My One Regret

by Krissy V

  We have just opened a bottle of wine when Bonnie and Jezza arrive. "What's this about? It's only Monday night," Bonnie says looking between the two of us.

  We both smile and then Jordan tells them our plans. They are both very excited for us and there is a lot of hugging and shaking hands. "We wanted to see what you think before we go and tell Cassie's parents tomorrow. Mr. Stanley is coming over for dinner tomorrow night so we can try and make some plans. We want to move on this quickly and start straight away.”

  We talk about what we have planned and what we want to do with the cafe and then how the charity will be run as a community centre in the back rooms. "So Cassie, are you going to change the name of the cafe to something more suitable for its purpose?" Bonnie asks.

  "No!" Jordan and I say at the same time, then we start laughing.

  "No, I love Pebbles and want to keep the name, everyone around town knows it as Pebbles. It can be like stepping stones to success for victims. Anyway the charity is called PEBBLES, so we don’t need to change the name" I say, there is no way I'm changing the name.

  When we finish talking about Pebbles, we move onto the subject of the wedding. I snuggle back into the couch and Jordan is sat beside me. Instinctively I cuddle into the crook of his arm and he starts playing with my hair.

  Bonnie looks at Jezza, then at us. "Ermm guys is there something you want to tell us," she asks with a huge grin on her face. I look puzzled, "you know between you two," she says looking from me to Jordan and back.

  Jordan starts laughing and he pulls me in closer. "Oh you mean us? We are a team, business partners and friends," he stops and takes a breath, I can see Bonnie just waiting for more. "We are a couple, we have found each other and this time neither of us intends to leave the other one behind." He leans in and tips my face up to meet his and then he devours me.

  I hear Bonnie saying "Yay!" and clapping her hands. When he's finished kissing me, I slowly turn my face round to see Bonnie about to jump on me. "I'm so happy for you both," she says as she hugs me so tight I find it hard to breathe.

  I start laughing. "About time," says Jezza. We all laugh and I'm so glad they are happy for us.

  They leave soon after and as we close the front door, Jordan pushes me against it and he takes my head in between his hands. "You’re amazing Cassie, I've been waiting to do this all night," he says as he takes my lips and claims them as his. I can feel him against me and I didn't think I could want him again so quickly, but I do, I want to show him how much I love him.

  "Take me to bed Jordan" I say breathlessly.

  He smiles, lifts me up and throws me over his shoulder. "Do you know how many years I've waited to hear you say that Cassie? Too many." He walks up the stairs and then puts me down gently on the bed.

  "Jordan, tonight I want to explore you, I want to make love to you, will you allow me to do that?" I ask as he starts taking my clothes off.

  "Baby, if that's what you want then I'm not going to stop you, believe you me I want that so much," he growls.

  I spend the next hour exploring his body; every scar, every mark, every tattoo and every inch of his body. When I take him inside me I know he can't hold on for long, I don't want him to. I move slowly but deeply and then I reach a peak and start falling apart around him. He starts to swell, then he explodes inside me. It is the best feeling in the world.

  We cuddle all night, never moving apart, always touching and it feels amazing. I feel like I've finally come home. This is where I'm meant to be.

  “You Raise Me Up”

  After breakfast I ring Mum to ask if we can go over. She says it's fine, so we go to their house around lunchtime. When she sees us walking up the drive holding hands she smiles and says "about time kids." She kisses us both on the cheek and we walk into the house. She has lunch ready for us when we get there.

  We sit down to lunch and she says "Is this what you wanted to talk about?"

  "No," I laugh and then I proceed to tell them about Pebbles and our plans. They are both delighted with what we plan to do , they join in with the discussions and help to iron out a few wrinkles in the plans. They want to help out as much as they can as well.

  They've agreed to come to dinner tonight with Joyce and Mr. Stanley so that we can all discuss Pebbles and see what arrangements we can come up with.

  When we leave Mum and Dad’s, Jordan drops me home while he goes to get the food for tonight.

