“You don’t want to know.”
“Luke.” I whisper his name like I’ve said it a million times. “I told you what happened to me, and I’ll admit it was hard, but I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Tell me what happened. You can’t keep everything inside.”
His hands slide under my ass, and he lifts me into his lap, cradling me against his chest. I’m not sure if he’s doing this to comfort me or himself as he begins to speak.
“I saw things and did things that no man would ever be proud of doing or seeing. Even though it was to protect my country and done under classified orders, it doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Don’t be afraid.”
“As a SEAL, I was sent in to rescue people. Some people were held hostage and sometimes beaten to the point that they were almost unrecognizable. Sometimes it was a woman we were saving and she’d been raped. Ever look at a woman who fears you just because you’re a man? To be looked at like a wild animal, to be looked at with eyes filled with so much hate you’re certain she wishes you were dead instead of feeling comforted that you saved her life?”
“No,” I answer honestly.
“I know what that feels like. It’s shitty. Sometimes when I close my eyes on a still night, I can still hear the screams of children…and the wails of the families that lost loved ones. I saw too many things. Witnessed too much evil to ever be able to deal with the good.”
“You’re a good person, Luke.”
His body stiffens under my touch. “I’m not. Don’t be fooled by what’s happened between us.”
“You were serving your country. You aren’t defined by those moments. We all have things we aren’t proud of. Yours are just heavier than others’.”
“That doesn’t make it easier to swallow. When I came back, I moved to Denver. I lived in a high-rise and tried to make a life in the city. But everything set me off. When you go through something that makes you look over your shoulder, something like war, it’s hard not to feel like everyone is after you. I started to remove myself from everybody, and when I couldn’t deal anymore…” he trails off and buries his face in my hair. “I ran here. The only place I knew I could never hurt another human being.”
“I can’t imagine you hurting another living soul.”
“I’m dangerous. I’ve murdered people with my bare hands, Madison.”
His confession shocks me and the air rushes out of me in an instant.
LUKE
Instantly I regret baring my soul to her. I can feel her stiffening in my arms before she starts to pull away. I’d never confided in anyone before. Not even the therapist the VA required me to see. But there’s something about Madison that draws me in and makes me want to admit my deepest secrets. The last thing I want is for her to be afraid of me, but she has to understand the man I really am—I’m not a white knight by any stretch of the imagination.
To my surprise, instead of extricating herself from me, she brushes the hair that’s fallen in my eyes away from my face. “You’ve shown me nothing but kindness, Luke. You’re not the man you think you are.” Her palms scorch my flesh as she cradles my face. “What we’ve done in the past doesn’t determine who we are for an eternity.”
I wonder if she’s speaking from experience.
“We’re like rivers, handsome. We move through life touching different points and changing the landscape around us. But at our core, we’re the same. We’re water, dirt, and rocks. No matter what, that never changes. It doesn’t matter if there’s a flood or pollution flowing into our stream, we remain the same.”
A slow smile spreads across my face as I stare into her eyes. I can’t figure her out. The words that just came from her mouth are beautiful in their awkwardness. “You really are breathtaking,” I whisper and sweep my hands across her back, needing to feel her softness against my toughness.
“You need to cut yourself a little slack. Honestly, I don’t know many men who would come after me and rescue me after the way I ran out on you. Not even the ones who claim to be kind.”
Flattening my palms against her skin, I pull her forward so she presses against my growing erection. “I would never leave you out there to die.”
“That’s because you’re a good man, Luke.” Her eyes twinkle in the firelight and her expression is soft and gentle like her tone. “Even though you probably hated me, you still saved me from whatever would have happened if I’d stayed out there all night.”
“You would’ve died, Madison, and I couldn’t have lived with that.”
She searches my face. “Why don’t you see your goodness?”
“I never felt especially good until I met you. I have this insatiable need to take care of you in every way.”
