Heart Doctor

by Melissa Silvey

  “I’m sorry I said it. I should have known this was Mother’s doing.” His voice is lower, huskier. “Will you be attending the gala Saturday?” He asks it again. He really wants an answer to that question.

  I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe I will, just to see how much money is raised.”

  “Which of the men I’ve seen you with will you bring?” His jaw clenches after he says it, as if he regrets it.

  “Is there somewhere I can drop you? Because I don’t want to wait here while you arrange for a car.” I’ve practiced my bedside manner, and I can mask the emotion in my voice with the best of them.

  The muscle in his jaw is twitching. His eyes narrow. He balls his hands into fists.

  “What did you think would happen when you got in my car?” It’s barely a whisper, but he hears it.

  “I thought… I mean… I don’t…” he stutters. Suddenly, he leans toward me, and places his hands in my hair. I hold my breath. I feel a shiver of anticipation down my spine. My heart is beating wildly, until he leans closer and it stops altogether. “Liv,” he whispers.

  I exhale with a gasp. I bite my bottom lip to keep it from quivering.

  I feel like I’m that twenty-one year old virgin again, sitting in his car after our third date, when I allowed him to kiss me. I don’t know what to do with my hands. I close my eyes, and wait.

  And the next thing I know, I hear the door opening, and I open my eyes, and he’s walking along the sidewalk with his back toward me. As I watch, he takes a few steps, raises his arm, and in less than a minute a taxi stops. He glances back at my car as climbs into the cab, and he is gone.

  I watch the cab drive away. I continue to watch until I can’t see it any longer. And then I still sit there.

  I return to the hospital five minutes late for rounds, without eating lunch. Hopefully no one can tell that I was sitting in my car crying for more than an hour. When I arrive, Freddie Portland is waiting for me. He looks fantastic in a charcoal grey, shiny suit with a light grey shirt and no tie. I smile as I remember what’s underneath, because it was even better.

  “Hello, love,” he says as he greets me. He must notice the happy expression on my face, because he reaches in and gently brushes my lips with his. “I’ve tried calling you. I’ve left messages.”

  “Yes, I’m so sorry, Freddie. I’ve been terribly busy. And I’m late for rounds. Would you like to meet for drinks later this evening?” I place my hand on his shoulder, and take a step closer into his body.

  “I’d love that.” His accent is proper and British, but his voice drips with lust.

  “Ella, write down my cell number for His Grace,” I say, as I grin at her.

  Chapter Six

  May 14, 2001

  I hear a knock on the door, and I rush toward it. I can only assume that Lex needs a hand with something he’s carrying. Or maybe it’s a delivery.

  I open the door, and find Mrs. Astor on the other side. “Hello, ma’am. Lex isn’t home, he’s jogging, but you’re more than welcome to wait for him,” I inform her, as I step aside.

  She sweeps into our apartment, looking like she just stepped out of a beauty salon, wearing a designer skirt suit, with expensive shoes and a handbag to match. “No, dear, I stopped by to see you,” she states, as she steps inside. The apartment was spotless when she stopped by on Saturday, but now that we’ve started packing, there are cardboard boxes all over the living room.

  That gives me a start, but I place my brightest smile on my face. Lex and I are getting married in a week, nothing his mother can say will bring me down. “Please, sit. Would you like a drink?”

  She shakes her head, and remains standing. “I don’t have anything against you, Olivia, please keep that in mind. It’s not you, really. You’re obviously smart, and you’re beautiful, and you’re just what Alexander needed after his terrible breakup.” She eyes me up and down, in my short gym shorts and Lex’s UVA lacrosse t-shirt, my long blonde hair in a ponytail.

  I don’t say anything. This is starting out bad, even though she’s trying to sound like it isn’t.

  “You’re like an adorable little lapdog. You’re cute, and fun to play with, and you look at Lex like he’s the most incredible thing you’ve ever seen.”

  I open my mouth to counter her rude opinion, even though it’s true.

  “Alexander needs a woman who will challenge him, dear. Alexander is an Astor. He needs a woman who is on his level, in all things.”

  “My grades are better than Lex’s. Every one of my professors has written letters of recommendation for medical school.” She looks bored with my arguments. “I was accepted to Harvard.”

