My fingers hover close to two glasses, trembling with fear as I must make the ultimate choice. I tell myself I can do it. I can’t. I can do it. I can’t.
And then the choice is made for me.
The woman picks up the glass. I hold my breath as my eyes skid from the glass on the tray to the one in her hand. She brings it to her lips, and for a moment, my heart stops beating. Make a choice. Make a choice, Vanessa. Do it!
Then she takes a sip.
Seconds feel like minutes as I spin on my heel in horror, walking away from the crime scene that everyone’s about to witness. Soon, I can already hear her choking. It doesn’t take long for the glass to drop from her hand and for the crowd to begin screaming.
I made my choice.
I chose myself, my love, and my needs over someone else’s.
Now I’m just as evil as my mother is.
I can’t look back and watch, but my mother suddenly grabs my arm and turns me around, forcing me to witness my own undoing.
“Well done, dear,” she whispers. She sounds so happy, even though all the bones in my body are shaking with the terror of what I just did.
“Don’t say that,” I murmur, feeling guilty already.
“Why not? See that? That’s power.” There’s an unmistakable grin on her face.
“It’s murder,” I murmur.
She tightens her grip. “Like they say in the comics, with great responsibility comes sacrifice.”
“It’s not responsibility if people have to die for us to gain wealth.”
“She was threatening your father’s position. Now she’s no longer a problem. Be glad,” she says.
I jerk my arm free. “And yet you made me do it. I know it was your idea. Do the Starr’s even know what they’re getting involved with?”
She narrows her eyes. “Of course, they do. Why else would we be friends with them?” The way she says it, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, has me baffled.
She puts her arm around me and guides me back inside the house as chaos outside ensues. “That’s why it’s so important for you and Phillip to stay together. So our family will grow, and you’ll get everything you want.”
“No, so you get everything you want. What do I get? A guy who doesn’t even like me and acts just as horrible as you do.”
“Vanessa.” She purses her lips. “One more word and I’ll have you on house arrest for the entire month.”
“What?” I gasp. “I can’t believe this.”
“You’d better because I’m quite done with your ungrateful attitude.”
“You just had someone murdered! And I was the one who did it!” I say, a bit too loud.
Some people walking through the hallway briefly glance at us, and my mother glares at them until the room clears. Then she shoves me up the wall.
“Listen to me, you little bitch. You’ll do what I say, when I say it, or you’ll be the next to end up dead on the ground. Do you understand?” Her voice is so gritty, so raw, that I barely recognize my mother.
Who is this woman?
I swallow away the lump in my throat and keep it together, so I don’t show any fear. If she smells it, she’ll attack, just like a wild bear.
“Yes, Mother,” I say with a contained voice.
“Good.” She smiles. “Because I will not have my daughter disobeying me. You will behave properly, do as you’re told, and marry Phillip, so we can unite our families and acquire even greater power. You might not see it now, but this is what you want. What everyone wants … regardless of your personal wishes. You’ll see it in time.”
“I understand, Mother.”
She releases me and then starts patting down my dress, tucking my hair behind my ears as if nothing happened. As if she actually cares about me more than just keeping up appearances.
Of course, not. It’s all for show, even her love.
The only way she’ll ever be truly happy with me is if I become her.
I hate her. I hate her with all my guts. And yet, she is and will always be my mother. I want to love her, I so desperately do, which is why I have to do as she says. Why I made the wrong decision. Why I’ll become as fake as she is.
Everybody needs love.
Even if it’s the wretched, poisonous kind.
And I’ll do anything in my power to be worthy of hers.
Because I am worth it.
I am more than what she says I am … and I’ll never give up proving it.
***
Present
Turns out, I’m not so different from my mother … or what she said I am.
I’m a coward who can’t even face the consequences of my actions. Instead, I shiver in pain from the cold freezing my body. My lips are sealed shut, too cracked and sore to open. All because I’m too afraid to bleed, to lose myself to the pain, to lose myself to Phoenix and his demands.
Am I really unable to give up power in exchange for my life? Or will I fight until the very end? Even I don’t know the answer to this question. At the moment, my world is unraveling like a string untying from its own knot. Two different worlds are colliding, my past and my present, and I’m stuck in the middle, unable to make a choice.
My parents taught me to fight, to never give up, and to give my life if I had to. All for the promise of power. For self-worth, I learned to sacrifice my own wishes and those of others. But what does it all mean if I’m dead?
I don’t want to die. Not yet. I wanted to do so many things in my life. So many things I never got to do because of obligations and demands from others. And now … it could all come to an end.
If Phoenix gets angrier with me, it means I’ll never be able to see my own dreams fulfilled. After what I’ve done, I deserve his anger, but I don’t deserve this pain. I don’t deserve death.
Maybe according to him, but not according to me.
But I’m losing the will to oppose and try to outsmart him. Maybe fighting him isn’t my best option. Maybe I should just give in and let him win. In the end, it’ll only make it easier … to betray him when he least expects it.
If he thinks he’s won, if he thinks I’m broken, then either he’ll kill me … or he’ll stop trying to attack me. What other choice do I have? I’m going to die anyway, might as well try to break free.
