His body went still against me as he sucked in a sharp breath, his hand stopping its movement, and I squirmed in his lap until he continued.
“What…”
He hesitated to ask, but I guessed already what he wanted to know now, and I sighed.
“I went through some testing. I’m waiting on the results. I have to go to my doctor’s office in like half an hour. I don’t know how it’s going to go, but Mason, I’m scared.”
With that admission, he sighed and wrapped both arms around me, holding me close.
“It’s okay to be scared,” he said, his voice quiet and soothing. Then he chided, “You could have just come to me instead of hiding yourself away.”
“I didn’t hide. I stayed with a friend, my best friend. I just didn’t want to be a burden to you,” I explained but it sounded so weak as if I was excusing my behavior.
“I didn’t know what to think. When you thought… it doesn’t matter. You’re okay now.”
I bit my lip, feeling guilt wash over me.
“I know, I was selfish, but at the time it felt like the best decision,” I confessed trying to think about what it would have felt like if it was the other way around. I would have hated him if he’d shut me out that way. But then I hadn’t wanted to contact him. Not then, all I could think about was if I was going to die or not. I had to explain to him. Make him understand.
“I’ve been through all this before and it’s not pretty.”
I moved away from him so he’d understand what I was trying to say for both our sakes.
“You couldn’t handle it. At times, I don’t even know how to handle it. I see them in the clinics, in the hospitals. Partners with their husbands, wives, girlfriends. And it is not just the cancer they’re trying to deal with, but with their partner. They come to see them and hold back their tears as they watch their partner in agony. They hold their hand and all they want to do is take their pain away, but they can’t. We’ve been together a little while, but not that long and I couldn’t deal with the responsibility of watching you see me go through this.” I said it and I felt proud about admitting what was really going through my mind at the time.
“I know a little bit about cancer, and I know it can be long and painful. If my own money isn’t enough, then I’ll borrow more from my family, but I’m getting you the best care, and I will never, not once, leave you alone, okay?”
This was the Mason I was used to, high-handed and in control, even when he meant well. Only this time, it didn’t annoy me as much as it usually did. Maybe I was coming around to the fact he might not change entirely, and I was somewhat okay with it.
“You know, I resented you once,” I said. He arched his eyebrow, and I giggled. “Mostly way in the beginning, but every time you showed off it came back. You have it all, everything I needed back when I was ill, but couldn’t afford, right at your fingertips. And while it would certainly be useful to have a boyfriend with the cash to get me through this, I have my savings, and I’m pretty good at looking after myself. I’m not with you for your money, Mason.”
“I know—”
I put a finger to his lips to cut him off.
“Just let me finish. You having so much and me having so little was one of the reasons I didn’t think you and I would be a good match, and if something ever happened between us, it couldn’t possibly end happily. Your money is nice, Mason, but right now, all I need is a friend…”
I kept talking and talking until I wasn’t even sure what I was saying. I knew I was rambling because my nerves were all frazzled, but I couldn’t help it, and I spit everything out. I explained it all, my feelings, my worries, my terrors. My thought process in our relationship, my illness, our possible future, if we even had one. I didn’t stop until it felt like I was going to pass out from not taking in enough air. And then I did run out of the air, stopping mid-sentence to take in big gulps of it, only I didn’t know where I cut off, so I didn’t bother to continue.
So instead, I looked up at him with huge, scared eyes, silently begging him for one thing. Sure, his money would be convenient, but if there was anything that would bring me peace of mind, it would be his presence.
Like he saw my silent question, his expression softened, and he ducked his head to press his lips against mine in a kiss, his arms tightening even more around me.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I promise to always be there for you. For now, why don’t you get ready and I’ll take you to the doctor?”
33
Mason
I let Laura have her say and decided I had a few things of my own to say or I would explode. I could afford to give her the best treatment money can buy, but right now, she just wanted a friend and I was cool with that. They say money can’t buy love, but it buys a lot of other things, and that includes the best healthcare. It’s sad but true, and later I’d argue with her about it until she caved, because her health wasn’t something I was willing to play with.
She looked hesitant, like she wanted to let me off the hook and I wasn’t having it.
“You told me about partners and how the patients have to watch their loved ones suffering, but they never have to go through it themselves. That’s why they cry for them and wish they could take away the pain. I can sit and hate the idea that you’re going through so much pain, but I would never, ever in a million years understand it unless I contract cancer myself.”
She slumped down and as she sat she said, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.”
The idea of Laura having any enemies brought a smile to my face. She had no idea how beautiful she was on the inside as well as the outside.
“I’m going to be a fucking pain in the arse from now on, Laura. I promise you that. I’m going to make you think, ‘Shut the fuck up Mason’, but I don’t care. I want the best for you and if I fucking cry in your arms, so be it. If I pay your bills and buy you treats, you’re going to take them, because when I couldn’t get hold of you and I didn’t have a fucking clue if you were alive or dead, that was far worse than being by your side. Trust me. I will do whatever it takes to keep you by my side from now on, my love, and nothing can change that or push me away.”
