by Abbi Glines
“I used my voice,” I said with confidence I honestly felt.
The shock on his face was unmistakable. “Really?” he asked in awe.
I nodded. “Really,” I replied with my voice.
His smile was one that was unsure but proud. This thing with Ryker had him torn between concern for me and wanting me to be happy. We understood each other. We always had.
“Good night,” he said with a small nod, then turned and walked out of the room. No more questions. How could he keep being negative after that information? He couldn’t, and he was smart enough to let it go and get some sleep.
After all, tomorrow was a big day for him, Ryker, and the team. It was holding up my life and affecting my choices. That’s how important it was. I sat down on my bed, thinking about how something like football could hold that much importance. I had forgotten what the world of football was like since Hunter and my dad had moved. It had been a big thing in our house from the time Hunter was four years old. Dad put a football in his hand and spent hours with him outside throwing it back and forth.
Now, after all these years and all this work, the time had come for it to mean something. Just like when we were kids and football came before anything I wanted to do, it was coming before what I wanted again. I’d learned to accept it at a young age. I wondered how many girls would do this.
I need to take off my clothes and get ready for bed. I thought about taking a shower, but I could smell Ryker’s cologne on me from sitting so close, touching, and, of course, kissing. I decided I might just sleep in my shirt.
Slipping my bra off and tossing it in the laundry basket, I couldn’t remember a time I had gone to bed dirty. I was becoming a rebel. That thought made me laugh.
Ready to Make History?
CHAPTER 29
RYKER
It was like electricity in the air, when it was game day. Today, however, it was more intense. Everyone could feel it. The energy rippled through the entire student body. Seeing Aurora was a struggle, though, because I was already missing the first half of the game, so being late to a class was pushing things. I couldn’t give any teacher a reason to get me in trouble.
By noon, when the team had lunch separately from everyone else then loaded the buses to head to North Bank, which was a two-hour drive, I had only seen her twice and very briefly. I glanced around as we were sent from the gym, where they had fed us, to the waiting buses they’d leased for the trip. I didn’t see her in the crowded hallway to our left. It wasn’t time for her to be at this side of the hall, but I had hoped maybe she’d come see me before I left.
“She doesn’t know the drill on game days like this,” Hunter Maclay said as he walked up to my right side.
I glanced over at him. He had the same intense expression he wore every game day and on the field. No emotion. Just concentration. As if he were replaying every play in his head and preparing for anything that could be thrown our way by the opposing defense.
He cut his eyes at me. “You were looking in the crowd. Searching, more like it. I figured it was Aurora you were looking for. At least it better be after all this shit.” He looked straight ahead again but kept in step beside me.
“Didn’t see her much today. I should have told her we’d be going out at this time,” I said honestly. Because he needed to know that she was exactly who I was looking for. No one else was in my thoughts.
“Best you didn’t. Need your head clear” was his automatic response. This dude had serious issues. He put way too much importance on the game. Sure, I needed it to pay for my college too, but Jesus, he was a fucking drill sergeant.
“Seeing a girl before I play has never hurt my performance before,” I replied, wondering if this was something his dad had put in his head.
He didn’t flinch. “You told me you’ve never felt like this about another girl. I’d think that might be different.”
I had no response to that. Because he had a point, possibly. This was a first for me. But I didn’t want to think not seeing Aurora would help me be more focused. “I think it’ll make me think about her more. Wonder if she understands where I went and didn’t get to say good-bye.” There, Hunter. How’s that for honesty?
We arrived at the line of players loading the bus and handing off their bags to the people putting them under the bus. He stopped then and turned toward me. “My sister understands football and its importance more than any other girl you’ve met. She knows. She understands.”
She had grown up with Hunter and their father, who seemed to think football was above all else. It didn’t mean it was above all else for me. I wasn’t going to say that to him, though. He thought this was normal behavior.