  I stand on the balcony looking at the beach and the sea below, it’s very calming. I think about how my life has changed over the last six months and I smile thinking about Jordan, my soul mate.

  “What are you thinking about Cassie?” Jordan comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my neck; it feels so good.

  “I was just thinking about you and how good it feels to have you back in my life.” I put my hands over his.

  “Ditto babe, ditto” We stand like that for a while then I start to shiver. “Come on let’s get you inside,” he says turning me around and hugging me, then he takes my hand and leads me into the house.

  When we get inside he takes me to the kitchen and he asks "Will you watch me cook for a while, we can discuss what we want from tonight," he leans over and kisses me. I sit up on a bar stool and talk while watching him cook.

  Mum and Dad arrive first and I offer them a glass of wine, then Mr. Stanley comes and lastly Joyce. We show them into the dining room, where the table is set and we all start talking at once.

  "We wanted to bring you all here because of our plans to buy Pebbles". I smile at Mr. Stanley. "We still want to keep the cafe, but we thought we might be able to bring more business at night by having a bistro. This would mean we would need a drinks license, but I don't think that would be a problem. I would like to redecorate but want to keep the counter and everything where it is. What do you all think?"

  Everyone starts talking. "Mum you go first." I say smiling.

  "I think it's a great idea, but are you sure you can take this project on?" she asks.

  "Yes I do, I need something to sink my teeth into and challenge me so my mind doesn't go back to the dark places. Which leads me onto the next part of the venture. Jordan will you tell everyone what we have talked about," he nods and smiles at me.

  "We want to open a south west office for PEBBLES, we don't have one this side of Bristol and we think that we can open one at the back of Pebbles. There are plenty of rooms out the back and Cassie had mentioned a kind of community centre type environment. We will have counsellors, experts on sexual diseases and any other services which we feel would be of benefit. I'm moving back here, well I kind of already have. I'm not going anywhere that takes me away from Cassie now," he smiles at me and takes my hand.

  "I don't want to close the charity in London, so one of my managers is going to run that office. We also thought that if we had anyone who needed lots of therapy then we could have them working in the cafe to help increase their confidence and we will be there to help them through any issues they might have," he takes a sip of his drink.

  Mr. Stanley talks first. "I think it's a great idea and cannot think of anything better to use the facility for. I was worried about selling it because I thought someone would knock it down or completely change it and that was upsetting me. Although it’s none of my business after I sell it, but knowing what you want to do makes me so happy. I'd be happy to sell it to you."

  We negotiate a fee and tell him that we will get a lawyer onto it first thing in the morning.

  Joyce says, "I'd love to help out with this. I've missed working and helping others and have really enjoyed our discussions Cassie. I don't think I ready to stop working yet," she laughs.

  ”Don't worry Joyce we want you involved, we need you. Mr. Stanley If you want a job at the cafe then there's a job for you, we don't want you to leave, but we understand if you want to give it up now you've sold," I say.

  "I'd love a job there, I want to see what happens to my Pebbles" he smiles.

&nbs
p; "Great, it looks like everything is falling into place. We will see our lawyer and get the sale moving, then we can start getting the rest of the work that is involved in opening a new office for a charity," Jordan says.

  "Let's have a toast," we all raise our glasses. "To Pebbles and to Cassie for bringing us all together."

  We talk about our plans for the rest of the evening and then Joyce says she has to go. Mr. Stanley offers to walk her home and they leave together.

  When they've gone, Mum turns to me and Jordan and says, "I can't believe the change in you Cassie, you are totally different to a month ago. I'm delighted that you have this project to help you. Jordan, I can never thank you enough for your influence in the changes in Cassie," she hugs him tight. I can see a tear in her eye.

  "Come on let's go home," Dad says and they say their goodbyes and leave.

  We tidy up, talking about our plans and then we go to bed. Jordan makes love to me for hours and we fall asleep fully satisfied and happy.

