It’s him. She’s not dreaming about me. She’s dreaming about him. Drago. The man who tried to take from her what belongs to me.
The idea alone intensifies my need to claim her again, and to stop her from thinking about him ever again. So I force her on her belly and hold her down as she thrashes around in the bed.
“Calm down,” I say, although it’s causing the exact opposite within my own body. Lying on top of her with a raging hard-on only makes me hornier.
“No!” she screams.
“Yes,” I whisper. “You’re dreaming about him, aren’t you? Drago.”
“He’s on top of me …” she murmurs.
“What is he doing?” I ask, shoving her hands above her head so she can’t move.
“He’s trying to …” She sniffs.
I knew it. She keeps repeating the same scene over and over in her head of him assaulting her. She can’t get him out of her mind, and I hate to see her this way. I don’t want him there; this position, and everything about her, should be mine.
And the way I’m lying on top of her now is probably exactly what he did to her when he found her in the attic. I can’t let her keep that memory; I can’t let it break her. If there’s anything that’ll break her, it’ll be me and only me.
Because I am the only one who can bring her back to one piece again.
The towel drapes off me, and as I lie naked on top of her, my erection poking her ass. Her eyes finally shoot open, immediately aimed at me.
“Phoenix?” she whispers.
I move in and place a kiss on her neck while pushing my fingers underneath her, sliding them down her belly. “Yes, Princess. It’s me.”
“What are you doing?” she murmurs, her eyes red. “Oh, god … I had such a bad dream.”
“Shh …” I say, placing a finger on her lips.
My hand drifts further down until I reach her pussy, which makes her gasp. “Phoenix?”
“Quiet,” I whisper. “Don’t talk.”
“No, what are you doing?” she says, as I start to rub her.
“What I’m supposed to do.” I reach down and circle around her clit.
“No, not now …”
“Yes, now; it needs to be now.”
“But that man, he … he …”
“I know what he did.”
“You don’t understand,” she says. “He tried to—”
“Shh … I know, sweet cheeks.” I place a kiss underneath her ear while I rub her faster and faster.
She tries to move. “No, please. Get off me, Phoenix.”
“This has to happen.”
“I can’t,” she says, gasping for air as if her lungs are restricted. “It doesn’t feel right.”
“That’s because he tried to do this too, didn’t he?”
She nods. “I don’t want it … the memories …”
“I know, Princess. I’m going to take them all away.”
***
VANESSA
He fondles me, in a way that makes me feel disgusted, vulnerable. Ruined.
I remember his smell, his foul stench, the way he lisped in my ear as he touched me in places I didn’t want him to touch. He didn’t listen to me. Instead, he groped me up a wall and tried to take me without permission.
That man … he haunts my mind.
Why? Why can’t I escape these memories?
They control my thoughts, even my nightmares.
Sweat covers my body, and Phoenix is lying on top of me, doing what no man should ever do. And yet, he’s doing it anyway.
He’s touching me, provoking me, wanting me to feel the sensations of lust even though they are anything but appropriate right now. I feel humiliated, and a part of me wishes it to stop. It feels so wrong. So violent. The way he lies on top of me as if he wants to take my breath away.
Much like that man tried to when he …
I yelp from the heartache as Phoenix plays with my privates.
“Let me make it all go away, Princess,” he says.
“No … I don’t want it. Not like this,” I whisper into my pillow.
Phoenix places his hand on my back, near my neck, squashing me into the bed. “It has to be this way. Only like this will you be able to forget.”
I can feel his hard-on poking my ass, and it makes me want to scratch him. How dare he do this to me? After what I just went through?
“I’m trying to make it all better for you, Vanessa,” he whispers in my ear as he slides his fingers up and down my pussy.
“I don’t know, I don’t know …” I repeat. “All I can think of—”
“Shh, I know. Just focus on the here and now. Focus on me,” he says, pushing his fingers in and out of me.
A tear rolls down my cheek. “Please … stop it all. I can’t take it,” I say.
“Yes, you can. I know you can,” he says. “I won’t let your mind be consumed by this. Not by him,” he whispers, pressing another kiss to my cheek. “If there is anyone going to consume you, it’s me.”
“What?” I gasp, but he doesn’t answer.
Instead, he takes his fingers out and smears my wetness across my pussy.
“I can’t see you like this, Vanessa. You can’t let him win. That’s what he wanted. That’s why he did it,” he says.
“He wanted me to remember his act?” I say, fazing out.
It’s the middle of the night, and Phoenix is using his lust to overpower me, making me feel weak. Used, and for the first time, really hurt. It’s not caused by him though, but by that man. There’s a gap in my soul, and Phoenix is trying to mend it in his own fucked-up way.
“Yes. Don’t let it control you. Let me in,” he says. “Let me in.”
He pushes in and out until I’m wet enough, and then his cock sinks into my pussy from behind. I take a deep breath as he buries it to the hilt, my eyes springing open. Phoenix places his hand over my mouth and the other on the back of my head, forcing me into the pillow.
“Don’t fight it. Let me in,” he repeats. “Let me be the one from your memories.”
