“Because I knew her. Thirteen years ago I lived in Elizabeth and I knew Jessica.”
“Why didn’t you say so before?”
“I didn’t know it was her at first, and the second time I saw you there wasn’t time.”
He thought for a moment. “Exactly how did you know her?” His look hovered somewhere between distaste and anger. “Were you one of those protesters she took up with?”
“No, but you have the wrong idea about that too. Jessica had a genuine belief in animal rights and protecting the environment. She fought for that. She never partied or ran around with any of those people. The only reason she got that reputation was because I did those things. People thought she was spending time with me and my reputation became hers.”
He didn’t believe me, so I explained our arrangement and why Jessica didn’t want their father to know. When I was done, I took a deep breath. “You should also know that I was the one who vandalized the THINK SAFETY sign.”
He shook his head. “You expect me to believe Jessica had nothing to do with that?”
“It was all my doing. Jessica covered for me, but that was it.” He didn’t say anything. After a few moments he picked up his coffee mug and moved it several inches to the right without taking a drink. “I don’t know what you want from me, telling me all this.”
“Nothing. Just maybe think about it and don’t judge Jessica so harshly about the marijuana. She meant it for the best.”
The aunt returned. We both looked at her. “He’s not coming.” She held the robe closed at her chest. “He said we could tell him about it in the morning.”
Egan didn’t say anything.
She looked nervously at each of us. “You know how he is, ever since your mom died. He just doesn’t care very much, about anything.”
I stood up. “I need to go, anyway. I have to get back to the hospital.”
The envelope was in my back pocket. I wanted to take it out and place it on the table in front of Egan. Hadn’t I told Jessica to think of the money as coming from her mother? Who better to give it to now than her brother? And wouldn’t it be symbolic of settling my debt to Jessica? It made sense, and in a bizarrely sentimental way I wanted desperately to do it.
In the end it was the sentimentality of it that stopped me. I was embarrassed by my foolish, sappy desire for emotional closure. It really was a corny thing to do, and Egan would probably laugh in my face.
“Thank you for listening,” I said. “I’m sorry to disturb you so late.”
Egan followed me to the door.
We said polite good-byes and I started to go.
“What you said this morning.” Egan stepped out onto the porch. “About how bad it was for Jessica after my mom died.”
I nodded.
“I don’t want you to think I didn’t care about Jessica.” He looked down the dark street. “It was hard to come home. Things didn’t happen for me the way I thought they would. I got injured and lost my football scholarship. It sort of went downhill from there.” He looked back to me. “It was hard to come home knowing everyone thought I was a failure.”
I thought again about giving him the envelope. If there was ever a moment, this was it. Brad was being vulnerable and honest. I should have felt safe enough to be vulnerable and honest too.
But I didn’t.
“You shouldn’t feel that way,” I said. “I interviewed a lot people up in Elizabeth. Everyone who mentioned you said how proud they were of the work you’re doing for the Forest Service. No one even mentioned when you were younger.”
He easily believed the lie. Not because I was particularly adept at telling it, but because he wanted to.
I returned to the hospital. Rod had been moved from the ICU to a private room.
I pushed through the door.
On the other side of a curtain I heard Freddy. “So, dude, I figure you’re the get.”
Teddy shook his head. “No way, it’s totally Lilly.”
I pushed the curtain aside and went to the side of the bed. I set down my gear bag. Rod looked pale, and he was definitely on some kind of narcotic, but I could tell he was much better.
He smiled as I leaned down to kiss him.
“Eww,” Freddy said at the exact same time as Teddy said, “Ahh.”
I sat on the edge of the bed. “You guys can stay, but there’s going to be mushy stuff.”
Teddy smiled and pulled Freddy’s arm toward the door. “We’re going.”
“I totally would stay for the mushy stuff.” Freddy raised his fingers like pistols and shot them off in unison. “If Rod were a chick.”
Rod smiled. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not.”
