by Apryl Baker
He made no such promise. The whole family situation must freak him out more than I’d thought.
“But you just got here,” Ava complains.
“No, they’ve been here for a while, Ava. Had you been home early like I’d asked you to, you could have spent some time with your brother.”
I know that tone of voice. Mrs. Cross has used it on Mary and me several times. Ava’s in for it.
“We really do need to go. Can someone find Ben? I promised not to leave without saying goodbye.”
“Are you always so proper?” Ava avoids eye contact with her mother and turns her attention to Dan.
He smiles. “My mom pretty much drilled proper manners into me and Cam before we could talk, I think. She’s a stickler for that.”
The room goes deathly quiet at the mention of Ann Richards, and Dan realizes what he’d said in the next second. “I’m sorry, I…”
“No.” Heather puts her hand on his arm. “She’s your mother, Dan. Don’t apologize for that. It may be uncomfortable for us to talk about, but don’t feel like you need to walk on eggshells over that fact.”
“Thank you.”
I wasn’t expecting that from her. She seems really nice, a good mom, but even nice people have their breaking points. I wasn’t sure how she’d handle Dan’s mom. Everyone else seems to ignore the elephant in the room, but not Heather. She seems to understand he loves his mother. My respect for her just went up five notches.
Ava goes to collect Benny, and I wander outside to wait on Dan. Our next stop is Zeke’s. Grandparents.
“Finally.”
Eli slides in next to me, his arms pulling me into him. I figured he’d sneak out here. My belly does that crazy flip-flop thing and I snuggle into him. This feels so good, to be in his arms, so perfect. That’s why I’m so suspicious of it. Nothing should feel this perfect. For the minute, I ignore my doubts and bask in the warmth of Eli.
“I missed you.” I lay my head on his chest and listen to the sound of his heart.
“I missed you too, Hilda.” His chin nestles in my hair and he pulls me closer. “You know I won’t hurt you, don’t you?”
How to answer that? After everything I’ve seen, I know there is a good possibility he might. “Eli, I know you wouldn’t want to, but if that curse activates, you won’t have a choice. I’ve seen what it does to the men in your family.”
“I’m your Guardian Angel, Mattie. My job is to protect you. I couldn’t hurt you if I wanted to.” He sounds so desperate to believe that. “I swear I won’t hurt you.”
I know he’d try his best not to hurt me, but that curse is some nasty business. I’m betting none of the others thought they’d hurt their loved ones either.
“I knew it!”
The sound of his mother’s voice makes us jump apart. We turn to see her coming down the porch steps, disapproval stamped all over her face. She’s carrying two books with her.
“Mom…”
“Don’t ‘Mom’ me, young man! You promised to stay away from her…”
“I did no such thing!” He stands straight and faces his mother. “You just demanded I stay away from her. I never promised to.”
“Then I want you to promise me that right here and now.” Her aqua eyes flash with a deep and unbridled fear under the mask of anger. I can see how terrified she is, even if Eli can’t.
“I’m her Guardian Angel. How am I supposed to protect her if I can’t get near her?”
“Your mom’s right, Eli.”
He turns to look at me, angry and confused. “Hilda…”
“No.” I shake my head. “This curse? It’s too dangerous. If she’s right about this bond mimicking love, then what happens when I’m in serious danger and it kicks in? I’ve been that girl who died at her husband’s hands in my dreams. I’ve felt myself get stabbed and shot. Felt her confusion, her betrayal. Her pain. If you hurt me like that, you’d never forgive yourself. Dan would never forgive you either. The two of you get a second chance. I won’t let you risk everything just to be near me. I do care about you, Eli. It’s why I’m saying your mom’s right. You have to stay away from me until we can figure this out.”
He looks like I just sucker punched him in the gut. “I’m sorry, Eli, but you know I’m right.”
I expect him to get mad and storm off, but instead, he pulls me against him and kisses me. Desperation. I can feel all the desperate longing in his kiss, feel it in the way I cling to him.
