by Shyla Colt
“You think she’ll keep it together?” Demon rubbed the back of his neck.
“She won’t tell anyone, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m sorry as hell about the way all this went down. I knew I hadn’t seen that last of that bitch.” Demon growled.
“Hey, no one could’ve seen this coming.”
“How did she know we would be here, though?”
“All she had to do was watch, man.” Pan suggested. “Who knows how long she was out
there stalking your every move? She knew the hang outs,”
“Yeah.” Demon nodded his head. “I still want to beef up security for a while. Not a
lockdown, but something.”
“I hear you, brother,” Pan said. He glanced at the make shift medical room where an ex
Corpsman from the navy they called Doc, was tending to Lark. They called in the professional doctor they had on payroll to tend to Chase. “How’s Chase.”
“Big mouthed, hard-headed and lucky as fuck. The bullet passed clean through. She’ll have to stay off her feet to heal, but it could’ve been a hell of a lot worse. There’s a lot of main artery in the legs.”
Pan nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He ran his hands through his hair. “This isn’t exactly the
introduction to my family I was hoping for.”
“Fuck…it’s the truest test. It doesn’t get much worse than this shit,” Demon said.
“Yeah.” That’s what I’m afraid of.
Lefty walked up. “Everyone else is gone. The owner has been handsomely refunded and we
got a doorman on his way out to fix things. There’s no one around this place for miles and there are no cameras inside, so we’re square there.”
“Just make sure the bitch is never found,” Demon sneered.
“Trust me, there’ll be nothing left to find.” Lefty nodded. His lips peeled back in a
gruesome facsimile of a grin that chilled Pan to the bone.
“Get a prospect to get Pan’s old lady some new threads will you?” Demon said.
“Yeah, what size?”
“Twelve,” Pan answered. “Look I’m going to get back there to see if she’s doing okay.”
“Yeah man, take care of your woman,” Demon said, clapping him on the shoulder.
Pan spun on his heels and walked back to the small room, feeling like he was going to see a jury. Her verdict would determine if they had a snowballs’ chance in hell of continuing as they were. In the light of the current situation, he could only expect a no. He rapped on the door.
“Yeah?” Doc called.
“It’s Pan.”
“Come on in, man.”
He stepped inside and found Lark dozing on the couch. “How is she?”
“Given what happened like three inches from her, I’d say she’s doing pretty damn well. I understand she recently suffered another traumatic event about a month ago?”
“Yeah.” Pan nodded.
“You should watch her. Make sure her moods don’t fluctuate. She may experience a period of insomnia or depression. This might trigger a backslide into grief. All of that would be normal.”
“You think she needs a head shrinker?” Pan asked.
“It couldn’t hurt.”
He made a mental note of the doctor’s suggestions. “Anything else?”
“Get her home, keep her calm and be patient. Minds are fragile, complicated things. Too much pressure and they can snap. Go easy and walk lightly. This ain’t her world. I sense she’s on the edge of reeling out of control.”
Maybe she’d be better off without me. Look at what I laid at her feet, trying to introduce her to my family.
Lark stirred on the couch.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Doc said.
“Hartley?” Lark whispered.
“I’m here, little bird.” He sank down on the edge of the couch beside her and took her hand.
“I want to leave.”
“We will. We’re getting you some new clothes to wear okay. You can go out like this.”
She sat up and he could see the minute she remembered. Panic flooded her eyes. “I need to get them off now.”
“Okay baby, I’ll help you.” He moved back as she sat up, then helped her shrug out of her shirt. “Lay back, I’ve got you.” He unzipped her pants and pulled them down as she wiggled back and forth. The red streaks made his stomach hurt. She deserved more than blood streaks, bad memories and instability. He didn’t want to break her so badly she couldn’t be fixed.
“God, it’s all over me,” she whispered.
“Hey, we can clean it off.” He gripped her chin.” Look at me, Lark.”
She met his gaze.
“I need you to keep it together for me. Can you do that?”
Lark took a deep breathe. “Yeah, I’m good. I can do this. Is Chase okay?”
“She’s going to be fine. The bullet went clean through. As long as she keeps it clean and stays off her feet, she’ll be good as new.”
“I don’t know if I can do this, Hartley.”
“Do what?” His heart raced in his chest.
“Any of this.”
“This isn’t our normal. People don’t show up every day blitzed out of their mind and hell bent on some twisted version of revenge.”
“No, but hypothetically speaking, it could, right?”
He scowled. “What kind of question is that? I can’t tell you yes.”
“But you can’t say no.”
“It’s a hypothetical question, Lark. What do you want me to say?”
“The truth. That was our deal, right? Honesty.”
“Yes, but you’ve been through some fucked up shit. Now’s not the time to get too deep
about anything.”
A knock came at the door.
“Yeah?” he barked.
“Clothes.”
“I’ll be right there.” He ran his thumb over Lark’s cheek, stood and hurried over to the door.
He took the pile of clothes from the tall blonde. “Thanks, Racer.”
“No problem, Pan.”
