“Uhh… hey, guys. Should I come back?” Charlie asked.
“Of course not, what do you need…” I stopped talking when I looked down and saw what was in his hands. I recognized the bag instantly, the tattered black sides and pink piping expanding every edge. It was the only thing I had owned. That bag carried everything Braden and I needed when we lived here. I jumped up from the couch and snatched it out of his hands.
“How!?” I asked excitedly.
“Well, it was taken to the evidence locker after you were… um, well, taken,” he said sheepishly. “We usually dump it after 120 days, but Chief over here can be pretty convincing. I just went and picked it up for you,” Charlie stated. I smiled as wide as I could up at him.
“Oh my God!” I hugged the bag tightly to my chest. Besides Braden, it was the only thing I had that reminded me I actually had a life before Mexico.
“Wow, I practically saved her life by carrying her up here and made sure she was taken care of, but you,” Lane pointed at Charlie as he spoke, “you bring her an old, fraying bag and you get a smile like that?” Then his eyes landed on me. “A bit unfair don’t you think, babe?” His words were light and playful, which only made me laugh even more.
“I’m so happy right now, I could hug all of you!”
Lane opened his arms wide, and with a bright smile he gestured me in. I took the bait and leaned into him. He squeezed me tightly and repositioned me so we were chest to chest. He tried to subtly rub against me and I laughed, swatting at him as I pushed away.
“Perv,” I teased.
“Alright, you convinced me,” Charlie joked, holding out his arms in the same way Lane just had. The teasing of his tone kept the grin on my face.
“Not a chance,” Lane growled and Charlie roared with laughter.
I heard Charlie’s feet retreating from the room, but I was too busy unzipping my bag and searching through all of the items that had once belonged to me. I opened the side pocket first and smiled when I pulled everything out. My American passport, my long-since expired Colombian passport, my New York ID, and Braden’s birth certificate were all in there. I even found four hundred dollars, and I couldn’t have been more thankful to the frugal me from four years earlier. I dug further through the clothes and found an old photo album I used to carry with me.
“I’ve never actually seen one of these,” Lane said while handling my burgundy Colombian passport. “Your mom is Colombian, right?”
I nodded my head. “She married an American and convinced him to move there with her.” I flipped through the pictures until I found one of my parents. I smiled as I let myself think about them. So deeply in love, yet so naïve as to how to raise or care for a child. They were young, free spirits, who lived only for themselves. Having a child cramped their style.
A thought suddenly occurred to me that I’m sure should have crossed my mind sooner. “Did anyone contact my parents? You know… after?”
“They were contacted for information, yes. I remember your father being pretty upset.”
“We never really spoke much, but I should call them soon and let them know. If they even remember me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Rae,” Lane scolded. He thought I was being overly dramatic, but the truth was that I used to have to remind my parents when it was my birthday. Once I called my mom and she didn’t even recognize my voice. Our relationship was distant at best. “When did you move here?” he asked.
“I was about eleven when our neighborhood started having an increase in drug crime. It continued to escalate and my dad demanded we all leave. My mom refused and he wouldn’t leave without her, so he sent me to live with his sister in Brooklyn. My Aunt Lisa should never have been responsible for a child, but then again, neither should my parents.”
“If you lived in Colombia for eleven years, I would have thought your accent would be heavier,” Lane said, looking through the pictures with me.
“That was my Aunt Lisa for you. She was more concerned with having a best friend and teaching me how to catch men. She also berated me for my accent and constantly taught me to speak with more of an American pronunciation. Guess it stuck.” I shrugged my shoulders because I really could have cared less. I’ve always had kind of a struggle with my heritage. I had no idea what I was. Was I Latino or Caucasian or both? Was I Columbian or American? What was my title? I had dual citizenship, but what did that really say about who I was?
I turned another page and ran my finger over a picture of myself taken when I was nineteen. I remember I had been waitressing in a diner over by the bridge, and my uniform consisted of a white button-up and a little, striped skirt. It had been summertime and the other waitresses and I were all out back in the summer heat on a smoke break. I had unbuttoned the bottom half of my shirt and tied it up high so my midsection was revealed.
“How old were you here?” Lane questioned quietly. His fingers grazed the photograph.
“Nineteen,” I replied. If I remembered correctly, it wasn’t long after that when I met Braden’s dad, falling head over heels for his charm. I really should have kept that shirt down.
“God, I am a pervert!” he groaned.
I laughed, “Hey, I was legal.”
“Barely, babe.”
I backhanded him in the chest and turned the page. This light banter between us felt nice. I was never able to speak to any of the adults at the Flores’ house. Not that I had wanted to anyway. But speaking to someone over the age of five provided almost immediate stress relief. Finally, I could have adult conversations!
Just then, the door across the hall opened and out sauntered a smiling Braden. I was instantly calmed to see that he was cheerful and didn’t appear to be distressed by the interaction at all. I stood from my seat and moved quickly toward him. Charlie walked back into the room behind Braden.
“Hi, baby!” I smiled and knelt down to pull him in for a tight hug. “How was it talking to the lady?”