She pouted and she didn’t even think about disputing what I said to her. She smiled in the end and kissed me before she got up and headed to the shower. I was dressed, but I’d made sure my phone was off.
The last thing I needed was my dramatic family calling. I watched as she re-entered the room a few minutes later and started to get dressed. Before she’d have been shy around me. Now, it seemed almost natural for her to be naked in front of me and I smiled at it. She knew I was right and she was slowly and surely starting to trust me.
She nodded. “Let’s do this…”
Her voice was quivering, and I knew she was scared but she had no reason to be, because the whole time she was getting ready and dressed, I was praying. Me, Mason Thompson closed his eyes for a brief second and prayed for everything to be alright. It had to be. Laura came into my life for a reason, and it wasn’t for her to leave just as fast as she’d come into it.
I stood up and said, “Great.” I smiled with confidence knowing there was nothing to worry about. Then we walked out of the apartment and headed for my car. I still kept an eye on her in case she tried something silly like closing the door behind me and staying inside. So I made sure that she left first and I swiftly closed the door behind me. Laura listened to what I’d said and as she followed me to the car, I wrapped my arm around her waist and smiled. “It’s going to be alright.”
Again, she gently nodded as she sat down. This time I was sure she was smiling too.
“Which hospital is it?” I asked, putting on my seatbelt. “It should be in my GPS.”
She told me the name of the hospital, and my GPS brought up the directions and it was time for us to leave. I started the car, following the directions, and we seemed to arrive in no time at all. I glanced over at Laura who was clutching at the seatbelt and shaking
. I sighed.
“Come on, Laura,” I encouraged. “You’ll get the news at some point, so you might as well get it over with.”
“But what if it’s bad news?” she protested weakly.
“It won’t be.” I wanted it to be true too much to think otherwise. “If we hear something that we don’t like then we’ll get a second opinion. Either way, you’re not doing this alone.”
I kissed her hand and that small smile, the nervous one that agreed with me appeared on her face. I got out first and went around to the side, opening the door for her. I leaned inside to undo her seatbelt and crouched down as I took both of her hands in mine.
“Just come in with me, okay? I’ll be with you the whole time if you’d like, and you can strangle my hand if it makes you feel better. Or my head?”
She laughed. “I can’t strangle your head…”
“Oh, you’ve tried it then. That’s why my head always feels funny in the morning.”
It changed both of our moods as I hit the lock on the car, and we headed for the hospital building. I didn’t know where exactly we were going, but Laura had clearly been there plenty of times. I was confused at the many turns we took, but she didn’t even stop to ask or check the directions. Finally, we came to a corridor with some plastic seats up against the wall, to the side of a door, and she stopped. I checked the nameplate.
“Dr. Matthew?” I asked.
Laura nodded. “She’s the doctor I’ve been seeing since I moved and started my routine visits here.”
I looked to some seats where a few other people were clearly waiting to go inside themselves. Laura sat in the closest empty seat and I sat down next to her. Across from us, there was a little plastic case put up against the wall with some pamphlets inside. Because I was bored, I decided to pick up one to read.
Oncology, huh…
I started from the front, occasionally checking on Laura sitting next to me. I held the pamphlet with one hand, the other staying firmly in both of Laura’s. By how tight she held me, it was obvious she was anxious about this. I learned more about oncology as we sat there waiting for her appointment.
“My sister, Emily, says you guys are friends. Does she know about this?”
She shook her head. Some part of me was relieved but also shocked that she didn’t tell Emily. Relieved knowing that I wasn’t the only person that she’d shut out and disappointed at the idea that Laura wanted to do this alone.
“You can tell her if you like?”
I was surprised about her offering for me to tell her friend, so I pulled out my phone. I didn’t know if Emily had received any updates on her friend after the last time she and I talked, but she’d sounded genuinely worried when I asked her about Laura going off the grid.
Besides, I needed someone to be my help on the outside while I focused on being with Laura in that moment.
First of all, I looked up other doctors. Whatever result Laura got, I was going to make sure she got a second, maybe third or fourth opinion, just in case. I saved their contacts to my phone book. I’d be seeking them out later, but not with Laura right there or she might complain.
Next, I sent texts to my sister. I explained as much as I thought I could, that Laura was sick, that she’d done tests and was getting her results today. I also added that it was possibly cancer. Then I directed her to find out what Laura might need, in spite of the outcome of this appointment.
Last but not least, I sent messages to Dad. I would have sent them to his secretary, but as far as I knew he still wasn’t going to the office, and I wondered if he’d just let Trent take his position full time. Dad and I set up an appointment in his home office.
It was time. I needed to tell my dad about my intentions because I wasn’t going to put it off after this. I’d put myself through the ringer worrying about what could possibly happen to Laura, and what our future could possibly be like when she was hiding from me. After my little cry at the house meant to be ours, I’d made a few resolutions, and I meant to stick to them.
Laura was the woman I wanted, and while we hadn't been dating all that long, I knew I wanted to marry her, ill or not, if she’d have me. After all the shit she’d had to go through, twice, I wanted the rest of her life to be magic, and I would definitely make sure of that. Her kind of magic, not mine.