“Ready to make history?” Nash asked as he slapped my shoulder and stepped in front of me to get on the bus. He was grinning like an idiot as he did it.
“Ask Hunter—I only get the last half,” I reminded him.
Nash didn’t say anything, but I could tell the reason why annoyed him. He wasn’t going to get over my losing it on Asa anytime soon. Even though Asa and I were good. Nash would love to be out on that field again. I wouldn’t let the fact he couldn’t play anymore make me feel guilty for messing up my chance at playing the entire game.
What was done was done.
“No one has to question Hunter. We all know he’s ready” was Nash’s response; then he went inside to find a seat.
I handed my bag off to one of the men loading the bus, then followed Nash inside. I wasn’t sitting by his ass, though. I wanted silence. Most of us did. My Beats were in my backpack I still had on my back. My ritual pregame playlist was on my phone, and I planned on sitting in a window seat and listening to it with my eyes closed. Blocking out the rest of the bullshit.
Hunter was behind me, and I knew he would do the same, but I doubted he’d choose to take a seat beside me. We were on good terms with my dating Aurora, but having to hide that from his dad made it tense between us. Like we were having to hide a major secret that could unravel both our lives. Which was fucking ridiculous.
Tonight I wanted us to win. We all did. Many of the guys on this bus would go to college on tonight’s performance. It was vitally important to us all. My parents could afford to send me to college, but they’d have to get some financial aid, and I’d need a student loan or two. They didn’t want that and neither did I, but we could do it. However, there were guys who would have to get jobs here in Lawton and go to the local junior college, if they even got to do that. There would be many who became coal miners like their fathers. We all wanted more.
I sat down on a seat near the middle and got comfortable. The back of the bus tended to get rowdy for the first part of the trip. We all handled the pregame differently. The younger boys were high on their adrenaline. I was one of them once. They didn’t have the weight of college on them yet. They wouldn’t be playing much either. The middle of the bus was the starters, the juniors and seniors who knew this was important. More than walking around with our chests puffed out because we won. We needed this. For the seniors, this could be the last time we played with our team. The guys we’d grown up on the field with. Possibly the last time we played at all.
The front of the bus was the coaches. They’d talk strategy, work through issues, and rethink everything they’d already talked about. Nash was up there with them. He should be here beside me, with his headphones on, listening to music and focusing on making sure this game put us on the field at an SEC school next year. I had battled with that already and come to terms with it. Nash wouldn’t play again. He had found his peace as well. But facing this tonight and looking up at the back of his head while he discussed the defense with Coach Rich, I missed what could have been.
My chest ached for a moment when I thought about how he was feeling right now. I knew him well. We’d grown up like brothers. This was important to him because of me. He couldn’t do this, but he wanted it for me. He wanted me to get to do what we had always planned on. The start of the school year
he had struggled. Hard. He’d messed up, and I wasn’t sure he’d be sitting there where he was right now if it wasn’t for Tallulah. She’d saved him when no one else could.
That brought my thoughts back to Aurora, and for a moment I had a slight fear I had been looking for someone to save me. From what, I didn’t know. But I had wanted her the moment I saw her, and that wasn’t normal. Not for anyone. Unless it was one of those dumbass shows my sister watched on television in the afternoons. I closed my eyes and blocked out everything around me, the music on my playlist pumping in my ears.
Aurora would still be here next year when I left. She’d have one more year of high school. She could be hundreds of miles away from me. I’d barely see her. Shit. The ache in my chest thinking about Nash was now so damn tight at the idea of not seeing Aurora that I had to inhale deeply, hoping to ease it. This was not something I could let affect me. Especially tonight.
I felt someone take the seat beside me, but I didn’t open my eyes to see who it was. I didn’t care as long as they left me the hell alone. I had to get myself together mentally. Aurora was new; she was sweet; she made me happy. That was all I needed to think about. I didn’t have to worry about the future. It was months away.
