear Bonnie gasp.
“Cassie, that’s a lot of money. Will you be able to donate that much and still be able to live comfortably?” she asks taking my hand.
“Yes of course I will. I really want to do this Bonnie.”
“I know,” she says.
The Manager looks startled, but then he regains his composure quickly, after all he is used to dealing with a lot of money here in Las Vegas.
It takes about fifteen minutes and I leave the bank almost a quarter of a million poorer, but a million times happier.
We go back to The Bellagio and sit on the terrace overlooking the impressive fountains as they dance in front of us. It truly is an amazing sight.
Then after what only seems like a few days, but has in fact been a week, we are on a plane bound for Schiphol in Holland where we will change flights to fly to Bergen. The connecting flight is an hour and three quarters and we sleep for most of the journey. When we arrive in Bergen, we are escorted to the Cruise Liner, which will be our home for a week. I’m very excited to be cruising down the fjords and I’m very happy that Bonnie has come with me. She has been great company, we have had fun and she knows when I need to have time to myself. She has been the perfect companion.
We get into our cabin and unpack for the week ahead. When we have done that we go to dinner and meet some of the other people on board. While we are having dinner I ask Bonnie, "how was Jezza when you called him earlier? I miss him and can't wait to get home to see him.”
"Me too" she says. "I don't think he realised how much he was going to miss me, this might be the best thing that ever happened to us," she says laughing.
“I hope everything is ok with the two of you,” I say to her worrying about her being away from home.
“Yeah they’re fine. We just take each other for granted that’s all, but that’s what happens in relationships that have been going on for so long,” she sighs.
“Bonnie he has loved you for a very long time. He is lucky to have you and you are lucky to have him.”
“I know that” she says. “I love him a lot, don’t ever think I don’t. I just wish he appreciated me more.”
I hug her. “I know you do. We’re never satisfied are we?” I ask.
“No, never,” she laughs. “Who would have thought that we would still be together after having met at school, not many of our friends can say they met their soul mates at school.” She smiles and then looks at my face.
I can’t help but think about Jordan and how happy I was with him. Was he the one that got away? We thought we were soul mates but we didn't last the distance. As soon as she looks at me she realises what she said.
“Cassie, I’m sorry I didn’t mean anything by it. You and Jordan were different to everyone and we were all so shocked when you both made the decision to go your separate ways. I know how that affected you and I know that you are grieving for Chad right now, but you are allowed to grieve for Jordan too you know. You never did grieve after you left him, now might be a good time to do that Cassie.”
She hugs me and we go to the bar after dinner and get absolutely paralytic drunk. When we wake up in the morning, we are sailing down the fjords and we have banging headaches, but it is so beautiful. We sit on deck and watch the amazing scenery pass us by.
There are shows every night and on one of those nights we get to dress up in ball gowns and have dinner with the Captain. It is a most memorable night and one that we will not forget.
The rest of the cruise is fantastic and so peaceful, I’m so happy we came along. I love the town of Stavanger with it’s beautiful boats docked along the town. We stopped here on the final leg of our fjord cruise and we go up onto one of these boats and buy some fresh prawns straight out of the sea. There is a booth next to the boat and they are selling aioli, so we buy some and a plastic knife and some fresh french bread. We sit down at a picnic table and make our own very fresh prawn sandwiches with fresh aioli. It was absolutely beautiful and another memory to store away with the others that I have made on our special trip.
“Photograph”
After we leave Norway, we arrive in London Heathrow airport and my parents are there waiting for us. They have a big sign with ‘Welcome home Cassie & Bonnie’ on it. I have a tear in my eye and I realise how much I've missed them.
We talk nearly all the way home, which takes about six hours. We tell them about the places we visited and the things that we did. We both sleep for a while and then when we are coming into Newquay as I look out of the car window, I am reminded that this is my home, this is where I belong. Unfortunately, I am also reminded that I don’t have Chad with me to enjoy this with anymore.
“I’m so glad we went on this trip Bonnie, thank you for coming with me. Now it's time for me to start making plans and thinking about my future.”
“I really enjoyed spending the time with you Cassie, it’s been so long since we spent so much time together. Thank you for letting me join you on your travels. I won’t forget it for a long time.” She smiles at me.
“Are you looking f
orward to seeing Jezza?” I ask.
