Fragile Love

by Mack Black

  Nessa looked down at Bella's hand, still brushing against mine. She then looked up at me and I just stared in return.

  The longer Bella did it, the more I wanted to kiss her, but I was too chicken shit to do it with everyone in the room. Also, that pesky fear had crept its way around me again. What if she didn’t want me to do it? How embarrassing would that be?

  "Hey James, can you help me get some plates and some drinks from the kitchen?" Nessa said, standing from the couch. "Pizza should be here any minute."

  I got up, and after one last look at Bella, made my way to the kitchen.

  "What's up with the touchy feely? Did the new look make her go bonkers or what?" Nessa whispered when we were far enough away from the group.

  "Actually, she said she was going to go on a date with me before I got with Elise. I'd be an idiot to second guess her now."

  "I know, just be careful. I don't know her that well even though she’s your best friend. I don't want to see you get hurt again. The next girl who lies to you is getting my foot straight up her ass," she said, pinching me on the arm.

  "You're pretty bad ass aren't you, sis."

  "I survived death, so that makes me pretty bad ass." She gave me a half smile and her whole face brightened. I wished she could be this happy all the time.

  We returned to the living room just as the pizza arrived. We sat around for about thirty minutes eating and talking before everyone left to head home.

  "Thanks bro. I needed this. I think Lessa did too," Jace said, pulling me in for a hug.

  "I should be thanking you."

  "Nah. It's cool." We walked towards the door while Nessa stayed back talking with Bella for a few more minutes.

  Tucker and Brianne had already left. After a few moments, Nessa walked towards the door.

  I hugged Nessa and closed the door behind her. Then I turned and looked at Bella, who stood in the center of the room looking as awkward as I felt.

  "So?" I said.

  "So..."

  "So, you wanna sit down or something?" I asked, my voice way too high for a man. If I didn’t sit, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop fidgeting, so I hoped she would sit.

  Being alone with her felt different somehow. After her declaration, and the affection she showed me in front of everyone, I had a feeling nothing would ever feel the same again.

  "Don't be nervous. I'm still the same girl," she said, moving towards the couch. When she sat down, I joined her.

  "I know, but you have me all crazy right now. What was that?"

  "What was what?" she said, feigning innocence.

  "You're acting different too. The thing with your hand, that's new."

  "I don't know, James. I've seen you differently for a while now, and I want to try new things. I’m just reluctant because I never want to lose you. You're my best friend." She looked down at the couch, picking at the seam.

  "I'm worth it," I whispered.

  "I don't doubt it. I want to see what you being worth it feels like."

  I scooted closer to her, surprised at my newfound boldness. "You're sure it's not because I look like a Greek god now?"

  She snorted, and her eyes widened as she covered her nose with her hand. Her cheeks turned pink, no doubt from embarrassment, but she had no need to be embarrassed. Not with me. In fact, I thought it might’ve been the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

  She dropped her hand, revealing a wide grin. "That's being a bit egotistical, isn't it?"

  "Hey, gotta start somewhere, right?"

  She scooted closer, closing the distance. Our knees tapped together, and without thinking, I reached out and touched her leg. Her hand closed over mine and she leaned in a little. She was so close I could smell the mint on her breath and I was itching to close that bit of distance and kiss her.

  "On a serious note, why did you change everything about yourself?" She leaned her forehead against mine.

  "I'm an adult, Bella. It's time I start acting like one. I'm the same guy; I still like the nerdy stuff, but there's more to life than toys. Yeah, it took numerous rejections to get to this point, but it's been time for a while now." Just a few more inches and our lips would be touching. God, I wanted to kiss her.

  "Okay I believe you." She leaned forward then, brushing her lips against mine before pulling away.

  I didn't even register it until it was over. My hand rose to my lips as I stared at her in wonder.

  The girl of my dreams just kissed me. Cue the victory dance.