  “That’s something to be proud of, if you were actually attending Harvard. But you’re not, are you?” she chides. “No, you’ll be attending medical school in New York, while living with Alexander. You probably won’t finish. You’ll get pregnant, and then you’ll live off of his money.”

  I again want to argue, but Lex has already suggested he wants to have a baby, soon. I wonder if his intent was deferring my goals. Would he sabotage my dreams for his desire to have me barefoot and pregnant?

  “That is, until you divorce, of course. Because he’ll get bored with you, especially since I will make his life a living hell if he marries you. You see, Olivia, I control his trust fund. I decide how much he gets, and when he gets it. And if, for whatever reason, I deem him unworthy I can and will cut him off.”

  I can’t imagine Lex penniless, working fifty or sixty hours a week, us scrimping to pay for our bills, much less my tuition. But he has his masters’ degree now. I’ll go to medical school somehow. In ten years, we’ll be doing very well for ourselves. But we would never be as well off as his family. Could Lex give up his lifestyle to marry me? She’s right. He would end up resenting me. We would get divorced. I’d end up a single mother. I could do it, I’m sure, as a doctor. I would be okay, eventually. But is that the life that I want for myself, or my child?

  Lex’s family would take him back into the fold, once we divorced. My children would see the difference between mom’s lifestyle and dad’s. They would end up resenting me as well.

  “Why would you do that? Lex loves me, and I love him. I’m not a bad person. I’m an orphan, sure, but I’m graduating top of my class. I’m determined, and disciplined. I’m not a party girl.” I can hear myself whining. “I would be a good wife for Lex.”

  She scoffs, and wears an expression that can only be pity. “Of course you would, Olivia. You would be a good wife. You just wouldn’t be good enough, for an Astor anyway.”

  I’ve always thought, in the back of my mind that was true. I have wondered, since the first time he asked me out, what he saw in me. I’ve been told I am pretty, but I’m not even in the same league with some of the girls who attend UVA. These women have been born and bred to be beautiful, as if they’ve been raised with designer clothes and stylists. Like Mrs. Astor. Like Lex.

  She must see my doubts, the worry probably shows on my face. I begin biting my nails, and I haven’t done that in years. Lex likes them longer than I prefer, and painted a soft girly pink.

  “But, my dear, if you see the error in your judgment, and you realize that marrying Alexander is not the best idea, I would understand. I would even sympathize. I would help you out, especially if you decided to go to medical school on the other side of the country. Stanford has a marvelous medical school, every bit as good as Harvard. I’m sure you’d be accepted. As a matter of fact, I’d make sure of it personally. And my dear Olivia, I’d make sure you would not want for anything. Everything would be provided for you.”

  I glance up at her then. Everything? I wonder.

  “That would include your tuition, books, room and board, transportation, and a monthly allowance to make sure your studies will not take a back seat to a part-time job.” Her voice, and her words, are so seductive. “You have a week to decide, Olivia. You can marry my son, which will surely end in sadness and heartbreak,
or you can have your dream come true, wrapped in a pretty scarlet bow. The choice is yours.”

  I’m not sure. Like, what do I do? I know that Lex loves me. I know he does. But for how long? Should I really sacrifice my dreams for him? Can I?

  “There’s just one thing more,” she says, deviously. “Break his heart.”

  My eyes grow wide as she says it. I don’t want to break Lex’s heart. His last girlfriend did that. No, I won’t. That’s where I draw the line.

  “If he comes running after you, the agreement is void. And we’ll end up right back here, where we started.” Damn it, how can one woman be so damn evil?

  May 14, 2016

  “Fuck, Olivia, you’re so fucking hot,” he whispers in my ear. “Waking up beside you makes me crazy. You’re asleep, and I want to fuck you so damn bad, even though I know I shouldn’t.”

  His soft, gentle touch is tracing a line from my cheek, to my lips, over my throat, and between my breasts. And he slowly does it all again, in the opposite direction. What am I doing in bed with him, again? How do I keep letting him get me here? Does he fuck me so good that I have to pass out afterward?

  No. I’m not sore. I haven’t been fucked silly.

  Does he bore me to sleep? Perhaps it’s his gentle touch, it lolls me to sleep.

  I’m going to go with that.