“We’re glad you’re okay, Rod.” Teddy pulled Freddy out the door.
I leaned down and kissed him again. “I called your parents. They’re on their way.”
Rod took a deep breath.
“How long do we have?”
“An hour, maybe less.”
“How freaked-out are they?”
“On a scale of one to ten, I’d say ten thousand million.” I picked up my gear bag. The fabric was scorched and smelled like it too. “You know, I don’t have a purse. I should get a purse.” I took the DVDs out of the bag and then Rod’s laptop I’d brought from home. “I brought you some stuff to watch.” I held up Labyrinth. David Bowie gazed out from behind a magic orb. “I figured I should study up for the ball.”
He laughed. “Don’t worry. I won’t hold you to that promise.”
“No, I want to go. It’ll be . . . different.” I set the DVD down on the laptop. “You want to watch now?”
“Maybe in a minute.” His arm with the IV reached out. He took my hand in his. “Why’d you leave me today?”
“In case you hadn’t noticed, from the fact that you’re alive, I did not leave you. I saved you.”
“I think you know that’s not what I mean. Why’d you leave me with Dennis this morning? Why’d you go off by yourself? We’re supposed to be a team.”
“I didn’t think of it like I was leaving you.” I sat down on the bed. “It’s great to be a team, but I need to know I can take care of myself if you’re not around.”
He shook his head. “I’m not going anywhere, even if you were right about me being bored at work. We’ll figure something out, and I won’t have to go all the way to L.A. to do it.”
“But it’s your home. Don’t you want to go back there? Don’t you feel about it the way I feel about Bakersfield?”
He paused. Rod looked so calm. Maybe it was the narcotics or the near-death experience, but he radiated relaxed confidence. “You asked me earlier, before you flew out on the medevac, why I’m here. Obviously, the answer is that I’m crazy in love with you, but it’s more than that too.”
He squeezed my hand. “Home is where you can be yourself. It’s where a person’s comfortable in their own skin. That’s how I feel when I’m with you.”
“Oh, Rod” was all I could manage to say.
“Every other relationship I’ve ever been in, I had to pretend to be someone I’m not. But when I’m with you, I’m exactly myself. So wherever you are, that’s my home.”
I lay down on the edge of the bed next to him. “I’m crazy in love with you too, and when I thought you might die, I just about lost my mind.” I took the envelope from my back pocket and set it on his chest.
His good arm reached for it. “What’s this for?”
“So you’ll always be able to come home.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
As always I must begin by thanking the Friedrich Agency. Molly Friedrich, Lucy Carson, and Paul Cirone are the best of the best. Their guidance, support, feedback, and promotion have made my entire writing career possible. This book simply would not exist without them.
I’ve also been blessed with the greatest editor. Sulay Hernandez was instrumental in shaping the first Lilly Hawkins mystery, and now her continued support and guidance have made this book possible.
Also at Touchstone I’d like to thank Shida Carr, Marcia Burch, Stacy Creamer, Trish Todd, Ashley Hewlett, and Justin Mitchell. I especially want to thank the incredible production, marketing, and sales departments!
The design of my first book was absolutely perfect. I owe a huge debt to Cherlynne Li for designing a beautiful, eye-catching cover and Renata Di Biase for designing the interior pages. Even the Reading Group Guide was created with amazing care and intelligence.
Thanks to my heroic copy editors, Steve Boldt and Jessica Chin. I don’t know what I would do without them. For example, in my original draft of this page I managed to misspell the word acknowledgments and my publisher’s first name. Thank you for saving me over and over again!
Special thanks to Linda Brown, Rachel Brown, Becky Ferreira, Jo Imhoff, Tracy Imley, Ceasonne Reiter, Molly Schullman, Peter Schuurmans, and Kim Zachman for reading and giving invaluable feedback.
Thanks to Roscoe Cross, Jon Doll, Alec Gerry, and Yvonne Stockwell for helping me with all the technical details.