In a few hours, however, I would have something to worry about. Something that was important to the here and now. Nash was sitting up front, unable to play the game we both loved. He had played his last game already and at the time had no idea. I knew tonight could be my last high school game. It was knowledge that brought me back around to my main focus right now.
Football.
Football in Alabama Was a Big Deal
CHAPTER 30
AURORA
My dad seemed pleased that I was riding to the game with Tallulah. I was surprised. I thought it might be a bit of a fight. The drive to North Bank was a long one. I hadn’t known that when she’d asked me if I wanted to go with her to the game. However, Dad had surprised me and said sure. Dad rarely spent much time talking to me. Even when I was younger, it was Hunter he focused on. I got a few moments of attention, but we didn’t have a relationship like I knew other girls had with their fathers. I had seen it at my old school. Fathers who came to our different events. Mine came occasionally and left shortly after arriving. He didn’t ask me about anything. Even the play I had been Jane in, Pride and Prejudice. Hunter had football practice that night, so he hadn’t shown up. No explanation.
Getting a simple sure out of him was surprising, but then I figured if he’d said no, it would have caused him to need to think about it, and he was focused on the game. As if he were about to play in it.
He had left earlier, following the buses. My riding with Tallulah meant Ella didn’t have to go, and she really didn’t want to drive that far to watch football. Dad didn’t say that; he said, “I’m glad you’re making friends with good people.” I’m sure he meant that too, but he was also thinking, Now Ella won’t complain and moan about having to come to this game.
School let out at one thirty, once the buses carrying the players, cheerleaders, and band members were gone. The moment all three buses had cleared the parking lot, the announcement came over the PA along with a lot of “Go Lions!” and cheering. Tallulah was going to pick me up at three thirty, so we both had time to go home, shower off school, and get ready. She mentioned getting dinner somewhere in North Bank, since we would have two hours before the game started. It all depended on the traffic in town.
Football in Alabama was a big deal. I was learning that more and more. The stores in town had changed their signs to GO LIONS! and school colors were flying everywhere. People even had signs in their yards with players’ last names and numbers on them. If you ever wondered where a player in Lawton lived, you could ride around and read the signs. Sure, some of them had their names in a few yards, but it was a family member’s house if it wasn’t their own. This was all a new experience. Hunter was used to it. Me, not so much.
I stood at my bedroom window looking down at the new sign that was triple the size of the one we’d had when I arrived last week. It had a large MACLAY on it with #9 underneath it. Of course it boldly stated he was the QB on there as well. I had fought the urge to roll my eyes when Ella had pulled into the driveway this afternoon and I’d seen the new signage decorating our yard. It was a bit much, and I doubted Hunter was real thrilled. He didn’t care about the bragging. He just wanted to win.
If they lost, would Dad take it down? Shrugging off that pointless thought, I went to check myself in the mirror one last time before going downstairs to wait on Tallulah. It was going to get down to the forties tonight. Fall was finally arriving in Alabama. It took a while, that was for sure. I’d decided on a pair of fitted dark-wash jeans with no holes and a Lawton-blue sweater I already owned before moving here; it was lower cut than I normally wore and cropped at the waist. Mom had bought it for me last year, and I’d never worn it. Tonight, though, it seemed appropriate. I’d kept my hair down, but I had a ponytail holder on my wrist in case the wind picked up and the curls wouldn’t stay out of my face. My shoes I had changed about three times. Finally deciding on my black Doc Martens boots. They looked good with the outfit, and my feet would stay warm. Grabbing my black puffy North Face coat, I decided I might need gloves as well. Once I had all of it together, I headed downstairs to the living room.
Ella was sitting in the recliner, watching someone renovate a house on television and drinking a hot tea. She smiled up at me and spoke slowly. Almost so slowly it was hard to read her lips. I wondered if she was yelling again.
“You look beautiful,” she said with sincerity, even if she looked weird opening her mouth so wide.
Thank you, I said silently.
