by Ellis, Aven
I burst into tears the second I see his name on my phone. I accept his call, and he appears on my screen, resting against the headboard in his hotel room.
“Hey, baby, what’s wrong?” he immediately asks, sitting up straighter. “Lexi, talk to me. Why are you crying?”
I try to get the words out, but I can’t.
“Lexi, tell me what’s wrong,” Niko says, his voice growing urgent.
I take a deep breath and force the words out. “My birth mom sent me a message on Connectivity.”
Niko is silent for a moment.
“Come again?”
Fresh tears fall from my eyes. “She’s pregnant and wanted me to know. She . . . she’s writing a series on it for the magazine, that’s how overjoyed she is with this baby. But she told me this changes nothing between us. She’s not telling her husband or future children I exist. I’m still the accident she wishes she could make go away.”
I see nothing but fury flash across Niko’s face. His jaw is set. His beautiful eyes darken like a summer storm rolling across the sea.
“You,” he says, his voice angry, “are not an accident.”
I begin sobbing. “You’re wrong. I am. Don’t you see that? She only has one child, and that’s the baby that’s growing inside her. The one that doesn’t make her sick whenever he moves, like I must have.”
“Listen to me,” Niko pleads. “This has nothing to do with you. No baby would have been the right baby for her at sixteen.”
“I thought she never wanted to be a mother,” I say softly. “That consoled me. But the truth is, she does, Niko. She does want motherhood and many children. But she doesn’t want me-her accident-to be a part of that.”
Niko takes a moment before speaking. “Lexi,” he says softly, “You have parents who love you, friends who are extended family, and you have me. Cassandra gave you to us, baby. And I know it hurts, but I’m grateful for that. More than you know.”
I lose it as soon as I hear his heartfelt words.
“Niko, why can’t you be here?” I cry without thinking. “I wish you weren’t in Chicago. I need you so much right now. I need you here!”
And as soon as I say them, Niko looks stricken. His head snaps back as if I’ve slapped him.
Because I’ve asked for the one thing he can’t give me, the one thing that caused problems with Jessica.
He can’t be here.
And from the look on his face, I don’t know how to undo it.
Chapter 21
The One Online Dating Service Profile Question: How important is communication in a relationship?
My write-in answer: Sometimes I wish I didn’t blurt out what I felt.
Niko doesn’t say anything. But the wounded expression in his eyes says it all.
My words have hurt him.
“Niko, I’m sorry,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “I didn’t mean that. I know you can’t be here. I kn—”
“You did mean it,” he says softly. “You need me, and I can’t be there for you.”
“You’re here with me now, in the only way you can be. I shouldn’t have said that. It was a selfish thing to say. I’m upset. I’m not thinking. Please forgive me.”
Niko hesitates for a moment before answering, and my heart freezes as I wait for what he’s going to say. I watch as he turns his head away, gazing off into the distance, and then he slowly turns back to look at me.
“If I could get out of producing this game and fly home to you on the next flight I would,” he says softly. “But I can’t. And you deserve better than this, Lexi. You deserve a man who can be beside you when you need him.”
Panic grips me. Thoughts of Cassandra evaporate as I realize he’s questioning if he’s good enough for me.
And that’s more upsetting than anything my birth mother could ever say.
“Don’t think that,” I say, choking on the words. “Please don’t. I’d rather have you on Connectivity Video Connect than any other man who could be at my side.”
Niko shakes his head. “Damn it, I’m sorry. You don’t need this.”
“I always need you to tell me how you feel,” I say truthfully. “I mean that.”
“I know you do,” he says softly. Then he clears his throat.
“Baby, we fly back tomorrow night after the game. I’m coming straight to you as soon as I can. You’re my girl, and I’m going to be there for you.”
Tears fill my eyes again. He might not be in love with me yet, but his actions speak so much of the kind of partner he would be in life. One that supported me, even if he was more than a thousand miles away, and one that would do whatever he needed to do to help me through the rough spots.
For the first time in hours, happiness finds my heart again. I’m his girl. While I’m still wounded by Cassandra’s message, I do have people who care about me. Value me. Love me.
Love.
And I hope with all my heart that Niko will someday fall in love with me like I have with him.
I fell in love fast, but I know it’s real. I also know it takes time for some people to get there. I know Niko cares about me, but love might take a while for him.
I’m willing to wait for that.
But right now I can’t wait for him to come home.
Is my phone ringing?
I furrow my brow. I’m coming out of a deep sleep and trying to focus. But I realize it is, so I groggily stick my hand out from underneath the covers, absently trying to locate it on my nightstand.
I find it and flip it over, the light illuminating the darkness. The clock on my phone tells me it’s after two in the morning.
And I see Niko’s name on the caller ID.
I’m fully awake the second I realize it’s him. “Hello?”
