OK that’s it for now. I hope that you and my gorgeous wee girl are well and that she’s not missing her mamma too much. I’ll be in touch soon.
Your gorgeous wife
Lindsay
PS Hope you like the texts, I thought that was really clever of me!!
It was very clever of you Lindsay and, much too clever for me. Of course she couldn’t know anything about me losing my job, or that Jamie had been given an ultimatum by Molly and rejected her. The ‘ace’ up her sleeve worried me somewhat. A week was not a long time, and after the Jamie/Molly situation, anything was possible. Internet dating hadn’t really worked for me yet but it was early days and I still had Amanda waiting in the wings. I still hadn’t figured out what I wanted from Amanda, if anything, but I hoped whatever Lindsay’s ‘ace’ was ultimately didn’t interfere with it. I was more than capable of messing things up on my own.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Pauline brought Amy home later on the Saturday morning and the three of us drove to a family farm park in East Lothian, a few miles south of Edinburgh. It had a narrow gauge railway, farm animals and an adventure playground that Amy loved. It was an exhausting afternoon. We dropped Pauline off at her flat on the way home, and after feeding and bathing Amy she was asleep without me even needing to read a story. I was too tired to log onto my iPad and watched an old movie instead.
After a few minutes I realized I’d seen it before and decided to give Jamie a ring instead. As he was back living with his parents I knew he’d be sitting in his old bedroom sulking. We’d spent countless hours in that room as kids. His mum and dad would be watching TV in the next room and through the wall he’d be able to hear the muffled sounds of some game show or soap opera. The fact his parents could sit and watch so much rubbish did and would annoy him more than anything. He wouldn’t have told his parents the whole story yet. All they would know was that he and Molly had fallen out.
Whenever I’d been in Jamie’s house when we were younger, I’d always been fascinated by the way his parents and Jamie moved seamlessly between English and Italian when talking. They would start a sentence in English and about halfway through they would switch. If they were excited or stressed then everything came out in Italian.
I wasn’t sure what Jamie would tell them about him and Molly splitting up. If he mentioned Anna then I could imagine any discussion after that would be in Italian with over-enthusiastic gesturing.
He answered his phone almost immediately. ‘Hi, Andy, I was thinking of phoning you – actually, you’re one of the few people left in the world still speaking to me.’
I laughed. ‘I take it your mum and dad didn’t take the news well then?’
Jamie snorted down the phone. ‘Yeah you could say that; you’d think someone had died.’
His parents had accepted Molly as part of the family, and were always pressing him about marriage and grandchildren. They were both in their sixties now and had they stayed in Italy, could have expected that both he and his sister Maria would have produced offspring by now. His sister lived in London and worked as a lawyer for Greater London Authority. She was five years younger than Jamie, but as yet she too was unmarried. The news about Molly would frustrate his parents even more.
‘How much have you told them?’
I heard Jamie sigh. ‘Not that much, I just said that we’d been having problems for a while and decided to split up. . . .’
‘So you didn’t mention anything about Anna then?’
‘You’re joking, right? You know what my mum’s like. She’d murder me if she found out about that! Molly’s a bloody saint in her eyes.’
I felt sorry for my friend and decided to cheer him up a little and told him about my first two Internet dates with Ellen and Terry, I decided to keep the others to myself for the time being. It did the trick and soon he was laughing his head off at my expense, but for once it didn’t bother me that much. I felt like I was performing a kind of social service. There hadn’t been many occasions in the last year or so where I had felt someone was worse off than me.
We agreed to meet the next morning for brunch and after hanging up I went to bed. Our conversation must have triggered some repressed memories because after I fell asleep I dreamed about the time Jamie and I had investigated how much toilet roll it would take to block up the toilet in his parents’ flat. After much experimenting we discovered it took nearly two full rolls shoved down at once to clog up the waste pipe sufficiently for the water to back up. Later Jamie discovered it took a plumber an hour to unblock the same pipe and cost his parents sixty quid. I didn’t go around to Jamie’s for a while after that.