  Everything starts to move really fast after the meeting with Mum, Dad and Mr. Stanley. We went to the lawyers to negotiate on the sale the next day.

  I have to go to New York to finalise some details on the properties over there and Jordan is coming with me, we are going to stay for few days and I can show him around.

  I meet up with Chad’s Mum, Sarah while I am there, she is very welcoming and I have missed her. We talk about Chad and how much we miss him, while we are talking I tell her all about David and what happened years ago. She is shocked and upset that I hadn’t told her before now. I told her that Chad didn’t even know – it was a part of me that I wanted to keep hidden. I told her how he had raped me in Newquay after I went home and everything I have done to overcome it all.

  She held me and we cried and I promised to keep in touch with her. I introduced her to Jordan, later that evening, and she really liked him. I’m glad because it means I can keep her in my life.

  Jordan and I have sunk into a routine which feels so natural and I can't believe there was a time when he wasn't in my life.

  Bonnies wedding day creeps up on us so quickly. I stay at her house the night before the wedding and and Jezza stayed in our house with Jordan. It is horrible being away from him. I realise that I have big security issues still, he keeps me calm and grounded without me even realising it. I don't want to rely on him being there, I know I need to do things on my own, it’s just I love him so much and need him in my life.

  On the morning of her wedding day, we have champagne for breakfast and someone arrives to do our hair and makeup. Bonnie is so excited, no nerves whatsoever. "Are you nervous Bonnie? Being stood in front of all those people?" I ask her.

  "No way, I love Jezza. Everyone who is coming today knows that, this is the most natural thing in the world," she smiles and she looks so happy.

  I hug her before she puts her dress on. "Bonnie I love you, you're like a sister to me and I'm so glad you're still in my life, you've helped me so much over the last year and I love you for it. Now get that dress on or you'll be late!" I laugh.

  "I love you too Cassie, now help me into this dress or I’m going to be late," she laughs back at me.

  When we are both dressed I can feel tears in my eyes, she looks so beautiful. Her Dad is waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs and he smiles when she comes down. "Bonnie you look so beautiful, I hope Jezza knows how lucky he is. Actually I'm going to make sure I tell him later," he says laughing.

  We get in the wedding cars and drive to the hotel. We are chaperoned to the room where the wedding ceremony is going to be held. As we stand outside the door to the room the wedding march starts to play, I walk down the aisle first and all I can do is look at Jordan and smile, he looks fabulous, I love him so much. It feels like I'm walking down the aisle to him, I can feel the tears welling up, I need to control my shit because this is a happy occasion.

  The ceremony goes well, it's a beautiful service and the Atlantic Hotel is the perfect wedding. It's as beautiful as we all imagined it would be. A perfect day!

  I sit next to Jordan on the top table and we have a great day, I can't believe Bonnie’s now a married woman. I never thought she would get married! We dance, laugh and drink and have a wonderful day, the kind of day memories are made of. We go to our room when everyone starts leaving and I throw myself on the bed, I'm wrecked. Jordan laughs at me and then says, "Come on beautiful, let's take this dress of, I've been waiting all day to do this." He starts pulling me up from the bed so that he can take my dress off. I can hardly stand up I'm so tired.

  When he's taken my dress off he gently lays me back down. "You looked so beautiful today Cassie, it made me think about how beautiful you would look in a wedding dress, walking towards me, joining me. I love you so much sometimes I feel like I can't breathe without you near me." He leans down and kisses me. "I know you're tired babe and you need to go to sleep, but don't think for one minute I'm going to let you out of this room tomorrow morning without me showing you how much I love you." He's taken his clothes off while he's been talking to me, he climbs into bed naked next to me and pulls me into his body. This is my own personal piece of heaven.

  When I wake the next morning, the sun is shining through the window, I slowly turn around and see Jordan watching me. I smile and ask him “Have you been watching me sleep?”

