I grabbed a handgun off the shelf, making sure to grab a holster and plenty of ammunition. With the gun strapped carefully around my waist, I clutched the ammunition boxes tightly in one hand as I hurried back to Liam. He had a rifle strapped across his back, looking more at ease than I felt. He held out his hands for my ammunition and I passed them to him so he could tuck them into the pack.
We left the vault quickly. I felt both more and less confident with the gun strapped around my waist. The weight felt familiar and comforting, knowing that I had something to keep me protected outside of Sanctuary. But I needed to get out of Sanctuary first, before they caught me with an unauthorized weapon.
“So what’s the plan now?” Liam asked, as we made our way quickly down the hallway. We barely spared a glance for the guard, still passed out in the shadows. I regretted having to knock him out but we had his wristband now and it would help us get out of Sanctuary.
“We can’t go up. There are guards everywhere posted outside. They’ll catch us in an instant. We have to go to back entrance. There are less patrols there and plenty of forest to hide our way down,” I said, quickly. Liam nodded and indicated that I should lead the way. I took a deep breath, squaring my shoulders and started the descent down the spiral.
We didn’t make it far. We were darting down the lower corridors when someone stepped out of the shadows and stopped our progress. My hand reached for my gun automatically and I immediately regretted the action. The people at Sanctuary didn’t want to hurt me and I didn’t want to hurt them either. I blinked a few times in the dim light and stepped back when I realized who it was.
“What on earth are you doing here?” I nearly shrieked. Liam shushed me but I barely noticed him. I could hardly believe it. “Caspar…”
My stepfather looked exhausted and there were a couple of books tucked underneath his arm. “Where are you going, Zoey?”
I looked over at Liam who had an impatient look on his face which I knew mirrored my own. Ash had been gone almost a full day now and I was tired of the interruptions. I just wanted everyone to get out of my way and let me leave. This was becoming a problem.
“I asked you first,” I finally said, straightening up and loosening my grip on the gun, letting it sit in its holster.
He studied me before replying. “I was up late, in the library. I don’t sleep much these days.” He sighed and I could see the dark circles underneath his eyes. I had never noticed them before and I wondered if I had ever really paid attention. I tended to avoid eye contact with him as much as possible. “I was leaving when I saw the two of you sneaking your way up the spiral. I waited to see what you were doing and I knew you were in trouble when you reappeared with weapons.”
Caspar’s eyes lingered at the handgun on my side and the rifle strapped over Liam’s shoulder. If he wanted me to feel shame, he was going to be disappointed. I had never seen much use for having a gun in the real world, in the normal world that I had grown up in. But these days I felt better with one at my side.
“Get out of the way.” Liam’s voice was firm as he took a step forward, shielding me from my stepfather. I nearly laughed. Caspar couldn’t do anything to hurt me. I would knock him over before he even had a chance to wonder what had happened. Liam’s face was a mask of calmness but I could see the tension in his hands as he opened and closed them in tight fists. He was as impatient as I was.
“You can’t leave, Zoey.” Caspar looked at me as if there wasn’t six feet four inches of strength and muscle standing between us. “I can’t let you leave.”
This time I laughed. “Let me leave, Caspar? We’ve already had this discussion. You’re not my father. You have no say in what I do.”
Caspar’s eyes were wide and desperate as he looked back and forth between the two of us. “Zoey, please,” he pleaded with me, his voice rising a few octaves. Liam and I both glanced over our shoulders. “You are safe here. You can’t leave. You’re all I have left of her. You’re the only thing that’s left. And she would kill me if I let her baby leave the one place where she was safe.”
A lump formed in the back of my throat at the mention of my mother. The last time I had seen her, she’d been pale and bleeding. Her eyes unseeing as she succumbed to her wounds. “Stop it. Stop using her to guilt me. It’s not going to work. I’m leaving. He already tried to stop me.” I indicated toward Liam, who shook his head. “If my best friend didn’t succeed, what on earth makes you think you will?”