The only way to do that is to get him to trust me. To make him feel like he owns me. And then, when he least expects it, I’ll stab him in the back and run for my life.
CHAPTER 18
PHOENIX
I get back into the bathroom after about thirty minutes have passed. I checked up on the other girl I keep in the closet and she seems to look fine, apart from her screaming red face. As long as she’s still alive, I’ll have a bargaining chip, and it’ll make it all the more fun to play with Vanessa.
She’s shivering in the tub, her teeth clattering as she has trouble even looking up at me.
I cock my head. “Had a nice shower, Princess?”
She doesn’t respond. Instead, she just shakes her head.
“I hope you had a chance to cool off,” I say, grinning. “Pun intended.”
“F-fuck. Y-you,” she mutters.
“You don’t look very clean yet, do you,” I muse, unbuttoning my pants again. “Let me help you with that.”
“What?”
“Oh, you don’t want to be clean?” I ask, taking off my pants. “And here I thought you were the ‘always prim and proper’ type of girl.”
“Yes,” she says.
“Well, there’s only one way to do that, and it requires a set of free hands.” I wave my hands in the air, smiling when she realizes what I’m going to do.
“Stay away from me,” she says.
Frowning, I ask, “Oh, Princess, do you really want to make a fuss about this?”
I step closer, and she yells, “Don’t touch me!”
“Or you’ll do what?” I muffle a laugh. “If you didn’t notice, you’re chained. I think I can pretty much do anything I want with you.�
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The scared look on her face makes me feel all giddy inside. Her hair is completely messed up, her blond curls draping down her shoulders, no longer hiding the original brown hair at the roots. Shame she had to cover up who she really is.
“If you stay good, I might be a little nicer to you,” I muse, as I curl my fingers underneath my shirt and take it off.
The moment it drops to the floor, her eyes are practically glued to my skin. She’s eyeing my muscles, swallowing as her gaze glides over my abs, my pecs, and up to my face.
“I’m here, Princess,” I say, pointing at my face. “A bit distracted now, are we?”
“No,” she says, barely able to pronounce words without trembling.
I laugh. “Stop lying. It’s not working for either of us. I can see those hungry eyes looking.”
“Just because my eyes are looking doesn’t mean I actually like it,” she says.
I narrow my eyes. “I don’t believe that.”
She purses her lips, her eyes boring into mine, but she doesn’t reply. I guess she’s still trying to resist her needs. Too bad for her, I want her to fall for me again … only so I can destroy her when she does. Her resolve is chipping away bit by bit, and I’ll be there when it crumbles down.
Hooking my fingers underneath the elastic band, I pull down my boxer shorts in one go. My semi-hard dick has her eyes almost bulging out of her head, making me wonder whether she’s afraid I might shove my cock into her pussy … Or not at all.
I smirk when she covers up her hardened nipples with one hand, attempting to hide her excitement over seeing my pierced cock.
“Don’t be so ashamed, Princess. It’s all natural,” I muse.
“I’m not,” she says, sinking to her knees.
“Whatever. Get up,” I say, as I step into the tub.
I move closer and place my hand on her waist. She flinches, trying to back away, but the metal around her wrist won’t let her.
“Don’t move, Princess. You don’t want to hurt yourself.”
“S-stay away,” she says.
“Hmm … are you so sure about that?” I say, turning up the temperature just a notch. Her eyes open up completely, and she gasps. “Or not?” I turn it back down.
“No, turn it back up!” she says, jerking on the cuffs.
“Stop,” I say, smacking her tit. “I told you not to fucking move.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
I smack her other tit, making her squeal. “And don’t you fucking tell me what to do.”
“I’m sorry!” she repeats, this time even louder.
“Now, what do you want, hmm? Do you want me to turn this up? Ask nicely.”
“Can you make the water warmer, please?” she asks, her voice soft and pleading.
I love the sound of it … it reminds me of a long time ago, when she still wanted me and wasn’t such a conniving bitch.
“What are you going to do for me?” I ask, pulling her closer. Her cold tits rub my chest, creating goosebumps all over. I fucking love it. “Are you going to be a good girl?”
“Yes.”
“Do you still think I’m nice?”
She swallows and thinks about her answer for a second. “Only when you want to be.”
“Exactly. And you don’t get to decide anything. You don’t get to manipulate me. I won’t allow it, so don’t try it ever again.” I grip her ass so tight that she squirms and my fingers mark her skin red.
Her face glows as I lean in to take a whiff of her scent. Her face is much cleaner than before, and all the make-up has rinsed off. She looks pure … less tainted than hours before. Every passing second her shifting behavior affects me. Changes me. It forces me to look at her in more ways than just the one consumed by hatred.
With the water cascading down her beautiful body, puckered nipples, and pink lips, I get the sudden urge to take what belongs to me.
So, I do. I kiss her, pressing my lips softly onto hers, marking her as mine. She doesn’t fight, doesn’t even flinch as I kiss her gently, my tongue dipping out to lick her sweet, icy-cold lips. I let my tongue roam free across her mouth and push inside, forcing her to open up and let me in. She doesn’t resist; instead, her tongue finds mine, and her lips cling to me. The cold doesn’t suppress the warmth flowing to my cock, which grows thicker every second. All I can think of is kissing her, fucking her every fucking second of the day …, and then ruining her for life.