He closed the door, walked over to the bathroom in the corner and wet some paper towels.
The room felt heavy with things unsaid. He felt grateful for the silence because he knew he didn’t want to hear what she had to say. Right now, she had leaving in her eyes. I need to change that. He wiped her down, gently removing the traces of the bloodshed.
Her eyes appeared to be fixed on a point over his shoulder.
Pan knew she was lost in her own mind. If only I could cleanse her mind as easily. He worked his way up to her breasts and cupped the left one to cleanse of the streak.
Lark moaned.
He latched on to the first positive response since the shooting. He squeezed her breast and she whimpered. “Let me take your mind away from this and put it on to something much more pleasant.” He latched onto her hardened nipple and finished his cleaning job. He tossed the napkins aside and massaged her.
She gasped as her head fell back and her eyes grew glossy.
He bit her nipple. She cried out. Her back arched off the couch. He leaned back and pulled her stiff peaks. The whimpers that spilled from her lips were delicious. This was one of her erroneous zones. Her breasts swelled. They were firm and heavy. He wanted to suck them back into his mouth, but first he needed to see her get lost in the sensations he provided. They fell into the familiar roles. She yielded and he guided. He bit his tongue, to keep the words he longed to say down. He didn’t dare take her out of the zone he’d placed her in. He released her nipples.
Needy, she mewled like a cat.
Don’t worry, little bird. I’m not finished with you yet. He palmed her upper thighs and massaged the muscles as he spread her legs. She glanced down and he held her intense stare as he leaned forward and flicked her clit through her panties. She lifted her hips and he continued his teasing touches through the silky material that acted as the sole barrier between them. He sl
id her the black silk to the side and touched her with his tongue. She cried out and slung her legs over his shoulders. He dove into her pussy like a mad man, nudging her swollen bud with his nose and touching every inch of her, he could with his tongue.
Lark rocked with him and buried her fingers in his hair, pulling him even closer. He
hummed and she bucked. They came together with an air of violent desperation. Neither of them wanted to lose what they’d manage to carve out.
He circled her walls and she flexed her muscles. A fresh gush of cream and her trembling limbs told him she was close. He increased his speed and she locked around him, spasming as she flew over the edge. He continued to pamper her pussy as she came down. He placed a kiss on her lips and leaned back, massaging her jerking legs. “How are you feeling now?”
“Completely spent and numb.”
I’ll take it. “Then let’s get you dressed and back in our bed, so I can make you feel again.”
She sat up. “Say it again.”
“Say what?”
“Get me back to where?”
“In bed?”
“No…say what you said.”
He realized his folly. “Our bed.”
She closed her eyes and hummed. “I like the sound of that.”
“Still?” He mentally winced at his almost desperate tone.
“I don’t think I have much of a choice now. You burrowed your way inside me when I
wanted to shut out the world and now, you’ve become a part of me. Maybe even the best part.”
“Not possible. I owe everything I am now to you. You’re the first person since my mother who made me want to be a better man.”
She placed her hands on his face. “I just hope I can live up to your expectations. You’ve been my rock. The thought of letting you down makes me sick to my stomach. You’re the last person I want to hurt.”
“That’s a part of being in a relationship. Do I look like the type of person who expects to be swaddled in bubble wrap?” He moved his head and kissed her hand. “Let’s get you dressed.”
Despite their momentary relief, the air felt heavy with things unsaid. He persuaded her for now, but he didn’t feel like they’d landed back on solid ground.
Chapter Nine
Demon pulled the trigger. The bullet moved in slow motion. It sank into the woman’s forehead. Blood and brain splattered all over her. She opened her mouth and screamed.
Gasping, Lark opened her eyes. She struggled to suck air into her lungs. Her gaze darted around in the darkness. I’m home. It was only a dream. Sweat coated her skin. Her stomach gurgled and saliva filled her mouth. She tossed back the cover and stumbled from bed. She hadn’t gotten a decent night of sleep since the incident two weeks ago. She made it to the bathroom in time to drop to her knees and empty her stomach. Tears rolled down her face. Little by little, she was coming undone. She was grateful Pan was on a run. He didn’t need to see the mess she was becoming. She’d always thought of herself as a strong woman, but that theory was being put to the test. The dry heaves subsided and she flushed the toilet.
I need to get it together and make a decision.
Standing, she splashed water on her face and brushed her teeth. The woman looking back at her in the mirror looked worn out. The honeymoon is over. Thinking it would be smooth sailing after all she’d seen happen. The Dueling Devils weren’t as hardcore as Hell’s Minions, but they lived within the same life. You couldn’t stay on top without making enemies. There would always be someone lurking in the background. A crazy ex, an ex-member, or a rival club. She’d barely moved on from the shooting at the gas station and here she was—with new nightmares.
Is this worth it?
There were plenty of things left for her to work out, but one thing was evident, she couldn’t give up her apartment, not yet. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Pan, but the distance could bring clarity. When she was with him like this, she couldn’t think. He altered her perception of a drug that entered her veins and shut down her reasoning skills. The thought of his face when he came home to find her gone…stole her breath. He’d been so good to her.