There was a long bout of silence between the three of us as Caspar took in my words. “You’d really be willing to risk it all, just for a boy?”
I moved so fast that neither Liam nor Caspar had any time to react and stop me. I pushed past Liam, my hands landing on Caspar’s chest. I shoved him hard, sending him spiraling. My arm came up to his neck and despite the height difference between us, I had him pinned in an instant right up against the wall.
“Jesus, Zoey…” Liam said, racing over to us. His hand came up to my elbow and I shot him a dirty look. He stepped back, his hands held up in surrender, his brow furrowed.
I looked back at Caspar whose eyes were wide in shock. He’d never seen me fight before and I knew I didn’t look like much. It felt good to get my hands on him. I had hated him for such a huge part of my life and it felt good. “Don’t you dare talk about Ash like that. He’s not just a boy.”
“Zoey…”
“I’m so sick of everyone telling me what to do. I’m so sick of everyone telling me that he isn’t important. He is everything to me. He’s been the only constant in my life since this world went to complete and utter shit and you want me to just leave him there.” I could hear my voice rising and I wasn’t surprised when tears sprung to the corners of my eyes. “I would do anything for him.”
Liam reached for me and this time, I didn’t push him away. The fight started to leave me and I sagged a little, loosening my grip on Caspar. “You don’t understand. I can’t leave him there. I can’t just leave him…” I swallowed hard, blinking back the tears. Ash didn’t need my tears. He needed my fight. “You gave up on my mother, Caspar. Just because you didn’t go after her doesn’t mean you should keep me from going after Ash.”
His eyes met mine and I saw the guilt written all over his face.
“You didn’t know if she was safe. You didn’t even know if she was alive. You just hoped, but you didn’t do anything about it. You just accepted it. And you loved her, Caspar.”
“I still do,” he replied softly, his eyes closing.
My lips pressed tightly together. The truth in his words rang in my head and for the first time, they didn’t feel like a knife in the back. “Exactly. I love Ash. I love him so much and I can’t do what you did. I don’t know if he’s safe or if he’s hurt. I don’t know anything except I can’t just sit here and wait. Can’t you understand that? Don’t you wish you could have done it differently? Wouldn’t you have gone for her?” My voice was urgent and pleading. We had wasted too much time in here. It wouldn’t take long before they noticed the missing weapons we had stolen and we needed to get the hell out of Sanctuary.
After what felt like an eternity, Caspar’s eyes opened and he nodded. I lifted my arm and he fell to the floor, looking completely defeated. I felt a moment of regret at the rough way I’d handled him but there was no use in dwelling on it now. I offered him a hand and he took it, letting me hoist him up. I opened my mouth to say something but I had nothing. There was nothing more that I could say to this man. I didn’t hate him anymore; I couldn’t. But I also would never love him. I offered a small smile and turned my back on him, following Liam down the corridor.
We were near the end when I heard Caspar’s voice call out after us. “What about your mother?”
Tears threatened to spill again but when I spoke, my voice was clear. “You know, I think she’d approve. She loved Ash too.”
THERE WERE TWO guards at the back entrance to Sanctuary. These were two more than I had expected but I had to hand it
to Octavia. She was definitely beefing up security. It hadn’t exactly stopped Sekhmet from killing the two men patrolling with Ash and it hadn’t stopped them from kidnapping him so I didn’t feel too bad about the fact that I most likely was going to have to knock these two unconscious.
The back entrance of Sanctuary was hidden behind the cliff dwellings that made Mesa Verde National Park famous. They were built literally into the cliff, yards above the ground, and they provided cover for Liam and I as we squeezed our way out finding ourselves nearly face to face with the guards. They were young and I recognized them from some of our training classes. I nearly sagged in relief. They were newbies then, not nearly as trained as some of the guards that had been here since before I’d even been born.
