“If it’s not too late, I want to do it. It’s time for us to be free.”
He scrubs his hand over his face. “I can’t…I can’t let them put you up there. They’ll destroy you.”
“They can try.” A smile tugs at my lips. “But after what I’ve been through, they won’t succeed.”
“You’re the bravest person I know.” He chokes on his words. Tag is so not a sentimental guy. “I’ve never met anyone with so much courage. You could have let him ruin your life, but you didn’t. You found a new way forward. And now, after you’ve just been through it all again, you’re willing to try and bring him down.”
“That’s ’cause I have you standing behind me.” Something niggles at the back of my mind and I frown. “That’s my only worry. You may be considered a witness to the crime. Wouldn’t you get in trouble for not reporting it? And didn’t you have to report the conflict when you found out it was him? What’ll happen to you if I come forward?”
He stands and walks over to the wall of pictures. “I would willingly give up my career if it meant even one woman would be spared what you went through. I would be proud to go to jail for it. Maybe once the DA knows why we made the decision we did, I’ll get off with just a warning. But even if I don’t, I won’t let you stand up there alone. If the DA agrees, I’m going to testify too. The truth will be out there, and the lawyers can sort out whether our testimony stands or not.”
I join him at the wall and wrap my arms around him. “We’re going to do this, Tag. After all these years, we’re going to be free. Together.”
“You’re going to do it,” he says. “I’m just along for the ride.”
* * *
Monday morning I walk into Torment’s office.
Without knocking.
Torment looks up and scowls. I meet his scowl with one of my own.
“I’m taking the job managing the Redemption studio.” I fold my arms and lean against the wall. “I’ll start on Friday, after I take care of a few legal matters. I’m keeping the team. I expect you to leave me alone with respect to business decisions unless I ask for your help. That includes hiring, firing, selecting and ordering equipment, marketing, and decor.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “Decor?”
“That’s right. I’ll be hanging paintings to showcase local artists on the walls. No car race murals allowed.”
Torment’s eyes twinkle with amusement, and he leans back in his chair and laces his hands behind his head. “Anything else?”
“I’ll need a few months off about seven months from now. I’ll make sure there is someone fully trained to run things in my absence. Nonnegotiable.”
His gaze drops to my stomach and he raises an eyebrow. But ha-ha, Torment. There is nothing to see yet.
“I choose the name,” he says. My heart skips a beat because for a moment I think he’s figured out my little secret, but then I realize he’s talking about the studio.
“Not if it sucks.”
Torment chuckles. “Redemption Ink?”
“No.”
“Torment’s Tats?”
“Definitely not.”
“Forbearance?”
I sigh. “Is that a joke?”
“Yes. You’re almost as difficult to handle as Makayla. But maybe I don’t need to be reminded about it every day. How about Phoenix, since you’re starting new?”
“Hmmmm.”
“Phoenix it is.” He slams his hand on his desk, and I jump. “I’ll get my people on that right away. Look for your new sign tomorrow. But I have a condition.” He strokes his chin and studies me for a long moment. I take deep breaths and pray my bravado doesn’t give out. This was just supposed to be a quick in and out. My nerves are already stretched to breaking.
“What is it?”
“The first set of paintings to go up will be yours.”
My heart sinks. “That might take a while.”
“As long as it takes. But I’m hoping the blank wall will be a motivator.”
“Thank you. For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiles an entirely benign, un-Torment-like smile. “Took you long enough. I was beginning to think I might actually have to hire one of the people I interviewed.”
“I had a life to sort out first.”
“You have a man to sort out next,” he says. “He’s taking out his frustrations on my fighters. I had to arrange for an ambulance to be on permanent standby.”
For the first time since I walked into his office, I manage a smile. “That’s on the agenda.”
* * *
The next day, I go to Ray’s apartment. My heart drums in my chest as I stand outside his door. What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if I don’t get a chance to make the speech I’ve had running through my head for the last few days? What if he doesn’t want the baby?