I felt Lane’s presence behind me, and then from the corner of my eye, I watched as he squatted down next to me as well. I appreciated his care and concern for Braden more than ever in that moment.
“Hey, bud,” he said softly.
“It was so fun, mama. I painted pictures, built towers out of wood, read a cool book we’ve never read before, and she even gave me this!” He twirled a blue lollipop in his fingers and I laughed at his easygoing attitude.
Kate skipped over to us and shouted, “My turn, right!?” We all shrank back from the volume of her voice. She had obviously had those ear buds in for too long.
Lane’s face dropped slightly, but he picked it back up quickly when he turned to face her. “You’re right, Kit Kat. I’ll miss you.”
Kate brushed her hands down the sides of Lane’s strong jaw and spoke sweetly to him. “I’m gonna be right back, okay, daddy?” I smiled at the way she was trying to console him.
He opened his arms and pulled her into his embrace. She tucked her face in his neck and he began whispering in her ear. She nodded her head and then eventually turned to whisper back in his. It was probably the sweetest thing I had ever witnessed.
He stood up and escorted Kate toward the lady standing in her doorway. “Same goes for her,” he said sternly. “If at anytime she’s uncomfortable, she comes out.” There was no arguing with that tone… this was the daddy bear in full force. The lady seemed to take it in stride as she nodded her head and quietly closed the door behind them. I was sure she’d experienced her fair share of protective parents.
I wanted to ask Braden everything. I wanted to know what she had asked and how he’d responded. I wanted to know what he’d colored and what he’d built. I wanted to know what the story was called that he’d read. But I didn’t want to overwhelm him at the same time. I knew he would be hungry soon and that I should probably wait to ask all of my questions when I had both of them back.
“You feel better, mama?” Braden asked as we all settled back on the couch.
“Now that yo
u’re here, I feel great.”
“Lane carried you like Superman carried that lady in my book,” he laughed.
“I don’t think it was quite that dramatic,” Lane joked from the other side of Braden. At the thought of him holding me, my eyes immediately zoned in on his arm. The arm that was, of course, not in a sling.
“Let me check your stitches,” I sighed dramatically.
Lane shrank back and noticeably moved his shoulder away from me. “I’m good. I swear it’s okay.” He spoke too quickly, and for some reason that just made me want to check all the more.
“You helped me, now let me return the favor. You probably injured yourself carrying me up here.”
“No seriously. The nurse that helped you, she looked me over. Said I was perfect.” He smiled brightly but still oozed guilt.
I leaned over him and he gave in half-heartedly. I pulled his shirt collar to the side and noticed a new bandage. That was good because we both had needed it. I pulled one little corner back so I could peep without exposing it. I looked underneath and then sealed it back shut against his skin. When I sat back down, he visibly relaxed, obviously thinking he was off the hook.
“That’s a lot of blue stitches.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to get ‘em out. They itch like crazy,” he said while looking through my photo album again.
“Interesting how the stitches you had last night were black, though.”
“Busted,” Charlie boldly sang out from across the room.
- NINE -
LANE -
After what felt like a lifetime, Kate skipped out of the counselor’s office with a smile on her face, just as Braden had. Now that all three of them were back with me, I finally felt the tension in my chest release its strangling clutch.
We tried to grab a quick bite to eat, but Kate and Braden were so enamored with the restaurant, it was just too entertaining for Raegan and me to make them leave. They found it fascinating that we could go to a place and order what we wanted and eat around other people eating their meals as well. We stayed late and let them soak it all in.
They charmed the waitresses with their manners and excellent behavior. By the end of the meal, I think they all wanted to keep Braden and Kate for themselves. With a pleased grin on my face, I paid for our meal and walked out holding Kate’s hand and had my arm slung over Raegan’s shoulders casually while she held Braden’s hand.
I had no idea what was going on between the four of us, but it was effortless. I didn’t plan on questioning it anytime soon¸ and I hoped Raegan didn’t either. She seemed to be soaking in all of the kids’ new discoveries and I could tell that she had wanted this for them for a very long time.
The one thing that could ruin my mood was standing tall in front of us. I looked up at the four-story building that might seem charming to any other New Yorker in Brooklyn, but to me it was ugly and held the worst memories a father could have.
I knew when Raegan realized we had met our unwelcome destination because her body slipped in behind mine. I couldn’t even begin to image what this would do to her. After seeing her break down on the balcony at the hotel this morning, I realized that while she appeared strong, she still had her own demons. I couldn’t make them stay here a minute more than necessary.
“We’ll sleep here until we figure out the next step. It won’t be long,” I whispered to Raegan.
“I have cash now; I can pay for a hotel,” Raegan said with a faint voice.
“You only have four hundred dollars, Rae. I won’t let you spend that. I can afford a hotel, but let’s just try this out first. If it’s awful for any of us, I promise we’ll leave.”
“Braden and I could go…” she began. She must have realized where her line of thinking had been going because she abruptly cut herself off.
“Do you want us to separate?” I asked.
“No!” Kate and Braden immediately shouted up at the both of us. They were holding hands tightly and I scolded myself for having this conversation in front of them.
