Estell hands the baby to Rhonda, who turns to me. “Hold your arms out in a circle in front of you about chest height.”
I do as she says, curving them until they meet in the middle. “Like this?”
“Yep, perfect. I’m gonna place her so that her head rests in the crook of your elbow and then you pull your arms in tight and hold her against you.”
Rhonda moves forward, placing the baby in my arms.
“She’s so small.” The little bundle of cloth with a cute face and hands poking out seems to weigh nothing, yet at the same time she is almost much too much weight to bear. So precious. “Did you name her yet?”
The baby’s lips move and her eyelids flutter. When I glance at her parents, they’re in quiet discussion. Howard sidles up behind me, placing his hands on my waist. His chin rests on my shoulder just as Mark nods and Estell smiles wide.
They look at me. “If it’s okay with you, we’d like to name her Bethanie.”
I’m not sure I hear Estell’s words correctly. “Sorry, could you repeat that, please?”
“We’d like to name her Bethanie,” Mark says. “If that’s okay with you?”
I stare at the gorgeous little girl in my arms. “I’d be honoured.” After a breathless moment, I tickle her under the chin and swear she smiles at me. “Hey, little Bethanie, that’s a big name you’ve got there.”
***
Back at the settlement, it appears the whole population has turned out to welcome the new arrival. The women quickly circle around Estell and baby Bethanie while the men stand off to the side, watching the women fuss.
Feeling a bit bewildered after the events of the last few hours, I refrain from joining either group. Instead, I watch them and realise that in all my interactions with the residents of the settlement, I’ve never been embraced by them. It’s like I’m still Matron Greene—set apart from the common people.
I glance at Howard and overhear the men discussing the housing arrangements so the new family can have a house instead of a tent. Meanwhile, the women have begun taking turns cuddling baby Bethanie, and offering pearls of wisdom to the new mum.
Since I have little to contribute to either group, I head for home. I barely take two steps before a pair of arms slide around my waist and bring me to a halt.
“Where are you off to?” Howard whispers in my ear.
“Home. Not much for me to do here, so I thought I’d go clean up. Maybe have a nap.”
“You don’t want to go hang with the rest of the women and make a fuss over your namesake?”
“No thanks.”
“You sure? It might be fun.”
I turn so I’m facing him without moving out of his embrace. “What exactly would be fun about it? I have nothing to offer on any topic that would relate to babies, and I don’t have the patience to sit there and listen to them talk around me like I’m not there. Sorry, but a nap sounds much more pleasant.”
Howard leans back so his gaze meets mine, and he places a hand on my cheek. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, forget about it.” I push out of his arms and stride towards home. I don’t make it very far before Howard grabs my hand, pulling me to a stop.
“It’s not nothing, I can clearly see that. Please, talk to me.”
The puppy dog look on his face melts any resolve I have to be stubborn about it.
“I don’t fit in here.”
“What do you mean? Of course you do, everyone loves you.”
“Like they love Estell?” I sigh. “Look, everyone is lovely, but I don’t belong. I don’t fit in. I’m not able to contribute either. I can’t cook, or clean, or sew, or do any one of the hundred other tasks the women here seem to do. And apparently I’m too fragile and precious to be involved with the men.”
I look him dead in the eye. “Today was an exception. It was wonderful, but most days, I sit around watching the others while I wait for you to come home from wherever it is you go.”
Howard stares at me with a strange expression on his face, then pulls me into his arms, holding me tight.
“I’m so sorry, love. I’ve been so caught up in trying to keep you safe that I forgot to make sure you were happy.” He intersperses his apologies with kisses on the top of my head, behind my ear, down my neck, and across my cheek.
Finally, he finds my lips and sends every thought fleeing from my mind. His kiss is wild and passionate and makes me weak at the knees. Thankfully, he has his arms around my waist to stop me from ending up in a pile at his feet.
A shrill whistle and a round of cheers sound from behind us, and reminds me we are not in private. I step back.
“I’m not unhappy, but being out there helping Estell, and now seeing the way the community is gathering together . . . it reminded me how little I do.”
“We will find something for you to do.”
I know Howard is trying to be supportive, but I’m not in the right frame of mind to see reason. “What can I possibly do with my skill set? I can sign paperwork, use proper manners, and look aristocratic when out in public. That is the limit of my experience.”
Howard pulls me back into his arms. “You don’t give yourself enough credit, love. Look what you did for Estell. That was all you.”
“No, it wasn’t. Red was the one who figured out the logistics and helped me get inside Central Records.”
“Okay, I’m not going to argue with you. I don’t agree, but for now I’ll ask—what is it you want to do?”
“That’s the thing. I have no idea. This, whatever I am doing now, was not in my future until I met you. I have no point of reference.”
“You’re not alone. Many of the residents of the settlement over the years have had to learn basic skills to survive. Life here is very different from the city.” He scrubs his fingers through his hair, then sighs. “Listen, we’ve both been going for more than twenty-four hours straight. Estell and the baby are safe, and we’re together. That’s all that matters right now. Why don’t we go and have a nap and see how we feel afterwards?”
