Chapter Eighteen
Elizabeth had a restless night’s sleep despite her exhaustion from travelling. She tossed and turned as images of Darcy flashed before her. He seemed different. Just why had he defended her in front of his aunt? And the way he had looked at her as she exited the carriage…
Stop. Please.
She pulled the covers tighter around her and stared at the ornate plasterwork on the ceiling. Why did her mind insist on betraying her like this? What good could possibly come from dreaming up reasons to believe Darcy felt more for her than he did?
None, that was what.
She tried desperately to get back to sleep, but it eluded her. As soon as it was light outside she rose and dressed. She had to get out and move her legs. It was the only thing that could ease the turmoil in her heart.
As she moved across the lawn, gasping against the cold that turned her breath to steam, she heard her name.
She spun around.
“Darcy! Did I wake you? I tried to be quiet.”
“No, I could not sleep.” He hurried across the grass to catch up to her. “I had planned to ride and clear my mind but then I saw you out here and thought I might join you.”
She smiled. “What was on your mind that you needed to escape from? Was it your aunt?”
He looked taken aback.
“Oh, you must forgive me. I did not mean to pry. It is early and I did not sleep well.”
“No,” he said with a frown. “No I am not offended. Why would my aunt be the cause of…Never mind.” He watched her intently. “I missed you when you were gone. I missed you more than I have ever missed anyone.”
Elizabeth stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Darcy; an incredulous look on her face.
He looked embarrassed beyond all measure, but at the same time he appeared incapable of stopping himself now. “Yes, dear Elizabeth. I had hoped to tell you at dinner, but then my aunt joined us. After she left, it was too late; I was too angry. I have never before experienced such emptiness and pain at someone’s absence as I have felt over these past few weeks. You occupied every waking hour of my thoughts.” He threw his hands up. “I ought to have told you long ago, but my aunt arrived last month and I was unable to find a moment alone with you.” He sighed. “There. There you have it. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, but you must rest assured I will hold my end of the agreement we made. You need only say the word and I shall never speak of my feelings again.”
He watched her hopefully and she stared at him, shocked and desperately hoping that she was not in the middle of a cruel dream. Her eyes welled with tears and for once she struggled to think of a single thing to say.
It was only the fear in his eyes that forced her to utter what words she could muster. “Darcy, I do not know what to say. You cannot know how much it pleases me to hear you say it when I feel just as deeply for you. Surrounded by my family and closest friends, I still could not get you off my mind. Oh, I missed Pemberley and its gardens, but not as much as I missed you though I would not have dared say it.”
They had stopped now, though neither of them seemed particularly aware of their surroundings. They stared at each other, bursting with love.
“Oh, Elizabeth!” Darcy said as he took her into his arms. “Will you marry me?”
Elizabeth burst out laughing. She could not help it.
“Believe me, I would if I could. I would marry you each and every day for the rest of my life. But you forget that we are already married, my darling.”
He shook his head. “So we are. So we are. It is a pity we went about it with such a lack of feeling.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “But what does that matter? The important thing is I love you and you love me. Oh, how torturous it has been to think you would never feel for me what I feel for you.”
“I did not know. Oh, Elizabeth, how amusing that both of us nursed our secret feelings while not daring to mention them for fear of upsetting the other.” He shook his head. “I can only thank goodness that we did not hold our secrets for many months or even years more. It would have been unthinkable.”
“It would have, but we must not dwell on that now. Come on.” She tugged his hand as she began to walk back towards the house.
“Where are we going?”
“Back to the house, of course.”
She looked back at him nervously. She would never have dreamt of saying something so blatant, but this was different. He was her husband and she had silently longed for him for many months.
Judging from the twinkle in his eyes, he shared her excitement at starting the marriage they had both desperately wanted all along.
Chapter Nineteen
There was much whispering amongst the servants at Pemberley as to the altered living arrangements between the master and the mistress. Of course, none of this would ever travel upstairs.
Georgiana Darcy knew little of what had really gone on in her brothers marriage. All she had cared about was getting along well with her new sister, which she did. And now she was thrilled at the prospect of the impending ball. She had always dreamt about a ball at Pemberley, but it seemed like something her brother would never allow.
“What has changed your mind about throwing a ball? You have always seemed so opposed to the idea,” she said one morning about a week before the ball, though she did not expect a meaningful answer. She had asked both of them many times—sometimes they did not answer at all, merely descended into childish fits of giggles.
Her brother simply smiled. “We wish to celebrate our marriage with those we hold dear.”
Georgiana frowned. It was similar to the answer he had given her on many occasions before, but it did little to satisfy her curiosity. They had been married for many months—and had they not celebrated on their wedding day in Hertfordshire?
She sighed, letting the matter go once again. It was not in her nature to dwell on things, and besides, she could see they were happy. What did it matter if they chose to celebrate their marriage every month for the next five years? It would mean balls at Pemberley, and Georgiana thought that was a fine idea.
* * *
The week passed in a whirl of activity as Pemberley was decorated for the occasion. Friends arrived from all over the country and there was not a moment of silence in the house. Darcy marvelled at how much he was enjoying all the chaos despite having always disliked anything that disturbed his peace. It was different with Elizabeth. When she was present, it did not matter what noise or nuisance there was—her presence seemed to neutralise the effect it had on him.
