by Cari Quinn
“Oh, I…uh…got back around eight but grabbed a bite to eat with a friend.” She crossed her arms and turned around, avoiding eye contact with me. I knew she’d done more than go out to eat.
“You should have at least brushed your hair and fixed your makeup,” I teased.
“What?” Delaney used the camera on her phone to finger-comb her sex hair and check out her swollen lips and full beard blush.
“Come on, who were you with?” I nudged her as the elevator doors opened and we stepped in.
“Huh? No one. It’s windy outside.” The elevator doors shut and she quickly changed the subject. “Why did you have Raven’s jacket? And why were you two texting earlier today?”
“I went—”
“And why were you drunk? I mean, that’s good, you’re finally loosening up. And what about Collin? Are y’all still together?”
“Laney!” I motioned for her to stop. The doors opened and I bailed out, pulling her with me as I made a beeline to our rooms, not giving her a chance to ask anything else.
I unlocked the door and we stumbled in the room. “Tell me. I’m dying to know.”
Falling on the couch, I grabbed a throw pillow and clutched it to my chest. “Let’s see, I’m not supposed to tell you this because of client-student confidentiality—”
“I promise, I won’t say anything.”
With hands on her hips, she stood waiting for me to say something. “I’m tutoring him,” I finally admitted.
“What?” She sat down beside me, crossing her legs underneath her. “You’re tutoring Raven Davenport?”
“Yes, as of two weeks ago.” I picked at the nail polish on my nails, determining what I should or shouldn’t confess. “It wasn’t my choice, believe me. Dr. Phillips practically forced me to help him.”
“Damn, you’re so lucky,” she sighed as her eyes glazed over.
I started laughing at the expression on her face and it didn’t take long for her to join in. “Okay, I’ll admit that he is damn fine and he makes me so nervous. But honestly, once you get to know the guy, he’s really fun.”
“Yeah, I saw that.”
I gasped, releasing the pillow from my death grip. “Saw what?”
She waved a dismissive hand in the air. “Relax. I heard y’all singing your hearts out as you played. At first, I didn’t think it was you because I didn’t recognize the guy, but as I waited for the elevator, I zoned in and realized it was your voice. When I went to see, you had stopped and that’s when I approached you.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Oh, good.”
“Why, did something else happen? Oh. My. God. You didn’t kiss him, did you?”
Giving her a less than playful slap on the arm, I said, “Of course not.”
She shrugged. “Hell, I would’ve.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, I know you would have. But did you forget,” I sighed again, “I’m engaged.” I held up my left hand, showing her my ring. Then, it dawned on me. Had Raven seen my ring? If he did, he didn’t say anything about it. Then again, maybe he didn’t care.
Lowering my hand, she shot me a meek smile. “Tell me everything. I want details.”
I pivoted my body and faced her. Once I got started, I couldn’t stop. I spilled my guts, sparing no details from the time we met until tonight. It was a relief but nerve-wracking at the same time. Never had I been so honest with her, but I couldn’t keep this to myself any longer. I needed a sounding board with someone that had experience with guys. Delaney was more than qualified. I even explained how I had continued to entice Collin, and without fail, how he pushed me away.
“I’m a horrible person.” I buried my face into my hands, feeling the pangs of guilt rush over me. “Collin’s a good guy.”
Removing my hands, she said, “Yes, he is and you need to have a come to Jesus talk with him because what you’ve been doing isn’t working. I already told you, if you don’t have an unfailing love before you get married; you’ll end up miserable and eventually divorced.”
I nodded. “I know. I owe that to him.” I picked up my phone, noticing I had two missed calls from my parent’s house but nothing from Collin. “He wasn’t very happy about me getting drunk and falling at the restaurant today. He said we needed to have a chat, but he hasn’t bothered to call or text me.”
“Looks like you’re going to have to take the initiative.”
“I guess.” I sat my phone next to me.
“But I will admit one thing.”
“What’s that?” I peeked at her through the strings of hair hanging in my face.
“I’ve never seen your eyes sparkle like the way they did when you were talking about Raven.”
“What?” Heat swamped my face.
“It’s obvious you like him.”
I closed my eyes and tried to convince myself that I didn’t, but the heat only intensified and the smile refused to go away.
“If a guy makes you that hot and bothered, then there’s no denying it.” I opened my eyes and shrugged. “But I’m going to warn you, Raven has a bad rep and he’s probably not the best guy to fall for, that is, unless you’re just looking for dick.”
I coughed, choking on my spit. “Laney!”
She held up her hands. “Just saying.”
Not once had I thought about his penis, but now that she’d mentioned it, I couldn’t help but wonder what was hiding in those jeans of his.
“I’m sure he has plenty of it too… mm.” She rubbed her hands together like she was preparing for a feast.
“Stop.” I fell onto the mounds of throw pillows behind me. “You’re killing me,” I cried in between laughs. “Man, it’s been one hell of a day.” I heaved another big sigh.
She stood up and tossed a throw pillow at me. “But it’s been your best day yet.”