Torn, she pushed away from the sink and stripped down. Perhaps a long, hot shower would give her time to come up with a plan she didn’t feel horrible about. Their time together ran in her mind like a moving picture. The minute she walked into the gas station the first domino had fallen and triggered an epic chain reaction. Ever since the fallout, she’d been climbing her way out of the pits of grief while handing over her control and decision-making skills to Pan. Without him here, she was able to see how far off the tracks she’d driven
He couldn’t protect her from the problems his life caused. But he’ll try. Can anyone really guarantee safety? We never know what’ll happen from one day to the next. The war raging in her mind gave her a headache. She closed her eyes and held her face up to the warm spray. The water released the scent of sandalwood in the soap, which made her think of Pan. What would her leaving do to him? She owed this man her very life. But a relationship can’t be based on that. In the end, she had to walk away to know she was there for the right reasons. She stepped out of the shower, clean, but unrefreshed. It felt like she’d gone three rounds in the ring with a legend. She walked into the room she’d come to think of as theirs and sighed. She owed it to both of them to figure this out before they went any further.
I’m just putting space between the two of us and recovering control. I’m not going cold turkey.
None of the valid thoughts made her feel any less of a coward. She slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt then made a call.
“Hey girl, what’s going on?” Tanya’s friendly voice asked.
“I could really use some girl time.”
“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”
“I’m not sure.”
“How about we get together for lunch at, Penny’s?” Tanya asked.
“God, yes.”
“You want me to come get you, so that you can drink? It sounds like you could use a few rounds.”
“God, I’d love you forever.”
“Please, you couldn’t stop loving me if you tried.”
Lark laughed. “You’re right. You’re my forever love.”
“Just don’t tell, tall, tattooed and deadly. He doesn’t strike me as the sharing type.”
“You have no idea,” Lark mumbled.
“I’m still lounging in my jammies. Give me thirty minutes?”
“Perfect.” She hung up excited about spending time with her best friend. There was nothing like the presence of the person you trusted most to help you make the hardest decisions. She pulled her black duffle bag out of the closet, packed half her things and left the house before she could talk herself out of it.
Seated at a table in the back with a margarita and her best friend, Lark felt like she could finally breathe.
“You want to tell me what’s going on honey? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so…fulfilled until Pan. Now, you look like you’re running scared.”
“I don’t know if I can do this lifestyle. It’s a whole other world. We had a get together with everyone and it was—an eye-opening experiencing.”
“Did he do something that made you feel uncomfortable?” Tanya leaned forward. Her face
clouded over with concern.
“No. That’s why it’s so hard. He’s amazing. I mean, I couldn’t have dreamed up a better match. But the world he lives in is gritty and rough. There are basic certainties we take for granted that they can’t.” Lark sighed. “It’s a lot to take in.”
“So, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. Take a step back and make sure I’m with him for the right reason.”
“What would be the wrong reason, Lark? “
She cursed her inability to explain exactly how they met. “Distraction from what happened to Robin. Because I’ve become afraid to be alone. For any other reason than—love.”
“I’m so
rry, what? When did love become a thing for you and him?”
“Yeah, it’s one of those things I also figured out this weekend, or I think I did. I mean…Is it love?” Lark frowned.
“What else would it be, babe?” Tanya pointed at her. “You’re not the type of person to
throw the L word around. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you use it in reference to a man.”
“I know and that scares the piss out of me. What do we have in common that would keep us together for the long run? What’s the glue that’ll hold us together?” Lark took a gulp of her drink, savoring the lime flavor and sugar rim. The slushy drink soothed her dry throat.
“Well, what’s been keeping you there happy, content and fucking glowing?”
“Excellent sex, the way he looks at me like I’m his entire world. The way he cares for me like no one else has ever done in my whole life. I’m not used to being thought of that way. I’m the fixer, the rock. He allows me to be something more.”
“It sounds like he balances you out,” Tanya observed.
“Yes. He gets me. We’ve had similar life experiences as crazy as that sounds.” She laughed.
What were the odds I’d have anything in common with a biker?
“I wish you could see your face right now. He clearly makes you happy. I think the real choice you have to make is if he’s worth the sacrifices needed to live in his world. Can you live without him and be as happy as you are right now?”
At a loss for words, Lark shook her head. “I don’t even know how to figure that out. I’m trying to take a few steps away without completely destroying what we’ve worked so hard to build. Trust isn’t something that comes easy to either of us. I don’t want to completely break that.”
“Taking steps back, how?” Tanya furrowed her brow.
“Moving back into my own place.”
“Wait, you’ve been living with him?” Tanya whispered.
“More like…sleeping there.”
“Jesus, you guys moved at hyper speed. No wonder you’re having doubts,” Tanya
whispered.
“This isn’t like me. “
“No, but maybe that’s a good thing. Stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks is a necessary thing. You’ve had the pause button pressed on your life for a long time. Pan doesn’t allow you to continue that pattern. By all means question yourself, but don’t let fear drive you.