PANIC
Ryan Ringbloom
Copyright © 2014 Ryan Ringbloom
All rights reserved. No parts of this publication may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without the prior written permission of the author, with the exception of short quotes for purposes of review.
The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Cover Design Image Copyright Andrey Arkusha under license from Shutterstock.com
Edited by Ebook Editing Pro.
In the middle of trying for a family, our plans got a bit switched around. There was something a little different in store for us. I’m thankful for that every day!
This story is dedicated to all my fellow hyster-sisters. To parents who have experienced the long journey of a paper pregnancy. And to the beautiful birthparents who give the gift of a family to those of us in need of a little super-hero.
Prologue
Kent
The night of my band’s first gig, I stood on stage staring down at the faces of the people I grew up with. It seemed like everyone I knew was there to show his or her support. Everyone except the one I wanted there the most.
And then she walked in.
I let a few notes slip out off-key but I was able to regain my composure and come back, belting out the words stronger than ever. In the five-minute breather backstage, I told the guys we were switching up the set. I wanted her to hear the song I wrote for her. I wanted to watch her face as I sang the ballad I wrote, telling our story. As I sang the song, her dark hair and blue eyes, which I grew up falling in love with, sparkled more beautifully than ever under the revolving lights that were spinning over the crowd.
We hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. The distance between us, along with our hectic schedules, was always getting in the way. We did our best to keep in touch through calls and texts. It was never enough but at least it was something. That night, though, she was actually there. Seeing her again reopened the part of my heart that had shut down when she left. And I knew it was going to be the start of the second chance I’d been waiting for.
After the show, she came over to talk and we ended up staying for one drink. Half a drink, actually. Then we both rushed out to the parking lot with the excuse that we were hungry and perhaps heading over to the diner was a good idea. Our intentions were good. But once we hit my car, the same mistakes of our past jumped in and took over. What started out as a simple kiss quickly became a whirl of moving too fast. Next thing I knew, we were speeding down the back roads, racing towards my apartment.
My clumsy hands grabbed too hard. The tight jeans I wore to radiate the rock star look on stage, well, trying to get them off in a rush was just wrong. And ugly.
Her head awkwardly crashed against my bedroom wall. She let out a pained yelp and then tried to play it off. We kept trying. It's possible we were trying too hard. After the zipper on her jeans got stuck, she backed away. It wasn’t working.
“I’m sorry, this was probably a bad idea,” she said, letting me down gently.
I wanted her so bad. But in the back of her mind maybe she thought I was doing it again. Doing things the wrong way. Moving too fast. And I guess maybe I was. The fire between us went out just as quickly as it had started. The second chance I waited so long for was lost. Another bump in the road.
I drove her back to her car while she sat there, staring ahead out the window. A harrowing silence hovered between us that I didn’t fully understand. I tried to figure out how I could’ve messed things up so quickly once again. I was hoping to find a way to correct things for good. But no answers came.
“It was good seeing you, Kent,” she said, with her hand on the door handle. Then she opened the door quickly but before she stepped out, she gave me one last lingering look with her sad eyes. “I’ll call you soon." She paused. "Goodbye Kent."
My heart felt weighted down deep in my chest as I watched her get into her car and drive off.
That was over a year ago and we haven’t spoken again since.
Part One
Chapter One
Robin
I knew this was coming. My shaky hands carefully open the thick ivory envelope addressed in calligraphy and I slide out the contents. Fancy swirls of raised script capture my full attention and a dainty piece of decorative tissue floats to the ground.
You are cordially invited to celebrate
the wedding of
Ashley Lynn Simons
and
Patrick Michael Daniels
Saturday, the Third of June
at four o’clock
The French Gardens
Applegarth, Pennsylvania
Patrick and Ashley are getting married.
I was there when they began dating. I witnessed their first kiss from my bedroom window. Patrick was like a brother to me when I was growing up. I know it should be an easy decision to accept this invite and attend his wedding. But if I go, it means I’ll see Kent again.
I can’t see Kent.
That was a decision I made over a year ago. If I respond yes to this wedding and see Kent, the boy I fell in love with when I was a young girl—and the man I still love to this day—then everything will fall apart.
I’ve painfully ignored all of his calls and texts since the last time I saw him. Last year I knew the second I walked into the bar and saw him up on stage that my heart had always belonged to him, and it would always be that way.
When we kissed that night I came undone. I wanted him in a way I never had before. But I knew what my future held. And I knew I couldn’t let him be part of it. My brain battled my heart while our lips connected. I was caught up in the feverish moment. The heart put up a good fight but it was the brain that won. When a few awkward moments transpired, I used that as the excuse I needed to walk away. For good. I had to walk away. I loved Kent too much to drag him into the dream-crushing horror I knew that my life was about to become.
The tightness in my chest starts. Breaths get harder to take.