  “Yes I have, you look so peaceful when you sleep and you keep smiling, it’s great to see,” he says with a naughty little grin. “But I want to see your naughty face, I want to see your face when you cum and call out my name.” He rolls me onto my back and straddles me; he takes my hands and raises them above my head. “Don’t move Cassie, I’m going to show you how much I love you.” He bends down and kisses me on the lips, he pushes his tongue into my mouth and I hear myself moan.

  He sits back and looks at me. “Do you know how beautiful you are Cassie? I could sit and look at you all day.”

  “Well please don’t, because I feel horny and only you know how to heal me,” I say looking him in the eyes.

  He then bends down and shows me how much he loves me in every which way is possible, I cry out his name when I fall off the edge of my orgasm. He cries out my name at the same time and then he falls on top of me and whispers in my ear; “I love you Cassie, you have made me whole again.”

  We fall back asleep until the phone rings and it’s Bonnie, who is down in reception. “Erm who’s wedding is this? We are all waiting for you two down in reception,” she starts laughing. “See you in ten minutes,” and then she hangs up.

  “Jordan, we fell asleep and everyone is waiting downstairs for us so that we can go to lunch. I can’t believe we did that.” I’m laughing and getting out of bed at the same time, “Come on Jordan get up.”

  “I was having such a good time Cassie, do I have to get up?” he says laughing.

  I go over to the bed and take the covers off him, “Yes you do.” I run off to the bathroom to get washed up and dressed. I hear him groan in the bed.

  When Jordan is up and dressed, we go down to reception where we receive a standing ovation. “All right guys just because I love my lady and you’re all jealous,” Jordan says laughing.

  We all have lunch in the hotel and then Bonnie and Jordan leave to go on their honeymoon, they’re going to Egypt, I’m sure they’ll have a great time.

  After lunch we go back to my house and continue sorting all the necessary things for Pebbles. We have decided that we need to go to London for a few days tomorrow so that I can see how the charity works. I’m quite excited, I haven’t been to London for a few years and I love it, although I couldn’t live there.

  When we get to the head office of PEBBLES Jordan introduces me as his partner and explains to everyone that we are opening a South West branch. Everyone is excited for us and there are lots of meetings with the counsellors and job placement people. I learn a lot in the couple of days we are there, and when we go to dinner on the third night, I nearly fall asleep in my dinner. We’v
e been staying in Jordan’s apartment, which is lovely but very impersonal. He brings me back to his apartment after dinner and we sit on the couch with a bottle of wine. “It feels strange being back here after being in your house Cassie. This is just somewhere to sleep, your house feels like my home, it feels like where I belong.” He pulls me into him on the couch, he knows I’m getting sleepy.

  “It is where you belong Jordan, and it’s not my house it’s our home.” I look up to him and kiss him, “You belong wherever I am”.

  We go to bed and he holds me close to him all night, yes it is where we both belong.

  As soon as we get back to Newquay everything starts happening at the same time, we have pushed for a quick sale and we get the keys in a week’s time. We have already advertised for counsellors and other key personnel to help get it all up and running. We’ve already organised a fundraiser in the Atlantic Hotel, a dinner dance with a local band. We’ve had a lot of support both locally and in the whole of the South West.

  I can’t wait to get the keys so that we can move in and start working with Jordan on this project. We work very well together and it doesn’t bother us that we will be working together and living together, it just feels like the most natural thing to do.

  Before we get the keys, Mr. Stanley lets us in to start measuring up and start clearing up, he is going to be working with us and we know he won’t screw us over. Everything is going perfectly and we collect the keys on the Friday. We are so excited that we go straight down to Pebbles and walk in, lock the door and just stand there. We can’t really believe that we’ve done this, that we’ve bought our most favourite place in the world.

  “Jordan, I can’t believe we own this, it’s just amazing,” I say leaning up to kiss him on lips.

  He pulls me into his body and says, “It’s amazing what you want to do to help others Cassie. I love you so much, but every day you surprise me with how giving you are.”