I glanced around, wondering if there was a way that we could get around them without them noticing. It would be nice to leave as few unconscious people behind as possible. I still felt bad for the guy we left stuffed into the dark corner on the weapons level. Liam’s eyes met mine and we had a silent conversation. He indicated in a direction and I saw that, if we were quiet, we could possibly sneak past the two of them, but only if we were absolutely silent. It was dark, with very little light from the moon which was hidden behind the clouds.
We crept across the dirt floor, taking each step carefully. It was a slow and agonizing pace. Each step took time, as we made sure the ground was clear and that neither of the guards were facing us as we moved. We were crouched over and my poor legs were starting to feel it.
We came to a big break in between dwellings, and we both stopped to rest for a moment. I pressed my forehead against the hard wall keeping me shielded from sight and tried to control my breathing. I was exerting myself more than I had in months and it was even harder to do so without getting caught. My heart was pounding in my chest, so loud that I was sure it was echoing in the almost silent night.
Liam nudged me. The guards were walking in the opposite direction. Now was our chance. He took off, crouched low, his steps careful and quick as he crossed the space until he could duck behind another wall. I watched him with keen eyes, noting where his feet landed. He peeked out from his hiding spot and waved me forward.
I darted forward, and immediately lost control of my feet. I tripped, sprawling flat out in the dirt. I heard Liam swear under his breath and froze. I was terrified to move. I couldn’t tell yet if I was caught. I pressed myself further into the dirt, wishing the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. I took a chance and lifted my head slightly, locking eyes with Liam.
Now, he mouthed. I scrambled forward, afraid to stand up. The dirt was rough on my skin, especially after falling, but I pushed forward and crawled my way to Liam’s hiding spot. I practically collapsed in his arms as he hugged me fiercely but there was no time for that. We had to keep moving.
The two of us crept along. We were reaching the path that would lead us away from the dwellings and away from Sanctuary. It had been months since I had made my way up here but I knew Liam and I couldn’t take the obvious hiking path, the one that was in plain sight. The way Ash and I had arrived had been much harder, more strenuous but it kept out us out of sight. This was the way that Liam and I had to go down. The only obstacle was getting past without being noticed.
Luck was on our side. The further we got to our intended path, the further the guards were moving in the opposite direction. I had never been much of a believer, but at that moment, I was convinced someone was watching over us. It was almost too easy, it was making me nervous. That is, until I thought of everything else I had to get past to get to Ash. This was just the beginning.
We kept pushing, unable to see much in the dark. I had stuffed a flashlight in the bottom of the pack but neither one of us made the move to bring it out. We were still too close to Sanctuary. I didn’t think there would be a punishment for leaving Sanctuary; no one was forced to stay there. However, I’m sure there would be a huge punishment for taking weapons and I wasn’t willing to take the chance.
Instead we pressed on, stumbling over branches and rocks. I was not normally a clumsy person but I found myself tripping over literally everything in the dark. I wanted to cry out in frustration but I kept my mouth shut. I was already so exhausted and I remembered that neither one of us had gotten any sleep. I wanted to stop and rest but I knew we were still too close. We had to keep going.
The sky was beginning to pale, showing definite signs of morning when we finally reached the old campgrounds. The place was a disaster. There had definitely been people here when the Awakened hit. There were abandoned tents everywhere and I was afraid to look too closely, afraid to see if there were any bodies left behind. Surely the Awakened would have devoured them. Did they leave anything behind? How long did it take for a body to decompose? This was not the sort of information I had at my fingertips and I didn’t really want to know now. We walked through the picnic area, toward the main building.
When we reached it, Liam reached for the knob and we were both surprised when it turned under his palm. It was dark inside, and nothing happened when I flipped the switch. I had expected this. Most places didn’t have power anymore. Sanctuary and Sekhmet had their own, and a few other places had small generators but other than that, the bombs had knocked out all power, possibly forever.