She slides her hands down my throat, taking her time moving over my pecs before wandering to my abdomen and exploring the ridges. “Every way?” She raises an eyebrow with a smirk that tells me we’re not talking about my past anymore.
“Every”—I lean forward, brushing my lips against her sweet mouth—“way.” I kiss her again and she grabs my hand, moving it across her delicate skin to her wet and needy cunt.
“I need you inside me.”
She makes a pouty face and pushes two of my fingers inside her. My cock stiffens underneath her to the point of discomfort.
“Fuck me, Luke,” she begs.
My insides are burning for her, hotter than the fire warming us. Crushing my mouth against hers, I nudge her legs further apart and curl my fingers upward before pulling them back out. She moans into my mouth, sweeping her tongue deeper as if trying to taste more of me. My cock throbs as my fingers plunge back inside her. Her greedy channel convulses and pulls my fingers deeper.
I can’t get enough of her. The way she moans at my touch makes everything else melt away. The words I spoke earlier are no longer important. The only thing I can think about is satisfying the beautiful creature in my lap.
I press my thumb against her swollen clit, circling around the tiny bud with the lightest touch to drive her wild as I fuck her with my fingers. She bucks against me, and I instantly want more of her—all of her. She’s crying out, bouncing against my hand, and holding onto my bicep for support even though I have her cradled in my arms.
I need her orgasm. Need it more than the air in my lungs. Curling my fingers even more and pressing against her G-spot, I lift my hand slightly with each pass before thrusting into her with more force, matching her moans. Her fingernails bite into my flesh, breaking the skin as blood trickles down the back of my arm.
I’m too lost in the way she’s kissing me and fucking my hand to care.
Nothing can stop me from getting her off. Plunging inside of her two more times, my thumb assaulting her clit and my fingers pushing up on the very spot that makes her scream with pleasure, I feel her body stiffen in my arms and her breathing halt. I drive on even though my cock is aching for the same attention. Then her body quakes with pleasure. Her fingernails dig deeper into my blood-stained skin, and I hiss into her mouth as she gasps for air.
“Watching you fall apart in my arms is so fucking beautiful.”
She stares up at me with wonder and her body goes slack. Slowly, I ease my fingers out of her depths and bring them to my mouth, inhaling her sweet scent before closing my lips around them. The way she tastes on my tongue is better than any fruit I’ve ever grown. I close my eyes, savoring the lusciousness. My cock twitches in response.
Her breathing is hard, but she’s still limp, studying my face as I lick every drop of her from my fingers. “I could taste you for eternity,” I say in another moment of truthfulness, before my heart has a chance to pang in sorrow at the thought of her leaving.
“I would let you taste me always,” she whispers.
Gripping her ass in my palms, I lift her over me before impaling her. Relief floods through me when I’m buried inside of her, but quickly I realize it’s not enough. She rests her hands on my shoulders. When her body has adjusted, I slide my hands up her back, pu
lling her down and jamming my hardness even deeper.
Although I want to pound into her, my mind craves something more…intimate. With her flush against me, I swivel my hips and don’t break contact. Her pussy ripples as her head drops backward. A moan leaves her that I can only describe as pleasurable pain. There’s nowhere for my cock to go but around, feeling every inch of her insides against the engorged tip. But I need more. I need to feel enveloped and consumed. Need to feel her mouth and steal her breath. I tangle one hand in her hair and bring her face to mine while holding her flush against me.
“Mad,” I whisper into her mouth. “I need you. I need this.” I confess because I’ve never craved anything as badly as her right now.
“I’m yours,” she whispers in response and sweeps her tongue across my lips. I rotate my hips and move my cock inside her. “Take—” My hips move in the other direction and she sucks in a harsh breath before finding her voice again. “Me.”
Her words are like a blow to my chest, and I’m momentarily rendered breathless until she grinds against me again. I swivel my hips faster, touching every bit of her, but it’s not enough. Would anything ever be enough with her? I haven’t found a way yet to tame the clawing need I feel when I’m in her presence. Moving my hands down her spine, I grip her around the waist and lift her from my cock. The way she whimpers at the loss makes me smile against her mouth before I pull her down, slamming her down on top of me.