“Hey, baby, I know I woke you up,” Niko says softly.
“It’s okay,” I say truthfully. “I’m always glad to hear your voice.”
“I’m home,” he says. “And I promised you I would be with you the first second I could after the game. I know it’s late, but I’m keeping my word.”
“What?” I ask, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I’m here. I’m here at your door bu—”
I throw my phone down in the middle of his sentence. I toss aside the covers and scramble out of bed, not caring what I look like. I run to the front door, wondering if I heard him correctly. Did he really come straight here, to me?
I open the door and find Niko on the other side. He drops his bag to the ground and opens his arms to me. He’s driven here the second he got off the plane—he’s still wearing his black overcoat and charcoal suit—but he came straight to me the first second he could.
I fight back tears and throw myself into his waiting arms.
“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Niko murmurs as he draws me into his chest. He’s holding me tight, cradling one hand over the back of my head, the other running up and down my back in a comforting manner. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”
I move back from him, putting my hands on the lapels of his overcoat. I search his eyes and see nothing but sadness in them. As if it were somehow his fault that he was in Chicago when all of this went down.
“Don’t ever say that again,” I say, choking up. “You have been my rock these past 24 hours. You have been here in the way you could—video chats, phone calls, text messages. And that’s what counts.”
Niko cups my face with his hands. “Well I’m here now. Whatever you need from me, you have it.”
His gorgeous face blurs in front of my eyes. A single tear escapes my eye, and Niko gently brushes it away.
“Your face is cold,” he says softly. “Let’s go inside.”
I nod.
Niko picks up his overnight b
ag, and I lead him inside the apartment, squeezing his hand in mine as I bring him back to my bedroom.
I turn on the lamp by my nightstand and shut the door behind us. Niko takes off his coat and suit jacket, draping them across the oversized chair I have in the corner of my room. Then he slips off his dress shoes and comes back to where I’m standing.
“You can change if you want,” I say.
“No, I want to hold you first,” Niko says, stroking my hair in his hands. He drops a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Come on, let’s get you back to bed.”
I climb under the covers, and Niko does the same. He turns off the light and draws me right back to his chest. I close my eyes and listen to the steady beat of his heart as he cradles me to him.
No words are said between us. Niko simply holds me in a way that shows me how much he cares. He’s protective. Gentle. Present in every way.
This man would do anything for me, I think, growing emotional. Whatever I need, Niko would find a way to give it to me.
“Lexi?” Niko asks.
“Yeah?”
“I know you’re still dealing with the fallout of that message,” he says. “But I swear to you this isn’t Cassandra rejecting you personally. It’s not. She’s ready to be a mom to this baby, but it’s about time. She wasn’t ready for you when she was sixteen. And she wasn’t ready when you came to her as a teenager. You can try to imagine yourself being what she wanted, if you were only more this or that, but that doesn’t matter. You’re everything a mother could want. You’re the whole package. You’re smart, funny, caring. I can go on forever about you. And I know your mom and dad can, too. But Cassandra having these feelings is not about you. It’s not.”
A small sob escapes my throat. The tears are falling again, but this time, not from the pain of Cassandra rejecting me. But happy tears for having this man with me right now, the one who sees so much in me, the one who wants nothing more than to walk with me and comfort me through all this emotional crap that would send a lot of men running out the door.
I lift my head so I can gaze into his eyes. “How did I find you? Because having you in my life is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“I’m the lucky one,” Niko says, brushing the tears away with his fingertips. “I am, baby.”
I lean forward and sweetly press my lips against his. “Thank you for being here.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be tonight,” Niko says, kissing me back.
He kisses me slowly and gently. I drink him in, the way his stubble grazes against my face and the cologne that is faintly lingering on his dark skin. I touch his hair, relishing how it feels against my fingertips.
I break the kiss and smile at him. “Welcome home.”
“You make me very glad to be home,” Niko says, trailing his hand over my hip, down the side of the flannel drawstring pants I have on. “But you should get some sleep. You’re exhausted, I can see that.”
“You’ll stay, right?” I ask, linking my hand with his. “I want you to spend the night here.”
“Are you sure Kenley is okay with that?”
I laugh. “She’s at Nate’s. She always greets him with his dog when he’s scheduled to come home. And she wouldn’t care. She likes you.”
Niko’s face lights up when I say that. “She does?”
“Of course she does. How could she not?”
“Well, that’s good. I want your friends and your family to like me.”
I hesitate for a moment. I wonder what Niko would think if he knew the truth about my family? That I come from money? He seems threatened by that, and that’s the last thing I want to do to him. Not when he’s just been rattled by how he thought his work schedule would impact me.
“They will,” I say confidently.
He lifts an eyebrow. “So I’ll get to meet them?”
“Of course,” I say.
Once I have time to prepare you for it.