Thanks to Marcia Muller and Lisa Scottoline for giving their support and endorsement to my first book. They each took time from their busy schedules to read my unpublished manuscript. As a longtime fan of each of those amazing writers, it was deeply meaningful to me.
Finally, I thank my dear husband, Jeff, who always believes in me.
TOUCHSTONE READING GROUP GUIDE
Hot, Shot, and Bothered
INTRODUCTION
In Hot, Shot, and Bothered, the second Lilly Hawkins mystery, Lilly uses her top-notch “shooter” skills to cover a deadly wildfire burning in the California mountains. But the natural disaster isn’t all she ends up covering after a dead body is found near the scene of the fire. When the dead woman turns out to be Jessica Egan, someone from Lilly’s own past, Lilly decides to look into Jessica’s death herself. What she discovers isn’t pretty.
FOR DISCUSSION
1. The novel opens with Lilly Hawkins chasing after a coroner’s van in pursuit of a big story. How does this affect your initial impression of her? Does this seem consistent with Lilly’s character in A Bad Day’s Work? In what ways has she changed since that novel? Compare and contrast the portrayal of her character in both books.
2. Lilly takes great pride in her ability to take care of herself and do a job most women wouldn’t or couldn’t do. Does this trait help or hinder her career? Discuss the effect it has on her relationships.
3. Lilly is one of the best camera operators, or shooters, in the news business. How is this job different from what a reporter does? Why do you think Lilly chose to be a shooter rather than a reporter? Use examples from the novel to support your opinion.
4. What we do for a living often affects how we view our surroundings, our experiences, and even the people we meet. How does Lilly’s profession influence her view of the world?
5. The local police believe Jessica Egan’s death was an accidental drowning. What causes Lilly to doubt this? How much of that doubt is based on her knowledge of Jessica’s character and how much on hard fact?
6. Lilly insists on carrying her own equipment, won’t make reference to her relationship with Rod in public, and generally doesn’t like to show vulnerability. Why do you think she acts this way? Is there anyone she’s willing to let her guard down around? If so, who and why?
7. Lilly initially keeps her relationship with Jessica a secret from everyone, including Rod. Why do you think she does this? How does Rod react once he finally learns the truth? Is his reaction what Lilly expected? Is it what you expected? In what way do you think his reaction influences how she feels about him?
8. Social media, such as Twitter and Facebook, are mentioned several times throughout the novel. What role does social media play in the story? How does social media affect Lilly’s ability to solve Jessica’s murder? Discuss the role social media plays in spreading news and solving crimes. Identify ways in which these outlets can be positive and negative, both in the novel and in the real world.
9. Because Lilly works for a smaller news operation, she finds herself in a position where she has to partner with the “big guys” to get the story. How does her opinion of the L.A. shooter change as she gets to know him better? Is this consistent with Lilly’s relationships in A Bad Day’s Work?
10. We all have fears that affect how we behave and even who we become. Rod has stage fright and Lilly is afraid of intimacy. Eventually they both overcome their fears and are able to grow in new ways. What fears do you have and in what ways have you taken steps to overcome them? How were you changed by this?
11. Though Lilly was covering for Jessica and taking money for doing so, she eventually returns the money, saying: “Everyone needs a way home, even if they never use it.” What do you think Lilly meant by this? She later gives the same money to Rod, saying something very similar. Compare and contrast the exchange of money in both cases and discuss what Lilly meant by “going home” in each situation.
12. Callum, Lilly and Rod’s boss, essentially tells Lilly to drop the drowning story or risk ruining Rod’s career. How does Lilly choose? Why does she make this choice and how does it affect her relationship with Rod?
13. Jessica made a compromise between her beliefs in animal rights and her desire to find a cure for the disease that killed her mother. How does this discovery influence your opinion of Jessica? Have you ever come to a point in your life where you had to make a similar compromise? Identify other characters in the novel who are forced to weigh what they want with the realities of what it will take to get it. Do you agree or disagree with their choices? Explain your opinion.