He goes slow, thrusting in and out with deep strokes, taking his time to soothe me into what’s happening. I’m not sure if I’m really awake or if I’m still dreaming. I don’t know if this is a nightmare and I’m about to wake up.
And then he whispers, “I’m not going to hurt you. Let me help.”
I don’t know why, but that statement makes my heart go numb.
What I feel is real. This isn’t a dream. I am awake, and Phoenix is taking over my body to make me forget about the real nightmare.
The honest truth. He’s creating a perfect lie.
For me.
The moment that I realize why he’s doing this, I let it all go.
My muscles relax, my eyes partially close, and my heartbeat is calm as Phoenix pushes in and out of me, still holding me down to emulate the memory. He’s not doing this for my pleasure or his. He’s doing this to replace one memory with another. To erase the bad from my heart and replace it with his own.
He’s making himself the bad guy in order to save me.
“Forgive me,” he whispers into my ear, the sound echoing like the beating of a drum.
“It’s okay,” I murmur into his hand, focusing on the groaning sounds he makes. I close my eyes and smell his scent, picturing his face, his smile, his hair, his piercings, his muscular body, and all the things that I remember. I feel him, lying on top of me, penetrating my body, and I’m accepting his invasion. I feel zoned out and yet I’m completely at the moment. So free. So broken. So messed up. And it’s okay.
He leans in and presses another kiss to my cheek. “Don’t think about anything but you and me. There’s nothing else, nothing in between. Just you and me.”
Nodding, I let my body rise and lower with his as he thrusts in and out. He keeps toying with my clit, needing me to find my release. His hold on my neck tightens, as if he means to choke me. I remember vague bits and pieces about feeling this before, but every time I
think about it, all I can come up with is his face. His smell. His voice. His touch.
Phoenix.
It’s working.
He increases the pressure he puts on my throat, causing me to gasp for air as my oxygen level goes down. I don’t fight him, and I don’t want to … because, deep down, I know this is going to help me.
He leans in, and his words are like honey to a sugar-addicted soul. “I love you.”
He repeats it over and over again until my fingers are numb, my head feels light, and my body hinges on the edge of euphoria.
“Come, Princess. Do it for me. Let it all out,” he whispers.
My body comes at his command. Just like that. As if his voice has control over my body like a slave listening to its master.
Maybe I am a slave to his wicked version of love.
I don’t care anymore. Right now, everything I need is right on top of me, taking my breath away, both figuratively and literally.
My muscles continue to contract around his hard-on, causing him to pulsate inside me. And then he explodes, gushing into me with full force, groaning out loud. For a while, he keeps going, still holding me down.
When the ordeal ends, the pressure disappears off my head, and he releases my throat. My lungs expand to take in a huge breath as he slowly drifts off my body, dropping to the side. But he doesn’t stop there.
He immediately pulls me close to him and wraps his arms around me.
“Tell me you don’t remember,” he murmurs into my ear. “Tell me I’m the only one.”
“You. It’s always you. All I remember.”
“Please tell me that he’s no longer in your head. Tell me it’s me,” he pleads. I’ve never heard him beg before, but if this is what it sounds like, it feels like it makes my heart beat out of my chest.
“It is you,” I whisper. I turn around to face him and place my hand on his cheek. He’s gazing down at the sheets, unable to look me in the eyes. “Look at me, Phoenix.”
It takes him a while to face me. “I did it for you.”
“I know,” I say, crawling closer to him.
“I don’t want you to think of him. Ever again.” He grinds his teeth, still out of breath from what he just did. “I don’t give a damn if that means that you’ll hate me for the rest of your life. As long as I’m the only one on your damn mind, I am fucking okay with that, all right?”
“Shh …” I say, so tired I could fall asleep right here in his arms. “It’s okay.”
“I’m a bad liar, but you know that already. So I’m just going to tell you straight up. I can’t stop fucking thinking about you, and it’s tearing me apart. I want to hate you, Princess, I really do. But you’re making it impossible, okay?”
I blink away the tears. “I know exactly how you feel.”
“We’re sick,” he says, shaking his head.
“Sick motherfuckers,” I say, and he laughs a little.
He grabs my hand and pulls it up to his lips, gently placing a kiss on top. “I miss what we had.”
“So do I, Miles. So do I.”
“Don’t call me that,” he says. “I hate that fucking name. It’s not who I am.”
“It is who you are to me. You’ll always be Miles. My Miles.”
He smiles and caresses my cheek and then leans in to press a kiss on my lips. The kiss is painful and soothing at the same time because I do care about him … and after everything we’ve been through, I still want him. But it’s bad and all kinds of fucked up. We’re fucked up.
But I want him. I want him so damn much. I want him more than a heroin addict wants her next fix. His dark, indecent love … I’m addicted to it.
“Fuck it. I don’t give a damn anymore,” he whispers against my lips. “If you hate me, so be it. I did what I had to do to get him off your mind. I am the only thing you should be thinking about. Period.”
