by Taylor Bell
“Nice job, Ken. Baby Jesus would be proud,” said an off-screen female voice.
The camera spun to reveal Colette in the corner of the room, wearing a hoodie. A BZ hoodie, in fact.
Redemption.
22.
GUILTY
Meg pulled the drive out of Colette’s computer and we got the hell out of her room, locking it behind us. We sped through the hall, past two girls who luckily seemed pretty drunk. Meg offered them an awkward “Hiiiii,” but I just kept on moving.
Jane met us outside on the side of the house about five minutes after we got there.
“I found that shit! I have pictures!” she shouted as she ran up to us.
“Yes! Oh my God, okay. We found the video; it was Kenadie. They covered her tattoo,” I said, brimming with joy.
We were ten steps out the front door when Colette and Kenadie pulled up in Colette’s red Jeep Wrangler.
“Holy shit that was close,” I whispered to Meg.
Colette smiled, got out of her car quickly, and beelined for us.
“Oh, hey,” she said in her nice voice.
“Hi.”
“Um . . . do you need something, Taylor?”
“Nope. We’re good.”
“But why are you here?”
“Well, Colette, last time I checked, I was still a BZ sister.”
“Technically, yes,” Kenadie chimed in.
“I was just stopping by to see some friends,” I said gesturing to Jane and Meg. “Or is that not allowed anymore?”
“Whatever. It’s actually good that you’re here,” she said, avoiding my question. “I was going to text you but now I guess I don’t have to. You need to be here tomorrow morning at ten thirty.”
“Um, alright. For what?”
“Full chapter meeting. Every sister has to be there. I think it will be a good opportunity for you to do that thing we discussed.”
“Resign . . . from the chapter?”
“. . . right.”
“It’s fine, Colette. They all know what’s up. You don’t have to talk in code.”
“Good. Then I’ll be frank. The head of the Panhel will be in attendance, and we expect that you will take full responsibility for your actions, so the rest of us can put this whole mess behind us.”
“Totally get it. I want this to be over just as much as you do.”
“Well, that’s real good to hear,” agreed Kenadie in her sickeningly sweet drawl. She actually did look like me if you took away her stupid face, put a wig on her head, and covered up that tattoo. As I walked past them to get back to Jonah’s car, Colette touched my arm.
“Taylor. You’ll be missed.”
It took everything I had not to punch her in the boob. I just smiled, nodded, and kept walking. I had what I needed and there was nothing to be gained by getting into it right now. I had twelve hours to figure out the best way to set the record straight and clear my name.
“Are you going with them, Meg?” Kenadie asked.
“Yes, Ken. I’m still her Big, remember. Regardless of what she did, she’s gonna need some support right now.”
“Fine.”
We said goodbye and walked away.
“Can I just say one thing?” Jane whispered. We all stopped before opening the car doors. “Fuck that bitch,” she said a bit too loudly, and we all burst out laughing.
“I literally cannot believe the fucking nerve of that slore,” Meg said through her laughter. “We’re playing the real video for everyone at that meeting tomorrow.”
After taking Jane to her building, Jonah dropped Meg and me off at the coffee shop near my dorm. Meg had sobered up by now and “needed a caramel macchiato to get to sleep.”
“Thanks so much for helping me with all of this, Meg. I was kind of losing my mind.”
“Babe, it’s fine. Are you kidding me? You’re my Little, for fuck’s sake. I would do anything for you. Colette . . . she’s just bad people.” I could tell it was settling in for Meg; it was almost as if she was scrolling through past experiences with Colette and cataloging her wrongs. “It’s okay, she’s going to look like an idiot when we play that whole video in front of everyone tomorrow. It’s gonna be Christmas-morning-good.”
Meg and I called Hailey to enlist her help with some of tomorrow’s logistics. We didn’t tell her why it needed to happen, but we gave her clear instructions on how to set up the video properly, and when we wanted it shown. She obliged, obviously. Obliging was Hailey’s sole purpose in life.
“This is too exciting. I need a cigarette,” Meg said, digging in her bag. “So, how are you?”