When he lets me go, I take a shaky breath and try to steady myself. Eli’s kisses always have that effect on me. Without a word, he stomps up the steps and inside, leaving both his mother and me staring after him.
“Thank you for that.” Heather sighs deeply. “I know he hates this, but I’m only trying to protect him. It has nothing to do with you. From everything I’ve been told, you’re a great person, Mattie. I don’t want to hurt either of you.”
“I know.” And I do know. She’s just being a mom.
“I wanted to show you these.” She hands me the two books she’s holding. “They are part of my family’s journals and talk about living reapers. I thought it might help you understand who you are and what it all means. I’d planned on letting you read through them while here, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to be a possibility in the near future. You need to know this, so I’m willing to let you borrow them.”
“Really?” Wow. She’s willing to let me borrow something so valuable?
“Of course.” She smiles, and for the first time, the fear and worry are erased from her face. “John’s family has been tasked with protecting living reapers from the beginning. My family didn’t come across that little fact until about a hundred years ago, but once we did, we researched it heavily. I hope these books can help you understand who you are a little better.”
I take the books from her. The leather is old and soft. “These books feel so old. I won’t hurt them by reading them, will I?”
“No, they’re protected from aging with a simple spell.”
Magic. Of course. I keep forgetting magic is real. I have enough runes tattooed into my flesh to be a constant reminder, but they’re in places I can’t see, so I don’t remember them.
“Like the runes they tattooed on me?”
Heather laughs. “They called them runes, did they? They’re not true runes. The designs are ancient, derived from some of the runes history teaches us about, but the symbols are mostly for show. The magic is in the ink, the spell worked in as they ink you.”
That makes more sense than some kind of supernatural hoodoo symbols. I can buy that the ink is spelled and the magic transferred over into the tattoo more than I can it being just the symbols working without any help.
“Get these back to me when you’re done with them, please. I’ll go inside and send Dan out. I know you need to get going. And, Mattie, thank you for putting your foot down with Eli. You didn’t have to.”
“Yeah, I did. I meant it when I said I care about him. I don’t want him to get hurt either.”
“I think you might hurt him anyway.” She bites her lip, a debate in her eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“Dan.” She gives me a sad, knowing smile. “I’ve seen the way you look at him and the way he looks at you. I don’t think my son would stand a chance if it wasn’t for this bond. He’s going to get his heart broken. So, please, before you go any further with him, think about what you really want. If it’s Dan, then let Eli know that.”
“I…”
She shakes her head. “You don’t know it yourself, Mattie, but you’re in love with Dan. You could very easily fall in love with my son because of this bond. If that happens, you’re going to hurt one of them very badly. None of you deserve that kind of pain. So think about how you really feel and make up your mind before this gets out of control.”
She gives me this sad little smile and walks away, leaving me reeling.
She thinks I’m in love with Dan?
No,
she can’t be right. Dan and I already had this discussion. We decided that we got confused about our feelings. He loved Meg. I accepted that. I didn’t like it, but I accepted it.
But did I? The idea of him with Meg still sets my teeth to gnashing. It’s more than her being my best friend and promising not to make a move on him until I figured out my feelings. Sure, I was pissed she’d broken her word, but it was more than that. It hurt me to the point I could barely breathe. I mean, I ran all the way to New Orleans and right smack dab into a haunted house to get away from the pain of them being together.
And then I met Eli. We had this crazy insane attraction that buried the pain of Meg and Dan being together. Eli is hard to explain. I like him. So much. He makes me burn with this intense desire, and he gives me butterflies in my stomach. Dan never did that. With Eli, it’s easy as breathing. Dan is complicated, hard, but the thought of losing him sends me into a panic so severe, it’s like I’m trapped under something, crushing my chest, and I can’t breathe. The thought of losing Eli doesn’t do that to me.