“Okay, I guess.”
***
Walking through the front door of the James residence a week later, I head straight for the couch. It looks heavenly after having spent all day working in the yard. The yard is the nickname the settlement residents have given the area where they do all their farming. Farming has proven to be yet another thing the government of Oceania lied about. A climate-controlled environment is not necessary to grow healthy crops. With the one large UV-simulating light that they managed to procure from the farming sector, the settlement’s veggie patch is full of potatoes, broccoli, and cauliflower. Then, of course, there are the chooks. They’re noisy and messy but they lay well, providing plenty of eggs.
I never expected one day’s work to hurt so much. There isn’t a single muscle in my body that doesn’t twinge when I move, and I’ve tuned out the pain in my feet. I didn’t think anything could have been worse than constantly pricking yourself with a needle like I did yesterday when I spent the day with Rhonda trying to learn to sew, but I was wrong.
“You’re back?” Rhonda’s voice startles me, and if I’d been able to move, I probably would have jumped to my feet.
“Yeah, it’s been a long day.”
“You look exhausted. Why don’t you go take a bath?”
“How do you do it?” Rhonda spends day in day out doing one form of backbreaking work or another. It is beyond my comprehension how she is not an exhausted mess all the time.
“Do what?”
I look her in the eye. “All this work.”
She smiles, a knowing look on her face. “Years of experience, my dear. I may make it look easy now, but I’ve had almost thirty years of practice. I started doing chores when I was in my teens. You do something often enough you get better at it. I hated doing it at first, but after a while it becomes easier.”
“I doubt I’ll ever be good at any of it.”
“Ah, you’re young, you have plenty of ti
me. Now, why don’t you go take that bath? I promise you’ll feel a hundred times better.”
As enticing as the soak in the tub sounds, getting up off the couch is a physical impossibility right now. “Thanks. I’m going to rest a few minutes more, then I’ll go.”
Rhonda chuckles, but it is one of understanding, not of mirth. “You rest as long as you like, dear.”
A couple of hours and a long hot soak in the bath later, I return to the room I share with Howard to see him sitting shirtless on the bed, a med kit open beside him. A quick peruse doesn’t immediately reveal any injury, but when he leans forward an ugly red mark about the size of my fist is visible on his right shoulder.
“Need a hand?”
Howard’s head jerks up and he drops whatever he was holding. “Shit. I didn’t know you were there.”
“Sorry, thought you heard me come in.” Howard grabs another med patch and tries again to stick it to his shoulder. “Let me help.” I situate myself on the bed behind him and grab the patch. In a few seconds, it is stuck to his back and the ugly wound is no longer visible.
“Thanks.” Howard grabs my hand, pulling it over his shoulder to place a kiss in the palm. A shiver works its way through my body, starting in the very spot his lips connect with my skin.
“You’re welcome. Any chance you might tell me how you got that mark?”
Howard turns slightly so he can look me in the eye. “It’s not that exciting. I got into it with a security guard, one particular punch hit its mark, and knocked me into a steam vent.”
Ouch.
“You’ve been fighting a lot lately.” It’s not a question. He has been coming back more battered and bruised each time a procurement party has been to the city.
“Yeah, OSP figured out we’re using the catacombs to access the city. They’ve doubled patrols, which is complicating things, but we’re handling it.”
It may be necessary for our journey to Sydney for them to continue to make trips to the city, but that doesn’t ease my worries. I just found him. I don’t want to lose him yet.
“Please, be careful.”
“I will. Enough about my day, though. What did you do today?”
The bone-weary exhaustion I felt earlier returns, and I groan. “I worked at the yard.”
“Oh, how did it go?”
“I guess I did an all right job, but I’ll be lucky if I can walk tomorrow.”
“Mmm, not cut out for hard labour, hey?”
“Nope, not at all. As a runner, I always thought I was fit, but I never knew I had so many muscles. There isn’t a place that doesn’t hurt.”
“Poor love.” Howard stands and goes around to the side of the bed. “Lie down in the middle of the bed on your stomach and I’ll give you a massage. It’ll help stop your muscles from cramping too bad.”
I stare at him. “You’re joking, right?”
“Nope, why would I joke about that?”
“How is it that you have so many skills?”
“Man of many talents, my love. Now lie down.”
I do as he instructed, resting my head on my arms. If I close my eyes, I am going to fall asleep, so I keep them open. The moment Howard’s skin comes in contact with mine, however, the overwhelming exhaustion disappears and is replaced with longing. I never realised my body could crave another’s. From breakfast to dinner, and every moment in between, in one way or another, I am thinking of Howard.
In an attempt to distract myself while his hands move over my sore muscles, I grab a paper from the pile on the bedside table. Despite my ever-heightening arousal, I notice the date—the first of December.
“Are these today’s papers?”
He peeks over my shoulder to glance at the one I’m holding. “Yep, that one is. Why?”
“Damn, it’s only three weeks until Christmas.” Howard is working the muscles in my lower back, and I yelp in pain when he hits a tender spot.
