by Jaime Marks
“You’re glowing.” She finally managed, breaking the silence.
He smirked, looking her up and down before leaning over to her ear, “I’m not the only one, my love.” He whispered.
At first she assumed he was referring to his buddies who were standing in her yard staring at them with concerned looks on their faces. When she glanced down however, she realized what he was referring to. A soft glow seemed to be emanating from her skin. She raised her hand and studied it.
“How do you feel?” He asked.
“Umm, I don’t know. Tingly?” she turned back to him confused. “What’s happening to me?”
“Hurry up Marcus, the longer you keep contact the more complicated this will be. We cannot risk triggering the awakening tonight.” One of the other men called up.
The smile on his lips faded as he glared back down at the men. “Don’t worry about the yard, when the sun rises it will clean up the mess.” He seemed to be stalling.
“Marcus,” she whispered, reaching out and touching his face.
“Shh,” He murmured. “Close your eyes Reyana, you’re dreaming. You need your rest, love. You will need your strength for what is to come.”
“I’m not tired, Marcus. I need answers more than I need sleep.” She huffed at him. She had no idea why she was getting angry. All she knew was he was about to do something that was going to piss her off.
He stepped closer to her. Placing his hands on both sides of her neck and massaging the pressure points there as he held her gaze. “Listen to me very carefully, love. You are dreaming, and we need to go back to bed.”
“Marcus, please, you’re going to make me forget somehow, aren’t you? Please don’t…” She whispered.
He kissed her softly, passionately, taking her breathe away. Effectively cutting off not only her words but her train of thought.
“Damn it Marcus.”
“We agreed not to complicate things.”
He ignored his friends, entwining his tongue with her own as he swept her off her feet. She vaguely wondered why they would care that he kissed her, but as he lay her down on her bed she suddenly felt exhausted. A gentle warmth caressed her, seeping through her skin to her very core. A protective sense wrapped around her, dulling the world to her senses, fading everything except his kiss.
Chapter 2
Reyn could hear the alarm clock beep, beep, beeping away. That meant it was six in the morning, time to get up. She just couldn’t muster the energy to move; not that she really wanted to. It felt like she was cocooned in warmth and security and the remnants of a kiss lingered on her tingling lips. He had been here last night, her ghost. It had been four years since the dreams abruptly stopped, but he was in her head again last night. She strained to remember what the dream had been about but all that came to her were flashes. Even the meager amount of images she managed to recall were all eclipsed by the memory of a kiss. A kiss that reached right into her soul. She reached up and touched her lips. Had he ever kissed her before? She couldn’t recall a single dream in which he had, but in the center of her being she knew his kiss was as familiar as the sun on her skin. Sighing, she stretched and wondered if it were still cheating even if you were only dreaming. She rolled over and hit the alarm off as she heard the sound of feet thudding down the hallway.
The door burst open accompanied by a giggle. “Oh Moooommmy.” Star called, “time to get up.” She bounced onto the bed shaking Reyn. Her daughter had always taken pleasure waking her. It was the one time she seemed to revert back to the little girl she once was. It always brought a smile to Reyn’s lips, but that bubbly, happy so early in the morning made her want to roll back over and go back to bed. She wouldn’t relent, however, until she was sure she had succeeded and her mother was up.
“Okay, okay, I’m up. Go get ready and I’ll be out in a minute.” Reyn groaned.
“You better be. You promised to drive me to school this morning. I have to take in all those posters me and the squad made for the fundraiser. ” She huffed, “You know Dad’ll make me take the bus.”
“I know, I still have an hour to get up and ready. Get going so I can wake up.”
She watched Star bound out of the room and slowly made herself sit up. She was achy and sore. She always was anymore. It was like her body was in revolt lately. Everything hurt, she was always tired, when she ate she always got sick to her stomach and if she didn’t eat she felt weak and so sick she could barely get out of bed. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. She had seen the doctor. Actually, she had seen several. They all said the same thing.
“We can’t find anything wrong, Mrs. Johnson. I believe you when you say how you feel, but maybe we need to look at this from another angle. I am referring you to a psychiatrist. I know you don’t think that it will help because your symptoms are physical, but you would be surprised what havoc the mind can cause on the body.”
She didn’t care what the doctors said. She knew there was something wrong with her, something physical. Unfortunately, the doctors didn’t seem to be able to help her and she knew in her heart, time was running out. Every day it was harder to keep going. Every day she felt weaker. Worse yet she felt like the veil was thinning. She could sense and see things she knew she shouldn’t be able to see. Things her grandmother used to see and tell her about before she passed. There just didn’t seem to be anything that anyone could do to help her.
She found it odd though, that her dreams had suddenly returned. When this all started four years ago, they dried up. It was as if they had just abandoned her to this mystery illness. She originally thought that somehow her illness interfered with them, but she was sicker than ever and despite how little she recalled of the dream, he had been here last night. Well, she liked to think that he had. She always felt a presence before she dreamt of him, felt him watching. Sometimes, like last night it almost felt as if he touched her, held her. There was an energy and a scent that she only noticed on nights that she dreamt of him. Why now? After all this time, why was he back now? As if in answer to her question she saw the yard in her mind, swirling with dark mist and covered in tar.
