“Ladies…” Mr. Smith cleared his throat. He looked sad all of a sudden, sadder than Cara had ever seen him, and with his tired expression, she realized now how old he looked. “The diner is shutting down.”
“What?” Cara whispered? Fear clamped down, icy, on her heart. She needed this job, needed it desperately. It barely covered her rent, let along utilities or food, and Darren hadn’t had new clothes in a year, and… “No.”
“I’m sorry, Cara. I know… I know you’re depending on your check. I’ll try to get it to you as soon as the building sells.”
“You don’t have it…” Cara lost her words in a wave of panic. “When’s the last day?”
“Today,” he said, and his eyes were sad. “I… was at the bank earlier. They said—well, never mind what they said. I’m sorry. I’ll tell the rest of the staff tomorrow.”
The coffee pot was shaking so hard in Cara’s hand that she thought she might drop it, and she barely got it onto the counter before she was running for the exit, listening to Lexie’s desperate call for her to come back.
In the alley, she leaned against the wall and felt a sob bubble up in her chest. Extra shifts and no paycheck. Every time, every time she thought she was getting a little further ahead, every time she thought she might break even; the world found some way to take it away from her. Every time.
“Ma’am? Cara?”
Oh, God. She could not deal with this.
“What?” Cara asked. She stood up and wiped her nose, daring him to comment on her appearance.
“What happened?”
“The diner’s closing down,” Cara told him. And then, because the words wouldn’t seem to stop, she added, “And I’m behind on my rent, and my son doesn’t have clothes that fit, and this job was supposed to be the one that…”
Oh, don’t mention school. He’d laugh. She couldn’t bear to have him laugh. Not about that.
“Can I… would you let me help you?”
“Help?” Cara said bitterly.
“No?” He guessed; one dark eyebrow slightly raised.
“No,” she confirmed. She should take it, the rational side of her brain whispered, and her pride whispered that she could not, she couldn’t accept this. “I know this game. I’ve seen what this looks like. I know what people expect when they throw money around like that, and you know what? I’d rather be poor.”
She slammed the door of the diner in his face, covered her face with her hands, and bit down on a scream of rage. The last thing she’d needed tonight was an offer like that. Lexie might tell her to go for it, smile at the rich man, but all that told Cara was how little Lexie knew about the world. Because Cara had met men like Perry Hammond before: polite, well-dressed, and generous. And there were always strings attached. Men like Perry never went for women like her, not unless they wanted something.
And she had nothing more to give.
Chapter Two
The phone was ringing. Cara gave a groan and felt around in the covers, whimpering a little as the light hit her eyes. Between cleaning up the diner and crying her eyes out, she felt like she had only just gotten to bed—and she strongly suspected that the clock saying 10:45AM was lying to her.
“Yes?” She managed, when she finally got the phone up to her ear.
“Ms. Ford?” A man’s voice asked.
“Uh-huh?”
“I’m Mack Nelson, the manager over at Best Beans coffee on First. You were recommended to us, and we were wondering if you could come in for a job interview at noon.”
Cara sat bolt upright, her heart racing. A job. A job.
“Yes, I can—yes. Of course. On First?” She tumbled out of bed, tearing open the closet door and rifling through the clothes hanging there. Skirt, knee-length. Cardigan, professional. Kitten heels. A glance in the mirror revealed hair that looked like a small shrubbery, and she grimaced. She needed to shower.
“That’s right. I’ll see you at noon.”
“Uh-huh. I mean, uh, thank you!”
Best Beans coffee. Who had recommended her? Not important. She skidded into the tiny bathroom and turned on the shower, brushing her teeth hastily as the water warmed.
“Mom?”
“Hi, Darren.” Cara smiled over at him and spat toothpaste into the sink. “Did you sleep well?”
