by Cari Quinn
Ellie walked away, leaving him with a wretched ache of tension deep in his gut. It was more selfish desire to keep Val in Fort Glasgow than it was any Good Samaritan deed. He didn’t want her to suffer, but since she was his good luck charm, he couldn’t let her go either. He had a terrible feeling she was going to be mad if she found out.
Val glanced around, her mind obviously not in the present. Her eyes were distant, calculating as they scanned the room. “Is there a bar here?”
“Over there,” he motioned to the other side of the room, “Through that doorway.”
“Good. It might be nice to be served for once.”
Val’s back muscles tensed as she headed toward the bar. He caught up to her. “Is something wrong, Val?”
She shook her head, entering the almost deserted bar. He’d expected more people to be in here, but they probably had cocktail waitresses walking the floor to keep people at the tables. Vince was definitely a business savvy guy. She slid into the bar stool, setting her clutch on the surface of the bar. He sat down next to her. She ignored him as the bartender, a young guy in his early twenties, came to get their order.
“Strawberry Daiquiri,” she told him. “Lots of sugar.”
“You got it.” The bartender walked away.
Val leaned back in the seat. “So this is what the other side looks like.”
“What’s going on?” Darren asked.
“Oh, nothing… Just watching the scene. It’s fascinating. I’m usually on the other side.”
“Val, I don’t want—”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“Who?” He blinked.
“Eleanor Jenkins.”
“What?” He laughed, drawing the attention of a couple at the end of the bar. He glanced away from them and back to Val, lowering his voice. “Are you serious? Sleep with Ellie?”
“I believe in being honest, Darren. I’m not the person who’s going to be okay with wondering.”
“No.” The word was clipped. In all honesty, he resented being asked the question. “Ellie is the owner’s daughter. He’d have killed me if I had.”
“And if she wasn’t?”
“I’ve known her since she was a teenager. That would just be weird… and creepy.” He frowned, and leaned toward her. “Are you jealous?”
“Not jealous,” she replied. “I’m simply trying to figure out where I stand, because right now, I am not feeling good about this.”
“This what?”
“This—” She gestured back and forth between them. “—whatever we’re doing here.”
“Our relationship?” He dragged out the word to emphasize. “Can you say it?”
Her eyes narrowed. She turned her upper body to see him better. “If we’re in a relationship, then why didn’t you tell her that?”
He blinked. “I thought I had.”
He’d struggled with the label. He knew she was skittish about them as a couple. Hell, he was a little bit nervous about it too.
They both separated when the bartender set her daiquiri down. Val took a sip from the straw, and silence reigned for a few minutes.
When he thought he wouldn’t be able to stand the silence anymore, she finally spoke. “We’re not working, Darren. I need honesty. I need… I need you to be straightforward with me.” Her gaze was centered on the glass in front of her.
He could have told her then. He could have told her that he’d made a deal so she could have a job, so she could stay close to him. But what would she say? Would she be mad? He thought she would be. But having her think that he was sleeping with the boss’s daughter was even worse. She was the only one he wanted to be with and knowing that made him want to wrap his arms around her and never let her go.
“Okay,” he blew out a breath. “Ellie was thirteen when I came to the Highlanders. She had frizzy hair, braces, and knobby knees. I was twenty-four.”
“She doesn’t now.”
“But I will forever have that image of her in my head, Val. Ellie is a nice girl, in that kid sister sort of way.” He took Val’s hand in his, squeezing lightly. “You, however, I do not see as a kid sister. And I’m sorry I didn’t introduce you as my… What do you want to be? My girlfriend? Partner?” He leaned in toward her and whispered, “Squeezable love muffin?”
Valerie snorted daiquiri out her nose, then covered her mouth as she continued giggling. “I’m sorry I asked you to define it. Oh, God!”
She grabbed napkins and tried to wipe her nose clean. Tears streamed down her cheeks in reaction to the alcohol in her nose. She dabbed at her eyes, just under her lower lid, daintily trying not to smudge the makeup on her face.
“Shoot, I’m going to need to fix this in the bathroom.” She grabbed her purse and stood. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
Darren watched her go, her pretty little feet clicking in her heels across the floor. It wasn’t until she’d vanished into the bathrooms that he realized he hadn’t told her anything.
Chapter Ten
Tossing the tissue, Val headed out of the bathroom. She rounded the corner and nearly collided with a man coming out of the men’s room at the same time.
“Oh, my god, I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed, then froze in surprise. “Emery?”
Emery blinked, his normally so messy hair slicked back against his head. He looked far from comfortable, his round body fit into a penguin suit of his own. The bowtie was ridiculously crooked, and as usual, Emery sported a sheen of sweat across his forehead. “Valerie?”
“Hi,” she breathed out. Her heart thudded against her chest. She hadn’t known what she’d say if she saw Emery again. She’d been horribly angry after he’d laid her off. But faced with him again, she only felt pity for him.
“It’s… it’s good to see you, Val.” He cleared his throat. “I admit, here’s not where I expected us to meet.”
“I’m here with… a friend.” She frowned. Now she felt bad for what she’d said to Darren. Here she was doing the same thing he had. Was it so hard to call it what it probably was? “M-my boyfriend.” Okay, that wasn’t so hard.