* * *
Before I went to bed, I typed Collin a long text, pleading for him to forgive me. I stayed up half the night, tossing, and turning as I waited for him to reply but he never did. At seven-thirty the next morning, I received a call from my mom. She lectured me for at least half an hour as I made up excuses for my inappropriate behavior. I waited impatiently for Collin to acknowledge my message, checking every few minutes as I kept her on speaker mode. I wished my mom and I had a relationship where I could talk to her openly about things, but we didn’t. She wouldn’t understand what I was going through with Collin. In her mind, he was the perfect guy for me and could do no wrong. She might have been right, but unless he showed me that he loved me, I wasn’t convinced.
As soon as she hung up, I rushed to shower so that I could make it in time for my nine o’clock class. It was the only class Collin and I had together and although I dreaded seeing him, I knew avoidance wasn’t going to solve anything. I put my clothes on, grabbed a cereal bar and a glass of juice, and rushed to get ready.
As I dried my hair, I kept a steady eye on my phone, waiting to see if he would respond. But my text was the last thing shown on the screen. I applied a little makeup, not caring if I looked like death because nothing would hide the dark circles. I slipped out of the dorm, careful not to slam the door and wake Delaney. I walked across the lawn, still checking my phone every few minutes until I entered Scholar Hall. The building buzzed with students, rushing to arrive to their class on time. I zipped my way through the crowd, eager to talk to Collin before class started.
Sitting in his usual spot, Collin kept his face down, nose deep in a book. Easing into the seat behind him, I kept quiet, waiting to see if he would speak first. He didn’t.
I leaned forward and whispered, “Collin, did you get my text?”
His head rose, but he stayed facing the front of the room. He gave a slight nod and then returned to reading his book. I slumped against my chair. In the six years that I had known him, I had never endured this much silence. There was one time we had argued about me working once I graduated if he happened to land a baseball contract and that didn’t end well. He gave me the silent treatment fo
r a few days. I figured that my Mimosa episode would garner the same kind of response, if not worse.
Professor Garza walked into the room and placed his bag on the chair. A hush fell over the room as he began to speak in Spanish. I waited patiently to see if Collin would text me during class, but he kept his attention on the instructor the entire time. I thought about tracing my name on his back with my finger, but reasoned with myself that would’ve been a bad idea.
An hour later, class ended and the students filed out of the room in a rush, including Collin.
“Hey, Collin, wait up.” I tossed my books in my bag and tracked after him. “Slow down,” I called after him but he continued to ignore me. “Can we talk?” I said, finally catching up to him.
He kept walking, not bothering to make eye contact with me. “Right now is not a good time, Lexi.”
I zipped up my jacket, protecting myself from the brisk breeze as I tried to keep up with him. “It seems like you never have time for me.”
He stopped suddenly. “Sorry, school and baseball are my first priority.”
I felt a piece of my heart crumble, but I managed to keep the tears from falling. “I thought I was supposed to be first.”
He shifted and let out an audible sigh. “You make it really difficult for me.”
“I’m not trying to. All I want is your love, can’t you see that?” I pleaded with him.
“And you have that.” A perplexed expression formed across his face.
“But I don’t see it or feel it.” I searched his face for any trace of a sign. “I feel like we’re just friends.”
“What?” He moved to the side, allowing a few students to pass. “I’m working my butt off, trying to land a contract with a team, not to mention do well in school in case that doesn’t happen, all to support you.” His green eyes flared a deeper color. “If that’s not showing you how much I care for you, then you must be blind.”
“Thank you, I appreciate all that you’re doing for us.” I reached for his hand, but he jerked his hand away. “Please don’t touch me right now.”
“Okay, fine.” I crossed my arms. “All I’m saying is I need to feel your love, so a little attention would be nice.”
“Is that why you got drunk? To get my attention?”
I shrugged and stared at the ground.
“Because that’s the wrong way to get it,” he huffed. “My parents are very disappointed in your behavior and so are your mom and dad.”
“You called my parents?”
He glared at me openly. “Yes.”
“How could you?” My stomach hardened. I couldn’t believe he did that. I didn’t want to think about the conversation he had with them because doing so made me so much angrier.
He stepped closer to me. “You need to stop and think about what you did.”
“I’m sorry, but couldn’t we have discussed this instead of you calling our parents? I’m not a kid, Collin.” I needed a partner not another parent. I swallowed repeatedly, but couldn’t stop the tears from forming.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you lately, but I don’t like it one bit.” He held his chin high.
“You don’t like me coming on to you?”
He took a deep breath. “This was never a problem before, what’s changed?”
“I want more from you.” Tears dripped from my eyes. Was coming on to my fiancé that wrong? I knew I shouldn’t have drank in front of his parents, but the stress of our relationship was becoming more than I could handle. I felt lonely and confused. The alcohol seemed to take that away.
“How can I want a drunk and sex crazed woman?”
“But I’m your fiancée.” I wiped the tears away.
“Then act like it.” His tone deepened and it reminded me of my father. He sighed heavily. “I have to go. I’ll call you later.”