“Come on!” she cried now as she hurried past him. “I forgot about the centrepieces!”
He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him, kissing her deeply. “Calm down. This is why we have servants. They are here to help you prepare—just tell them what you need.”
She rolled her eyes, but the smile still lingered on her lips and there was nothing at all unpleasant in her expression. “Oh, Fitzwilliam, you do not understand. I could hand these tasks off to the servants, but I do not want to. I want everything to be perfect. This shall be the wedding day we never truly had so I want to have a part in each and every element.”
He was moved almost to tears by her passion for the evening. “But no-one shall know besides us and I don’t care what the place looks like. I could dance with you in a barn and you would still be the most beautiful woman in the world.”
It was her turn to become misty-eyed. “Oh, Darcy,” she whispered. “Thank you for agreeing to this ball. I crave the chance to stand in front of my friends and relations and declare my love for you.”
He kissed her again. “I understand. I truly do. Oh, and by the way, I received a response from my aunt.”
She raised an eyebrow. “She will not attend.”
“That is putting it mildly. Her answer was rather long and I would prefer not to repeat it.”
“Good, because I do not want to hear it.” She smiled. “I am glad you invited her. We
have at least offered her the chance to return and make peace.”
“I struggle to think of anything she would less like to do.”
Elizabeth leant her head on his shoulder. “Perhaps she shall soften in time. I would like to hope so.”
“She has been nothing but rude to you! I struggle to understand why you care.”
“She is your aunt; your family.”
He smiled. “I have all the family I need right here. Do not ever forget that.”
There was a twinkle in her eyes and he got the feeling she was bursting to say something, but she did not. She turned and skipped off down the hallway, leaving him staring after her. He thanked his good fortune for the thousandth time.
* * *
“Why on earth are they spending money on a ball when they’ve married?” Mrs. Bennet asked, not even thinking to keep her voice down.
“Perhaps it’s so as his sister can find a husband,” Lydia offered at a similarly inappropriate volume to her mother.
Jane shushed them, earning a scornful look from each of them. It did little to dampen her good mood. Even though her belly had swollen beyond the limits of what was comfortable, she would not have missed this ball for anything. Darling Charles had tried to convince her to stay at home and rest, but how could she do that?
She smiled at the memory of Lizzy insisting there would never be anything between her and Darcy. It was not often that her clever younger sister was wrong about anything, but on this occasion, she had been thoroughly blind to the truth.
Jane had seen it from the very beginning, of course, not that Lizzy had listened.
They were perfect for each other, she thought, as Darcy led Lizzy onto the floor for the first dance.
“Look at them,” Mrs. Bennet hissed again, earning reproachful looks from the other guests. “Why won’t they make way for some of the young people and give them a chance to find husbands?”
Jane smiled to herself. It hadn’t taken her mother long to grow restless again. For a month or two, she had been blissfully happy at having married off her eldest two daughters. She was now on the hunt for suitable husbands for Mary and the two youngest girls. Jane knew when she had completed that task she would find something else to fuss over.
“She looked so beautiful,” Jane whispered.
And Elizabeth did. Jane alone suspected she had taken more care with this gown than she had with her actual wedding gown. It was embellished with pearls that shimmered in the soft light. It was not just the gown that made her beautiful. Everything about Lizzy was radiant and glowing. Her cheeks were flushed; her hair shone in the light.
It was happiness, Jane supposed, that had had this effect on her. Happiness and… Jane smiled. Yes, now that she thought about it, she suspected she knew exactly the reason for her sister’s glow. She wondered if Lizzy herself was aware of it. She shook her head and squeezed Charles’s hand just a little tighter. She would not say a word until Lizzy decided to share the good news, of course. It was not her place.
“Oh, look at them,” Mrs. Bennet griped as the music died away and the Darcys showed no sign of leaving the floor. “How inconsiderate! We come all the way here and they keep the floor to themselves. What hope do the others have? Surely she must know.”
“I think, mama,” Jane said with a smile. “That they are too wrapped up in love for each other to even think about anyone else. But do not worry—I am sure there will be plenty more time for all of you to dance. For now, let us just celebrate their love and be pleased for them.”
* * *
Elizabeth’s throat tightened as she looked up at her husband. He had just whisked her around the floor and it was a world away from when they had danced together on their wedding day. This time, it truly felt as if she was the only woman in the world. When the music stopped, she felt a jolt of disappointment—as the hosts, they would need to mingle and ensure all their guests were enjoying the evening. All she wanted to do was stay and dance with Darcy.
He watched her intently and somehow it seemed as if he had picked up on her reluctance to stop.
“Part of the benefit of owning a place like this,” he murmured, not taking his eyes off her for a moment, “is being able to dance the entire night with one’s wife if one prefers.” He held his hand up and made some kind of gesture. The music started up again.
Lizzy laughed despite the wave of emotions she felt. “We can’t just ignore our guests. They have come a long way.”
“We shall not. But I can see it in your eyes. We shall have one more dance and then we will socialise.”
She smiled. “Just one more.”
They took to the floor and she lost herself in dancing with him once again.
First Comes Marriage: A Darcy & Elizabeth Pride & Prejudice Variation Page 8