“I’m sorry, guys. I didn’t mean that,” Raegan soothed. She squatted down and kissed each of them on the cheek. For a moment, I almost wanted to ask her for one as well—less on my cheek and more toward my mouth though. Just to soothe my nerves, of course.
I walked up the steps toward the outside vestibule door and unlocked it. Then I let everyone slip in as I unlocked the next door. I used to be grateful for the extra security. Look, two doors to stop possible intruders! What a joke. They both required the same damn key.
I was a fucking police officer and I couldn’t even secure my own building. My neighbors used to thank me when I came off of my shifts for moving into the building. They used to gush about how I made them all feel safer.
They never said anything, but the looks I received after my daughter was kidnapped from my own home while I lay asleep in the next room were drastically different. Their gazes were no longer filled with awe and appreciation, rather shame and disappointment. How could a police officer’s child get taken right out from under his nose?
He was a fucking terrible one, that’s how.
My feet must have trudged to the second floor by pure muscle memory because I was shaken from my zoned-out state when I felt a warm hand encompassing mine. I had the key hovering over the deadbolt, but my hand was frozen, preventing it from going any further.
Rae squeezed lightly and guided my hand and the key into the brass lock. I was enjoying the sensation of her warmth so I let her continue. She turned my hand, which caused the key to turn in the lock. I heard the metal slide out of the latch and we were finally free to enter. Raegan turned the knob and pushed open the black, wooden door.
Kate and Braden rushed in front of us. I knew they would be okay. I had asked my mom to dust the place and fill the fridge for me. I had also asked her to remove all pictures that had Ash in them. I didn’t want them thrown away because I planned on telling Kate about her mother, but there was an appropriate time for something like that and now was not the time.
Raegan and I remained in the doorway, neither of us moving forward. I couldn’t tell who was more uncomfortable with this place. Or maybe she was just standing here to give me the courage to enter.
I glanced down at her petite frame and dark chestnut-brown hair. The strands were shiny and long. The tips were just beginning to graze her ass and I wanted to wrap it around my arm and pull her head back, forcing her to look up into my hungry eyes. Might not be the best idea right now. God, she was hot though. I’d definitely need to distract my mind from any future thoughts like those.
My eyes took in her movement as she grazed her fingers over a large chip in the paint on the doorframe. This building appeared to have more and more of those chips. It certainly wasn’t the finest building, but it was all Ash and I could afford at the time with a baby on the way—or at least that’s all I thought we could afford. The area Raegan stroked was a larger indention than normal and her eyes seemed to be far away, lost in a memory.
“I’m pretty sure this was from my head,” she whispered. The words that came out of her mouth were so faint, I wouldn’t have heard them if we had been anywhere else besides this silent doorway.
“What do you mean?” I asked with a nervous croak in my voice.
“I was dead asleep when they came in and grabbed me. It took me too long to put together what was happening. They put something resembling a cloth over my eyes and a hand over my mouth.” Her fingers grazed across her lips, as she appeared to be remembering the violent incident. A tremor ran down my spine. “It wasn’t until this doorway that I woke up fully and understood that I was being taken. When we reached about here…” She pointed to the tiled foyer. “I began to panic and started doing everything I could to escape them. I couldn’t scream because their hands were too tight so I started thrashing about. I had no idea someone else was carrying Braden and Kate. I wanted to hit something… anything that could wake you guys up. Right as we were stepping through the doorway, I
got the blindfold off.”
She paused and suddenly I needed to know everything—every single detail she could give me. Maybe I needed to punish myself in any way possible. I deserved to be tortured by each and every word that came out of her mouth. I gripped her hand again and pulled it up to my lips. Not exactly a punishment, but Raegan and I appeared to be functioning off of small, reassuring touches. We both seemed to need it, and I liked that I could help her in that way.
She continued when I finally let our hands fall back down. “Once I got the blindfold off, someone slammed my head right here. I don’t remember much else until we were in Mexico. When I realized they had… taken the babies as well I was immediately sick at the idea of what had happened while I had been out. But when I finally came to, Mrs. Flores was just rocking and singing to them, like they were her own children. God, I hate that woman.”
I instinctively pulled her toward my chest and kissed her forehead, where I assumed that scum had forced her head into the wood. It was ironic that I was kissing the spot right next to her newest forehead injury. I still didn’t know what had happened and every time I brought it up, she shied away from my questioning. I guess I was going to have to give her time. It also seemed brutally ironic that she began and ended this journey almost the same.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
A lightning bolt shot up my spine and I stiffened like a two-by-four. “What did I tell you about that, Rae? I’m the one that’s sorry. God, my stomach drops every time I think about that night. I had just come off working thirty straight hours, and I remember that I’d passed out the second I hit the pillow. It’s not an excuse though, I should have fucking heard something.”
She spun in my arms and looked up at me, her short stature evident due to our close proximity. She didn’t seem to notice that her hands were placed against my chest, but I sure as hell did. Another part of me began to notice her nearness as well. I cursed my libido and tried to remind my brain to stay in the appropriate state of mind.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said softly.
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