I capture her screams and lift her up, repeating the motion with such force that I wonder if my hands and my thighs will leave bruises on her, but I can’t stop myself. I’m like a wild man driven only by pleasure. My fingers dig deeper into her sides. I thrust up as I tug down, crashing our bodies together.
Desperate to see her, I drag my lips away from hers and study her. The fire shines on the thin layer of sweat that lines her body, sparkling like a million points of light with each movement. The tiny wisps near her damp hairline cling to her temples. When her eyes close and head tips back, her mouth falling open in the process, I feel my orgasm starting to build.
There’s no time to savor the moment or appreciate her beauty. Not with the way my body needs the release. The sights, smells, and sounds are too overwhelming for me to quench the thirst I have for her except through my release. Pumping up harder, pulling down rougher, I scream her name as the orgasm grips my body and shakes me to my very core.
Overcome with so many things that I’m not used to feeling, I curl my face into her neck and try to fill my lungs with air. With every breath I suck in her scent, memorizing it for later. I want to stay here in this moment forever. But I know that she’ll leave, and I’ll go back to who I was before I found her in the woods, bathed in moonlight and sin. I hold her tighter against me, and as if she can read my mind, a single tear falls from her face and onto my shoulder.
Chapter Seven
MADISON
The sounds of the storm pelting against the windows are replaced by the trilling of birds. Snow drips from the trees and roof into melted puddles outside. Sunshine streams through the windows, adding warmth to our little refuge on the mountainside.
Luke and I sit across from each other at the small wooden table that fills out the kitchen area of the cabin, cards spread out between us. I furrow my brow as I strategize my next move. Luke lazily strokes the tops of my feet and calves, which are resting over his lap, using his other hand to hold his cards. We’re playing best out of five, but I’m definitely taking this game of Gin Rummy more seriously than he is. Maybe because I’m naturally competitive. Or maybe because every time we make eye contact, something unspoken but powerfully intense passes between us. It’s raw and filled with feelings that have crept over me the past few days. Feelings I wasn’t expecting. When I let him inside me, I didn’t expect he’d get this close to my heart.
But we don’t talk about what this tryst means. We don’t talk about the melting snow, or my healing wounds.
Suddenly, someone is pounding at the door.
I jump, yank my feet off Luke’s lap, and stand up abruptly. I’m still hanging out in his flannel shirt, which most times makes me feel overdressed, but with a stranger behind the door, I’m suddenly feeling vulnerable.
Luke barely masks a scowl before rising and moving toward the door. He grabs a shotgun and opens the door. My heart thunders, but no one’s ever made me feel as safe as Luke has.
I wrap my arms around myself. Not because of the gust of cool air that hits my bare legs when the door opens, but because we’re no longer alone.
“Lou. What can I do for you?” Luke’s enormous body fills the doorway, blocking my view of our unexpected visitor.
“Was wondering if you’d seen a girl up here. We have a guest down at the retreat and she’s been gone since the storm hit. Indigo saw her head up the trail in the morning, but we haven’t seen her and her phone’s not answering. Her name’s—”
“Madison. I know. She’s here.”
Luke interrupts the man gruffly, and moves to the side, allowing him entrance to the cabin. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Luke didn’t care for me too much by the way my name rolled off his tongue. But I suspect his tone has more to do with this visitor invading his space…and our time together. He props the gun beside the door and goes to the fire, staring into it wordlessly.
Lou is a much smaller and older man. He’s wearing green hiking pants, a thick jacket, and a simple black ski cap that covers his ears. Salt and pepper gray hair sticks out over his ears. His eyes are bright and wide, and become even more so when he sees me.
“Well, you must be Madison. Good to see you, alive!”