“Oh.” He avoided her gaze. “I see.”
“How’re the girls doing?” She decided a change of subject was probably best.
“They’re doing well. Um… it was a bit of a shock, the personnel change, but they’re adjusting.”
“That’s good…” she nodded absently. “I’m glad. I really miss them.”
“Yeah, I know they miss you too.” Emery coughed. “I’m glad you’re doing well, too.”
Doing well? When had she said she was doing well? The only thing he knew was that she had a boyfriend. God, she was overdue on every bill she had, worried about someone coming to take the little red piece of shit car she adored, and stressed about how to buy gas in order to make it to work. What part of that was “doing well?”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, well, you know. You’re here, and you’ve—”
“You think I’m fine because I’ve got some hockey player boyfriend?” Rage simmered just below the surface. She clenched her jaw to keep it from overflowing.
“Val, that’s not what I’m saying.”
“Yes, it is,” she snapped. “What are you even doing here?”
“Uh, well, the benefit tonight is for the Teen Outreach Center.”
“What?” She hadn’t paid attention to any of the signage; she’d been too nervous. Darren hadn’t said who the beneficiary of the profits from tonight would be. Did he know? She glanced around, noticing the little logos she recognized. How had she missed it? They were everywhere. She hadn’t been paying attention.
“Yeah,” Emery nodded. “It’s to replace the government funding we lost so we can afford the two new counselors.”
“Wait… what?” Val couldn’t keep the rage bubbling in her throat from coming up. “Are you serious? You laid us off to hire two more?”
“These are contracted employees. They also cost less. Different terms than what you were th
ere for.”
“Oh. My. God.” Stunned, she took a step back. “You didn’t even offer me a new contract.”
“We didn’t have the funding until this week.”
“You could have called me.” Was that a whine in her voice? Surely not.
“The board hired these two. I didn’t have a say.” Emery sighed. “You know I would have called you. First thing. If I could.”
“Convenient,” she snarled, snapping the “t” at the end. “You’re such a lying bastard, Emery. I didn’t see it before.” She shook her head, mostly in disbelief, but also in rage she couldn’t tamp down. “You fired people so that you could keep your precious job, one you were drowning in because you couldn’t manage it right. And now, you’re scamming people, hiring them in at rates too low for the job they’re doing. You’re despicable.”
“Val, that’s not what—”
“Bullshit,” she hissed at him. “It is what you are doing. Those poor counselors. I didn’t think that you were that type of person, Emery. You were always squirrelly, but this is just jackass behavior.”
“Val?” She turned at the rumbly voice behind her. Darren stood a few feet away, watching Emery carefully. “You all right?”
“Yeah,” she growled. She held her hand out to him and in seconds, his large hand engulfed hers, warmth spreading through her skin from her fingertips to her elbow. He grounded her, kept her temper from rocketing into space. She wasn’t even sure he knew what he did to her.
“I have to check in at my table now. I was hoping you’d come sit with me.” Darren’s gaze wandered from her to Emery, suspicion creeping into his gaze.
“Of course.” She smiled at Darren brightly, squeezing his hand for good measure. “Good night, Emery.”
She walked away, her hand in Darren’s. He glanced back at her former boss for a moment, curious expression on his face. “You know him?”
“I thought I did. Turns out he was just a stranger.”
She glanced at Emery whose face was red, but she couldn’t tell if it was from anger or fear. She hadn’t realized what a spineless joke Emery was. She’d known he was somewhat inept at his job. That wasn’t new. But the fact that he’d let her go, and never tried to get her back when he’d made it seem like he would… It was a new low.
* * *
Val couldn’t stop thinking about Emery the rest of the night, and the teen center, and the girls she used to work with. And how she was unemployed. She’d been so overwhelmed by being part of Darren’s life lately that she’d not considered her own life. She was falling fast into a hole here. Her bills were mounting. If she didn’t find something soon, she’d have to move. The interview with Jenkins was promising, but…
This thing with Darren…
She loved how easy it felt, so simple.
But she wasn’t fooled. There was always that breaking-in period of the relationship, and then once they were past the beginning stage, the problems would start. This whole thing was doomed to failure. He didn’t fit in her plans. She didn’t fit in his. The nights they’d spent together were great but he was getting to her, snaking his way into her heart and she couldn’t allow that to happen. She couldn’t afford it. She would be leaving soon.
They rode in his car in silence. She thought about what she needed to do over and over, and each time, the pain in her soul got worse. She’d already lost herself in this. She liked Darren, way too much for the casual relationship they had. And it was obvious he wanted more than that.
Damn Emery. She could have been more open to a relationship with Darren if she’d had a financial foot to stand on. Her career path would never make her rich, but at least she’d been stable and happy with it. Now… misery and chaos clouded everything she did.
He insisted on walking her to her apartment, which only made her more anxious. No doubt he’d expect her to let him in. So far, she’d avoided it, kept him from going inside her home. She wasn’t ready for that. It was a part of herself she hadn’t managed to open up, which only solidified that it was time to end it. She couldn’t string him along anymore.