“Hanging in there. I’ll be relieved when this whole ordeal is over,” I said. “How are you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”
“I’m cool. I hate my classes, and pretty much everything about being in college, except for chapter stuff.”
“Really? Why?”
I realized I didn’t even know that much about her. I mean, Meg was my Big, but we never really talked about anything real—it was only house stuff. It hit me that moment that several of the other BZ girls I was friends with didn’t know the first real thing about me either. Our conversations solely revolved around chapter shit. This blew my mind, somewhat. But then I got over it super fast.
“I know it’s a little late to be coming to this realization, but my major is sucking the soul out of my body. My dad and my mom are engineers, so I guess it runs in the family. But like, I don’t know? I kinda fucking hate math and science and engineering and engineers, so it’s just like . . .” her voice trailed off into a low hum.
“I get it. Are they like pressuring you to follow in their footsteps or whatever?”
“No. Not really. They were happy I decided to study it, but I don’t think they really care about what I do as long as I do something that makes a lot of money or whatever. I’m the oldest of four, so they want me to set a good example for the little ones. Who knows? They’re weird.”
“Is it strange that I don’t know any of this stuff about you?’
“It’s not that strange. There’s a level of closeness that happens with sisters, but some things never come up. You know? Plus you’ve been with Jack, which is totally cool, but we would have probably spent more time together if you weren’t. I’m just saying.”
“Yeah. Well, I’m not with Jack anymore, so I guess I’ll be around more often from now on.”
“I’m sorry, Tay. I can’t believe that dick dumped you. What a cock. I thought he was better than that. I really did.”
“Me too. I’m kind of in denial about it.”
“I’d be on the fucking warpath if this happened to me.”
Wasn’t I on the warpath? I mean, I was about to essentially destroy the lives of one, possibly two, girls. I was so focused on clearing my own name that the fact that Jack had basically abandoned me wasn’t on the top of my priority list. Now that I knew the truth about the video, the reality that I was single set in.
“Look at it this way: Colette did you a favor, kinda. If this is the way Jack handles a crisis, then fuck him. You don’t want a boyfriend who turns into some pussy-ass bitch-loser pussy-cock when the going gets tough anyways . . .”
“I know. You’re right. But it still feels shitty, you know?” My eyes welled up with tears, which annoyed me because I hate crying in public. I didn’t think Meg would notice. Before I knew it, she had her arms wrapped around me. It felt really good to hug someone.
“I’m sure it does feel shitty. But you’re going to be okay. You’re going to bounce back from all this and meet some amazing guy who puts Jack-ass to shame. Go home and let yourself cry for as long as you want. You’ll feel so much better.”
It was late, and I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster that was my life. Meg walked me back to my room, where I sat on the edge of my bed and cried for ten straight minutes about Jack. She was right. The cry was exactly what I needed. I fell right asleep.
23.
IT�
��S GOING TO BE SUPER AWKWARD
Walking into the Beta Zeta house the next morning was way more intense than I’d expected. All the sisters were staring at me. I could tell they were all trying to be friendly and not judgey, but it wasn’t working. Deep down everyone was convinced it was me. Colette had made sure of that.
As soon as I got into the living room, I spotted Meg in the back talking to Hailey. Meg saw me, smiled, and gave me a thumbs-up; the video was ready to go. This better work or it’s going to be super awkward.
“Everyone sit down so we can get started!” Colette yelled as she walked in. She was wearing a conservative pencil skirt and a weird blousy top. I was somehow surprised by how thin she was. I guess she was dressing up for the Panhel official, a small portly woman who waddled in behind her.
“I said sit down, please!” Colette yelled even louder. A silence fell over the room.
I think most of the girls knew exactly what was about to happen.
“Okay. This is not an easy meeting to have. We are joined here today by Miss Linda Ritter, faculty president of the Panhel,” Colette said in her most serious tone, gesturing to the heavyset woman.
“I’ve asked Miss Ritter to join us because we need to have a serious discussion about the video that’s been going around which prominently features one of our fellow sisters.”