  "I told Elise to never talk to me again." The hardness in her eyes made me believe her, but I didn’t want that. She shouldn’t throw a friendship away, and Elise knew how bad she fucked up already.

  "That's not necessary Bella. She did me a favor."

  "James." She turned my face towards her. "What she did was cruel. She knew about what happened in college and she knew how it made you feel. I don't want to be friends with someone who is capable of that. Family and friends above all."

  Maybe Bella was right. Maybe it was time to move on. I could forgive her, but I didn't have to stay her friend.

  "Okay," I finally said.

  "You sure you want to do this? If something goes wrong, it could ruin our friendship." A crease formed in her forehead.

  "I've never been more sure of anything in my life, beautiful little flower." I tapped her nose.

  I loved the smile that crossed her face when I called her that. It made my heart beat faster every single time, but when she gave me that smile now, it filled me with hope. Hope that we could be everything I thought we could. Hope that maybe it wouldn’t turn out like all the rest.

  "Okay let's do this." Her hands tangled in my hair and she frowned again.

  "What?" I said.

  "You're going to have to grow your hair out. I need to be able to pull it again."

  Bella always had a strange fascination with pulling my hair. I laughed, realizing in some ways we hadn’t changed at all. But in others...

  "So, movie?" She crossed her arms over her chest and settled into the couch.

  "Sure." I walked over to the TV and loaded a movie in, then snuggled in beside her. I could feel her body against mine, and when her hand brushed against mine, the same jolt shot through me as earlier, my body covered in flames once more.

  My eyes kept straying from the TV to look at her hand against mine. Joy overwhelmed me, so much that I almost choked up.

  As the movie started, her pinkie grazed my hand. It felt amazing. The movie had been forgotten. Instead my thoughts were only on turning and taking her in my arms as I kissed her.

  When she laid her head on my shoulder, I scooped her hand in mine and held on for dear life. She didn’t move, not during the whole movie, instead her fingers tickled my palm. I was so wrapped up in her, in the feelings inside me, I didn’t even notice when the movie ended.

  She sat up slowly, turning to give me another award-winning smile. "I should probably get going since it’s after midnight."

  I didn't want her to leave. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and keep her forever.

  "Stay over." The words slipped from my mouth before I could even think about them. "N-not for sex or anything," I clarified, although that would be amazing too.

  "I don't think that's a good idea." Her hand found mine again and she squeezed.

  "I think it's a great idea." My eyes widened. I hadn't meant to say that. "I mean, er, I'll see you tomorrow?"

  I'll see you tomorrow? What the fuck?

  "And the next day, and the next," she said.

  She let go of my hand and laced her fingers in my hair once more, pulling it away from my head. It felt incredible, way different than all the other times she’d done the exact same thing. This time, it awoke something inside me, something down below.

  I closed my eyes, letting out a small sound as my head fell back to the couch. I would definitely be having a date with my hand later.

  "I wish you would stay," I said, my eyes fluttering open to look at her.r />
  Her eyes were on my lap, staring down at it, and that was when I remembered I was rock hard. My cheeks grew hot as I grabbed a pillow and shoved it over my lap. Only then did her eyes meet mine.

  "One day I will, but that day isn't today." My heart fell a little at that admission, but I wouldn’t lose hope.

  One day she would be mine, and one day she would be in my bed.

  I drug her close, my hands running up the smooth skin exposed on her back. My face buried in the crook of her neck, and before I could chicken out, I pressed my lips against the hollow point there, inhaling her scent. A giddy feeling spiraled through me just from being close to her. Over the years, I’d hugged her so many times, but never like this.

  "I'm glad we had that talk James. Let me know when you're ready for that chance." With those parting words, she gave me one last squeeze, then slipped out my door.

  I fell back on the couch, the smile widening on my face to a full Cheshire grin. My fingers dug into my thighs, making sure that all of this was real. When I was sure I wasn't dreaming, I stood and popped in another video. A dirty one.