When they reached her door, she faced him. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For being a great date tonight.”
“Thanks for putting up with my awful blackjack dealing skills.” He laughed. His grin faded as he palmed her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned in toward him in reflex, even though she knew it was a bad idea. His thumb stroked along her cheekbone. “Val, there was something I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Hmm?” She opened her eyes, his face inches from hers.
He leaned in toward her, like he was about to kiss her, but she couldn’t take it anymore.
She pressed her palm against his chest and stepped back from him. “Please. Don’t.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“What do you want from life?” He looked at her, puzzled, so she added, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
“You mean, you want to know my five year plan?” He chuckled. Thankfully, he stepped back, giving her much needed space. He smelled amazing, that spicy cologne of his filling her nostrils. His arms felt too good around her, holding her, making her feel safe. “I don’t know. I’ll be in my late thirties, so I figure I’ll probably still be playing. Other than that, I’m not sure.”
“I know,” she told him. “Or at least, I did. In five years, I was supposed to have enough saved up to put a down payment on a house without having to get mortgage insurance. I wouldn’t have to hold two jobs anymore, because I’d have saved enough to live off of until I finish my doctorate degree. Unfortunately, losing my job has somewhat forced my hand. I’m not going to get that house. I’m not going back to school. I have to focus on my life.” She sighed. “Do you see what’s not there, what isn’t in my plan, and even more so since I lost my job?”
He frowned, searching her face, but she didn’t look away. She needed him to understand how her world worked. What she needed and what she didn’t need. She had an order to her life, and a plan, and he wasn’t part of it, regardless of how much she wanted him to be. He shook his head slowly. “I’m not tracking, Val.”
Her throat tightened. She so didn’t want to have this conversation with him, but it was best to get it done… right?
“I don’t see myself getting married, or having kids. I’m not that person. Not now, possibly not ever.” Val could see his throat working hard, up and down, and she knew he was either getting it or on the verge. She pressed on. “I have to concentrate on getting another job. I cannot cut into my savings to save the day while I piddle away as a waitress in a bar. I can’t afford to put off the plan. This is the way it has to be.”
“So, what? You’re saying that I don’t fit there?” His voice had a twinge of anger. Her throat hurt, like she swallowed a pinecone and it had lodged in her throat.
She wanted to tell him it wasn’t true. That she’d work it out. That she wanted him. But that wasn’t how it went. That wasn’t what she needed. She swallowed hard, but it didn’t help that pinecone feeling, only made it worse.
“It’s not you.” She sighed. “It’s that I need to keep to the plan. And right now—”
“It doesn’t include me,” he spat out.
“It doesn’t include any romantic entanglements,” she said. Why couldn’t her life ever be easy? Here in front of her was a gorgeous, generous man who was so sweet, and so endearing. And if she wanted him, he was hers for the taking. But it wouldn’t have been fair for her to do so. He deserved someone who could love him and be the person he wanted. It wasn’t her.
“I see,” he said. Any emotion vanished from his face. “Well, I’m glad we got this cleared up ahead of any entanglements.” His voice was laced with barely leashed rage, though he had tight control over the stoic expression on his face. It cut her deeply, left her bleeding with longing.
“I’m sorry, Darren,” she whispered.
“Nah, it’s all good,” he said, soundin
g all too not-good. “It’s better, you know? This way, I don’t have to worry about attachments.” He shook his head. “Except that you were different, Val. You weren’t supposed to be just a quick fuck.” He threw up his arms as he backed away from her. “My bad.”
Val gripped her still locked apartment door like a lifeline as he turned away from her. When she heard his car door slam below, she ran to the edge of the railing and looked down as Darren’s car pulled out of the parking lot and disappeared down the road. Her gut wrenched with stabbing guilt.
Her body trembled with weak strength.
This was why relationships were not in her plan. Because she just couldn’t take the pain of it when it was time to say goodbye.
* * *
Darren cursed as he slammed his stick against the puck, sending it down the ice, but it veered off in the wrong direction and ricocheted against the pipes, going wide instead of making it between them. He could hear the crowd beyond the glass groan, a few curses about the craptastic way he was playing.
Some mocking. All right, a lot of mocking.
He was absolutely playing like shit tonight. The glass held back a lot of the crowd’s comments and jeers, but not everything. He tried to tune them out but he couldn’t concentrate on the game. Every time he saw the puck, Val’s face would pop in his head, telling him she couldn’t see him anymore. The misery in her eyes. God, he could still see it. He knew she didn’t want to do it. So why had she? What was so wrong about being in a committed relationship?
Damn.
He sounded like a freaking girl in his own head. How sad was that? Commitment? Relationships? What the hell was wrong with him?
“Get off the ice if you can’t hang, pigeon fucker!”
Smith from the New York Rangers yelled as he skated by with the puck in his possession. Darren skidded to a halt and started after him. Smith was headed for their goal, that goofy, smug grin on his face. That asshat was going down.
Darren gritted his teeth and launched himself down the ice. Cody waited between the red pipes of the goal, his eyes on the puck as his large body hovered in front of the net. He’d let his guard down, letting Smith take the puck. Smith drew closer.