I was sitting at the front of the room and I could feel the eyeballs of the rest of the chapter burning a hole in the back of my head. I was borderline nauseated and it felt like all the blood had rushed out of my face.
“Taylor Bell has asked me if she could speak to us all directly about this matter. So please be quiet and give her the floor. Taylor . . .”
I stood up and slowly approached Colette, who mouthed the words You’ll be okay before leaving me up there, alone, in front of everyone. I reached into my pocket, where I had the folded official confession/resignation that Colette had so kindly written for me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, pulled out the confession, and readied myself for this moment. When I opened my eyes, I tried not to make direct eye contact with anyone. I just focused on a pretty vase of flowers in the back of the room.
“Hi, guys. Um . . . Colette asked me to come up here today to talk to you about my involvement in the video.”
I could hear the rumblings of the crowd immediately.
“But it’s not me.”
“Taylor.” Colette jumped to her feet and approached me. “What are you doing?” she continued, quietly enough for me to hear her, but no one else. “Just read what I wrote for you, that’ll be fine. So just do that.”
Meg timed it perfectly, because at that exact moment the television behind me turned on. Colette shifted her focus from me to the TV. She knew what it was immediately. I watched her face turn from anger to shock; behind her I could see the rest of the girls in the room start to whisper to one another.
Meg fast-forwarded through some of the blow jobs, but brought it back to regular speed just in time for the shot of Kenadie pulling off the ski mask. There were audible gasps across the entire room, but they weren’t loud enough to drown out Colette’s voice in the background of the video, from behind the camera, saying, “Nice job, Ken. Baby Jesus would be proud,” and then Kenadie’s response: “Fuck you, Colette. Don’t take his name in vain.”
A few girls, including Leyla, actually screamed. Meg turned off the TV.
“Just so you guys all know,” I yelled over the hysteria, “I’m holding in my hand a confession and letter of resignation that Colette wrote for me and asked me to read to you today. But I think it would best, and I hope you all agree, that Colette should be the one resigning from Beta Zeta today.”
The room was abuzz. Like, literally on fire. I smiled at Colette and handed her the resignation letter. And as she opened her mouth to say something . . .
“Colette, Taylor, and Kenadie, please come with me into the kitchen,” squeaked Miss Ritter. “Now!!”
We were standing in the back of the kitchen beneath all the big pots and pans hanging from hooks. My heart was pounding. Miss Ritter looked shocked, and Kenadie was pale as a corpse and clearly about to pass out. Colette, as usual, looked unfazed.
“Let me explain,” Colette said, cool as a cucumber. “It’s honestly not what it looks like.”
“Well, it looks pretty bad, Colette,” Miss Ritter replied.
“Miss Ritter, I understand, and I don’t blame you for jumping to a conclusion here,” Colette continued, “but this video is not reflective of the kind of sorority we are. This was simply a prank . . . an inside joke gone wrong.”
Colette looked happy as she said this, which was confusing to me. Ken looked like she was going to puke. I felt it was best not to say anything.
“How is this a prank?” Miss Ritter asked, now in a harsher tone. “We just watched a pornographic video of Kenadie, wearing a ski mask and Beta Zeta underwear. She sexually engaged with three university students while you cheered her on! Who exactly is being pranked? Am I missing something?”
After a long, heavy breath, Colette looked deep into Miss Ritter’s eyes.
“The video was Kenadie’s idea.”
“What? That’s a flat-out lie, Col, and you know it!” Kenadie gasped.
“Shut up, Kenadie. It was an educational tool of sorts: to show the new sisters how easy it is for ‘negative press’ about the house to get out.” Colette continued, “I was against the whole thing in principle, but Ken assured me that she’d be responsible for keeping the video private. I take partial responsibility for letting her go through with this, so for that I am sorry.”
“You bitch!” Kenadie screamed.
“Ken, just come clean, babe. It’s you in the video, just accept that you are going down for this and then we can all move on.”
“GO FUCK YOURSELF, COLETTE! You’re lyin’ outta your ass. This whole thing was her idea. She told me we had to get Taylor in trouble because she found out about us.”