“Don’t worry about the yard, when the sun rises it will clean up the mess.”
She rose to her feet and walked out onto to the deck. The sun was coming up and already warm on her skin. She relished in its warmth as she surveyed the yard below her. There was steam rising off of it as the sun dried the morning dew from the grass, other than that though everything looked to be normal. Well aside from the overturned trash can that she assumed the damned raccoon had been after again? Odd, she thought, she hadn’t heard the trash can fall over. She never slept that soundly. She leaned over the side of the deck, an imprint in the ground catching her attention. It looked like it had been made by a boot, a rather large boot. She supposed it could have been Sean’s, but it looked a little big for his feet.
She sighed, Sean. He had been exceptionally cruel last night. She couldn’t understand why he was being such an ass. Well, except that he was working long shifts, never got enough sleep, and he felt as though it were all her fault. He had never been so cruel to her though. The things he said to her last night. He had called her worthless, told her that she couldn’t deal with the realities of life and that she was just a scared little girl hiding behind delusions and dreams. It had caught her so off guard and hit just the right cords. Deep down she feared they were all right. That something in her mind had snapped. That everything she had been through in life had finally broken her in some irreparable way. She had broken down crying as she listened to him drone on, saying that this illness of hers was all her fault and that she used it like a tool to get pity from everyone around her. Then he left her there, bawling on the floor, scared and alone in the middle of the room. She had climbed into bed and tried to get her head on right after he left but the whole thing had just continued to play in her head and the tears refused to stop. Nothing seemed to work. She felt so utterly alone and useless. Staring over the yard thi
s morning she hated that she had let him shake her so badly. She would have called someone, but there really wasn’t anyone she could talk to about any of it anymore. This illness had taken everything from her; everything she was, everything that made her who she was, everything except Star.
In truth, she might have left Sean by now, but that was the one fear she couldn’t deal with, losing Star. What court would give her custody? Even if they felt Star was old enough to make her own choice there were medical evaluations stating that she was psychologically unstable and refusing medications and treatment. It was all too much sometimes, but she couldn’t let this destroy her. She was stronger than that. She had survived enough pain and heartache in her life that she knew she could get through this too. She just wished she knew how.
She walked back into her room, closing the door behind her and went back to sit on the bed. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts she glanced at the clock and jumped back up gathering her things. She had lost a half hour to her wandering mind and she had to get with the program. She rushed into the shower. The warm water was a soothing balm on her achy muscles and she eased against the wall, face first allowing the water to beat against her shoulders and back. She felt the tension easing in her body. The creak of the bathroom door pulled her from her ease however as she braced herself for the argument that she knew was coming.
“Hey,” she heard her husband call.
“Hey Sean, how was work?” She asked as she started to rush through her morning routine.
“Same shit, different day. You’re driving Star to school this morning?” He asked as she saw his silhouette move into view through the curtain. He leaned back against the wall, arms crossed.
“Yeah, I have a yoga class this morning and a spiritual healing right after so I figured I’d just drop her off on the way.” She cringed at the silence. She knew Sean didn’t want her wasting money on either yoga or the spiritual healings, but she felt like both helped and she wasn’t going to stop them no matter what he said. She knew this entire situation had strained their marriage to the brink. Ever since she lost her job he had been pulling all the weight. The longer it went on the more he withdrew from her, the more they argued, and the worse things got. She knew he thought she needed to listen to the doctors and see the psychiatrist. He had lost faith in her long ago. He felt the longer she went to these healings, the longer it would be before she realized the “truth”; whatever he thought that was. Yeah well tough shit. Everyone else may have lost faith in her, but she couldn’t lose faith in herself.
“Do we have to fight about this every week?” Sean finally sighed. “We can’t afford you to keep wasting money this way. You can’t work Reyn and I can’t afford to keep funding your little happy, happy sessions. They aren’t fixing the problem. At least go see the shrink. You know those healings don’t do anything.”
“Right, and the going to the psychiatrist is going to help so much.” She scoffed.
“How do you know it won’t? You won’t even give it a shot. Jesus, Reyn don’t you want to get better? Or are you having too much fun riding the high life on my fucking tab!”
Reyn stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself as she walked passed him to the bedroom. “Fuck you Sean. I can’t even believe you would say that to me, but then considering all you said last night I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. You have no idea, none, what this is like. You don’t deal with the shooting pains through your body, the dizzy spells, not being able to eat or being so tired you can barely force yourself to move. I wasn’t depressed or anxious or anything when this all started. I was actually doing pretty freaking well at that point. It doesn’t make any sense that this is all in my head. I don’t care what you or anyone else says I’m going to do what I feel it takes to get better.”
He sighed, “Look, I’m sorry about last night. I’m just stressed out and I took it out on you, but I just don’t understand why you won’t even go and hear what they have to say. And worse you go let this woman place stones on you and sweep incense over you and you honestly think that it’s legitimately making a difference!” Sean groaned raising his voice. “You have no idea how hard this is on me. You get to relax and take it easy but I have to bust my ass night after night. You know what the doctors say and you won’t even give it a chance! Not even the pills!”