  I pictured Bella as the star. My hands shook as I undid my pants, and when they wrapped around my length, I closed my eyes and imagined the harsh moans coming from Bella instead of the girl on TV.

  Before I knew it, I was spent and sticky. I dropped my clothes on the living room floor and headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

  When I walked out without even a towel around me, I never thought Bella would be sitting on my bed. She’d left, and I hadn’t heard her return.

  Her face flushed as I looked up and noticed her staring at my naked body. "I didn't..." she tried. "Fuck I'm sorry." She stood, turning her back to me. "Please just put some clothes on."

  I laughed, pulling a pair of shorts from my dresser and slipping them on. "I'm covered now." Even as I said it, my mind ran wild with thought after thought, the main one: whether she liked what she’d seen.

  She turned around then, gulping as her eyes scanned my abs to my chest, finally landing on my face. "So that's what's under those baggy t-shirts you like to wear." Her eyes fell to my stomach again.

  "Yeah."

  "I came back because..." she trailed off.

  "Because?"

  I was reveling in this. For once I’d made her trip over her words. For the first time, I held the power. I’d imagined this moment for six years, and it was beyond anything I’d ever dreamed of.

  "Should I put a shirt on?"

  That seemed to knock her out of whatever she was tranced in. "N-no."

  "So what are you doing back? How did you get in?" Not that I minded a single bit.

  "The d-door was unlocked."

  This stuttering thing was blowing my mind. She never did anything like it.

  "I thought you were going home." Thank God she hadn’t walked in on me beating my meat…

  "I—"

  I inched toward her and took her hands in mine. "What's up with you? I'm still the same guy." I kept my voice gentle so she wouldn't turn and run.

  "N-nothing."

  "Did you change your mind about staying?" I asked.

  "I came back because I left my phone in your bedroom and I didn't want to be a creeper or anything, so I figured I would wait until you got out of the shower to let you know I was here and then you came out naked and holy fuck your body is banging." The words rushed out of her.

  "My body is banging?" I said, that being the only thing I heard in that whole rush of words.

  "Oh my God! I said that out loud." Her hands covered her face and she looked anywhere but right at me.

  "You think my body is banging!" I yelled. "Here I thought you weren't going to like what you saw when you stripped away this new makeover."

  She looked up then, anger crossing her face. "You think it's about the looks, but it's not. I should have known coming to you now would only backfire. I should have just kept my big, stupid mouth shut."

  Italian words flew from her mouth, running together to turn to mush in my brain. I didn't understand a word of her language, but damn it was hot when she spoke that way. I’d never heard her speak in Italian before. I just assumed she didn't know the language or because she always spoke English. At this rate, I’d need another shower... a cold one.

  "Look Bella, I finally got a chance with you, it doesn't matter how I got it. It's okay for you to like the way I look."

  It really didn't matter to me at all. I’d gotten so used to being played by women I had assumed she would play me too, but, she wasn’t them and I had to stop comparing her to my past. It would all work out in the end. I’d convince her I was worth it. Even if she was playing me, I’d wanted this chance, so I would make it count. Although, I didn't want to end up with a woman who could outshine even Charlotte.

  What had made me think of that horrible woman? Bella was nothing like her.

  "Yes, I was momentarily awed by your body, and yes, I've been staring at it this whole time, but that has nothing to do with you getting a chance. It's merely an added bonus if I get to run my hands down those abs. Stop thinking I'm some superficial bitch or else you won't be getting a chance."

  I am a man. A virgin man. I think with my dick instead of my head way too much.

  "You can run your hands on my abs right now if you want to," I said, my voice low, thick with desire.

  Having her look at me and want me made me feel alive in a way I’d never felt. Could that be what was making me into the cocky douche I’d been acting like?

  "Jesus James! You're so not getting the point." She stood her ground now, the anger flowing through her. It was so hot. I’d never wanted to kiss her more than I did in that moment.

  She snapped her fingers in front of my face, bringing me back to the conversation.