He left me standing among the hordes of students, crying my heart out. Several people turned and stared, but I didn’t care. I knew that getting drunk was wrong and flirting with Raven was a huge mistake. In all honesty, Collin and I had started drifting apart before I met Raven. All Raven had done was made me realize what I was missing in my relationship with Collin.
If only Collin would open his heart and allow me to love him. None of this would be happening.
I wasn’t convinced anymore that I belonged with Collin.
Σ
Chapter Nine
The rest of the day dragged and I questioned everything that had happened since I met Raven. It was reassuring to know that Collin was working hard to secure a future for us, but it still didn’t change the fact that I needed to feel love from him. Otherwise, what future would we have? I needed to experience a certain level of intimacy with him that reassured me that we were more than friends. Of course, I wanted hot, sensual sex with him before we tied the knot, but if I couldn’t have that, I at least wanted some tempting make out sessions with him. Surely, he wanted the same.
Later that night, Collin apologized for the way he acted. He asked if I could give him a few days to himself so that he could finish his paper and study for his test. I offered to proof his report, but he turned me down, saying that he could do it himself. It bothered me that he refused to make a little time for me. The next day, I ignored his request and asked if he’d like to meet for a quick bite or if I could come over and cook him dinner. He declined, stating he really had to study since he had practice on Wednesday and his test was Thursday. It proved to me that what he said was true: school and baseball came first.
Raven canceled our Tuesday tutoring session claiming he needed to read the material before we met. It made me happy to see that he was taking my advice, but I hated to admit that I was slightly disappointed. However, I knew it was for the best. I had to get my head straight and decide if I wanted to be with Collin. I was glad that I had told Dr. Phillips to reassign my other two students. I definitely had too much going on with school, Collin, and now, Raven.
Delaney hated that Collin and I were still at odds with one another, but was glad to hear that I wanted to keep some distance from Raven. She thought that giving Collin some space was smart but told me that I should have another talk with him. She reasoned with me that his lack of affection was probably due to his nonexistent experience and that he was introverted. I reminded myself of those things daily, especially when I didn’t hear from him, even though I knew he wouldn’t call me until after his test.
Thursday’s classes were over before I knew it and I tried not to get excited about my tutoring session with Raven. As I headed out of Ramsey Hall, several men rushed past me carrying industrial size shop-vacs and large fans. I didn’t think anything of it and texted Delaney to meet me at the sandwich shop located by the campus. A missed call flashed across my screen. I called my voicemail and listened to the message. It was Dr. Phillips, stating that a pipe had busted in the bathroom and flooded the writing center. That explained why the men were running through the building. I hesitated to text Raven, but I had to inform him so we could find an alternative meeting location.
Me: Hey, Raven, the writing center is flooded so we have to find another meeting place. How about the library?
I shoved my phone in the outside pocket of my bag and walked down the street.
“Lexi,” Delaney called.
Turning, I saw my roomie a few feet behind me. I waited for her, thinking of some meeting places.
“Are you done for the day?” she asked in an overly cheerful tone.
“With class, but I have to meet Raven for his tutoring session.”
“Uh oh.” She eyed me and I felt my blood quicken in my veins.
“What?” I held up my hands. “I have to tutor him.”
“Just be careful.” She held the door open and we entered the restaurant. Only a few tables were taken so I knew we had beaten the lunch crowd.
My phone chimed and I retrieved it, seeing that it was Raven.
Raven: No problem. But I don’t like meeting in the library.
<
br /> Me: Okay. We can meet at my dorm, there’s a study room downstairs.
Raven: That’s fine. See you in an hour.
“Look at you.” Delaney peeked at my screen. “You can’t stop smiling while you text him.”
“Stop,” I whined and then pulled my phone from her view. When I realized I was smiling, I relaxed my face. I quickly sent Raven another message.
Me: See you then.
“We had to discuss where we would be meeting since the writing lab is flooded,” I explained.
Delaney told the guy behind the counter what she wanted before responding to me. “So where are y’all meeting?”
“In the downstairs study room of our dorm,” I replied, tucking the phone away.
She spun around. “You are? Damn…”
I waited for her to continue but she didn’t. Instead, she walked off to find a place to sit. I ordered my food and then joined her in the booth. She was busy texting and I noticed she kept the phone tilted up so I couldn’t see whom she was chatting with.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yep.” She glanced up quickly, still texting. She stared at the screen for a few seconds and then tossed her phone in her backpack.
“Who was that?” I asked as she got up to get the food.
“No one. Just a friend.” She scurried off, not giving me a chance to ask her anything else. I knew she was hiding something.
“Thanks.” I took my tray from her.
“Sure.” She sat down and unwrapped her meal. “Hey, do you and Collin have any plans this weekend?”
I shrugged. “Not that I’m aware of. Why?” I took a bite of my sandwich.
“Well, Jordan and I were thinking about getting a group together to go bowling.”
“That sounds like fun.” Jordan was one of Delaney’s friends. She was also dating Forbes, another baseball player that lived with my brother and Collin.
“Ask Collin and see if he’s up for it.”
I swallowed. “I will when he calls me.”
“He still hasn’t called you?” Delaney asked with a mouthful of food.