When Qwilleran arrived home, anticipating a friendly, furry, frolicsome fuss at the door, he was disappointed. Koko was not waiting for him. He went upstairs to Mountclemens' apartment and found the door closed. He heard music within. He knocked.
There was a delay before Mountclemens, wearing a dressing gown, answered the knock.
"I see you're home," said Qwilleran. "Just wanted to be sure the cat was getting his supper."
"He has finished the entre," said Mountclemens, "and is now relishing a poached egg yolk as a savory. Thank you for taking care of him. He looks well and happy."
"We had some good times together," said Qwilleran. "We played games."
"Indeed! I have often wished he would learn mahjongg."
"Did you hear the bad news about the Lambreth Gallery?"
"If they had a fire, they deserve it," said the critic. "That loft building is a tinderbox."
"Not a fire. A murder."
"Indeed!"
"Earl Lambreth," said Qwilleran. "His wife found him dead in his office last Wednesday night. He had been stabbed."
"How untidy!" Mountclemens' voice sounded bored — or tired — and he stepped back as if preparing to close the door.
"The police have no suspects," Qwilleran went on. "Do you have any theories?"
Curtly Mountclemens said, "I am in the process of unpacking. And I am about to bathe. There is nothing further from my mind than the identity of Earl Lambreth's murderer." His tone terminated the conversation.
Qwilleran accepted the dismissal and went downstairs, pulling at his moustache and reflecting that Mountclemens had a talent for being obnoxious when it suited his whim.
Down the street at a third, rate restaurant he later scowled at a plate of meatballs, picked at a limp salad, and contemplated a cup of hot water in which floated a tea bag. Added to his irritation with his landlord was a nagging disappointment; Koko had not come to the door to greet him. He returned home unsatisfied and disgruntled.
Qwilleran was about to unlock the vestibule door when a scent of lime peel came through the keyhole, and I he was not surprised to find Mountclemens in the entrance hall.
"Oh, there you are!" said the critic amiably. "I had just come downstairs to invite you for a cup of Lapsang Souchong and some dessert. Rather laboriously I transported home a Dobos torte from a very fine Viennese bakery in New York."
The sun broke through Qwilleran's clouds, and he followed the velvet jacket and Italian pumps upstairs.
Mountclemens poured tea and described current exhibitions in New York, while Qwilleran let rich buttery chocolate melt slowly on his tongue.
"And now let us hear the gruesome details," said the critic. "I assume they are gruesome. I heard nothing about the murder in New York, where art dealers are more or less expendable…. Forgive me if I sit at my desk and open mail while you talk."
Mountclemens faced a stack of large and small envelopes and wrappered publications. Placing each envelope facedown on the desk, he rested his right hand on it, while his left hand wielded the paper knife and extracted the contents, most of which he dropped contemptuously in the wastebasket.
Qwilleran recounted the details of Lambreth's murder briefly, as it had appeared in the newspaper. "That's the story," he said. "Any guesses as to motive?"
"Personally," said Mountclemens, "I have never been able to appreciate murder for revenge. I find murder for personal gain infinitely more appealing. But what anyone could possibly gain by dispatching Earl Lambreth to the hereafter is beyond my comprehension."
"He had quite a few enemies, I understand."
"All art dealers and all art critics have enemies!" Mountclemens gave an envelope a particularly vicious rip. "The first one who comes to mind, in this case, is that indescribable Bolton woman."
"What did the lady welder have against Lambreth?"
"He robbed her of a $50,000 commission — or so she says."
"The outdoor sculpture for the shopping center?"
"Actually Lambreth did the innocent public a favor by convincing the architects to commission another sculptor. Welded metal is a fad. If we are fortunate, it will soon die — put to death by practitioners like the Bolton creature."
Qwilleran said, "Someone suggested I write a human, interest story about her."
"By all means, interview the woman," said Mountclemens, "if only for your own education. Wear tennis shoes. If she stages one of her insane tantrums, you may have to sprint for your life or dodge metal ingots."
"She sounds like a good murder suspect."
"She has the motive and the temperament. But she did not commit the crime, I can assure you. She would be in, capable of doing anything successfully — especially murder, which requires a certain amount of finesse."
Qwilleran lingered over the last few bittersweet crumbs of torte, and then he said, "I've also been wondering about the junk sculptor they call Nino. Know anything about him?"
"Brilliant, odoriferous, and harmless," said Mountclemens. "Next suspect?"
"Someone has suggested it was a family affair."
"Mrs. Lambreth has too much taste to indulge in anything as vulgar as a stabbing. A shooting, perhaps, but not a stabbing. A shooting with a dainty little cloisonn pistol — or whatever women carry in those cavernous hand, bags. I have always had the impression those handbags were stuffed with wet diapers. But surely there would be room to accommodate a dainty little pistol in cloisonn or tortoise shell inlaid with German silver —»
Qwilleran said, "Have you ever seen the portrait she painted of her husband? It's as lifelike as a photograph and not very complimentary."