Taking a deep breath, I push the what-ifs away. No matter what happens, I’ll survive. And once I testify against Luke, I’ll really be able to move on. I’ll live the life I’ve always wanted to live. I just hope I don’t have to live it alone.
I knock.
Silence.
Then, footsteps.
My heart pounds when the door swings open.
Oh God. He’s so banged up—black eye, swollen cheek, tiny bandages on his temple and chin. Instinctively, I reach out to touch him and he steps back. Away.
Swallowing my fears, I stiffen my spine and push past him into the apartment. “I need to speak to you. I’ll take five minutes of your time and then I’ll leave.”
He nods and closes the door, turning to lean against it, his thick arms folded. “Okay.”
“Okay.” My hands clench and unclench by my sides. He’s wearing the sexiest damn pajama pants I’ve ever seen, navy blue with the Redemption logo on the side, tight in all the right places, and nothing else.
The nothing else is distracting. I feast my gaze on the hard planes of his chest, the solid ripple of muscle in his abs. So delicious I want to lick him all over.
“Sia?” His soft voice draws me away from that fantasy.
My cheeks flame. “Sorry.”
“You want a drink?” He peels himself away from the door and brushes past me as he heads toward the kitchen. My body heats, trembles at his touch, and I follow him across the floor.
“I’m not drinking anymore.”
Ray pauses beside the fridge. Frowns. “Water?”
“Sure. Water is good.”
“You want to eat something?” He fills a water glass from the tap and hands it to me, the slight touch of his finger sending a zing of electricity through me.
“I’m…uh…not really eating anymore either.”
He stills, then plucks the water glass from my hand and places it on the counter. “What’s going on?”
My heart bangs in my chest, and I curl my fingers around the cool concrete counter. “I…I’m…pregnant,” I blurt out. “That night in the rain. I missed my pill the next day, and then I was in the hospital, and by the time I told them, it was too late to catch up.”
His eyes darken almost to black and a sliver of panic winds its way through my heart. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I want this baby. After what happened to me, I never thought I’d be able to have children, and to me it’s an incredible gift.”
He stares, silent, unmoving. His face gives nothing away. Although I had prepared myself for rejection, I can’t help my heart from sinking through the floor, nor can I help the ball of sorrow from lodging itself in my chest.
“I’m not asking you to be involved unless you want to be,” I say quickly, desperate now to get out. “I’ve taken the job at Redemption, so I’ll have enough to get by, and my parents decided to downsize, so they don’t need financial help.” I’m babbling, but I can’t stop. “I just…thought it was the right thing to do to let you know. I love you. More than anything I want to have this baby with you. I’m not afraid anymore. Not of you. Not of your job. Not of me. Jess made me realize I’m a survivor. And tomorrow,
I’m going to testify against Luke at his trial and I’ll really be able to put the past behind me.”
He still hasn’t moved from the kitchen. A sob wells up in my throat and I turn for the door. “Good-bye, Ray.”
“Don’t go.”
“What did you say?”
“You don’t go. You don’t leave. You don’t walk away.” His voice, deep and raw, slides over me like a warm blanket. Hope flutters in my chest, and I turn around and find myself in his arms.
“Did you really think I would let you leave?” He kisses my forehead, then cups my jaw in his hand, brushing his thumb over my cheek.
“You did before.”
“Biggest fucking mistake of my life.” He teases my mouth open, grazing his tongue along the seam of my lips. My fingers curl into his shoulders, and I lean up for more. He tastes lemony and sweet. He tastes of Ray.
I arch closer to him, my body coming alive at the feel of those hard muscles against me. I want him so badly, I can barely breathe, and yet I need to clear the air.
“What I said at the hospital…about you breaking your promise and not being fast enough. That was wrong of me, and I’m sorry. It wasn’t your fault and yet you took all the blame.”
