I leaned in and locked my eyes on hers. I stared intently at her trying to force her to really look at me. “Are you sure? I could reshelf the books, vacuum the carpet, or clean the bathrooms.”
She blinked several times then answered. “Actually, we could use some help cleaning up and putting the books back in their place.”
“Great, I can start next week,” I said smiling at her.
“My name is Darcy Tanner. I’ll see you next week.”
I thanked Darcy and walked out of the library, feeling content I had found a new job. Outside the sun had started to set. I walked the four blocks back to the bus stop and waited for it to arrive. Fortunately, it pulled up a couple minutes later.
When I reached my front door, the sun had completely disappeared, and a quarter moon looked down on me. I entered the apartment and noticed a folded piece of paper on the floor. I picked it up and unfolded it.
I was going to call or text but wanted to give your phone a break.
You are not alone in any of this. We are your friends and only a phone call away.
XOXO
Kami and Kian
I refolded it and placed it on my night stand. I traded the black slacks and blouse for a comfortable pair of gray sweats and white shirt with a black store logo on the front. I ate a sandwich for dinner and headed to bed. The day of job hunting had left me tired. Although I wanted to go to sleep, I dreaded the dreams. I climbed under the sheets and closed my eyes.
Analey, please, help me.
My eyes shot open. “Candice,” I said. I was certain it was her voice calling out to me from somewhere in the dark. “Candice,” I called out again. “What happened to you?” No spine-chilling voice answered. I knew the detectives had told me it was an animal attack and the news had reported the same thing but if that was true then why were the Shadowmist homicide detectives investigating it. No, I didn’t believe it was a bear. It was something else, but what I didn’t know. But I would find out.
My hands trembled as I dialed Heath’s number. I wanted to ask him if he knew anything about Candice’s murder. I was anxious to hear what he would he say. The phone rang several times and then his voicemail picked up. It was the standard greeting, “Leave your message after the beep.” I didn’t leave a message. It wasn’t something I could discuss through voicemail. I returned to bed alone, no nightmares and no voices. Just a few hours of sleep.
The next day was Wednesday and Kian and I had made plans to dinner at his place that evening, but I assumed our conversation the day before had made it clear those plans were off, but I needed company. I felt on the edge of insanity alone with my worried thoughts and ghostly voices. I made the excuse to myself that I should apologize to Kian, so I called him. Kian did answer his phone and he agreed to meet me at the diner for lunch. I would express how sorry I was about my rude behavior but tell him we could only be friends.
“You look nice,” Kian said once I was seated across from him at the diner. My hair was pulled back, a few strands hung down around my face. I wore an old pair of blue jeans and a blue long sleeve shirt under my jacket.
“Thank you.” I smiled and thanked him for the compliment. “I’m sorry for the way I have been acting lately. I’ve been going through some tough times with the move from Havencrest, then,” I swallowed before saying it out loud, “the attack on Candice, but it was wrong of me to take it out on you.”
“It’s okay. I get it. You don’t have anything to apologize for. I should be apologizing to you.”
“You?” I asked.
“Yeah, I haven’t been very sympathetic to your feelings. But I’m paying attention now.” Kian slipped out of his side of the booth and sat next to me, his hand on mine. I wanted to tell him about some of what I had been hearing and seeing, but he would think I was crazy.
“What is it? What’s on your mind?” he asked.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing. Thanks for meeting me here today. I really just needed to get out and talk to somebody.”
“Of course, anytime.” Kian smiled then leaned in and before I could object, his lips were on mine. My first instinct was to push him away, but then years of loneliness overcame me, and I kissed him back. When he pulled away, there was a big childish grin on his face, and I laughed. I realized it had been so long since I’d laughed. I decided to give Kian a real chance. I thought maybe I could learn to feel more for him but the nagging feeling that our relationship wasn’t meant to be, would return.
eleven
All good things must come to an end and my first romantic relationship was not immune to the cliché. The nightmares had somewhat eased up and the red-eyed monsters seemed to have disappeared. Yet, it was becoming more difficult to be present in reality, to not be paranoid that something terrible was lurking around every corner. I was also constantly worried about Kian’s safety. Everything was perfect with Kian, but after just three months we both knew it wasn’t working.
It was late May and the New England spring weather was evident in the trees and blooming flowers. I stared out the window at the white daisies that blossomed over the green grass in the narrow lawn that carpeted the front of Cedar Grove Apartments. The Tulip trees surrounding the building were pushing forth small yellowish green tulip shaped flowers and chalice-like emerald leaves. Neither one of us was to blame for the relationship not working out the way we had hoped. We had fun together and found out we had more in common than I’d thought possible. I learned he was a fairly good bowler, but I could hold my own and gave him some tough competition. Neither one of us cared for the club scene (although we did go a couple of times at Kami’s request) but preferred catching a movie at the cinema or renting one from the video store. We enjoyed each other’s company, but something was still lacking. Maybe it would have worked out in another time and place, but in the present moment, we had to go our separate ways. We were two souls destined to be apart and a part of another fate.