The next morning, Amy and I donned our coats and ventured out to meet Jamie in the Blue Café in Portobello. The east of Edinburgh was shrouded in haar, which is the Scottish name for the sea fog that rolled in from time to time during the summer and early autumn. Sometimes it burned off after a few hours, other times it lasted all day. The frustrating thing about it was that you could literally drive a few miles to the west and find yourself bathed in warm sunshine.
The Blue Café was a great place to take Amy to as it had a large soft-play area inside if the weather wasn’t good and, as it was right on the beach, on a sunny day you could reserve an outdoor table and watch her play in the sand. Today we went for the indoor option. It allowed me to have lunch and some adult conversation with only the occasional toddler interruption. Jamie was the only person there, as far as I could tell, with no kids. It didn’t seem to bother him. In fact he was oblivious.
The aroma from the sizzling bacon made my mouth water. We both ordered a full breakfast and I asked for a small side plate so I was able to share mine with Amy.
‘Have you started looking for a new job yet?’ Jamie asked.
I swallowed a juicy bit of bacon before answering. ‘No, not yet. I’ve got six months’ salary and some redundancy money so I’m not in any great rush. Besides, officially I’ve still got thirty days while they sort everything out.’
‘Hoping for a miracle reprieve?’
I laughed. ‘No chance of that, but I’m lucky I can take my time.’ Jamie didn’t really understand what I did for a living, along with ninety-nine point nine per cent of the rest of the population, so I changed the subject.
‘Have you decided what you are going to do about Molly?’ I asked, once we had stirred milk into our coffees.
Jamie shook his head. ‘The thing that bothers me most is the email Molly received. When me and Anna split last year, I was sure she was cool with it. I don’t remember her having any conscience issues with our relationship. She wasn’t even Catholic. I was the one who carried the guilt.’
He popped some food into his mouth and stared into his coffee, looking for answers in the steam rising from the mug. He continued. ‘Oh, and another thing: I’ve no idea how she got hold of Molly’s email address.’
Obviously, I knew Anna was not responsible for anything but wasn’t about to enlighten my friend about the situation. I probably should have let him down gently with a full explanation and given him and Molly the chance to reconcile. The reason I didn’t, apart from the fact that I didn’t want to explain the whole Lindsay/Love Bitz thing, was that Jamie had cheated on Molly – more than once – and probably deserved to lose her. I felt sorrier for Molly, who was left with the mess to sort out, than him. I therefore suggested a plausible explanation for the email address conundrum.
‘Maybe at some point you copied her in on something that had Molly’s email address on it.’
Jamie considered the explanation and nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, that’s possible I suppose. It does suggest that she kept the address and planned to do this at a later date. I didn’t think she was that devious.’
‘She’s a woman,’ I offered unreasonably in explanation.
Jamie sighed. ‘Yeah you’re right. Anyway, as far as Molly goes, I don’t think the
re’s anything I can do. I’ve decided that the best thing for both of us is if I move out permanently and find somewhere new – a clean break.’
‘The best thing for both of you? Or the best thing for you?’
Jamie smiled. ‘Yeah, well, you’ll need to ask her that. I’m doing it for me, of course I am. I can’t go on like it’s been. We hardly talk about anything important. It’s got stale, you know?’
I nodded sympathetically but couldn’t empathize. Lindsay and I hadn’t been together long enough for that to happen. I doubt it would have anyway. My take on things was that they only got stale if you let them, but I was no expert. I was sure Men Like Women and Women Like Shoes would have an opinion, but decided not to refer Jamie to the website for the time being.
Amy came up and ate a lump of sausage before returning to the climbing frame.
‘Have you spoken to Molly?’ I asked, biting into another rasher of bacon and deciding I couldn’t cope with being a vegetarian.