The more I think about it, the more confused I become. Maybe I need to stay away from them both until I figure this out. Time and distance. Dan has a lot on his plate right now, anyway, with his mom and getting to know the Malones. That’s not going to work, though. I know Dan. If I try to push him away, he’ll dig in deeper. I tried that once already, and I got my butt chewed out. Like he says, he’s in it for the long haul. He won’t leave me, and he won’t let me leave him.
We’re stuck with each other for better or for worse.
Chapter Sixteen
Thirty minutes later we are pulling into the parking garage of Zeke’s apartment complex. We’ve both been quiet on the ride over. Dan looks lost and a little pissed off. The last twenty-four hours have been excessively hard on him. Losing Meg, discovering he came back from the ghost plane with psychic ability…it’s all a bit much for a guy who never used to believe in something unless he could physically see and touch it. Science. That was his religion. Now he has to deal with ghosts, angels, demons, and who knows what else.
I switch the ignition off and turn to him. “You okay?”
“Peachy.”
That’s one of my lines. “Seriously, Dan, are you okay? You scared me earlier when your nose started to bleed, and you’re recovering from shock, and…”
He puts a finger to my lips. “Shush. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine, Dan.”
He leans his head against the headrest. “No, I’m not fine, but I will be. I have to be.”
“No, you don’t have to be. After everything you’ve gone through, no one expects you to be fine. You need to take a minute and let yourself not be fine.”
He doesn’t say anything to me as he gets out of the car. Conversation over, I guess. Frustrated, I get out of the car, lock it, and follow Dan to the elevator. While we wait for the doors to open, I study him. He’s tired, worn, and a little pale. Rest. That’s what he needs.
“Stop staring at me like I’m going to flip out.”
“I’m not.”
He rounds on me. “Yeah, you are, Mattie. Just stop, okay?”
“You need a nap.”
“What?”
“A nap.” I nod. Yup, that’s the best for Mr. Grouchy. “Maybe then you’ll get over this burr in your bonnet and stop snapping at me for worrying about you.”
“Bee in your bonnet,” he mutters.
“What?” What’s he going on about now?
“It’s not a burr in your bonnet. It’s a bee in your bonnet.”
“Whatever. Means the same thing.”
He shakes his head and jabs the elevator button again, like he’s eager to get away from me, which hurts.
“Why are you so pissed at me?”
“I’m not.”
“You are, Officer Dan, and I don’t know why.”
“Mattie…”
“Don’t lie to me because you’re mad. What did I do?”
He closes his eyes, every tense muscle screaming frustration. “Leave it alone, Mattie.”
Leave it alone? When has he ever left it alone when I asked him to? Never. “Nope, you are going to tell me what’s going on so we can fix it.”
When he opens those brown eyes of his, they aren’t full of anger like I’d expected. Instead they burn with an intent, and I’m not prepared when I find myself pinned against the wall and his lips crashing down onto mine.
It’s not like with Eli; there isn’t this explosive fire. It’s a slow burn that starts where his lips are on mine and then travels down every nerve ending I have. Engulfed. That’s what it feels like. I’m engulfed in a fire that burns hot enough to chase away the cold in my bones, hot enough to scorch away the bitter pain of every bad thing that’s ever happened to me. But beneath all that heat, is this feeling of contentment, of safety and peace that fills every jagged hole in my heart. I’d thought Eli felt like home, but I didn’t really understand what home was. Not until now.
I stop fighting the sensation and relax, my lips moving with his in our own little dance. Heat, desire, love. All those things wrap around me when he deepens the kiss, pushing against me until there isn’t even the barest of millimeters separating our bodies. Who needs butterflies when there is this? I can’t even define what it feels like, all I know is I want more and reach up, twining my fingers in his hair. This kiss is the kind of kiss I’ve only ever read about. This kiss is the stuff of legends.
The elevator doors open, and the couple inside gasp, tearing the two of us apart. We step aside and let them exit the elevator before boarding it ourselves.
“Why did you do that?” My fingers press lightly against my bruised lips. Maybe it was a kneejerk reaction to him losing Meg? He’s not thinking straight.