“Do you need money?” she asked. She felt awkward talking to me. I could tell. We really needed to work on my conversing with her. This was just too strange. Maybe I could start using my voice. I did it with Ryker’s family. This was my stepmother, and I was being difficult by holding back on her.
“Dad gave me some this morning,” I said with my voice this time.
Her eyes widened at the sound, and I waited as she sat there in surprise. Then she did the unexpected and set her cup down, jumped out of her seat, and grabbed me in a hug. I wasn’t a big hugger, probably because my parents didn’t hug much or at all. I stood there a moment before hugging her back with my one arm that wasn’t full of outerwear. It was brief, and I dropped my hands quickly. Not sure I wanted to move to the hugging stage with her.
She stepped back, and I saw tears on her cheeks as she grinned too brightly and wiped at her face. “I’m sorry,” she said as she dried her eyes. “I didn’t mean to get emotional. But thank you. For that.” She said this all normally. No big, slow words. I felt guilty now for not doing it before. My own insecurities had made her feel left out or something.
“It’s okay,” I said, and saw her face light up even more. She was young, she cooked terrible food, and she was a little annoying, but I saw why Dad loved her. She wasn’t bad. She was kind. Just quirky, different from what I knew. Who was I to judge someone being different? After I had thoroughly chastised myself for treating her poorly and not even realizing it, I smiled at her. “Thanks for asking if I needed money.”
She continued that one-hundred-watt beam of hers while I saw Tallulah’s car turn into the driveway. I’d had enough emotional bonding with my stepmother. I was more than relieved to see Tallulah. “My ride is here. Enjoy your night,” I told her.
“You too!” she said cheerily, and I could see more tears well up in her eyes. I got the heck out of there before the crying started up again.
Closing the door behind me, I checked to make sure my purse was on my shoulder and my phone in my pocket before walking out to Tallulah’s car. I opened the front driver’s-side door and tossed my coat and gloves into the backseat, then sat down.
Tallulah signed and said, “You don’t have a scarf. I have two Lawton-colored ones my mother made in the back if you want to use o
ne.”
I nodded and replied, “Thank you,” using my voice. “All I had Lawton-colored was this sweater.”
She raised her eyebrows. “I’m jealous of that sweater. It’s super cute.”
“Thanks,” I replied.
“You have everything you need?” she asked.
“Yes. I’m ready,” I assured her.
She nodded and then began backing out of the driveway.
“That sign is a bit much,” I said, then glanced over at her.
The corner of her mouth lifted. “Nash said the Booster Club made them.”
I didn’t say any more, because she had to watch the road to drive. She wouldn’t be able to look at me and respond so I could understand. But hearing that the Booster Club had supplied the sign made more sense. I leaned back in my seat and reached for my phone in my pocket so it wasn’t poking me in the butt. Glancing down at it, I wondered if I should text Ryker, or if that was a distraction for him. I knew Hunter was one-track minded on game day. Ryker was already sitting out the first half. After studying his last text to me, I decided that was meant as a “last text until the game was over,” and I put my phone back in my lap. Football came first. That much I knew.
What if It Wasn’t My Dream?
CHAPTER 31
RYKER
Richards had come to play ball. That was for damn sure. No wonder the guy was the number one scouted quarterback in Alabama this year. He was North Bank’s lethal weapon, and when he graduated, they weren’t going to be nearly as strong. I glanced up at the scoreboard, already knowing what it said. They were ahead by a touchdown. It could be worse. If it hadn’t been for our defense, they’d have two more scores on that board. Hunter was playing his best game, though. I’d give him that. We had hung in there and scored twice because he could put that ball in in the hand of a receiver you didn’t even realize was open. McNair had missed two passes he shouldn’t have, though. If I had been on the field, I knew we’d be ahead. Maclay had made it happen even with McNair’s mess-ups. He’d be the number one scouted QB next year. Especially after this game.