‘Yeah, kind of. I phoned her this morning just to arrange things. You know, sort out a time to go and get my stuff. I knew she wasn’t happy as she had on that Laser Lights song that she always plays when she’s in a bad mood or pre-menstrual. You know the one . . . “Lost In Your Eyes”.’
I nodded and munched on some toast. Laser Lights were a 90s Scottish pop band who’d had a spectacular first album with four hit singles, the biggest of which – ‘Lost In Your Eyes’ – was the summer anthem of 1996 and went to number one all across Europe. Their second album was hugely expensive to make and bombed badly, leaving the band bankrupt. I only remembered this so clearly due to an article I’d read in a Sunday newspaper the previous week. The article focused on the lead singer Colin Sparks who, after an unsuccessful attempt at a solo career, occasionally opened fetes and fairs and performed the band’s old hits in shopping centres. According to the article he spent most of his off days playing ‘Football Manager’ and other stuff on his Xbox.
Jamie had finished his breakfast and sat back in his chair. ‘Anyway I’m meeting her tomorrow to work out money and who gets what CDs and DVDs. I’m glad we’ve not got kids, it’s hard enough sorting out who gets custody of P!nk, Keane, Coldplay and Total Recall. She can keep Laser Lights.’
I laughed and Jamie smiled which broke his gloomy mood. Changing the subject he asked, ‘What about you and this Internet dating thing?’
Jamie couldn’t understand why I had suddenly decided to try Internet dating. I hadn’t told him about Lindsay’s emails and texts, and probably wouldn’t unless I had to. To him it must have appeared completely out of character for me. Rather than directly answering his question, I smiled sheepishly and confessed that I hadn’t quite told him the whole story the night before and filled him in on my exploits with Carrie. If he didn’t know me better he would have thought I was making it up. He knew my imagination was not that good. He almost choked on his coffee when I told him I walked out and left her to her own devices, or rather with her own devices.
‘You’re unbelievable, imagine walking out on that.’
‘I was surplus to requirements; she seemed very happy on her own.’
‘She obviously liked an audience.’
‘Then she should use a webcam.’
‘You’re a twat. You think the whole world is full of hopeless romantics like you. Sometimes people just want a shag and nothing more. There’s nothing wrong with that.’
His words sounded harsh but his eyes were full of mischief.
‘Like you and Anna?’ I asked with a smile.
‘Ouch, that’s below the belt.’
‘Literally?’
‘Now you’re being smart. The thing about Anna was that she shared the same thought processes as me.’
‘She worked for you, Jamie. You paid her to think like that.’
‘She was paid by the council actually, and anyway that’s got nothing to do with it. She believed in things, not like you and Molly. No disrespect but, you know, we were passionate about the same stuff: the environment, poverty and helping people who can’t help themselves. It’s hard being like that all the time on your own – fighting the lost causes. It was nice to have someone in my corner.’
‘And in your bed.’
‘Well, her bed actually, but it wasn’t just the sex, it was the connection. I haven’t had that with Molly for a long time, if ever.’
I pondered his last statement before observing, ‘I think it must be hard living with you, Jamie. I don’t mean that in a bad way, but you are so intense when you get on your high horse.’
Jamie sighed. ‘I know I can be a bit like that, but you know most nights with Molly we didn’t talk about us or work or anything really. We just sat and watched TV. Valium for the masses.’
‘See, there you go.’
‘Yeah I know, but it is.’
I threw up my arms in frustration. ‘People like TV. There’s nothing wrong with it in moderation. It can be educational if you let it. For example, why did you become so passionate about the environment, homelessness and eventually turn so anti-capitalist and anti-establishment?’
‘From reading mostly.’
‘Bollocks. I grew up with you, remember? The Discovery channel was never off the telly in your bedroom. You learned most of it from that.’
Jamie smiled, defeated. ‘Yeah OK, but Molly didn’t want to watch anything educational, she was mainly into soaps and reality Big Brother type crap.’
What I said next wouldn’t go down well but I knew it was the truth. ‘Jamie, most evenings you finish work when?’
‘It depends.’