“I’ve always blamed myself.” He buries his face in my neck. “For Scott. For Lisa. For you. For not being there when the people I cared about most needed me. I wanted to be worthy for once in my life. Worthy of your love.”
“You have my love,” I whisper in his ear. “I love you. And although there is nothing to forgive, I forgive you. But you need to forgive yourself and move on, just like I’m going to do. Not just for me, but for Scott and Lisa. For our baby.” I slide my hand down his chest to rest over his heart, where we cut him together that night in the rain. “That’s what the pain is about, isn’t it? Guilt. If we have any hope for a future together, you have to let it go.”
He frowns. “It’s not that easy.”
“Come with me.” I clasp Ray’s hand and lead him to the alcove. Then I slip off my dress and underwear and hold out my arms. “Make love to me. Kiss me. Hold me. Hug me. Take me. But do it without the pain.”
Ray groans. “It’s been so long, and I want you so bad. I might be rough.”
“I can handle rough.”
“And I’m gonna be hard.”
“I love it hard.”
“And fast.”
This time I laugh. “Not if I have anything to say about it.”
Ray takes me in his arms. “I’m gonna give it to you sweet, beautiful girl. Soft and sweet.”
Nuzzling his neck, I murmur, “What about the pain?”
“I never really knew pain until I woke up each morning and knew I wouldn’t see you. I never knew love until I held you in my arms.”
“I knew you loved me when you wouldn’t fight Tag,” I say. “That meant everything to me.”
Ray slants his mouth over mine and kisses me so deeply I feel it in my toes.
“I loved you a lot longer than that. Just took me a while to realize it.” He slides his hand into his pocket and pulls out the necklace. “Wear this for me. I spent an entire night driving around the city trying to think of a way for us to be together and to keep you safe when I couldn’t be with you all the time. I stopped for a coffee and I saw this in the window of a little jewelry shop beside the café. The stone reminded me so much of the color of your eyes, I went in and bought it, and then I thought of attaching the tracker so I could always be with you, always keep you safe. It came from the heart.”
I spin around and lift my hair so Ray can fasten it around my neck. Then I turn and close my eyes as the tiny weight settles between my breasts. “Welcome home,” I whisper.
This time his kiss is gentle, soft nibbles and licks, caressing my mouth. A wave of heat rushes through me. And something else—a fierce rush of emotion and a certainty I am where I belong.
Chapter 28
I’m pretending they can’t see
“Mom. Dad. We have something to tell you.”
Sunday night before Luke’s trial, Tag and I have an emotional talk with our parents. We tell them what happened with Luke, and why we decided to keep it quiet. I tell them how putting the past behind me was the only way I could cope, and how the tats and piercings gave me the armor I needed to make it through each day. Mom dissolves into tears and tells me she’s sorry for giving me such a hard time, and if only I’d told her, she could have helped. Dad shakes his head and says he wishes he could have been there for us, and he would never have let anyone threaten his kids and get away with it. And where is this guy now, anyway?
So we give them the good news. Tag has been working hard to collect evidence against him, and we’re going to testify at the trial. They promise to be there. Dad says he wants to look Luke in the eye, so that if Dad ever meets him in a dark alley…
I tell him, actually, I have a new boyfriend who beat him to it.
When we’ve talked everything through and dried our tears, I call Ray. He is the first boyfriend I have ever invited for Sunday dinner. With his usual confidence, he walks into the house and shakes Dad’s hand. Dad asks him about his fights. Five minutes later, they are on the couch in front of the TV with Tag. Best friends forever.
Ray sits beside me at dinner and throws a casual arm over the back of my chair. Mom’s lips quiver as she tries to repress a smile. I have never seen her so sad and so happy as I have this evening. I could make her even happier if I told her about the baby, but since it hasn’t been three months yet, we’ve decided to wait.
“So, Ray. What do you do besides fight?” Dad leans back in his chair and I tense. My parents aren’t big on evasiveness, especially Dad, because he’s a straight-up kind of guy.