The inside of the main building was a mess as well. There was a small store, a check in desk and not much else. Liam looted around a bit before finding a couple of blankets and laid them out between two of the aisles, away from the windows and front door.
“Lay down. Rest.” His voice seemed loud after the silence that we’d kept between us over the past few hours.
“We should take shifts,” I pointed out, shaking my head, even as my body begged me otherwise. “You should rest.”
Liam gave me a funny look. “Jesus, Zoey, you’re falling asleep while standing up. Lay down. I’ll take the first watch.”
I hesitated for a moment, wringing my hands out.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think I can sleep,” I admitted. “And I’m sort of afraid of what’s going to happen if I do.”
Liam’s shoulders sagged and he stepped forward, reaching for me. I stiffened a little at the contact before sinking into him. There would never be that sort of relationship between the two of us, but there was such an overwhelming amount of love and comfort and affection there instead.. Liam was my best friend. He had to be to go on this crazy, insane mission with me.
“You’re no good to Ash if you are exhausted and delirious. This isn’t going to take a matter of hours, Zoey. It’s going to take time. It’ll probably take us days to make our way there. You need to sleep. You have to be at your very best to get him back. You want to get him back, don’t you?”
I pulled way from him and glared, ignoring the amused look on his face. “Of course I want him back. That’s why we doing this, right?”
His voice was gentle when he spoke again. “Okay then. Rest. You need it. We both do. But you’ve been through a lot in the past twenty-four hours. You need it more than me so can you just listen to me for once in your life and rest?”
I stuck my tongue out at him and moved to sit down on the pile of blankets. My muscles screamed in protest and I groaned as I stretched out. I was already disgusting, covered in dirt and grime and who knows what else but it hardly mattered. The blankets were covered in a thick layer of dust. I fought sleep for a while before I gave in and everything went dark. The last thing I remembered before sleeping was the soft pink and orange in the sky as the sun began to rise.
Blood.
There was blood everywhere. It seeped out of every crack, every crevice. The more pressure I put on the wound, the more it poured out. It wasn’t even red; it was only the darkest, deepest shade of burgundy, almost black, and it was thick and warm and I wanted it off. I wanted to scrub myself over and over again until my skin was pink and raw. I never wanted to see this blood again.
Ash’s eyes were so dark. Th
ere was no trace of the beautiful blue that I had grown to know over the years. He was staring off into the distance. No matter how many times I tried to catch his gaze with mine, he stared off at something unknown. He was unfocused and his breathing was labored. Each breath that he took was an effort, a shot of pain shooting across his pale features. He was dying. He was dying and there was nothing that I could do about it.
“None of this would have happened if you would have just stayed with me.” The voice that spoke was cold and unsympathetic.
“You would have killed him anyway,” I told Razi Cylon. My eyes never left Ash. If this was going to be his last moments, if this was the last time I would ever see him breathing, I would not look away. I would waste not one of those seconds on her.
“Maybe. Maybe not.”
Ash’s hands rose, shaking in panic. His breathing came out sharper, quicker and I could feel my heart sink in my chest. This was it. I had nothing left. I had nothing to help him and all I could do was grab his trembling fingers and hold on while he took his last breaths.
“I love you, Ash Matthews. I love you.”
***
“YOU HAVE GOT to be kidding me.”
Liam’s voice was loud in the silence of the small store and it startled me out of my sleep. The sun was shining in, bright, and it had been so long since I had woken up to the sunlight. I blinked a few times, trying to clear my vision, wondering why Liam had called out when we were trying to hide. My hand reached for my gun, but I was slow, sluggish, and I realized how right Liam was. I was pretty much useless without any decent rest.
“What’s going on?” I said, rubbing my eyes. I blinked a few more times and then my eyes widened, my jaw dropping. I disentangled myself from the blankets that had wrapped around my legs and stood up. “Wait...what the hell?”
The Sanctuary Page 15