I said the dreadful statement that indicates the end of a good thing is near. “We need to talk.” I fixed my gaze on the floral pattern of the couch pillows.
“I agree,” Kian answered, his hands folded tightly in his lap. His soft blue eyes looked at me expectantly as he waited for me to continue.
We were sitting in my drab little apartment, Kian next to me on the couch. I could feel the springs through the worn-out padding in the cushions. I reached for his hand and he held mine in his. The butterflies I once felt at the slightest touch had long ago disappeared. He looked down for a long moment before looking up. I didn’t know how to start, so Kian did.
“You truly are an amazing and beautiful soul,” he whispered.
I put my hand up to his cheek. He was trying not to hurt my feelings, but I wasn’t worried about mine. I didn’t want to prolong the inevitable; it was the end of something that could have been beautiful, but ending it was necessary and no words could explain it away.
It is what it is. I thought of another annoying cliché. I despised them. They were what people said when they didn’t empathize with what someone was going through and had nothing appropriate to say. Everything will be okay when obviously it wasn’t. Or time heals all wounds, but time only softens the hurt; emotional wounds never heal. Then there was my all-time favorite: everything happens for a reason. Sure, some things did happen for a reason but not everything. Sometimes events happened only to cause pain and suffering.
I hated clichés and now I sat only thinking in clichés.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything,” I told Kian. “These past few months have been great and you are my best friend but….” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I looked down and pulled on a stray thread on my jeans; I didn’t want to see the pain in his ocean blue eyes.
“Something’s missing,” he said, finishing my sentence.
I nodded, relieved he understood.
“I can’t explain it. You are everything I could ever want in a woman, yet I can’t help but feel this is not what was meant for
us,” he confessed.
“I know.” I smiled and brushed his cheek again, his skin mildly warm under my fingertips. A tear rolled down my face. I would miss him, but I knew this was how it was supposed to be. I had never been in love with Kian, only with the possibility of love.
“Can we still be friends?” he asked, a smile forming on his lips.
“I would really love that,” I answered.
Kian let go of my hand and placed his on either side of my face. He leaned in and kissed me one last time. I was sad to see it end but relieved we didn’t have to go on lying to ourselves anymore. I worried it would affect my friendship with Kami, however. We all had grown so close over the past few months I couldn’t fathom the idea of ending our friendship. If it came to it, I would find a way to mend any ill feelings Kami felt towards me.
I fingered the silver pendant that hung from my neck. It was a spiral shaped infinity symbol hanging from a delicate silver chain. I didn’t remember where it came from only that I’d always had it with me. As I considered every scenario that could occur with Kami, I was momentarily blinded by a sudden flash of light.
I was transported to another time and place. I knew not where I had been sent, but it had a certain familiarity. I looked around as the scenery from the new surroundings merged with reality. Using my limited knowledge of history, I guessed I was somewhere in the 1600’s, possibly 1700. The women around me were dressed in long elaborate full gowns. The men were dressed in garments made of silk and most wore doublets over their shirts and pants. I looked down and gasped at the gorgeous white gown I was wearing. It had delicate gold trim around the skirt, and I could feel something light sitting atop my head. My full-bodied dress gently swayed from side to side as I weaved through the crowd that had gathered for some sort of social event. Some of the guests tipped their wine goblets to me as they made eye contact, while others offered me inaudible greetings. I wasn’t sure where I was walking to but was drawn to a group of people standing next to a large column. They were having a casual conversation and laughing. One of the men had his back to me and as I approached the intimate circle of friends, he turned to face me. His eyes were still the same ocean blue, but his hair was dark blonde and longer. His fair skin was tanned, and he appeared a bit older.
Kianoush gave me a wide smile as he dropped his head in a respectful bow before lifting me in his arms and spinning around. A joyous grin spread over my face as he kissed my cheeks. A beautiful blonde stood next to him. Kamilla hugged me as I joined the group.
“I’m so glad you came,” I said to Kianoush.
“Good. Me too,” he replied, slipping his hand into mine.
“Good. Me too,” Kian said.
I was back in my apartment, sitting on couch with Kian, ending our short-lived relationship. Details of the vision were fading fast and soon all that was left was a dizzy feeling and slight headache. I closed my eyes trying to make sense of what I’d just experienced but I couldn’t recall anything. It felt like nothing more than déjà vu. I took a deep breath and joined Kian in the present.
I sat back leaning my head on his shoulder as we sat in silence, my hand in his. It felt natural being with Kian, yet it wasn’t what was meant to be. We lingered in each other’s company for a moment longer before Kian stood up to leave. We said our goodbye’s and Kian left my apartment, a touch of sadness hanging in the air.
“Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”
~Edgar Allan Poe
twelve
That night was the beginning of my nocturnal visions. I referred to them as visions because the term dream didn’t accurately define them. Dreams happen when one is asleep, when their subconscious is at work. The visions carried me to another time and place so vivid it was as though I were physically there; a place where the pain and suffering of loneliness failed to exist.
It was difficult to decipher where I was when I traveled in these projections. I wasn’t familiar with the sites or the one other person that was always present. I awoke after each one painfully aware that it had only been a dream, even if it had felt more real.