She smiles and I can see it reaches her eyes as they twinkle. “I can’t believe how much I missed him. I didn’t think I would miss him as much as I did, I only hope he missed me as much too.” She winks at me and I giggle.
“Bonnie, we’re here now” Dad says as we pull up to her house. I get out with her to say our goodbyes. I know we will see each other maybe tomorrow or the next day, but I have got used to having her twenty-four hours a day and it will be strange.
“See you soon Cassie and thank you again.”
“Love you Bonnie, thank you for giving me the strength to do these things.” We hug each other as if our life depends on it.
“Cassie, Bonnie,” I hear a deep voice coming up behind us. It’s Jezza, he walks over and gives us both a hug, he surrounds us and squeezes us tight.
“I missed you guys,” he said. “Especially you Bonnie.”
I walk out of the group hug and he pulls her close to him and squeezes her tight. I hear him say, “I love you.”
“Right then,” Dad says, clearly embarrassed. “Let’s get you home young lady.” He jumps into the car and puts his seat belt on.
I laugh. “Yeah, get a room guys.” Then I climb in and before I close the door I say, “love you both and see you soon.”
They both turn and wave at me as I close the door and Dad drives off. He takes me back to their house because I'm going to spend a couple of nights with them before I go back to my own house. I need to make sure it is well aired and ready for me to move in for a few months while I think about any further decisions on my life.
We have dinner and then I have to go to bed because I am so tired. I walk up the stairs and I can't help but notice all the pictures going up the wall on the stairs. There are pictures of me; Mum and Dad at varying ages; there's a couple of pictures of me and Chad and I stop and touch the pictures remembering the time we had together.
I get to the top of the stairs and as I walk into my bedroom the first thing I see is a small picture of Jordan and I looking at each other and smiling. We look like we didn't know there was anyone else around. Just the two of us with no cares in the world. I feel a tear run silently down my face and I wipe it away with my thumb remembering the way Jordan used to do that for me. I pick up the photo and place it on my bedside table and get into my pajamas.
When I get into bed, I cry like I have never cried before. I feel like I am cleansing my soul. I cry for Chad and the good times we had together, and I cry for my one regret in life. Jordan! How could I have left him? He cared so much for me and I loved him with a passion that Chad could never match. So, why did I make it so easy for Jordan to walk away? Mine and Chad's relationship was good; we both cared a lot for each other and we had good sex. I loved him so much, we were very alike and we were great friends and we had a lot of fun, BUT there was something missing on my part. Whenever Jordan came near me, I knew it was him. Whenever he touched me, it felt like an electrical impulse was shooting through my body. That never happened with Chad, yes I loved him a lot but it’s only when I think back now that I realise you only have that kind of reaction to your true soul mate.
It was that "thing" that makes you stop breathing when they look at you.
That flutter in your stomach when you think about them.
That, that, that AARRGGHH I can't explain it properly.
It's that thing that happens when two souls come together! I cry for the years I stayed away from Newquay, the years when I avoided some friends because I didn't want to hear about Jordan!
I cry for Chad and the years we tried so hard to have children and then being told that he couldn't have children. It turns out this was due to his fatal illness that he didn't tell me about.
I cry with anger, for Chad not telling me he was sick. Not telling me he was dying. Not giving me a chance to be there for him. I'm angry that he died like he did. I'm angry it happened so quickly. I cry until I can cry no more and eventually fall asleep and have a very restless night. The next morning when I go downstairs Dad has gone to work and Mum is in the kitchen brewing coffee. "Morning baby do you want a cup?" She says pointing at the percolator.
"Yeah I'd love one," I say kissing her on the cheek. "I'm going to walk over to my house later to see what needs to be done. I want to move in as quickly as possible. I've still got a few months off work, so I might ship a few things over.”
I sit down at the table while Mum brings my cup over. I love the smell of freshly brewed coffee and I inhale the smell whilst wrapping my hands around the cup. "Do you really think that's a good idea Cassie? At least give it a couple of days before you go there. I'll come with you whenever you go, but just wait for a day or two," she sounds like she is pleading with me.
"Mum, I need to do this today. You can come with me, actually I'd really like you to come with me. I won't be staying there for a few days but there's a couple of things I’d like you to help me with, please.” I really want to do this sooner rather than later.