“PI work.” Ray strokes my shoulder. “I also served in the military and did a few other things. Moved around a lot. Not anymore. I found a girl who made me want to settle down.”
Dad nods and grunts his approval while Mom gives up on trying to hide her feelings and beams.
“You treat her right,” Dad says. “She’s my little girl, and Tag and I will always have her back.”
Ray gives me a gentle squeeze. “That makes three of us, but I don’t think she needs us anymore.”
* * *
That night, before the trial, I leave Ray asleep in his bed, pull on one of his T-shirts, and stand by his balcony window, looking out into the night. Barely visible through the smog, stars prick the dark gray sky, and ten stories below, the streets are empty and quiet. Danger lurks down in the darkness, but here, high in Ray’s tower, I am safe.
My hand drifts to my stomach. We are safe.
“People can see you in the window.” Ray curls an arm around me, pulling me into his chest. The room is dark around us save for a faint light streaming from his alcove.
“I know, but I’m pretending they can’t see me. That’s what I’m going to do tomorrow. I’m going to sit in the witness box, tell my story, and pretend no one else is around.”
Ray eases up the T-shirt and slips a hand underneath, cupping my breast in his warm palm. “I’ll be there. And your parents. And Jess too.”
I look back over my shoulder. “Okay. I’ll pretend no one else is there except the people I love.”
He tugs the T-shirt higher in the back and works his way underneath until he cradles both my breasts in his hands. “Luke will be there.”
“You’re ruining the moment.”
Ray laughs and rolls my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. “Look him in the eyes when you say your piece. Show him your courage. Let him know he didn’t break you.”
“Only one man has come close to breaking me.” I grind against his hardened length barely concealed by his pajama pants, and Ray groans.
“And only one woman has ever brought me to my knees.” He slides both hands down my hips, and then grabs the edge of my T-shirt and whips it over my head.
“Ray!” Naked, in front of his balcony window, I am in full view of the apartments
across from us and perhaps from the street below. And, oh God, what a thrill.
“Pretend they can’t see you, beautiful girl.” Ray reaches around and pinches my nipples. “We’ll practice for tomorrow.”
“I’ll be wearing clothes.”
Ray chuckles. “Not in my mind. When I think of you, I always think of you naked.”
“Nice. I’m glad this relationship is only about sex.”
He laughs again. “Nothing wrong with sex. And since I have yet to take you out on a real date, taste your cooking, listen to your music, watch your movies, or read your books, I’ll take what I can get.”
“Well, then I just may be persuaded to put out tonight.”
Ray slips one hand between my legs and strokes his finger along my wet folds. “I don’t think it will take much persuading. My girl likes to be watched.”
“Shhhh.” I look back over my shoulder and press a finger to his lips. “I’m pretending they can’t see.”
He kicks my legs apart and presses his lips to my ear, his breath hot and moist against my skin. “But they can see. They see my hand stroking your pussy. They see your breasts swollen and your nipples peaked with arousal. They see your skin flushed, and your lips pink and plump and waiting to be kissed.”
“What else do they see?”
“They see the present I’m going to give you.” He pulls away, leaving me bereft, but returns moments later with a small silver box.
“I got these for you, to replace what you gave up.” He opens the box and pulls out a pair of nipple clamps with tiny glass beads dangling from the fine filigree silverwork.
I let out a whimper of fear and Ray laughs. “Lookit those wide eyes going all green on me. Yeah, they’ll hurt, but they’ll feel good too.” He gently turns me to face the window and then pulls me into the safety of his chest. “Let them see you, Sia. Show them how much you like your present.”
Gritting my teeth, I look out over the city. Few lights shine through the windows at this late hour, and surely no one can see us. And even if they could, would anyone know me, naked, aroused, and in the arms of the man I love?
Ray rolls my right nipple between his thumb and forefinger, then reaches around me with both hands and carefully slides the clamp around the tip before tightening the rubber ring.
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