I place the invitation down on the counter and grab a pen from a drawer. My vision blurs as I fill out the little card enclosed, sealing it up to send my response.
Kent
I’m not even in the front door of my parent’s house for ten seconds before my future sister-in-law comes waving a tiny square card in my face.
“This is because of you,” Ashley hollers, shoving the card into my hand. “Robin is not coming to my wedding because of you. You better fix this.” She points a finger in my face and continues barking. “You better call her up and fix whatever it was that happened between you two. Robin is like family and she needs to be at my wedding.” Ashley glances over at my brother Patrick and corrects herself. “Our wedding.”
I look down at the card.
Ms. Robin Barnes will not attend.
My lungs deflate. It feels like my heart does, too. Knowing I’d get to see her was the one thing holding me together through all this wedding nonsense. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that I haven’t heard from her in so long. My thumb rubs over the delicate script of her signature. I have yet to figure out a way to fix whatever it was that happened with us. I’ve been trying for over a year now. But every attempt I’ve made at reaching out to Robin has been unsuccessful.
Ashley’s got her lips all puckered up in a snarl, waiting for me to reply. I’ve learned when she’s is in full bridezilla mode it’s best to just give a quick answer and move along. “I’ll take care of it.”
“You better.” She snatches the card back from my hand and storms of
f into the kitchen, still bitching under her breath.
I follow Patrick into the back room and give him a pat on the back. “It’s not too late to back out, man.”
“Never.” Patrick grins.
Unlike me, he and his high school sweetheart fell in love and made it work. They actually fell in love way before high school, but that’s a whole other story. Now, they’re one month away from getting married. And even though his fiancé has turned into a bridal demon of sorts, he’s just as happy and in love as ever. Good for him, because she is one high-maintenance girl.
Not much has changed in this house over the years. The casual, homey style we grew up with has remained the same. Sneakers are still piled up by the door. Mom’s trinkets and crooked pictures are on display in the front hall. And even though Patrick and I don’t live at home any more, we’re always back here at least once a week for pizza with the family.
It’s just Patrick with me in the back room. Dad and our little brother, Matthew, are upstairs working on some complicated science project. Mom and Ashley’s voices are trailing in from the kitchen. I sink into the overstuffed brown couch and decide to open up to my brother about what happened the last time I saw Robin. Maybe he can give me some advice on what to do next.
“Last year, the night Robin came to see the band play, that’s when everything went wrong.” I start off in a low voice. Patrick sits forward, resting his elbows on his knees. I look over my shoulder to make sure we’re still alone. “We went back to my apartment after the show and before I knew it, things got all screwed up. I’m talking a total train wreck. We just, I just…I’m not sure. Let’s just say, it did not end well.” I don’t want to give him too much information. “I’ve called her a ton of times and sent a shitload of texts. Trust me, I’ve been trying to get in touch with her ever since that night. She won’t respond to me no matter what I say or do. I keep trying. She keeps ignoring.”
Patrick scratches his chin and laughs, sitting back into the couch. “How the hell could you have messed that up again? I mean, seriously, dude? When will you two get it right?” He picks a pillow off the couch, tossing it in my direction.
I’m able to catch the pillow before it smacks me in the face and I place it down next to me. “When you talk to her, does she ever say anything about me or about what happened with us?” I ask.
The smug grin on his face disappears. He shifts, sitting up straight, and flexes his fingers. “It’s actually been quite a while since I’ve spoken with her myself.”
Patrick and Robin have always been close. It surprises me to hear that she hasn’t been returning his calls either. It’s unsettling. Not calling me back after what happened is one thing. But not talking to Patrick? That makes me wonder if there’s something else going on. Did she meet someone? I crush the thought from my head instantly. I don’t even want to think about it.
Our conversation is interrupted when Ashley sashays into the room with my mother at her side. Two sets of crossed arms and sour faces frown in my direction, teamed up against me.
“Robin responded ‘no’ to the wedding.” My mother holds up that damn card, basically just wanting me to see that she’s equally disturbed by this news. Do they not realize I’m just as bothered by this as they are? They know about my past with Robin. I’m sure they both know what I’d like my future to be with her, too. I open my mouth to say something but then decide against it, because since this house has become bridal headquarters it has not been easy around here. For the next month I might have to start thinking of some good excuses to get out of these fun-filled family nights just to keep my sanity.
“Robin will be there,” Patrick chimes in, answering for me. “I promise.”
Ashley’s face softens and she collapses down onto my brother’s lap. “You promise?” Her voice softens as well.
“I promise. And don’t I always keep my promises?” Patrick wraps his arms around her and she nuzzles her face into his neck. Cutesy little mumbles get whispered back and forth. I can’t watch this shit anymore. It’s been years of this. The two of them and the constant lovey dovey crap; I’ve reached my limit. My phone vibrates in my front pocket and I am thankful beyond measure to be able to leave the room and take the call.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Kent, it’s Aidan. I finished up that sketch you wanted. Anytime you want to stop by and check it out, just let me know.”