Reyn finished getting dressed while she listened to Sean’s rant. She was disgusted and frustrated. He watched her in the mirror as she brushed her hair. She wasn’t taking his shit this morning. Pulling her hair back, she turned to face him. “I’m so sorry that my illness is so difficult for you to bear and that you think I’m having the time of my life relaxing on your tab. I’m so sorry that you think I make myself sick so I can use it to manipulate people, when I don’t even talk to anyone anymore. I’m even sorry that you think marrying me was the worst mistake of your life. Now if you will excuse me, some of us prefer to push through the things we have no control over rather than throw themselves a pity party and take it out on everyone else.”
He grabbed the hand she had pointed in his face by the wrist, “Don’t push me, Reyn. You really don’t want to push me.” He lowered his voice as he pushed her back, pinning her against the dresser with his body. “I’m right on the edge and I’m sick of this shit. We haven’t even had sex in months and I have no release for all this tension building in me, hmm? I’ve never hurt you in all the years we’ve been together but just keep pushing me closer to that edge, Reyn, see what happens.”
“I have to go before Star’s late for school.” Reyn tried to push past him but he held her there, the sinister smile he wore giving her pause. He pushed into her harder, pinching her legs slightly and she had to lean back over the dresser to have enough room to breathe. She could feel the length of his sex against her as he played with the auburn waves of her hair. He wasn’t looking at her, he almost seemed to be lost in his mind.
“Mom, you ready?” Star yelled down the hall.
He snapped out of it and met her eyes, smiling widely as he stepped back releasing her. Before she could walk away, he grabbed her by the arm. “Don’t forget who I am Reyn.” He hissed and let her arm go.
She walked out of the room slowly, struggling to keep from breaking down. She stopped at the end of the hall and took a couple deep breaths, put a smile on her face and headed toward the living room. Star stood by the door, backpack on her shoulder and rolls of poster board at her feet. She had a grim look on her face as she looked over her Mother.
“You all set kiddo?” Reyn asked. “Don’t want to be late.”
“Yeah I’m good. I’ll meet you in the car, Mom.” She said picking up her things.
She was so grown. Reyn missed the thin, wiry ball of giggles she was as a child. Now she was growing into a young woman. She had to be about five foot three now and had that hour glass figure most women would die for. Reyn watched her short, mousy brown curls bounce as she went out the door. She hoped her daughter made better choices in her life than she had. In fact she already had. Reyn had given birth to her when she was only fourteen and had been married the same year.
Reyn went into the kitchen and grabbed a water bottle, stopping to grab her yoga mat and purse from the coat closet. She could feel Sean hovering.
“I’m not trying to be a dick.” He said from somewhere behind her, his voice far softer than it had been in their room. He came up behind her resting his hands on her hips but it just made her cringe. “I just want things back the way they were before, Reyn. This is all putting a strain on me and I don’t know, it’s like it’s making me crazy. I feel like I’m angry all the time, and I’m trying here. I’m really trying to understand.”
“Whatever, I don’t have time for this right now.” She pulled away and headed out the door without looking back. She climbed into her black Rav4, dropping her mat and purse into the back seat before starting the car.
“Ya know, Mom, you don’t have to keep smiling for me. I can hear you guys fighting.”
Star murmured as she stared out the window.
Reyn sighed as she pulled out of the driveway. “I’m sorry honey, you shouldn’t have to deal with that. I’m just trying to make it easier I guess.”
“Yeah, I know, but for what it’s worth? Dad’s wrong. He should be supporting you more instead of giving you a hard time all the time. I mean, a person knows their own body. If you say you’re really sick, then you are. There are a lot of illnesses out there that are hard to diagnose and until the doctors figure it out, you should be able to deal with it in any way that helps you.” Star said turning to face her.
Reyn studied her face as she waited for the light to turn. “When did you grow up?” She sighed. “Sometimes I think all this is forcing you to grow up way too quickly. You should be worrying about having fun with your friends, saving to get your first car, and who’s gonna ask you to the fall dance. Not your mom’s health, Starshine. All this added stress is no good for you either. Thanks though, I kind of needed to hear that this morning.”
“Mom, I’m good. My grades are good. I go hang out with my friends all the time and I’m in no rush to get my license. It sucks having you sick all the time, but really I’m ok. Oh! Before I forget! I having cheering after school and Steph said something about going to hang out at the diner afterwards. If that’s alright?”
Reyn reached over and pushed the hair out of Star’s eyes. Of course she promptly pulled the mirror down and repositioned the strands giving her Mother an exasperated look. Reyn had to suppress a giggle. “Yeah kiddo, that’s fine just call me and check in so I know where you’re going. You have minutes on your phone right?”
“Yeah should be good for another week or so.”
“Good, I might go to the park and relax for a while later so if you stop in and I’m not at home just call.” She said as she pulled up to the curb of Hamilton High and stopped to let her out.