In the vision, I walked out the door and into a night draped in darkness. I was in the woods surrounded by big majestic trees. Bright red and orange leaves hung from the branches, glistening in the moonlight. The details in this place were exaggerated a bit due to my melodramatic imagination. An imagination that could take on a life of its own if I allowed myself moments of uninterrupted thinking.
The moon was bright, and its light danced around the trees. I took in my surroundings, distracted by the surreal surroundings. When I heard the thud of footsteps coming towards me, my heartbeat raced as I imagined what could be hiding in the woods. I knew that the forest could be as dangerous as it was beautiful. I held my breath, fear trembling through my body and a cold shiver following.
He emerged from behind one of the trees and stepped onto the dirt path running between them. The perfect stranger had dark blonde hair that reached his shoulders and blew gently in the breeze. His was tall and I could see the defined lines of his strong arms. At once I noticed his warm brown eyes. I was still afraid, but now I only feared the solitude his absence would surely bring. I could see in his eyes, emotions clothed with raw passion and I felt safe, protected in his presence. His gaze warmed my soul like an unforgettable embrace. I was unexplainably whole and complete in a way I never had been before. I imagined he was the answer to my eternal loneliness and my heart yearned for him to be real.
I took a step closer but never reached him. It was as if for every step I took, he took two back, though he never moved. I stood there staring at him, trying to figure out who he was. I knew him but when I searched through the faces of all the people I did know, he wasn’t anyone I’d ever met. While I had been busy trying to place him, he disappeared. The forest around me evaporated and in the next moment I was back in my bed, alone, staring up at the cracked ceiling. I laid there thinking about him until the memory faded away like smoke being carried off by the wind. My mind scrambled to bring his memory back to me. I didn’t know who he was, but I had to find out. The dream, or whatever it was, had felt so unbelievably real. I wanted someone to confide in about my dreams, but I feared Kami would think I was insane.
I must talk to someone or I will go crazy. I thought to myself, as I sat on my bed with my legs crossed underneath me. It was late morning and I was still in my t-shirt and sweat pants. It was my normal sleeping attire and my favorite. I pulled on the string and it gave away easily. I stepped out of the gray pants and put on a pair blue jeans and a red cotton tee. They too were my favorite clothes to wear. After getting dressed I decided to visit Kami and maybe risk telling her. I had a copious amount of emotions bottled up inside and I was on the verge of erupting. I picked up the phone and called her.
“Hey,” Kami said answering on the first ring.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“It’s good. How are you?”
“Good. I’m good.”
There was a moment of silence as I was beginning to regret calling her, but I forced myself to continue. “Um, I was wondering if maybe, if you’re not busy, you might want to hang out?” I asked twirling a strand of my hair around my index finger.
“Yeah, I mean no I’m not busy. I would love to hang out.”
“Great. You want to meet at the diner, or we could go to the Roasted Bean?” I let go of the strand of hair that was now curled even after I had released it.
“The diner sounds great. I’ve been craving a milk shake. I’ll meet you in twenty minutes,” she said.
I placed my phone in my back pocket as I put on my shoes and then grabbed my bag on the way out the door.
The early afternoon blue sky was clear and sunny. The sunshine felt warm and comforting on my skin. I walked down one block and took the long way to the diner. I could have kept straight on the road I was on, but it would have taken me right past the boutique and I didn’
t have the strength to go by there and look at it. What had happened to Candice was still too fresh on my mind and I still didn’t have all the answers I needed. I felt as if I had failed her by not uncovering the truth of what had attacked her. If it was a bear, I wanted to know without a doubt that an animal, not a human, was what had killed her.
Fifteen minutes later, the diner was in sight. I crossed the street and stepped onto the curb and noticed Kami’s red car parked out front. I took a deep breath as I pulled on the door and walked into the restaurant.
“Analey, over here.” Kami waved at me.
Kami stood to give me a hug then we sat across from each other in a booth, a white top table between us. Kami’s manicured hands rested on the table. She looked down, her long eyelashes draping over her blue eyes. Her expression was soft and troubled when she glanced up at me. “I’m a bit concerned about you, Analey,” she said.
“You have no reason to be. Everything is fine. I’m fine.” It was only a small white lie, but I didn’t want to burden her with the nonsense plaguing my daily life. I couldn’t imagine anyone would understand, let alone believe me. Even I didn’t want to believe the frightening circumstances that was my life now. I had arranged this meeting with Kami to tell her about what I had been seeing in my visions about Candice and the strange guy in my dreams but now that I was sitting across from her and she was already looking at me like I was losing it, I changed my mind.
Prior to leaving the orphanage to move to Shadowmist, I had pictured myself free from the worries of childhood, with the promise of new possibilities. I imagined myself surrounded with new friends and fun experiences. I now realized how misguided my perception of reality had been. I had only a few friends, one whose life had been tragically cut short. I had experienced awful nightmares and now strange dreams invaded my nights. No, I wouldn’t admit such absurdity to Kami.
Edge of Forever: The Death and Life of Analey Rose (The Immortal Souls Book 1) Page 9