"I thank the fates I have been spared that experience…. No, Mr. Qwilleran, I am afraid your murderer was no artist. The textural experience of plunging a cutting tool into flesh would be extremely repugnant to a painter. A sculptor would have a greater feeling for anatomy, but he would vent his hostilities in a manner more acceptable to society — by mauling clay, chiseling stone, or torturing metal. So you might better search for an irate customer, a desperate competitor, a psychotic art-lover, or a rejected mistress."
"All of the vandalized art depicted the female figure," said Qwilleran.
R-r-rip went the letter knife. "A nice sense of discipline," said the critic. "I begin to suspect a jealous mistress."
"Did you ever have reason to suspect Earl Lambreth of unethical business dealings?"
"My dear man," said Mountclemens, "any good art dealer has the qualifications to make an outstanding jewel thief. Earl Lambreth chose to divert his talents into more orthodox channels, but beyond that I am not in a position to say. You newspapermen are all alike. Once you get your teeth into a piece of news, you must worry it to death…. Another cup of tea?"
The critic poured from the silver teapot and then returned to the attack on his mail. "Here is an invitation that might interest you," he said. "Have you ever been unfortunate enough to attend a Happening?" He tossed a magenta-colored announcement card to Qwilleran.
"No. What's a Happening?"
"An evening of utter boredom, perpetrated by artists and inflicted on a public that is gullible enough to pay ad, mission. However, the invitation will admit you without charge, and you might find it a subject for a column. You might even be mildly amused. I advise you to wear old clothes."
The Happening had a name. It was called Heavy Heavy Hangs Over Your Head, and it was scheduled for the following evening at the Penniman School of Fine Art. Qwilleran said he would attend.
Before the newsman left Mountclemens' apartment, Koko graced the occasion with a moment of his time. The cat appeared from behind the Oriental screen, looked at Qwilleran with a casual glance, yawned widely, and left the room.
11
Monday morning Qwilleran telephoned the director of the Penniman School and asked permission to interview a member of the faculty. The director was pleased. In the man's manner Qwilleran recognized the ringing bells and flashing lights that always accompanied the
anticipation of free publicity.
At one o'clock the newsman appeared at the school and was directed to the welding studio — a separate building at the rear, the ivy, covered carriage house of the former Penniman estate. Inside, the studio had a mean look. It bristled with the sharp edges and thorny points of welded metal sculpture; whether the pieces were finished or unfinished, Qwilleran could not tell. Everything seemed designed to puncture flesh and tear clothing. Around the walls were gas cylinders, lengths of rubber hose, and fire extinguishers.
Butchy Bolton, formidable in coveralls and ludicrous in her tightly waved hair, was sitting alone, eating lunch from a paper sack.
"Have a sandwich," she said with a gruffness that failed to conceal her pleasure at being interviewed for the paper. "Ham on rye." She cleared a space on an asbestos, topped workbench, pushing aside wrenches, clamps, pliers, and broken bricks, and she poured Qwilleran a cup of coffee strong as tar.
He ate and drank, although he had lunched well a half hour before. He knew the advantages of chewing during an interview; casual conversation replaced formal questions and answers.
They talked about their favorite restaurants and the best way to bake a ham. From there they went to diets and exercise. That led to oxyacetylene welding. While Qwilleran ate a large red apple, Butchy put on skullcap, goggles, and leather gloves and showed how to puddle a metal bar and lay an even bead.
"The first semester we're lucky if we can teach the kids not to set themselves on fire," she said.
Qwilleran said, "Why do you weld metal instead of carving wood or modeling clay?"
Butchy looked at him fiercely, and it was not clear to Qwilleran whether she was going to hit him with a welding rod or whether she was thinking of a trenchant reply. "You must have been talking to that fellow Mountclemens," she said.
"No. I'm just curious. For my own education I want to know."
Butchy kicked a workbench with one of her high-laced boots. "Off the record, it's faster and cheaper," she said. "But for the paper you can say that it's something that belongs to the twentieth century. We've discovered a new sculptor's tool. Fire!"
"I suppose it appeals mostly to men."
"Nope. Some little bitty girls take the course."
"Was Nino, the junk sculptor, one of your students?"
Butchy looked back over her shoulder as if searching for a place to spit. "He was in my class, but I couldn't teach him anything."
"I understand he's considered somewhat of a genius."
"Some people think he's a genius. I think he's a phony.
How he ever got accepted by Lambreth Gallery is hard to figure."
"Mrs. Lambreth thinks highly of his work."
Butchy exhaled loudly through her nose and said nothing.
"Did Earl Lambreth share her enthusiasm?"
"Maybe so. I don't know. Earl Lambreth was no expert. He just conned a lot of people into thinking he was an expert — if you'll pardon me for slandering the dead."
"From what I hear," said Qwilleran, "quite a few people agree with you."
"Of course they agree with me. I'm right! Earl Lambreth was a phony, like Nino. They made a great pair, trying to outphony each other." She grinned wickedly. "Of course, everybody knows how Lambreth operated."
"How do you mean?"
"No price labels. No catalog — except on big one-man shows. It was part of the so-called prestige image. If a customer liked a piece of art, Lambreth could quote any figure the traffic would bear. And when the artist got his percentage, he had no proof of the actual selling price."
