by Jane Charles
Audrey’s eyes grew wide, almost in terror. He didn’t want to stay here anymore than she.
“I think I will take Miss Montgomery into town, or is there a coaching inn close by.”
The maid brightened. “There is, not far away and you won’t even need to go into Bath.”
The less people they encountered the less likely Audrey’s reputation would be damaged.
“I will go with you. The owner is married to my older sister.” She stood and smiled down at Audrey. “I’ll explain the situation and get you set up nice and tight.”
Audrey searchingly looked at Jordan. She hadn’t spoken since the investigator had questioned her and he began to grow concerned.
“I don’t want to risk Miss Montgomery’s reputation.”
The maid tisked. “My brother-in-law won’t say a word to nobody. On that you have my word. And, if I am with you, then you can enter with Miss Montgomery and nobody can say anything about her traveling alone.”
She did have a point.
Audrey pushed her hands against her knees and stood. She swayed slightly and Jordan reached out to steady her. The last thing he needed was Audrey tumbling down these stairs in the manner the Lydells had.
“Oh dear,” the maid muttered.
“What?”
“We can’t have Miss Montgomery seen with those on her wrists.” She turned and raced up the stairs. “I’ll be right back.”
Jordan pulled Audrey close and assisted her down the stairs. Though she was fully clothed her hands and cheeks were as cold as ice. What did it mean? Was she getting ill?
When they reached the landing Audrey stopped and stared at the floor, a frown marred her brow. Instead of continuing forward she sidestepped and walked on the outer edge of the foyer to avoid stepping where the bodies had come to rest. He needed to get her out of this house before she collapsed.
The maid returned a moment later, carrying a large cloak over her arms. She hurried down the stairs and handed it to Jordan. He placed it over Audrey’s shoulders and buttoned up the front to hide her arms.
The maid nodded and the butler opened the door. Clayton’s carriage was waiting to take them to the coaching inn. Jordan assisted Audrey and then the maid into the carriage before he settled into the seat beside Audrey. As the carriage jolted forward Audrey’s shaking began until the tremors seemed to overtake her and Jordan pulled her onto his lap, cradling and holding her close.
Why couldn’t she stop shaking and why was she so cold? It was warm outside and she was in the thick cloak that had once belonged to Millicent.
Oh God, Millicent was dead. Shot by Lydell.
Tears sprang to her eyes. How had everything gone so wrong? First Jordan had been accused of murder and it turned out that Lydell was behind the deaths all because of jealousy. And when had Millicent slipped into madness? It had to have been madness to think Jordan would turn to her in the end and to believe that he was in love with her. Was she in danger of losing her mind in believing she loved Jordan and that he cared for her?
What if he didn’t? What if he was just being kind? What if she read more into their relationship than was there? What if he really didn’t wish to marry her? What if he turned from her? Rejected her? Would she hound him like Millicent? Would she be so heartsick that she couldn’t go on and wouldn’t give up until she had him?
No, the voice streamed in her head. He will marry you and he does care. You aren’t crazy like Millicent.
Had Millicent always been unhinged and they were just noticing or did it simply happen over a long time? Audrey had known her since they were girls. How could she have not noticed?
My God, the woman was going to cut her with a knife simply to have Jordan. Was everyone simply a step or two away from madness if put in the right circumstance?
Audrey tried to take a deep breath to calm her tremors but her chest was too tight. She couldn’t get air.
The carriage was closing in and Jordan was holding her too tight. She had to get out of here. “Stop.” She cried.
Jordan jerked back and the maid jumped.
She pushed at Jordan. She had to get off of his lap and to get some air. She needed to breathe. It was impossible to fill her lungs and her breaths became more shallow and quicker with each moment that passed. Stars twinkled at the edge of her vision and Jordan pounded on the roof of the carriage.
It began to slow and before it came to a full stop, Audrey pushed open the door and jumped out, running away from it as fast as her legs could carry her.
“Audrey,” Jordan called.
Audrey dropped to her knees at the side of the road, taking deep gulps of air but it wasn’t helping.
Jordan knelt in front of her and raised her face to his. “What is it, love?”
She opened her mouth to answer, her breaths quick, heart racing and chest aching, but she didn’t know what to say.
“Audrey, look at me,” he ordered in a calm tone.
She focused her eyes on his deep blue ones. He held her face in place.
“You are going to be fine. It is over.”
She swallowed and blinked at him. Was it really over? “What if it happens to me?”
A gentle smile curved on his lips. “Audrey, you will not slip into madness. I won’t allow it.”
“Who says anyone can control such a thing?” she cried, tears slipping down her cheeks.
“You will have me, always.”
Audrey grasped his forearm. “Will I?” she demanded.
The smile slipped from his face and her heartbeat increased, threatening to cut off what little breath she had left. Was she going to die at the side of the road in Bath? Is this what was to become of her because she fell in love with a rake?
“Audrey, what is wrong?”
She couldn’t explain. She didn’t know how to explain. And, why was this happening to her? She hadn’t felt this way in two years. Why now? She thought she had these “attacks” as mother called them under control. Why now? Why when she was with Jordan? He couldn’t possibly understand. And what must he think seeing her this way. She just wanted it to stop.