Darren’s silky black hair slanted across his forehead, and his blue eyes were pale against his tanned face. For all that Cara might hate Craig—and right about now; she really did—she could never, never regret Darren. Smart and funny, Darren had brought more joy to her life than she knew existed, and uncovered a well of strength that Cara drew on when the world tried to beat her down. More shifts, more time away from home—she would do all that and more for Darren. She’d cleaned penthouses and held signs outside of pizza shops.
“I slept okay,” Darren said. He took in her ruffled hair and the makeup still on her face. “You got home late, though.”
“I had to clean the diner,” Cara said, hoping her smile didn’t show the anger that was rising in her chest again. Closing the diner. Why had he hired her if the diner was just going to close? “And I have a job interview in an hour.”
Being a barista wouldn’t be so bad, by contrast. Maybe even better than the diner. She was willing to bet the hours were more reasonable.
Darren’s face fell. “You’re…going to be gone more?”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Cara walked over, holding him close. “No, I… the diner closed. So this would just be one job.”
But she needed two. She just couldn’t bring herself to tell him that. What mother could? No one was supposed to have to choose between keeping their kids fed and clothed, and seeing them every day.
She felt like she was racing as she scrubbed her face, washed her hair and drew it back tightly. Her curls had a way of escaping in the summer heat, and the last thing she needed was for this Mack person to think it would get in the coffee. A quick application of makeup, something to hide the circles under her eyes, and Cara slid into her interview clothes. She sighed with relief when she saw the time. She was going to be early. She liked being early.
For all the good it did when you worked in food service.
“Where are we going?” Darren asked curiously as they left. His latest book, something about space travel, was tucked under his arm. Cara tried not to let him see the wistfulness in her eyes when she looked at it, or read to him. Maybe someday Darren would have everything she’d dreamed of for herself. The thought roiled in her chest, as sweet as it was painful.
“The Financial District. I’d be making coffee for stockbrokers.” Cara hurried them down to the subway station near their house. She checked her phone, and suppressed a grimace; no call from Craig. Typical.
She flushed with shame to remember the call she’d made last night. She knew he’d be able to tell she was crying, and she’d begged him for money. She hadn’t ever begged before. She had screwed up her courage and whispered the plea, over and over, thinking it was all worth it if Darren had food and shelter.
And Craig didn’t even respond.
“Mom? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sweetheart.” Cara brushed a tear from her cheek. “I’m just tired.”
“You say that a lot,” Darren said softly.
“It’ll be okay,” Cara promised him. “This way.”
Up the stairs and off the train, and there it was: Best Beans, with a perky little logo of a coffee tree. Cara squared her shoulders and took Darren’s hand as she pushed her way into the store, edging around a line of people in expensive suits. Suddenly her best clothes felt inadequate. She could feel their eyes flicking over her: from the red-brown hair she hadn’t styled, to the blue eyes without makeup, and the lack of jewelry. The looks said she didn’t belong here.
“Cara?” A lanky man with white-blond hair held out his hand. “I’m Mack.”
“Hello, Mr. Nelson. Sweetheart, can you sit over there? I’m really sorry; I hadn’t arranged for a sitter today.�
� The polite lie tumbled off her tongue without even a flicker of her expression. Successful people had sitters.
“Of course.” Mack’s eyebrows rose as Darren settled down quietly and began to read. “Do you think you could teach my kids to do that?”
“I got lucky,” Cara said softly, feeling a smile tug at her lips as she watched her son. “He’s a good boy.” And she would fight to the death for him to have the opportunities she had squandered.
“Seems it. Now, Ms. Ford, have you ever worked in a coffee shop before?”
“No,” Cara admitted. There was a sinking feeling in her stomach. “But I assure you, Mr. Nelson; I am a very quick learner. I’m neat; I’ll be a hard worker—”
“Oh, you come with glowing recommendations,” Mack assured her.
“I… meant to ask about that. Who recommended me?”
“For HR reasons, we can’t really discuss that. I hope you understand. Now, here, let’s go behind the counter and I’ll run through some of the tasks with you, see how you do. Sound good?”
