by C. C. Morian
Would she really do it? Just a few short months ago, Melissa would have thought: definitely not. It would never have even occurred to her. But so much had changed. And perhaps more needed to change.
Did she really want someone else? Especially some stranger? Or was it just that she needed some change, some newness, and if Richard gave it to her, that would be fine. But if he wouldn’t, or couldn’t, then what?
“Maybe. Under the right circumstances.”
“Wow,” Richard repeated. “I never would have thought. . .”
“Are you angry? Or disappointed?” Melissa really was curious.
Richard didn’t hesitate. “No. Neither. Not after what we’ve been through and shared of our feelings and fantasies. If you did it without me knowing, then yes, but not if it was something that we talked about.”
“I’m a little surprised. That you wouldn’t, I don’t know, think less of me. I don’t think you would have married someone like that, someone who did something like that.”
“Maybe not, if it was put to me that way. But I’ve learned so much about you, about us. It’s like you said, it would have to be under the right circumstances.”
Melissa laughed. “Don’t forget the alcohol.”
“I can see that,” said Richard. “But not enough to be drunk. I’d want you to remember it.”
“So I could tell you?”
“We’re being honest here, right? Yes, I’d want to know. That’s the exciting part. But I’d also want you to find out—what you are missing from our relationship. How we can get that. If we can.”
Melissa tried to think it through. It was like a minefield, with a rainbow at the end, but then again, maybe no rainbow at all. Just a possibility.
“I don’t think it will work here in New Orleans.”
“You’re not ready?”
“No, not that. If we are going to do this, the longer we wait the more I’ll stress about it. It’s just that this is the wrong crowd. A bunch of business people, probably mostly on their best behavior, with their wives and co-workers.”
“Not your type, you mean?”
“Don’t take that the wrong way. I just don’t want to force it.” Melissa thought for a moment. “That guy I was with tonight, he mentioned something about some bars down the street. Probably a different clientele.”
“No.” Richard was surprisingly firm. “I’ve been to some of those places. It is a different crowd, but I think it would be too risky. I know you want someone a little edgier, but you shouldn’t be put in any danger. I want this to happen, but I want it to be safe. As safe as it can be.”
Melissa bit her tongue. Richard still didn’t quite get it. The danger, that was all part of it. She already had safe. She needed at least the possibility of something chancy.
“Okay,” she said. It would be too hard to explain anything else. “I’m afraid that might leave us with only one option.”
“What’s that?”
She hesitated, again trying to think it through, as she had a hundred times already. As before, no answer came, just the minefield. But this time, she knew that there was something beyond it. Maybe not a rainbow, but a pot of gold. The question was, would her greed be her undoing?
“Marcus,” she whispered.
There was a long pause, and then Richard said, “I thought we’d come back Marcus, one way or another.” He reached for her in the darkness. “Do you trust him?”
Not for a minute, Melissa thought. But that too would be hard to explain. “He won’t hurt me,” she said. At least, not in the way you are worried about.
“Marcus it is, then,” said Richard.
Never in her wildest imagination would she have thought of sleeping with Marcus as being the safest of anything. Melissa had to bite off a laugh. Marcus, the most dangerous man she had ever met, would be her safety net.
Chapter 8
True to her word, now that Melissa had made a decision she moved on it. She knew a lot could happen, she might never end up connecting up with Marcus, she might change her mind, he might be married—but it all began with the reunion.
She’d deal with all those other possibilities later. And figure out what to tell Julie. But in the meantime, she’d make plans to go.
The next morning, back at home, Melissa found the reunion invitation card and checked out the class website. She skimmed through the details, there was still time to register. One link caught her eye: the RSVP list of those who had already said they would be attending.
She had to create an account and log on to see it, and when she did she immediately went to the RSVP list. There were already a few hundred names, alphabetical, she paged through, T, U, V, W. . . no Washington.
Marcus wasn’t listed.
A wave of disappointment washed over her. Now that she had decided to go, it wasn’t exactly falling into place. Of course, her name wasn’t on the list yet, and knowing her class, she expected a lot of people would respond late.