  "Okay, okay. I get it." My palms raised in defense.

  Women. Bat shit crazy.

  "Don't let the looks take over, James. You're not a douchebag."

  I leaned in towards her, resting my forehead on hers. "I guess sometimes I need to be reminded of that."

  Her arms came around my neck and she stared into my eyes. With our foreheads still touching, it brought us even closer.

  "That's what I'm here for." I could literally feel the smile break out across her face.

  Everything inside me screamed at me to kiss her, so I didn’t try to stop myself when my hand came up behind her head and pushed her lips into mine. I couldn’t help myself.

  She jerked away and half-turned, leaving me to wonder if I’d done something wrong. "I'm just gonna...yeah." She looked at me for a moment longer before snatching her phone and walking out the door.

  The kiss had been too much. Had I read all the signs wrong?

  I had a feeling when I saw her again, it might be even more awkward than before.

  I stayed up half the night worried about how stupid I’d been and if it had ruined my chances or not. When I finally fell asleep, I had to wake up an hour later for work.

  At six-thirty there was a knock on my bedroom door. I flew out of bed, alarmed because no one should be able to get to my bedroom door. I yanked the door open and Bella greeted me with a smile.

  "You know you shouldn't leave your apartment door unlocked if you're sleeping. That's how you get robbed, James."

  Well shit. I’d forgotten to lock the door last night because I’d been so lost in my thoughts, but maybe I hadn’t read anything wrong. She’d come here, right? She even got me a coffee. I couldn’t have ruined anything.

  "Can I walk you to wo"—her eyes fell to my shirtless frame—"rrwk."

  "Umm, yeah. Just let me, uhh, get dressed."

  "Right." She snapped her eyes back to mine. "I'll just—"

  "You can watch if you want," I interrupted. "I mean...damn."

  There I go being a douche again.

  She stared at me with her mouth parted, as if she couldn’t believe I’d just said that. Truthfully, I couldn’t believe I’d said it either. I snapped my finge
rs in front of her face, bringing her out of her stupor.

  "Well, okay then," she said, shifting to hide her pink cheeks.

  I turned, not bothering to shut the door as I slipped out of my shorts. Naked, I walked to my dresser and grabbed a pair of boxers, pulling them on. A button down and some slacks went on before I went into the bathroom.

  I caught her watching me from the living room.

  Five minutes later I was ready to go. We stepped through the door and walked down the hallway towards the elevator. She bumped shoulders with me the whole way, even though the hallway was big enough for us both.

  When we stopped at the elevator and I pressed the button I glanced at her. "I like bumping bodies with you." I stopped, but not soon enough to not say what had just fallen from my mouth. "Oh shit. I said that out loud. What I meant was...damn. Never mind."

  She laughed, punching me playfully on the shoulder. "You're cute James."

  The rest of the walk to work felt normal, like nothing had changed. She didn't bump into me anymore or try to hold my hand. Maybe I’d been reading too much into her actions last night. Maybe she didn’t like me as much as I’d thought.

  When we arrived at my work, I stopped at the door and turned to tell her bye.

  She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered, "I'll meet you here after work. We need to talk about last night."

  Two days and two talks. What if she thought this had all been a colossal mistake? Or maybe she’d agreed to the date out of pity and couldn’t go through with it.

  "Okay." I left without another word. Rubbing my forehead, I stepped into the building, not sure what’d just happened.

  My coffee had turned cold, so I chucked it in the trash on my way to the elevator. Then I went to work, and the day couldn’t have been longer—not with the talk looming over my head. What would she say now? Would she dump me before I even got a chance to take her out? I didn’t know if I wanted to find out.

  By the time five rolled around, I practically ran from the building. True to her word, she stood right outside, waiting for me.

  I walked up to her and smiled, but neither of us said a word as we made our way back to my apartment. When we arrived, I pushed the door open, heading straight to the couch. The silence, the tension, it had become so thick and porous it was like a cake waiting to be sliced.