“Sure,” Cara said warily. This was too easy.
Steaming milk, however, was not as difficult as she had imagined. Under Mack’s instruction, she ground coffee beans, refilled the dark roast pot, and restocked the refrigerators under the counter. By the end of it she was sweating, and she was sure she remembered none of it—but Mack nodded, seeming pleased.
“I think you’ve gotten the hang of it.”
“Oh, good.” Cara patted at her hair. “I’ll, uh… thank you for the opportunity. I’ll wait to hear from you.”
“No need.” The man smiled at her easily. “The job is yours if you want it.”
Cara stared at him. This wasn’t just too easy—it was much, much too easy.
“Why?” She asked him finally.
“You’re competent, you’re pleasant to speak to, and you come recommended. Making coffee isn’t very difficult—but good employees are few and far between.” He waited.
“I… I guess I’ll take it.” Cara shook her head, then remembered her manners. “Thank you very much for the opportunity, sir.”
“Don’t mention it. Your first shift will be tonight, starting at 5. People in finance work late and we—” he grinned at her “—keep them awake.”
Cara smiled. She nodded, said her good-byes, and fled, terrified that if she stayed a moment longer, he’d realize he had made a mistake and take the job away again. She was so absorbed that she nearly ran full-on into Lexie.
“Cara! You look nice.” Lexie smiled, and gave a little wave at Darren. “Hi, champ.”
“Hi, Lexie.”
“Come here often?” Cara asked.
“Eh, sometimes. My parents live around here, so I stop for coffee sometimes.”
“Did you… I mean, thanks. For recommending me.”
“I didn’t recommend you.” Lexie shook her head, wide-eyed. “But whoever did, maybe they’d recommend me, too? Making coffee can’t be that much more difficult than cooking eggs.”
“I think it would be less difficult,” Cara said, smiling. “Maybe they’re hiring for more than one job. You might as well go check.”
“Sure. Well, thank your mystery person when you see them. And… hi, Perry!”
“Lexie.”
The smooth voice sent Cara’s stomach plummeting. She waited until Lexie had made her way inside, and then she turned; eyebrow raised.
“Mr. Hammond.”
“Cara.” He smiled at her, and his eyes flicked to Darren. “Hello. I’m Perry.”
“I’m Darren,” the boy said. He smiled.
“What are you reading about?”
“Space travel. Mom likes to read about science. She used to be studying robotics.”
“That’s enough, sweetheart,” Cara said, panic swamping her as Perry’s eyes flicked up to hers. “It was nice to see you, Mr. Hammond, but I have to go.”
“Certainly. I, uh…” He looked flustered, all of a sudden.
“Yes?” Cara prompted him.
“I don’t suppose you’d consider going to dinner with me.”
“I…”
“You should go,” Darren piped up, “I like him.”
“Yes, sweetheart.”
“Maybe tomorrow night?”
“I don’t know when I’ll be working,” Cara said honestly. She didn’t like that she wanted to say yes. Everything in her head screamed for her to run—that men like this couldn’t be trusted. That they were too powerful to understand the real world.
“Ah.” Pleasure lit in his eyes. “You got the job, then.”
The bottom of her stomach dropped out, and anger followed quickly. After the confused tumult of feelings, the rush of rage was simple, easy to understand—and welcome. Cara felt her teeth clench.
“You recommended me?”
“In a manner of speaking. I simply told Mr. Smith that this coffee shop would be happy to hire people displaced when the diner closed. He recommended you.”
“And now you want to go to dinner,” Cara said. Her heart was beating very fast.
“Well, I… I wanted to go to dinner with you last night, but it seemed a bad time.”
“So you got me a job and now you want a favor in return.”
“It’s not like that at all.”
“Sure it isn’t.” Cara’s mouth twisted. “Goodbye, Mr. Hammond.”
“Where are we going?” Darren demanded as Cara pulled him away. “Aren’t you going to—?”
“No.”
“But I liked him,” Darren said plaintively.