“I know,” I say, rubbing my face against his chest. His smell is so familiar, it reminds me of what we used to be like, and it soothes me. He soothes me. Everything he does, it’s always been because of me. Even when he said he hated me and wanted to hurt me, it was only because I betrayed him and made him feel powerless. But he never stopped loving me.
There is always a fine line between love and hatred. The more we love a person, the more we can hate them when they do us wrong.
I’ve done Phoenix so wrong that I don’t deserve him.
And yet, he’s here, comforting me in my own bed as we try to make amends with each other.
It’s only fair if I do my part, too.
So I turn to him and make him look at me, so he’ll know I mean it. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For doing that. What you just did.”
“I did something unspeakable,” he says.
“But you did it for me. To take the bad memories away.” I press a kiss on his lips, firmly setting my love for him in his heart. And as I take a short breath between our kisses, I repeat, “Thank you.”
CHAPTER 28
VANESSA
I wake up in the middle of the night. I don’t know how long I’ve slept, but gazing at the clock on the wall, I see it’s been a very long time, and it scares me. Was I that tired? I must’ve been to have slept the entire day and night.
When I look beside me, Phoenix is lying next to me, his arms partially wrapped around my waist. His dark hair messily falls down his face, covering the piercing in his eyebrow. For a second, I just look at him, admiring the view. He looks beautiful in this quiet bedroom … when he’s not trying to kill me.
I think back on tonight, of the moment he came into the room and fucked me raw. It was emotionally draining, to say the least. Tears still stain my cheeks, and when I feel my own skin, it’s still red and swollen from the fights. He choked me to erase the memories I had. Should I be happy or should I be mad? Only now that I’m fully awake do I grasp what he did, and it creates a lump in my throat that I just can’t seem to swallow down.
It’s so wrong. What I feel for him. What he does to me. What we put each other through.
This isn’t what I had imagined for myself, for my future. For us.
And watching him lie there in my bed as if we’re some kind of happy couple scares the shit out of me.
I gently crawl out, making sure he doesn’t wake up as I get out of bed. My naked body is the first thing I cover up with a robe I fish from my closet, and then I look at my broken image in the mirror. The woman who used to be something, a star, someone they loved. Now she’s a tearstained fading beauty, losing her cool blond hair, old mascara staining her eyes.
I grab a pad and put some lotion on it, gently dabbing it on my painful skin. Everything hurts. Not just my body, but my heart. My soul. What’s left of me is a muddy mess of broken pieces. And it’s all because of him.
He did this. All of it. In the name of justice. Was it worth it? Did he get what he want? And more importantly, did I get what I wanted when I decided to ruin my own life?
Miserable. That’s what I am. Pathetic.
And I can’t stand that I’ve become this way. All because of him.
I glance over my shoulder at the naked, muscular body hiding underneath a thin strip of blanket. He doesn’t even know what I really feel, what I really think, when I see him, when I see myself. All I see is dirty, disgusting people. And I don’t want to be that way anymore.
But how is that even possible when I’m still near him?
How can we change ourselves if we are who we are because of each other?
It makes me hate him so much more.
But I hate myself even more for loving him.
I get up and roam around the room, searching through all the cabinets and even his clothes. I find what I’m looking for inside his wallet, right beside a picture of me when I was only sixteen. God, I looked so different back then. Still innocent. Still untainted.
I take the key from his wallet and throw the wallet back on the sheets. Using my mouth, I pry it into th
e cuffs and turn. Just a click and the cuffs open up. My heart flutters a little at the thought of it being so easy. I take them off and place them on the carpet without making a sound.
I search around the room for his phone, and once I find it, I leave the room and dial 911.
“Hello? Is this the police?” I clear my throat.
“Yes, ma’am, do you have an emergency?”
“I’m being held captive in my own home,” I say with a fake, overly emotional voice. “Please help me.”
“Ma’am, stay put and tell us where you are.”
I give them my address and quickly end the phone call with a whisper saying he can’t hear me speak to them or he’ll kill me. This’ll surely get them to my doorstep quickly. I’ll need them for when Phoenix notices I’m gone … he won’t take it well.
When I peek into the room, I see Phoenix is still fast asleep. He won’t know what I’m about to do. He let his guard down. He fell for my charm, and then my fear. And when I showed him my tears … he succumbed to my love. He lost control over the reins, and now they’re in my hands. Quite literally, actually, as I’m holding the leash that’s still chained to the band around my neck.
With my free hands, I touch the metal, and surprisingly, it doesn’t feel weird anymore. Even if I had the time to search for the key to take this off, I’m not sure I could. I don’t know why … it just feels strange to even think about it.
But I can’t digress. No time to lose when my life is on the line. Even when he says he won’t kill me, I know it’s not true. He has it in him, the power to lose control over himself. All it takes is a snap … and a snap I hold. He still hasn’t asked me something, and if he knows the answer, I won’t see the light of day. I’m sure of it.
I made some very bad decisions in my life. I don’t regret making them. I only regret involving Phoenix.
No matter how much has changed, we’re still walking bombs, ready to explode. And I just can’t let that happen. Not again.
***
PHOENIX
Stalker Page 27