I step into the shower with her, increasing the temperature further until it’s warm enough to heat up her body. She’s still shivering, as I press her firmly into my warm body. She makes herself small to fit between my arms, as if I’m a radiator she’s cuddling up to. How cute. I just want to fuck her with my tongue.
Her taste is exhilarating, and I can’t fucking get enough of tasting her, her mouth latching onto mine with equal wantonness. Her body is quickly regaining its normal temperature, and her natural flush reappears on her face, although I’m not exactly sure if that’s because of the shower or because I’m grabbing her ass and pushing her body against mine.
The urge to turn her around and bend her over gets bigger and bigger as she pants into my mouth, desperate for air … desperate for more kisses. I let my hands roam free over her body, cupping her tit and giving it a nice squeeze. My mouth silences her first moan, as I taste her willingness to finally submit. And, oh … how I will make her submit.
***
VANESSA
His fingers brush along my body, reviving my senses. He prickles my skin with his rough hands, kissing me roughly, taking me whole. His need captures me; his desire for my body to the point that I just let it happen. I don’t resist … and maybe I don’t want to. Maybe, for a moment, I just want to feel and remember what it was like for him to love me.
Or at least for him to fuck me raw.
It’s the next best thing.
It doesn’t take long for his fingers to find their way to my pussy, sliding back and forth between my legs to make me open up.
“Spread your legs, Princess,” he murmurs into my mouth, leaving sweet, delicious kisses on my lips. “Let me warm you up.”
My body still quakes, partially with need and partially from fear, as I part my legs and let him touch me. His skilled fingers have me panting already as he strokes my pussy. His cock grows hard against my belly, pushing into me as he wraps one arm around my back, holding me close.
“You feel that, Princess? That’s called being someone’s pet.”
I frown, biting my lip. “I’m not a pet.”
“You are mine now, and I’ll call you whatever the hell I want,” he muses, licking his lip ring. “My little pet. And this fucking pussy is mine, too.” He caresses my slit, making it wetter by the second. “You know how I know? This.” He holds his finger next to my mouth. “Open up, Princess. Taste yourself.”
I do as he says; not because I want to, but because I know I have no other choice.
His finger probes my mouth and slides across my tongue, forcing me to taste my own wetness. My eyes drift down his body, too consumed by lust to avert somewhere else. I look at the winged skull tattoo on his chest, the scars surrounding it, and the piercing in his nipple that I didn’t notice before. I don’t know why I like looking at him, but I do. I know I’m hot for him; he doesn’t have to tell me. I can’t help my own fucking body. This is just what he does to me.
I’ve been so numb these past few years—first with Phillip, then with Arthur—that I’ve forgotten what feeling something is like. And holy shit, feeling his hands all over my body and his mouth on mine is addictive.
His lips move to my neck as his fingers dexterously circle my clit, barely avoiding it. I’m shaking with need, hot blood pulsing through my veins, bursting with life. My need for him grows stronger every second, and my barrier is breaking down as he forces me to endure his touch.
“Don’t fight it, Princess,” he whispers close to my ear. “Or I’ll make your body turn frigid again.”
Just the thought of that icy cold makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“What do you want, Princess?” he asks, spreading my slickness all over. “Do you want me to touch you here?”
My breath comes in short gasps as his fingers dig into my skin on my back.
“Tell me how much you want it.”
“I want it,” I gasp.
I’m not sure if I’m telling the truth or a lie.
“I could do this all day, you know … tease you until you beg me to stop,” he murmurs, smiling against my skin. He places another kiss just underneath my ear. “Would you like that?”
“No …” I say, hissing when he cups my pussy and remains motionless.
“I know you’re lying … This pussy wants to come so badly, I can feel it. I can smell it. I can taste it.”
He lets go of my pussy and brings his fingers to his mouth, sucking on his fingers like it’s a lollipop and I’m the sweet candy hidden inside. The deliciously devious smile on his face makes my pussy thump with need.
Suddenly, he spins me on my feet and grabs my throat, making me gasp for air.
But his hand … oh fuck, he brings his hand back down and toys with me, still avoiding my clit. He’s teasing me, testing my ability to adjust and accept his dominance over me. I swallow, feeling his harsh grip on my throat with every movement of my muscles.
“I know your pussy is begging me to make it come. Except I’m not here to give you what you want. I’m here to get what I want, and what I want is not for your pussy to beg, but for you to beg me.”
I gasp when he reaches down and pushes two fingers into my pussy. “So tight and wet,” he murmurs into my ear. “So, does this pussy want to come?”
I moan when he takes my earlobe between his teeth and tugs. “Oh, fuck.”
“Oh, what?” he says, thrusting in and out of my pussy with two fingers.
“Yes, please,” I murmur.
“Yes, what?”
He’s taunting me, trying to get me to go to my knees. I’ll go with it … make him think I’m easy. Make it look like I’m conquered. Even though, in reality, I’m still itching to claw my way through him.
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