“Audrey,” he asked slowly. “Has this ever happened to you before?”
She couldn’t answer and simply nodded. He must hate her and if she could control her emotions she would but when they overpowered her there was nothing she could do. It hurt so bad.
He grasped her hands and tried to hold them still. His warmth engulfed her but not enough to stop her teeth from chattering. She looked down to where his hands held hers but she couldn’t see them. He had slipped them inside her cloak. Why was she so cold?
“Look at me Audrey,”
She glanced up at Jordan again.
“When did this happen to you last?”
She swallowed. “Two years ago.”
He simply nodded. “Did something tragic happen at that time?”
She tried to concentrate and think back. Nothing in particular. It had been a normal day. She was in the stables and for no reason the stall had begun to close in on her and she had to get out of there. She had been shaking and cold, just like now. Mother had tucked her into bed and given her laudanum. “Nothing?” she finally answered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I’ve seen this happen to someone I love very much on occasion.”
She wasn’t the only one? “Is she in Bedlam?”
A smile pulled at his lips and Jordan chuckled. “No.” He clasped her hands tighter. “It is a strange panic that comes on for no reason but it does pass in time.”
Audrey blinked at him. “Does it happen often?” Would this happen to her more and more and would she slip into madness eventually.
“Not since my father died,” he answered grimly.
Was it his step-mother?
“You probably won’t suffer from it as much either. I think this was brought on by the Lydells.”
“You don’t think I am going mad?” At least her teeth had stopped
chattering and breathing was becoming a bit easier.
“No, love.”
“What if it happens again?” Tears filled her eyes at the mere thought of being in this state over and over.
Jordan brought his hands up and held her face. “I will be there to hold you, always.”
Something broke in her at that moment and before she could comprehend, Audrey was curled up, rocking and sobbing. She couldn’t stop. She wanted to but every emotion she had ever felt seemed as if it was engulfing, pulling her apart and pouring out of her. Jordan gathered her onto his lap, rocked and whispered against her hair. Audrey couldn’t understand a word he was saying but his arms were a comfort. In this moment they were her strength.
She had no idea how long she cried. It could have been minutes or an hour. All she knew was that eventually the tears subsided and she suffered through a short bout of hiccups as Jordan wiped the tears and dried her face with his handkerchief. When she finally had control, Audrey looked up at him. His eyes shone with love and she knew in her heart that is what he felt even though he had never said the words. A moment later he leaned in and gave her the most tender kiss she had ever experienced. If she hadn’t been in love before this moment, she most certainly was now.
“Do you think you can return to the carriage now?”
Audrey nodded.
Jordan stood and helped her to her feet and anchored an arm around her waist. She could not fall again.
Jordan did not let go of Audrey even after they were seated inside. She was composed again. Color had returned to her cheeks and she was breathing normally. He was amazed she hadn’t broken before now given what she had been through. But it wasn’t simply being upset and crying, she had panicked, much like Rose used to do. They never understood what brought it on in Rose, though Jordan suspected it was living with his demanding and unforgiving father for so many years. Audrey had just come through a harrowing experience as well. Was that what sent her into hysteria?
No, Rose had suffered for no reason, when father had been away for weeks.
He turned to study Audrey. He had never felt more helpless when watching someone in so much pain and unable to breath. If only he knew what caused such reactions he would be sure she was never in such a situation again.
The carriage rolled to a stop outside of a coaching inn. The yard was full of carriages and horses and Jordan prayed travelers had only stopped off for a meal and to change horses. If not, there were probably no rooms available. The maid, who he learned was called Patricia, went ahead to speak with her brother-in-law while Jordan assisted Audrey from the carriage. He made sure her cloak was shut completely so that nobody noticed the shackles on her wrist.
Her smile was weak and he knew she must be more exhausted than he. Perhaps a good night’s rest and she would be as good as new tomorrow. Of course, being rid of the irons around her wrists would go a long way in easing her comfort.
Patricia emerged before they reached the door. “They only have one room left,” she whispered.
He glanced at Audrey and back at the inn. “I will sleep in the common room, if they will allow it.”
“No,” Audrey argued.
“I can’t stay with you and I am not leaving you here alone.”
“I don’t want to be alone.” Her eyes were more pleading with his tone.
“I thought Patricia could stay with you.” That had been his intention all along. After today he wasn’t about to leave Audrey to herself but he certainly couldn’t share a chamber with her.
“I want you with me, please.”
“Audrey, we can’t. We are not married,” he whispered. “What if someone sees us?”
“Please, I want you with me.”
The fear that had overcome her earlier was not yet completely gone and despite how dangerous this may be to her reputation, Jordan knew he could not leave her side. “Very well. I will remain with you.”
Her shoulders dropped as if she were relieved.
“I’ll take you around back and through the kitchens. Nobody will see the two of you together when you go to your room,” Patricia offered as she began leading them around the building.
“The staff will know,” Jordan pointed out.