Every one of the many tattoos I’ve gotten over the last few years has been done by Aidan Turner. From the superman logo on my back, which was my very first one, to the two full sleeves of music-related ink on my arms that I rock proudly.
“Perfect.” This could be a good excuse to duck out of here early. “Are you at the shop now? I can swing by and just take a look at it.”
“Yeah, come on down. I’ll be here another hour or so.”
I hang up with Aidan, ready to bolt. Rounding the corner into the back room I hold up my keys. “Something came up so I gotta run.”
“Kent?” My mother stops me before I reach the door. “When will we see you again? There are still things we need to go over for the wedding.”
“What things?” I raise my voice. “What things could I, the brother of the groom, still possibly need to discuss about this wedding? How to stand there and watch them get married?”
My mother swipes at her nose with a crumpled tissue and tucks it back into her pocket. “Shh, don’t let Ashley hear you talking that way. She’s got enough to deal with right now. I need you to come back one night and help Matthew out with the toast. It’s a lot of pressure for a twelve-year-old to be the best man. He’s scared. Giving the toast at a wedding is a big deal.”
It is a lot of pressure for them to put on a twelve year old. I’m still not sure if I’m offended or relieved that Patrick asked Matthew over me. Actually I’m neither of those things. My part in the wedding is very special. Remembering my important task warms my insides, reminding me of why I need to put up with all this nonsense. “Of course I’ll help Matthew. I’ll give him a call during the week.” I breathe in through my nose. “And I’ll make sure I’m here next week for family dinner night.” I force myself to grumble out the words.
“Thank you.” My mother’s shoulders relax. “Oh, and see what you can do about the Robin situation. Okay?”
Nodding at my mother, I take off out the front door. Trust me, I will. I need to figure out a way to get Robin to talk to me. I’ve been trying hard but I need to try even harder.
Fifteen minutes later, I’m lucky to find a spot on the street right in front of the small tattoo shop.
Aidan has someone in the chair and he motions with his head for me to go check out a folder that’s over by the cash register. “I left it out for ya.”
“Thanks.” I slide the paper out of the manila cover in front of me and lean my arms on the glass counter. My eyes land on the sketch and I scan the details of my latest request. It’s incredible. The intricacy of the opened wings, the brilliance of red feathers hidden underneath. I spread my hand over the pounding in my chest; over the planned location for this work of art. Of all my tattoos, this one has the most meaning. The girl that inspired it has been missing from my life for too long. This tattoo is my desperate attempt at finding some small way to have her back in my life, permanently.
“It’s perfect,” I yell over to him. “I’ll call you soon to schedule the appointment.” Aidan acknowledges me with a tip of the chin and I exit the shop quickly.
I need to talk to her. Reaching in my pocket, I pull out my phone. This time maybe she’ll answer. Actually, she probably won’t. Why would she? She’s been ignoring all my calls for over a year. No, you know what?
It’s time for me to take a drive.
Chapter Two
Kent
She opens the door and we stand there, wordless, taking each other in.
Her black hair still has the same short style and her blue eyes pop, just like always. Her small physique looks lost in the oversized sweat
shirt that hangs loosely over a pair of jeans. Her red lips part, probably shocked to see me standing in front of her. The feeling she’s always sparked inside of me immediately ignites. Robin has always owned my heart and the way it takes off beating uncontrollably shows that’s never gonna change.
“Kent, what are you doing here?” she finally asks, running a hand over her dark hair, smoothing the few loose hairs into place. She bites down on her lower lip and shuffles her feet, her knee bouncing nervously.
“I am here because…” Repeating her question buys me time to think about how to answer. The two-hour car ride and these extra three seconds, I’m still not sure what to say. “Uh, because you said no to the wedding.”
“I knew it.” Her chin lifts and she shakes her head. “I knew when I sent that damn response card I’d be hearing from you. I didn’t expect to see you, I figured you’d just call, but I knew you wouldn’t just let it go,” she practically shouts, her hands flailing up wildly.
I don’t care that she’s yelling at me. A broad smile reaches across my face. I’m just so happy to see her and hear her voice again. Ignoring the outburst, I open up my arms for her to fill. She stops and stares at my simple gesture. Then with a sigh, she surrenders. Her tiny frame rises up on her toes, allowing me to pull her in close, wrapping her up in a hug. For one brief moment, the tension leaves her body and she relaxes in my arms.
“You shouldn’t have just come here like this.” Her small fist punches into my chest. “You should have at least called first.”
“Sure, like you would have answered.” I sniff, calling her out.
She releases from my grip with a frustrated sigh, knowing I’m right. Dropping back down to flat feet, she opens the door and invites me in.
Panic (The Flaw Series) Page 1