He takes a few more steps in to shake my hand with a smile, seeming to pay no mind to my half-dressed body.
“Hi,” I reply softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry everyone.”
“You did give us a scare. We weren’t sure if you went into town, but we figured you might be close since your car hadn’t moved. I rounded a few of us up the other night planning to hike up in the storm to look for you, but, well, it got a little worse than we expected. It was a tough call.”
The anguish in that decision rested in the deep grooves lining Lou’s forehead and his flattened lips. Suddenly I’m wracked with guilt. God, I’d been so stupid to think no one would care that I’d run off into the wilderness and holed up with a recluse for days. I hadn’t expected to be away from Avalon for so long.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I never meant to put you in that position.”
Lou’s worry lines ease a touch. “Don’t worry yourself over it. All’s well, and you’re safe. That’s the important thing.”
I nod, because I’ve already apologized twice and even though it doesn’t seem like enough, I’m struggling to explain my poor decision making. Sorry, Lou. I was up the mountain having the best sex of my life while you were worrying if I was frozen solid somewhere on the trail.
“Well…” Lou pulls off his ski cap and brushes a hand through his wiry hair. “The snow’s not too treacherous anymore. If you’re wanting an escort down the mountain, I’m happy to take you. Unless you’re coming down soon.”
I follow his gaze toward Luke, whose body has somehow turned to stone. He stands stock still, his arms folded thickly over each other, his legs wide. He’s staring at Lou now with an unreadable expression. Then he shifts his gaze to me, taking a quick circuit up and down my body, before he turns toward the fire and shoves another log into it.
“Thanks, Lou. That’d be great.”
My eyes widen. “But don’t you—”
“Lou’s right. The trail is safe now. Your ankle feels better, right?”
I can’t speak. Another cold gust of air seems to have hit me with Luke’s words.
“Your clothes are clean. I put them in the bathroom. You can borrow one of my jackets for the trip down. I’ll come grab it next time I’m in Avalon.”
My feet feel frozen to the rude floor. I can’t escape the devastating reality that I’m
being discarded, suddenly and abruptly. Why can’t he take me down himself? When I’m ready…
But when would I be ready? The truth is that I don’t want to leave. There’s little to do here beyond fuck and eat and sleep and stare at each other, but I haven’t minded it one bit. I swallow over the disappointment that’s thick in my throat and move to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I change into my clothes which have been carefully folded and set atop a wooden shelf that also holds a few mismatched towels. The knees of my jeans had ripped on my quick escape days ago, but have since been sewn back together with thick blue thread. Luke must have mended them at some point when I was sleeping.
My eyes burn. My throat prickles painfully. My stomach starts to burn and it hasn’t for days. This is foolish. I’m a mess. He must have known it, and that’s why he’s turned his back so quickly.
But no matter what I tell myself about Luke, everything is bleeding into feelings I have tried so hard to run from. Jeremy’s words bang through my head as I dress with shaking hands.
We’ve grown apart. It’s not you, it’s me. I don’t feel the same things I used to. It’s not your fault. I can’t be with you. It doesn’t feel right. I’ll always care for you.
Nausea races over the acid that’s creeping up my esophagus. I can’t let Luke know I’m hurting like this. I refuse to give him the satisfaction. We had fun. What the hell more did I expect?
“We don’t see you much these days. Vi misses you. Always asking me how that Luke Dawson is doing. How about you come down sometime?”
“And do what, Lou?”
Luke’s voice is low but Lou laughs. I still my rioting emotions enough to listen intently. Every time Luke speaks, I can almost feel it, like a rough pulse against my palms pressed warmly to the wooden door. I groan inwardly, because the thought of walking down this mountain away from him is almost unbearable. How can that be? Why… Why do I feel this way?
“Well, you could do the usual things. Get your provisions from town. Maybe circle back and spend some time at the main house. Vi makes a mean paella for the residents down there.”
Misadventures of a City Girl Page 6