“Because it’s something I’ve wanted to do since I met you.” He closes his eyes and lets out a soul wrenching sigh. “I’m not mad at you, Mattie. I’m mad at me.”
“You’re mad about kissing me?”
“No, never that.” He blinks his eyes open and looks at me. “I saw Eli kiss you, and it all boiled over, and I realized something. I’m mad at myself because every time I try to think about Meg, all I can think about is you. Last night, when I heard those shots fired, my girlfriend, who I did love, was the last person on my mind. When I saw you both take a bullet, all I saw was you. I could lose Meg, but I couldn’t lose you. I’m mad at myself because I should be more broken up about Meg dying, but I can’t be because you’re safe. And that means more to me than anything or anyone else. I’m mad at me because I convinced myself to stay away from you because of your age, because you needed a friend more than you needed another guy in your life. I’m mad at myself because I should have told you all this before Meg, before Eli…I’m just mad, Mattie.”
Is he trying to tell me what I think he is? My mouth drops open, and before I can say a word, the elevator doors open and he’s rushing out, leaving me staring after him. Did Dan Richards just tell me he loves me in his own weird way?
I stand there for a full minute, long enough for the elevator doors to shut on me. Memories of the morgue elevator are enough to have me smashing the open button and hightailing it out of there. Dan’s already gone inside, and Zeke’s poking his head out to look for me.
“Everything okay?”
“Fine,” I mutter and dodge around him. “Been a long day.”
“It’s about to get longer.” He closes the door behind me. “My parents are here.”
Great, just freaking great. My head’s still reeling from Dan and his earth-shattering kiss, and I have to deal with grandparents now? Fate must hate me or has a sick, twisted sense of humor.
“I need to get cleaned up. We’ve spent all morning looking for a missing kid, and I stink. Where’s Dan?”
“He went upstairs to his room, I think. Missing child?”
“The little girl who lives next door to the Crosses disappeared out of her yard this morning. We’ve been walking for miles lo
oking for her.”
Zeke frowns. “I hope it’s not connected to the murders.”
“It’s connected.” I explain to him about the bear and the stench of sulphur. “There’s a lot more I want to talk to you about too, but if your parents are here, I really need a shower before I meet them.”
“Of course, ma petite. Mrs. Banks went out shopping earlier, and you’ll find some clean clothes in your bathroom.”
Thank you, Mrs. Banks. I don’t waste any more time and rush up the stairs. I so do not want to meet his parents looking like the mess I do. I’m already terrified they’ll think I’m not good enough for their fancy family. Despite Zeke’s assurances, I might come up lacking because of how I grew up. Even if my father doesn’t want to admit it, it’s a distinct possibility.
Dan’s door is firmly shut when I round the corner. I want to barge in and demand to finish our conversation, but the word grandparents flashes like warning lights in mind. I need to deal with them first. It takes me all of ten minutes to shower, but at least a good twenty minutes is wasted while I try to tame my hair. Curls are awful when you don’t have time to make them relax.
Mrs. Banks got me jeans and a green t-shirt. She didn’t go for a dress or anything fancy. Just normal clothes. I love her the tiniest bit more as I hustle myself into the soft fabric. Old Navy. I always loved their clothes, though I typically do all my shopping at Walmart. Foster care only pays for so much.
I give myself a once over and decide I look about as presentable as I can, never mind the wild look in my eyes. Nothing to be done about that. I don’t run down the stairs. For once, I take my time. I’d hoped Dan would be here with me when I met these people, but I can deal on my own. Not the first time and not the last time I’ve been in these situations by myself.
I’ve gotten so dependent on Dan, sometimes I forget I can do stuff on my own. I’m a strong, independent woman. I don’t need anyone to save me or be there for me when I’m in a difficult situation. Don’t get me wrong, having someone there is nice, but I don’t need them. I’m Mattie Louise Hathaway. I can do this.