Niko kisses me again. “Good, I can’t wait to meet your parents. They raised you, so I know I’ll like them.”
“And they’ll like you,” I say honestly. I yawn, and quickly put my hand to my mouth.
“Come on, time for you to get some sleep.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re going to bed.”
I laugh. “Oh, is that so? Why, because I’m in an unsexy T-shirt and flannel pants?”
“I find your flannel pants with sushi rolls on them hot.”
I giggle. “Liar.”
“Not a liar. Wear them for me tomorrow, and I’ll show you how they drive me crazy. But tonight you’re getting a back rub and sleep. Now roll over.”
I flip over on to my stomach, and Niko moves over me so he can work on my back, his strong hands working out the knots in my shoulders.
I practically melt into my pillow. Oh, he’s good at this. He’s applying pressure in all the right places and, ohhhhhh, this feels so good.
“Mmmmm,” I murmur. “Fantastic.”
“Good,” Niko says softly.
“Be careful. I might make you do this nightly.”
“Only if you wear these sexy sushi roll pants,” Niko teases.
I smile into my pillow. I love you so much, I think as I relax. I feel cared for, loved, supported.
With these feelings of happiness washing through me, I close my eyes, wanting nothing more than to wake up to this man tomorrow.
And for every day for the rest of my life if he falls in love with me, too.
Chapter 22
The One Online Dating Service Profile Question: How do you perceive your future partner helping you through the hard times in life?
My write-in answer: He’d be everything Niko has been to me since he arrived home last night.
I wake up, my eyes adjusting to the morning light. And for the first time since I received Cassandra’s message, I feel peaceful. Niko’s arm is protectively draped across me, and I notice he’s still wearing his pale-gray dress shirt from last night.
Warmth floods through me. He fell asleep in his dress shirt and suit pants because he wanted to stay with me.
I roll over, and sure enough, his tie has been loosened and draped around his shirt collar, but Niko didn’t want to leave me, not even for the few minutes it would have taken him to change.
I love you so much, I think again as I study him.
And I realize that’s why I’m at peace now. No, I’ll never have the love of my birth mother or a relationship with her. I understand that. But instead of being mired in thoughts of a woman who will never care about me, I need to spend my energy on those who do.
Like this amazing man sleeping beside me.
I gently put my palm against his face, lightly moving it across his stubble to wake him up.
Niko’s eyes flutter open. “Hey,” he says.
“Good morning,” I say, snuggling into his chest.
“How are you feeling?” Niko asks, kissing the top of my head.
“So much better.”
“Better with the intensity of a thousand suns?”
I lift my head up and grin at him. “Yes.”
“Good,” he answers, dipping down and placing a kiss on my lips.
“Thank you for being here last night. Your words were what I needed to hear.”
“I’m glad,” Niko says, his hand moving up and down my arm. Then he cocks an eyebrow at me. “What’s your schedule like today?”
“Well, I’m off today because I’m editing this weekend,” I say, slowly lowering my hand to his shirt and unbuttoning a button.
Niko’s eyes flicker sexily at me. “Do you have any plans, baby?”
Then he rolls me over and lowers himself on top of me.
I
undo another button and slide my hand inside his shirt. “Yes.”
“I have some, too,” he murmurs before closing his mouth over mine.
Heat fills me the second his lips find mine. Niko’s hands skim down my waist, to the drawstring on my flannel pajama bottoms, his fingertips toying with the knot as he kisses me.
“These sushi pants,” Niko whispers against my lips, “are so hot.”
I can’t help it. I burst out laughing and Niko does, too. He pushes himself up to look at me, and I love the expression on his face right now. It’s both playful and full of desire at the same time.
And I absolutely love it.
“Wait until you see my other pairs,” I tease, jerking his shirt out of his pants and continuing to unbutton it. His shirt falls open, and excitement surges through me when I see his chiseled abs in full view.
“You’re such a tease,” Niko says, undoing the drawstring on my pants. “So drive me crazy. What’s on the other pair?”
For a moment I can’t think as Niko slides his fingertips around my waistband, slowly inching it down over my hips as his mouth seeks mine again.
“Bacon,” I say against his full lips.
Niko stops kissing me, a look of complete confusion etched on his handsome face.
“What? Why are you talking about bacon now?”
“Bacon strips. On my pajama bottoms.”
He flashes me a huge smile, one that reveals the dimple in his cheek. “Bacon pajama bottoms. Now that’s sexy, baby.”
I laugh and he does, too.
“I’ll wear them tonight for you if you like,” I say, drawing his face to mine and kissing him. Then I move my hand down to his belt buckle, tugging at it suggestively.
“Yes,” Niko murmurs against my lips. “To the bacon pants and undoing my pants.”
Oh, I love this man.
And as I lose myself in Niko as we begin to make love, I know focusing on those who care about me is one hundred percent the right thing to do.