“Found out about what?” asked Miss Ritter, who was clearly confused.
“Nothing!” barked Colette.
“Y’all, Colette is an evil fuckin’ mastermind. I’m sick of bein’ her damn slave. Tellin’ me what to do, tellin’ me what to eat. I’m over it!” Kenadie shouted. Her face was bright red and out of nowhere she let out a low growl, lifted her right hand and slapped Colette across the cheek.
The kitchen fell silent.
“You just touched my face. You just touched my FUCKING face. Who do you think you are touching me like that? YOU CAN’T TOUCH ME!” Colette slapped Kenadie back.
I wasn’t going to have to say a thing. These two girls were doing fine on their own. Kenadie lunged at Colette, putting her hands around Colette’s neck and tackling her to the floor.
“Ladies, ladies, LADIES! Stop it!” Miss Ritter pleaded, as she attempted to pull Kenadie off of Colette. But it was just too wild and too dangerous, so she backed away slowly with a muttered, “You two deserve each other.” It was pure mayhem. Colette and Kenadie rolled on the floor. Hair was pulled, faces were scratched, clothing was ripped. Colette screamed: “YOU WHITE TRASH FUCKING IDIOT!”
The chapter heard the commotion and girls started filing into the kitchen to see what was going on. Colette and Kenadie were oblivious to their new audience as they wrestled and thrashed around on the floor. It was mesmerizing to watch Colette come completely unhinged. So much anger. So many screams. Meg and I shared a glance. This was better than anything we could have hoped for.
I needed to end this thing myself, before someone got stabbed or maimed. So I grabbed two of the large pans that were hanging above us and smashed them together. It was way louder than I wanted it to be, but it got the job done. The room fell silent. Both Colette and Kenadie snapped out of their zombies-on-bath-salts rage and looked up at me, dazed.
“You can stop now,” I said calmly.
Colette stood up. Her hair was a disaster and her skirt had been twisted backward. She collected herself, took a few d
eep breaths, and said, “This is all your fault.”
I was stunned. Even after all of this, the video, the fight, Colette still hadn’t figured out that she was fucked.
“No, Colette. It’s not Taylor’s fault,” Meg chimed in from the crowd of girls behind us. “You’re a fucking psycho, and you always have been.”
“Yeah, Colette. You’re a real piece of trash!” yelled Olivia from the back of the group.
Colette had her eyes locked on me, but I could sense that she was breaking. Miss Ritter looked completely stunned.
Kenadie stood up and came over to me. She just gave me a hug and said, “I was a major dick to you. I should have never listened to Colette. I’m sorry.” Then she turned and said, “Fuck you, Colette.”
“Fuck you, Colette,” I heard another girl say from the crowd.
“Fuck you, Colette,” someone else chimed in.
It was like nothing I’d ever seen. A chorus of “Fuck you, Colette”s rang throughout the kitchen. As much as I hated this girl, it was hard to watch.
“Even though I barely know you, I hate you so much,” Leyla added and I heard a few girls laugh.
“One time you made me leave a party because you told me I didn’t have the legs to pull off the shorts I was wearing, and then you slept with the guy I’d brought to the party!” yelled Victoria, a girl I barely knew.
Colette seemed completely unaffected by what was happening to her. Maybe she actually had no heart. No human being could have withstood this type of lashing without flinching.
“Okay,” I said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “I think she gets it.”
I turned to the group.
“I kind of planned something that I wanted to say to everyone in the room. I’ve been through a lot with you guys this year. Some of you have stood by me more than others, so I want to thank those of you who have supported me, and tell all of you who were unsure about me that I hope we can still be friends. I mean that. I really, really like being in this house and I don’t regret joining Beta Zeta, despite what’s gone on over the past few weeks. I want to remain a sister. When I got to school, I thought I knew what it was like inside these big old houses. I thought I knew what it all meant. But I had no idea. Since pledging BZ, I’ve met some of the funniest, smartest, most insanely clever girls I’ve ever met in my life. And you all have so much love for each other. Real love. It’s, like, weird actually.”