“No,” Cara whispered again. Another dinner, another man pretending to care about robotics, about Darren, about Cara’s dreams. And then, inevitably, the betrayal. She barely had enough left in her to make it to work in the mornings. She could not live with more heartbreak.
Chapter Three
“Please, just a few more days,” Cara begged.
“It’s been three months,” the woman said. Her eyes were hard.
“You don’t understand.”
“You don’t understand. I’ve seen a hundred like you. Never enough money, always a kid to feed. I give you another month, and you’ll only be behind then, too. And if I let you all do this, you know what? I’ll end up on the street.”
“You can’t do this,” Cara whispered.
“You’ve lived in New York how long?” The landlady asked her.
“Seven years.”
“Not long enough to learn your lesson.” The woman shrugged her shoulders. “You let your head go under; you’ll never come back up. You should run back to…” Her eyes raked over Cara. “Vermont? Indiana?”
Cara did not bother answering.
“We’ll be out by tomorrow.”
“You’ll be out tonight. Get your things.”
“I can’t hire movers tonight!”
“Well, take what you can carry.”
The door slammed, and Cara gave a little cry.
“Mom?”
“It’s going to be okay, Darren.” She said feeling terrified. “It’ll be okay.”
She always said that. And it was never true. She couldn’t cry, couldn’t cry… Her stomach rumbled and she swallowed hard.
“I packed my things,” he said tentatively. “I didn’t know which of yours to pack.”
And at that, Cara did cry. She slid down the wall and buried her face in her hands and felt the tears take her, wracking sobs that shook her body and tore themselves out of her mouth until her throat was raw. She felt Darren’s arms around her, and she wanted to scream at everyone, at the world, at God for letting this happen. A child shouldn’t have to know to pack his things in the middle of the night. He shouldn’t have to leave everything behind, again and again and again.
She should give him up for adoption. The thought was so terrifying that Cara gave a whimper, wrapping her arms around Darren and holding him tight; fingers digging into his back until she felt him squirm. It would be better for him…
And it woul
d kill her. She tried to calm herself, but the tears kept coming—harder, now. She was selfish, stupid, a failure. The words marked her steps as she walked to work, as she poured coffee, as she trudged home at night. They haunted her when she snatched an extra packet of ramen off the shelf and put it in her pocket, and they resounded in her head when she lay awake, stomach twisting with hunger.
The words hit her afresh now, swamping her. The landlady was right. Cara was drowning, and she was taking Darren with her. And that, she could not allow herself to do. Which meant there was only one thing to do: go to Craig’s parents. Beg. Accept every single insult they could throw at her, because there was nothing more important than Darren. He would grow up well-fed. He would hate her. He would hear every day that she was a failure.
But he would survive.
She would go now, before she lost her nerve.
And then her fingers clenched around him again, and Cara looked at the clock, tears blurring her eyes. 12:45AM. They’d be in a worse mood if she woke them up now, she told herself. One more night. She’d keep Darren with her for one more night. Bargaining with the inevitable, but she was too selfish to let him go yet.
“We should go.”
“Where?”
“We’re…” Don’t let him see. “We’ll go to the coffee shop for the night.”
“Are we allowed to do that?”
“We’ll have to be very careful,” Cara said, her heart breaking and tears welling up in her eyes even as she tried to smile. “I need you not to go in the kitchen when we get there, okay? Everything has to stay clean.”
“I’ll be good.”
Oh, God, she could not do this. “I know you will, sweetheart.”
Cara pushed herself up and went to the bedroom. Her clothes, she rolled and stuffed into a backpack. A little box with a necklace from her father, a bracelet of her mothers. A tiny stuffed bear; the last thing she had left to remember her sister. On impulse, she went to the kitchen and took a mug from the cupboard—her favorite, blue with stars. She pulled the loaf of bread and a jar of peanut butter out of the cupboard, then stuffed their toothbrushes and her makeup into a plastic bag.
Housekeeping Page 33