  “You’re awake, love,” he murmurs against my ear. “I want you so damn much. Can I fuck you now?”

  “How do you always end up in my bed?” I mutter around a yawn, as I open my eyes and roll over toward him.

  He’s lying on his side, and when he leans in to kiss me I smell that he is minty fresh again. That’s frustratingly nice.

  “What? Like it’s hard?” he snickers. That little comment is enough to piss me off, if he didn’t have the dearest little puppy dog look on his face again. “I just don’t stop after the first orgasm. I keep going until you eventually pass out.” He’s so darn proud of himself.

  Either that or he puts me to sleep. But I can tell he probably doesn’t consider that. I groan and roll my eyes, but when I pull up the sheets I realize we’re not in my bed.

  “We’re in my room this time, love. And you might have had one too many Harvey Wallbangers in the bar downstairs.”

  He’s probably not kidding. I do like Harvey Wallbangers. And they were probably the only wall banging I got last night.

  “You looked at the bartender, and asked if you could take his pulse. You told him he was so fit, and you wanted to know if his heart rate was forty beats per minute.” He smiled then, a bright white smile that reminds me of Lex.

  My eyes go wide when I say, “Ah, yes! He said he was a cyclist. I wanted to compare his heart beat to a marathon runner.” I giggle as I say it.

  “I didn’t know whether to be jealous, or proud!” he exclaims. I roll my eyes, but I don’t stop smiling. Freddie really is charming, even in bed. “I am a little jealous you didn’t ask to take my pulse.” He pouts, and reaches his hand out to me.

  “Fifty-five,” I inform him, as I lightly rub the inside of his wrist with my fingertips.

  “How do you know?” he asks, as if he’s stunned.

  “Hello! I’m a cardiologist. Of course I’m going to know that,” I reply with a wink.

  His pupils dilate, and his lips part, as he wonders, “How do you feel about my heart, doctor?”

  “Your heart is perfect, Your Grace. You will live to be one hundred and twenty five.” I chuckle, and move around until I get comfortable.

  “That’s not what I meant,” he says, as he grabs my hand, where I’ve been caressing his wrist, and pulls it to his cheek. His eyes close, and I hear a deep sigh escape his full lips. “Touch me, love.”

  I don’t really do this. I have sex with men, sure. But I don’t touch them. They touch me. They put their dicks in me. I have an orgasm, at least some of the time. They have an orgasm. I get dressed and leave. Simple.

  I haven’t really touched, or really looked at a man, since Lex. I haven’t had any desire to. I have my basic needs taken care of, and I’m done. Thanks so much for your time, don’t call me I’ll call you.

  Freddie isn’t going to take that lying down, though. Pun intended. He demands attention, and it’s the sweetest thing ever. Even now, as he’s wanting to be petted like a puppy, I can’t be mad at him.

  I stroke his cheeks, which are covered in the absolute most adorable, but prickly, red whiskers. As I explore his cheekbones, which are positively too high, and his nose, which is far too narrow and regal, I gaze deep into his eyes. They are too dark, and his hair is too red. He is a beautiful contradiction.

  As I am touching him, he is touching me. It’s not bad. It’s actually kind of nice.

  “I need a date,” he says, as he tickles my ear. “And please don’t tell me you don’t do dates. This is the second time you’ve woke up in my bed, I think that should qualify me to see you in a sexy dress and killer high heels.”

  I shake my head, and begin to move away, but his gentle touch at my ear changes, and he places his palm on my cheek, and keeps me there on the pillow, gazing up at him.

  “I was going to attend the Astor Foundation’s charity gala alone, hoping I’d see you there. Wouldn’t it be better, really, if we just went together?” He looks more than hopeful. He looks almost demanding. It’s shocking, and a little sexy.

  “As chance would have it, I’m attending that event tonight.” He gives me a winning grin, until I say, “But I already have a date.”

  He closes his eyes, and his dark copper brows meet at the bridge of his nose. He’s frowning, and I’m almost hurt by it. “Well maybe we won’t be able to attend together, but maybe we can leave together.”

  “I am attending with a colleague. He often stands in for me, when I don’t have a date to an important function. But he doesn’t have an invitation, and he will be hurt if I attend without him.”