I wasn’t about to give up my money. Not only did I earn everything in my bank account, it wasn’t my fault who I was born to, and I wasn’t just going to reject it. I wasn’t going to give up the job I did for Dad either, because not only did it help the family business and earn me a lot of cash per deal, I sometimes found it enjoyable, like a game where getting the deal was what determined a victory. I hadn’t failed yet, and I planned to keep that up. But other than that, I’d give Laura whatever she wanted, even if all she ever wanted from me was my love and my presence. I had plenty of both to give her.
“Laura?”
I’d been so preoccupied, it took hearing my girlfriend’s name being called to snap me out of my daze. I looked up to see a woman who was probably around the same age or slightly older than Laura, dressed in a lab coat, standing in front of the open office door and gazing at us.
“It’s time,” she said.
Laura stood up, keeping my hand in hers, and I followed immediately. We walked into the office, the doctor looking down at our hands in interest, but not mentioning anything. She closed the door behind us and went around to sit behind her desk, gesturing us to the two seats on the opposite side.
“Dr. Matthew, this is Mason,” Laura introduced as we sat down.
“It’s good to meet you, Mason,” she said bluntly, picking up some papers from her desk. “I’m going to assume since you brought him along, that you don’t mind him hearing the news?”
She looked to Laura with an arched eyebrow, and Laura nodded. I hadn’t even realized I was worried, but I definitely relaxed when she didn’t just ask me to leave the room.
“He’s my boyfriend,” she admitted.
That made my heart soar.
Dr. Matthew glanced at me. “In that case, I’m very glad to meet you. I’m going to need you to stick close to Laura for a long while because she’s going to need you.”
Laura’s hand tightened around mine. “Then… is…”
The doctor smiled as she held one of the papers for Laura to take. Slowly, without releasing my hand, she reached for the piece of paper. She trembled, but no one in the room mentioned it, and she brought it closer so we could read it.
“You got lucky,” Dr. Matthew declared before we could see the contents. “What you have under your arm is a benign lymphoma. The symptoms of a benign lymphoma are very similar to the cancerous lymphoma, but there is a huge difference.”
“And by your smile, I’m assuming this is good news?” Laura hesitantly asked the question we were both wondering about.
“That is correct, Laura. Their symptoms are similar, but their effects are different. The benign lymphoma, for one, is not as deadly. The number of patients dying from it is so much less, as long as it’s treated early. And the good news for you is that they are easily cured.”
There was a long silence as everyone in the room let those words sink in. Then I felt Laura’s hand tighten around mine, and when I glanced over at her, I noticed her lips were trembling.
“You are going to need surgery,” Dr. Matthew continued. “It’s a good thing that it was found pretty early as you’ll need to have it removed. Just like cancerous lymphoma, it can spread. At the moment, from what the tests say, it’s small enough that you won’t even need to have to undergo radiation therapy again. You will still be coming for checkups in the weeks afterward, but after the surgery, you should have a clean bill of health.”
I didn’t know how much more strength Laura could have, but she took my advice from before to heart, and absolutely strangled my hand. I let her, reaching with my other arm to pull her to me because I could see she was about to lose it. She sunk into me, and I absorbed her into
my arms readily, glancing over at the doctor.
“Thank you so much, Dr. Matthew,” I said fervently. “How soon do you think she can have the surgery?”
“I wanted to clear it with Laura before I set a date.”
Laura pulled herself together just long enough to talk to the doctor, and she also left me with some instructions. We waited for the surgery appointment, and once we had that, we left.
The whole way back in the car, it was me holding her hand tightly.
“When we get back,” I said, my voice low. “I am taking you to your room and I am going to make love to you for the rest of the day. No getting out of bed, Laura. Any objections?”
I glanced over at her, to find her beaming at me.
“No objection at all.”
34
Mason
Fuck, I was so fucking happy. My life was really moving in the right direction. At first, I’d been angry all the time. When I was a kid growing up, I’d looked up to my aloof older half-brother, to an extent, and I’d also looked up to Dad. Until my older brother left, and suddenly Dad expected me to fill his shoes when I didn’t want to. Dad making me give up my passion and love for rugby in high school had been the last straw for me, and though I’d hidden it all perfectly, I was angry. I was a partier too. It was the coping mechanism I’d picked to help with the resentment I felt toward my dad and my brother.
However, I wasn’t constantly angry or that much of a partier anymore. And I didn’t think I’d be going back to that kind of life in the near or far off future.
So I felt it was the best time to invite Dad over to our new house, where I’d already moved in, then convinced Laura to move in with me as well—not that it was hard because she fell for it just like I did as soon as she saw it. I was out in the front yard when Dad’s car pulled up. He and Mom got out, and she pressed a quick kiss to my cheek before running off with excitement to see her baby’s new house. I’d already sold off my old place and used the proceeds to make the full purchase of the new house, and I’d put the deed in both mine and Laura’s names.
Housekeeping Page 19