A CONVERSATION WITH NORA MCFARLAND
Hot, Shot, and Bothered is the second novel in a trilogy starring Lilly Hawkins. Did you have an idea how the entire trilogy would play out before you started writing the series? If so, did Hot, Shot, and Bothered turn out as you planned? If not, how did it differ from your original expectations?
I know exactly where I want Lilly to be at the end of the trilogy in terms of her growth and the changes she’s made in her life. The rest isn’t mapped out, and even if it were, I’m sure it would change as I wrote. For example, I originally planned for the third book to be about a wildfire, not the second. I switched them after having a hard time mapping out Bud’s history, which is essential to the story I’d had in mind. Now I’m going to explore Bud’s background in the third book.
How did the process and experience of writing your second book compare to writing the first?
I had to do it much faster and the stakes felt much higher. When I wrote A Bad Day’s Work, I didn’t even have an agent, let alone a book contract. There was a big part of me that never thought anyone would read it. When I wrote Hot, Shot, and Bothered, I had contractual deadlines and all the pressures that came along with them.
You’ve created a very strong and independent character in Lilly, yet you’ve also given her weaknesses and vulnerabilities. What guided you in developing Lilly into such a well-rounded character that readers can relate to?
I’ve never been a fan of stories where the main character is a generic nice guy or gal. I believe some of the obstacles that the main character faces, and the dangers they encounter, should be of their own making. I don’t have any interest in writing stories about characters who are passive or perfect. We all make mistakes and we all change over time. I want my characters to reflect that.
Readers saw several of the characters from A Bad Day’s Work reappear in Hot, Shot, and Bothered. Was it always your plan to bring them back for the second novel? What is it about these characters that made you want to keep them around?
I love the fictional newsroom at KJAY and everyone who works there. I hope that at least some of those characters will appear in every Lilly Hawkins Mystery. And of course Uncle Bud is a hoot to write.
I also keep coming back to these characters because it’s a terrific way to highlight how Lilly has changed. She began A Bad Day’s Work with shallow o
r mistaken views of her friends and co-workers. By continuing those relationships, it’s easier to see the way Lilly is growing and changing. It’s also fun to allow those characters to experience their own growth. Teddy and Freddy, for instance, are getting to the age where it’s no longer as much fun to be out partying every night. They’re looking at their lives and trying to figure out what the next step looks like.
This novel is centered on the murder of an environmental and animal rights activist. Why did you choose to make Jessica a vegan and member of PETA? Are you also interested in environmental conservation and animal rights?
I do support those causes, but not to the degree that Jessica Egan’s character did. Mostly I wanted to show someone who saw things in black and white, but who as she got older couldn’t sustain that kind of absolute belief. To a certain extent learning to compromise is a healthy part of being a mature adult, but too much of it can ruin you. Lilly is terrified of the latter.
In this series, you take on murder and other serious topics with a touch of humor. What role does humor play in your writing and in your life? How do you think injecting humor into serious stories affects your readers’ experience of the work?
The humor comes from my personality. There was a point when I was outlining Hot, Shot, and Bothered that I tried to sit down and plan the humor. I couldn’t come up with a single joke. But once I began writing, it just happened. It’s my natural voice. The few times I’ve tried to write something serious, it came out as pretentious and dreary.
You were a shooter yourself for a time. Did you encounter any life-threatening situations similar to the ones Lilly often finds herself in? Did you have any particularly memorable experiences behind the camera?
Nothing as dangerous as Lilly’s adventures. There was an incident where someone threatened me and the reporter I was with. There had been a gang related drive-by shooting and we went out to do live shots from the block where it happened. Several young men appeared and threatened to hurt us if we didn’t leave. My reporter and I were both very shaken, but unharmed. That was unusual and the only time something like that ever happened.
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