“They won’t say anything,” Patricia assured him. “Most of them are family and if someone speaks out of turn they will lose their position.”
“Your brother-in-law would do such a thing?”
She laughed. “He has done it twice before so I wouldn’t worry none.”
Jordan led Audrey through the back door into a very busy kitchen. The aromas of fresh bread and searing meat assailed him. His stomach grumbled and mouth watered. The first thing he was going to do after getting Audrey settled was request dinner for both of them. How long had it been since either of them had eaten. He couldn’t recall most of the last day so he had no idea.
Patricia led them up a set of dark stairs and into a hallway off the second floor landing. She paused at the room directly across from where he stood and unlocked the door.
“This is all he had. It may be a bit cramped but it will do for the night,” she said as she entered and held the door for them. A bed, barely large enough for two people was against the far wall. A small stove for heating was in the opposite corner. Beside it was a table and two chairs. There was one window and Jordan strolled over to look outside. It faced the courtyard but the noise wasn’t too loud given the window was closed.
Audrey shrugged off her cloak and Patricia draped it over the back of a chair before Audrey sank onto the bed. “I think I could sleep for a week.”
Jordan glanced over at her. Rose usually took to her bed after such incidents and slept for hours. Would Audrey do the same? She probably needed the sleep but would it be possible with those things about her wrist?
“I’ll see about getting you some dinner,” Patricia announced before she left the two of them alone.
“Why don’t you rest?” Jordan suggested. He had to keep in mind that she was fragile at the moment and had just come through a horrible ordeal instead of focusing on how desirable she looked sitting on the very inviting bed. Only a cad would attempt to seduce her at this moment.
“I will after I have eaten and washed.”
Did she intend to bathe? How could she with her wrists like that? Hopefully Patricia could be of service because Jordan didn’t trust himself. The room was intimate enough without him being present or helping her with her bath.
He pulled a chair out from the table and sat. It was best to remain on the far side of the room from Audrey. He would sleep in this position if he had to. Just because they were to spend the night together did not mean he could take the liberties he had envisioned. This was his future wife and he would behave like a gentleman.
There was a quick knock at the door and Jordan rose and strode over to answer it. Surely Patricia wasn’t back with their food already.
He yanked the door open to find the driver standing in the hall with his trunk. Jordan had completely forgotten that he had packed for a long trip, intending not to return home until after he was married.
“Where would you like this, Mr. Trent?”
Jordan scanned the room. “Put it by the wall.” He gestured to an area not far from the bed. At least he had a change of clothing. The same could not be said for Audrey. Even if she did have something she couldn’t change her clothing anyway, not with her wrists shackled.
He glanced over to where her hands rested in her lap. There was bruising at the wrists and they were slightly swollen. Why did the locksmith have to pick now of all times to be gone. She had to be terribly uncomfortable.
Patricia followed shortly after the driver with a tray loaded with bowls of stew, tankards of ale and fresh warm bread. Audrey sat down across from Jordan at the table, closed her eyes and inhaled before she groaned. “I am so hungry.”
His stomach grumbled almost as loudly as her groan.
She giggled and the sound was music to his ears. She was rec
overing.
Audrey lifted her hand to grasp the spoon and the other hand came with it. How could she eat this way? She struggled through three bites then attempted to lift her tankard. It was awkward and a few droplets slid down her chin. She set it back on the table, leaned back and blew out a breath. “It is too much work to try and eat and drink.”
“Then I shall feed you.” Jordan grinned.
Audrey eyed him with suspicion but when he held a piece of buttered bread to her lips she bit into it, taking a chunk and devouring it.
When he took a drink of ale, he gave Audrey a drink. When he spooned a bite of stew into his mouth he did the same for her and so it continued until they were both pleasantly full and the bowls empty.
“Thank you,” she said after he dabbed her face with a cloth. “I don’t think anyone has had to feed me since I was a babe.”
“I rather enjoyed it.” Jordan grinned. And he had. There was something seductive about the way her mouth opened and then closed over the spoon and the way the tip of her tongue darted out to lick the remains of gravy from her lip. As the meal progressed he became more and more uncomfortable and he had to shift in his seat several times. “How long would it take to travel from here to your home in Grosmont?” Jordan knew it took two full days from London. He had never traveled there from Bath.
“Three or four days, if we stop overnight.”
He wanted to be a gentleman and not make love to Audrey before they were married. But he wasn’t a saint either. They had tonight at this inn and depending on when the locksmith could free her hands, perhaps another. Then three or four days alone in the carriage with her, and more nights at inns, and no companion or maid to protector her. Jordan wasn’t sure he could endure it.
Perhaps they should skip Grosmont and go straight to Scotland?
He dismissed the idea almost immediately. He was going to gain her father’s permission first. It was the respectful thing to do.
Audrey turned her face into her shoulder and yawned. They were both exhausted and he rang for a maid. He would leave long enough for Audrey to wash, see to any needs and ready herself for bed. It was early by London standards but they had just been through a few grueling days. No doubt she would be asleep, as soon as her head rested on the pillow.