"You think there was some juggling going on?"
"Of course there was. And Lambreth got away with it because most artists are fools. Nino was the only one who accused Lambreth of rooking him. It takes a phony to know a phony."
Smugly, Butchy patted the tight waves on her head. Qwilleran went back to the office and wrote a requisition to the Photo Department for a close-up of a lady welder at work. He also typed a rough draft of the interview — minus references to Lambreth and Nino — and put it aside to ripen. He felt pleased with himself. He felt he was on the trail of something. Next he would visit the art museum to check out the missing Florentine dagger, and after dinner he would attend the Happening. For a Monday, this was turning out to be an interesting day.
The art museum assaulted Qwilleran with its Monday afternoon quiet. In the lobby he picked up a catalog of the Florentine Collection and learned that most of it had been the generous gift of the Duxbury family. Percy Duxbury was museum commissioner. His wife was president of the fundraising group.
At the checkroom, where Qwilleran left his hat and coat, he asked Tom LaBlanc's girl where to find the Florentine Collection.
She pointed dreamily to the far end of the corridor. "But why do you want to waste your time there?"
"I've never seen it, that's why. Is that a good reason?" He used an amiable, bantering tone.
She looked at him through a few strands of long hair that had fallen over one eye. "There's a loan exhibit of Swedish contemporary silver that's much more stimulating."
"Okay. I'll see both."
"You won't have time. The museum closes in an hour," she said. "The Swedish stuff is real cool, and this is the last week it will be here."
For a checkroom attendant she was taking more than routine interest in directing him, Qwilleran thought, and his professional suspicion started wigwagging to him. He went to the Florentine Room.
The Duxbury gift was a hodgepodge of paintings, tapestries, bronze reliefs, marble statues, manuscripts, and small silver and gold objects in glass cases. Some were displayed behind sliding glass doors fitted with tiny, almost invisible locks; others stood on pedestals under glass domes that seemed permanently affixed.
Qwilleran ran his finger down the catalog page and found the item that interested him: a gold dagger, eight inches long, elaborately chased, sixteenth century, attributed to Benvenuto Cellini. In the glass cases — among the salt cellars and chalices and religious statues — it was not to be seen.
Qwilleran went to the director's office and asked for Mr. Farhar. A middle-aged secretary with a timid manner told him that Mr. Farhar was out. Could Mr. Smith be of assistance? Mr. Smith was chief curator.
Smith was sitting at a table covered with small jade objects, one of which he was putting under a magnifying glass. He was a handsome dark-haired man with a sallow skin and eyes that were green like the jade. Qwilleran remembered him as Humbert Humbert, Lolita's escort at the Valentine Ball. The man had a slyness in his eyes, and it was easy to suspect that he might be misbehaving in some unspeakable way. Furthermore, his first name was John: anyone called John Smith would arouse doubts in the most trusting nature.
Qwilleran said to him, "I understand there is a valuable item missing from the Florentine Room."
"Where did you hear that?"
"It was a tip that came to the paper. I don't know its source."
"The rumor is unfounded. I'm sorry you've wasted a trip. If you're looking for story material, however, you could write about this private collection of jade that has just been given to the museum by one of our commissioners."
"Thank you. I'll be glad to do that," said Qwilleran, "but at some future date. Today I'm interested in Florentine art. I'm looking particularly for a chased gold dagger attributed to Cellini, and I can't seem to find it."
Smith made a deprecating gesture. "The catalog is overly optimistic. Very little of Cellini's work has come down to us, but the Duxburys like to think they bought a Cellini, and so we humor them."
"It's the dagger itself I want to see, regardless of who made it," said Qwilleran. "Would you be good enough to come with me and point it out?"
The curator leaned back in his chair and threw his arms up. "All right. Have it your way. The dagger is temporarily misplaced, but we don't want any publicity on it. It might touch off a wave of thefts. Such things happen, you know." He had not offered the newsman a chair.
"
How much is it worth?"
"We prefer not to state."
"This is a city museum," said Qwilleran, "and the public has a right to be told about this. It might lead to its recovery. Have you notified the police?"
"If we notified the police and called the newspapers every time some small object happened to be misplaced, we would be a major nuisance."
"When did you first notice it was missing?"
Smith hesitated. "It was reported by one of the guards a week ago."
"And you've done nothing about it?"
"A routine report was placed on Mr. Farhar's desk, but — as you know — he is leaving us and has many other things on his mind."
"What time of day did the guard notice its absence?"
"In the morning when he made his first inventory check."
"How often does he check?"
"Several times a day."
"And was the dagger in the case when he made the previous check?"
"Yes."
"When was that?"
"The evening before, at closing time."
"So it disappeared during the night."
"It would seem so." John Smith was being tight-lipped and reluctant.
"Was there any evidence that someone had broken into the museum or had been locked up in the place all night?"
"None."
Qwilleran was warming up. "In other words, it could have been an inside job. How was it removed from the case? Was the case broken?"
"No. The vitrine had been properly removed and replaced."
"What's a vitrine?"
"The glass dome that protects the objects on a pedestal."
"There were other objects under the same dome, were there?"
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