‘On an average day, what time do you knock off?’
Jamie knew where this was going, I could tell by his reluctance.
‘I get paid from eight until five, with an hour for lunch.’
‘That’s not what I’m asking.’
‘OK, I usually work on a bit beyond that.’
‘A bit?’
‘Yeah, OK, until seven or eight most evenings.’
‘While Molly sits at home alone watching the telly waiting for you?’
Jamie nodded, ‘Yeah, OK, I know. Maybe I’ve not been around as much as I should be.’
I smiled at my friend. ‘When Lindsay was alive, we all used to go out sometimes, remember?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Molly loved going out, but she changed because she wanted to be with you, wanted to try and fit in with who you are, what you are, but that didn’t work. By changing, she became something other than herself and lost that spark that made you fall for her in the first place.’
A moment of silence followed, we were both thinking.
Jamie spoke first. ‘There might be something in that, Andy, I have to admit. Difficult to see it from the inside right enough. Why didn’t you mention it before now?’
I sighed. ‘It’s only just occurred to me.’
‘Well that was bloody helpful.’ Jamie laughed. ‘Too late now anyway, I can’t go back and change things. Anna happened. I can’t undo that and I don’t think Molly will forgive me.’
‘Do you want to be forgiven?’
‘Ooh Mr Philosophical today, aren’t we? No, Andy, I don’t think I do, I just want my own space now. I’ll miss Molly, I’ll miss that security but I reckon time on my own will do me good.’
‘You might be right, but that won’t last long. Women throw themselves at you.’
Jamie smiled at the compliment and switched it back to me again. ‘Have you any more dates lined up?’
I paused and then told him about the fuck-up with Amanda the night before.
Jamie laughed so loudly that some of the other people in the café turned and stared over at us. ‘I can’t believe she has agreed to even see you again after that. She might try and get her own back. She might combine the traits of your last few dates –
hey that rhymes. She might use vibrators, be abusive and burst into tears at the same time. You know . . . the worst of all worlds!’
I laughed at the picture it created in my mind. ‘Yeah, you know what, Jamie? I wouldn’t be a bit surprised. In any event I’d appreciate if you keep the details of my personal life to yourself for the time being.’
He nodded thoughtfully. ‘I assume you don’t want Pauline finding out?’
‘No not yet, I think I’d rather find someone I like and who likes me before I cross that bridge.’
Jamie grinned. ‘OK, your sordid secrets are safe with me.’
This was a natural break point in our conversation and Jamie yawned and stretched.
‘Right,’ he said, standing up. ‘I’ve got to find somewhere new to live. I can’t stand living back at home. I’ve got five flats to view today, all hopefully with furniture – otherwise I’m stuffed. All the stuff in our old flat is Molly’s.’
Amy had come over and was standing by my chair staring at Jamie. ‘Are you going to give Jamie a kiss goodbye?’ I asked her.
She smiled and puckered up her lips like a tiny supermodel on a lipstick shoot. Jamie reluctantly bent down and she planted a sloppy kiss on his stubble covered chin. She shook her head and giggled. ‘Tickles,’ she said.
Jamie laughed and waved goodbye to go flat hunting.
Amy and I finished our food, paid and left. We walked along the beach as far as we could and enjoyed the fresh air and the sense of freedom you get walking by the sea. The haar had cleared a little and a watery sun was trying to warm the air. Eventually we ran out of beach and had to turn back onto the main road to access our apartment. Amy’s little legs were tired and I ended up carrying her the last few hundred yards.
In the afternoon we took the bus into town and Amy insisted on sitting upstairs at the back beside a group of teenage girls. One of them was exceptionally pretty and was wearing a green Lycra micro-skirt. Although I was trying not to notice, I occasionally got a flash of her pink panties and had to turn away embarrassed. She looked about seventeen, but I realized this meant she was probably not a day over fourteen. One day Amy would want to go out dressed like jail-bait and I couldn’t yet imagine what kind of arguments that would kick off.
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