“I take it that spot’s a bit sore.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I’ll leave it alone, then. I’m pretty much done with your back. Why don’t you roll over, and I’ll work some of the muscles on the front?”
I do as he asks, my thoughts returning to Christmas. Celebrating with my family was always the one time of year that I looked forward to, even when I was at MITI. Although Christmas since the time of the asteroid isn’t anything like it was supposedly like in the ancestors’ time—I guess the myth of Santa Claus delivering presents around the world wasn’t something they could continue to perpetuate when civilisation was completely underground—it is still a time for families. It’s still tradition to gather and celebrate our love for one another.
With that thought, I realise I have yet to make any presents for my family. I’m sure they’ll understand, considering that only a month ago I wasn’t even sure I still had a family.
“What’s troubling you, my love?” Howard runs this thumb lovingly across my forehead like he is trying to smooth out the wrinkles.
“Oh, just thinking about what I’m going to do with my family for Christmas. Wasn’t too long ago I didn’t think I would ever get another chance.”
“Didn’t Mum tell you that they are coming here?” The look of confusion on my face obviously gives him the answer he is looking for because he continues speaking. “Yeah, your mum and mine have it all organised. They are going to make a big roast chook and veggies for lunch. Your family and mine, together.”
I sit up, needing to be more at eye level with Howard. “Are you okay with this?”
“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. I guess it just seems like a big step, our families getting together for Christmas.”
“Well, if you look at things like that, then yeah, you are probably right. But honestly, it’s a step I’m more than willing to take. I hope it’s the first of many.”
I stare at him, my cheeks heating, but I’m not sure whether it’s from embarrassment or desire.
“What about presents? I’m not sure I have enough time to make anything, or whether there are enough resources anyway.”
“That’s all right, love, no presents this year. The family thought that because of our circumstances, we should be thankful just to be together.”
The look of utter adoration on his face makes all thoughts of Christmas, or anything else, fly out of my mind, replacing them with a single thought.
Kiss him.
So I do.
As our lips meet, I whimper a little at the feeling of his lips against mine. His touch always causes a tingling heat to spread throughout my body.
I throw the papers on the floor, turn onto my side facing him, and pull my body flush with his. The feeling is exquisite, and I unabashedly rub myself against him, seeking as much contact as I can get. Howard doesn’t seem to mind my wanton behaviour and starts returning it with equal vigour.
As is too often the case, we are interrupted before we can progress very far. His mum’s voice carries down the hall letting us know dinner is ready. With a groan we pull apart, neither of us happy about the interruption. It is times like these I’m thankful I’m a girl. Though I am no less aroused than my partner, the only real evidence of my arousal is the flush I feel on my cheeks. Howard isn’t so lucky. As he stands, I can clearly see the outline of his erection straining against his pants. I can’t take my eyes off it and wish that, just once, luck would be on our side and let us finish what we started.
“You keep looking at me like that and I’m never going to calm down,’ he says, half chuckle, half growl.
“I should probably leave, then, because the view is way too tempting right now.” With a giggle I swiftly make my exit, leaving Howard to tame his beast within. I hope, though, that sometime in the near future, we find a way to let him free, because I am dying to discover that side of him.
Chapter 22
Staring at the clock the following night, I will myself to relax and go to sleep. I am beyond tired, but my brain does
not want to shut down. Howard and the rest of today’s procurement party have not returned yet and they should have been back hours ago.
A million scenarios play in my mind, most of them ending with someone coming to deliver the news that Howard is dead. It’s ridiculous, but I have the sense that something bad has happened, and it’s not going to go away until Howard is safely home.
As the little hand moves to the nine and the big hand to the twelve, I close my eyes again, hoping for sleep to come. A rustling sound and then a dip in the mattress has me quickly opening my eyes. I don’t even think twice as I practically leap across the bed to wrap my arms around Howard.
“Where have you been?” I hold him tight, scared if I let him go he’ll disappear.
“Sorry, love. We ran into a bit of trouble. But I’m fine and I’m here.” The tension in his voice tells me that’s not the complete truth.
“It has to be more than a little trouble if you’re four hours late.”
“Six,” Howard replies.
“Sorry, what?”
“Six hours late,” he repeats.
I glance over my shoulder at the clock and see it’s a few minutes after eleven. I must have drifted off to sleep after all.
“Okay then, what really happened?”
Howard sighs and stares at me for a long while. I get the feeling he is organising his thoughts, so I try to wait patiently for him to speak, even though I am jumping out of my skin for answers.
“We caught the attention of a government security patrol when we were heading back to the catacombs.” He stops talking. The moment I’m about to ask what happened next, he starts again. “They managed to corner us near the entrance we had planned to use. We tried to sneak by, but it seemed they were prepared for us. They Tasered Grant, knocked him out cold. And John copped a baton to the leg. Thankfully, we were able to double back to another entrance, but it was hard going with both Grant and John unable to walk.”
“Are they all right?”
Matronly Duties Page 24