  That perks my little puppy-eyed lover up immediately. “So maybe I can get you in the back of my limo after the party?” he asks hopefully.

  “Maybe,” I answer. I’m not going to commit to anything. Maybe some other undeniably hot, sexy, British royal will be there and ask me to go home with him. I have to keep my options open.

  “You love making me guess what you’re thinking, don’t you?” He touches the tip of my nose, then kisses it. “You are the most adorable, and sexy woman I know.”

  “You like the mystery,” I tease, as I roll over and stretch. I’m naked in his bed again, and the movement displays my breasts.

  “I can’t keep looking at your tits and not touch you,” he groans, as he rolls toward me. He extends his tongue, and laps at my nipple, making it hard. I want to grab his cheeks and tell him to stop being so gentle. But if I did, he’d know the secret. I won’t tell him. He has to figure it out himself.

  Chapter Seven

  May 14, 2001

  I am pensive as I resume my packing, which was interrupted by Mrs. Astor. I don’t want to leave Lex, but I can’t help thinking that she’s right. I’ve been worried about how I fit in with Lex’s life since we started dating. Now, I have someone who is in his life reinforcing my doubts.

  His parents have been nothing but cordial to me, polite to the extreme. Even his father, who only showed up yesterday for Lex’s graduation and then left that evening, had nothing but praise when Lex bragged about my scholastic accomplishments. But I could see in his green eyes he was judging my clothing, and my shoes, and finding them not up to par.

  I don’t belong in Lex’s world. I would eventually become a burden, like an anchor around his neck, which he would be eager to throw off when his life in the spotlight kicks into high gear.

  Because he will be in the spotlight. As the future CEO of Astor Inc., he will be seen on the television, and in the media, at this function or that party. What in the hell would I say at high society parties?

  Oh my, your dress is beautiful! Where did you get your shoes?

  I would soon beco
me an embarrassment.

  “Liv!” I hear, and nearly jump out of my skin. “Liv, what were you thinking? I said your name three times.”

  “I’m sorry, Lex. I didn’t hear you come in.” I look at him, with his dark hair looking even curlier than usual, as it is wet from sweat, and his cheeks are pink from exertion. His green eyes glow with an emotion that almost scares me. I want him. I want him for the rest of my life. Not because he’s Lex Astor, but because he’s looking at me like he could devour me and still not get enough of me.

  “What’s wrong?” he wonders aloud, as he removes his shirt. When it’s off, I can see his gorgeous torso covered in long sinewy muscles and abs that seem to go on for days. He wipes his forehead with the shirt, then throws it on the floor. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  I can’t tell him the real reason, that his mother reminded me that we will never be compatible, much less equal, in a relationship. So, I take the easy way out. I grab his shirt off the ground, and chastise him. “Why do you always throw your clothes around? I’m not your maid.”

  “But you could be, if we bought you one of those short black dresses with the frilly white aprons.” He’s teasing me, and he reaches out for my hand.

  But I jerk away from him. “Stop! I’m not kidding around!” I complain.

  He grabs me, pulls my back against his chest, and kisses my neck. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. We’ll have a maid in New York. You won’t have to clean up after me for much longer.”

  “Jesus, Lex, I know you’re rich! There’s no reason to brag about it!”

  He groans loudly against my ear. I shiver from the effect the tiny sound has on my body. “Most women who are in love don’t complain when their man has enough money to take care of them,” he states, firmly. “Why can’t you just make up your mind to enjoy it, and let me give you everything you deserve?”

  “I’m sorry I’m not looking to be a kept woman, Lex,” I gripe, and pull away from him.

  “I don’t want to keep you, Liv. I want to marry you.” My expression changes when he says it. My face falls, and my eyes cloud over. I know he wants me now. But it won’t last. “I am going to marry you, Liv. I will be the father of your children. I will be there, every step of the way, for the rest of your life or mine, whichever comes first.” His voice changes, becoming more gentle as he closes the gap between us. He tips my chin up to look into his dazzling green eyes, and says, “I’m not sure what happened to make you hesitate, to make you unsure, but I want you to remember something. I am madly in love with you, and I’m not taking no for an answer. We’re going to get through whatever problems you’re making up in that brainy little head of yours. Trust me.”