She finally agrees to come with me and after breakfast we leave the house. We drive through the town and park up by the beach, then we walk across the bridge to my house. I stand on the bridge looking around at the beach below, it is truly beautiful. So many times I was that person down on the sand looking up at this house wishing it was mine. Now I own it – I still can't believe that it belongs to me; I've loved this house for as long as I can remember. We open the door and walk in, it's a bit dusty but the sun is shining in the patio doors and I fall in love with my hometown all over again. We spend a couple of hours cleaning away all the dust and opening the windows to let the air in. Mum helps me to go through the wardrobe and take all of Chad's clothes out and put them into a box. I'm going to give them all to charity soon and it will be much easier if they’re boxed and ready.
We are in the house for about six hours when we decide we’ve had enough. We close all the windows and lock the house up before walking back across the bridge to the car. “Mum, do you fancy a glass of wine? I'm thirsty after all that hard work" I ask as we are driving along.
"Yeah that would be lovely, I know just the place," she says and drives us to The Pig and Whistle. It's a nice pub, a real English pub overlooking the coastline.
I love the sea; it's one of the many things I missed when I was in New York. The smell; the noises; just the whole ambience of a seaside resort. We sit on the terrace and drink a glass of wine. "So Cassie" Mum says. "How are you doing? You seem to be coping remarkably well!" She's looking right into my eyes, she knows that my eyes can't lie.
"I'm not doing too bad to be honest, but I keep getting mixed up emotions. I'm sad and heartbroken, but then I get angry at Chad for not telling me, for not letting me have a choice in all of this." I can feel the tears welling up and getting ready to spill. I take a deep breath and say "I think I'll be ok though, I think that maybe it's time for a change in my life!"
"I can understand you being upset and angry, it's very difficult when you weren’t able to make, or even help with the decisions, but you loved Chad and it will take time Cassie until you can move on." She reaches across the table and covers my hand in hers.
We sit quietly for a while and then I change the subject. "So, anything happening around here that's interesting?"
Mum looks around the pub and then looks at me, I can see something isn't right with her. If I'd thought about it I'd have noticed she was a bit jumpy. "Well, I heard that David is back in town, but I haven’t bumped into him myself."
"WHAT!!" I grab my hand back and look around. I can feel my heart beating in my mouth. "When? Is he here for long? Has he been back since ... Since that day?" Now I can feel the years crashing in on top of me again. I've been able to suppress my emotions where David was concerned because I've been out of the country and the few times I've been back no one has ever mentioned him.
"Well I think he's only here for a few days, he came down to see his family. I spotted him when we were leaving to go the airport to coll
ect you." She can't meet my eyes.
I stand up, drain my glass of wine and say, "I want to go home now please."
Mum stands. "Ok let's go. We can talk about this more at home."
"I don't want to talk about it. I’m just tired and need to go and have a nap!" I stomp out to the car. The ride home is quiet and I find myself thinking back all those years to THAT fateful night! I don't want to remember it or my subsequent actions. It's too difficult to keep remembering.
When we get home I tell Mum I'm going to my room and when I get there, I lay on the bed and just let the memories come back. I cry for what nearly happened that night. I cry for the night I tried to kill myself and for how sad Mum and Dad were. I cry for myself and how that incident changed my life.
After crying myself to sleep, I am woken by voices downstairs and I get out of bed and make my way down. I can hear Mum and Dad arguing. "Why did you tell her David was here? Don't you think she has enough to deal with right now?” My Dad is yelling at Mum, I’ve never heard them argue, not even once.
"I know, it just came out. You know I'm bad at keeping secrets, I'm sorry, Brian." Mum is pleading with Dad.
I walk into the room and they both stop talking and look at me. "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier," Mum says. "I didn't think about your feelings and I’m sorry!" Mum comes over and hugs me.
"It's ok Mum, I need to move on and chalk it up as one of those things. I just hope I don't bump into him and if I do, I hope he doesn’t say anything to me," I say rubbing her back. "Now, let's not talk about this tonight please," I plead.
"Well dinner is nearly ready, so why don't you open a bottle of wine Brian and you can set the table," she says ordering us both around.
Dinner was lovely, it was my favourite corn beef hash, I haven't had it in years. "I need to get that recipe off you, I love it" I say.