What if she went and Marcus wasn’t there?
Would she have a good time, or just mope around? And if she did, what would that tell her?
Maybe she could get in touch with him. But then what? As before, any communication from her after all this time would seem so odd. Hi Marcus, going to the reunion? Want to hook up there?
She might not even be able to find him. She probably had his cell phone number somewhere, but even if it hadn’t changed, would she use it?
Melissa thought about it all day at work. Maybe if she put her name on the list, Marcus might decide to go. But then she thought, who was she kidding? Did she really think Marcus was sitting around, checking the reunion website, to see if the woman—one of the women— he was screwing in college was coming?
Or even worse, he was checking. But not for her name, for someone else’s.
And if Marcus really wanted to get with someone, Melissa was sure he’d have found a way, he’d be doing it already. Which meant if he hadn’t reached out to Melissa, he didn’t want her. She didn’t think her marriage would stand in his way.
Back and forth she went, driving herself crazy. She imagined what other people who were having secret trysts must go through. Here she was, with almost carte blanche to basically have an affair, and she couldn’t figure out how to get the ball rolling.
She was sitting at her desk, surreptitiously looking at the reunion RSVP list for the tenth time that day, when her phone rang. The caller ID said Julie, and immediately a wild idea popped into her head.
“Can you talk?” Melissa blurted into the phone without preamble, as she jumped up to close her office door.
“What? Yes, why?”
“I mean, really talk. Like are you somewhere private?” Melissa knew she should wait, that what she had to share with Julie should be done face to face. But she had this idea, and she didn’t want to give herself time to think of all the problems with it, or change her mind.
“Melissa? Are you okay?” Even the digital flatness of the cell connection could not hide Julie’s concern.
“Not really. I mean, yes, nothing bad. Or maybe. I need to talk to you.”
“I’m at work, but I’m alone.”
“Please shut your door,” said Melissa.
“It’s shut. Everyone is out in the field. No one will come in. What is it? You’re getting me worried.”
How much to tell Julie? Melissa decided she needed to tell a lot of it, otherwise Julie wouldn’t understand why she was going to ask for the favor she wanted. “Remember our conversation a while back, at the restaurant, about my, our, um, issues in the bedroom?”
“Sure. A bit of a lack of interest. Something everyone goes through. You thought he might be having an affair.”
“He’s not,” said Melissa.
There was a moment of silence, then Julie said, “Are you going to tell me that you are?”
“No, I’m not. Not yet anyway.”
“Melissa. . .”
“Wait. Just let me finish. Or start. I need
to tell you all of it.” And she did. She told Julie about her increasing worry about how the lack of spontaneity and sexual passion in her marriage might destroy it. She confessed her interest in Vern, and what he had done, what she had done. She told Julie about the idea of reconnecting with Marcus at the reunion. The only thing Melissa downplayed was Richard’s fantasy about seeing her with other men; that was Richard’s secret, not hers to share.
“So let me get this straight,” said Julie, the incredulity clear in her voice. “Your sex life sucks, you felt you may have married the wrong man, you want to get back with your old hot flame, and your husband is okay with this?”
Melissa couldn’t help laugh. “It’s more complicated than that, but I guess you are right. That’s it in a nutshell.” She imagined Julie shaking her head.
“Wow. This sounds like something that would happen to me, not you. Except for the part about my husband suggesting it.” Julie paused. “Or maybe this is something that might have happened to the Melissa I knew from college. The one who managed to hook someone like Marcus. Not—”
“Not the one who married the safe guy,” finished Melissa. “You’re right. Although I’m not sure I ever managed to hook Marcus. I never gave it that chance. And I’m not sure if he would have let me.”
“And now you want to find out?”
“Now I need to find out. Richard and I—we’ve talked about it a lot. We tried a few things to spice things up. They helped a little. But it mostly just put a spotlight on the real problem, which is us. Me, really. I need to find out if I can be satisfied with a life without the passion I had with Marcus. I need to find out if I made the right decision marrying Richard. And I need to find out what is more important, the passion—or all the other things.”
“Or whether you can have both in Marcus,” said Julie.
Melissa sighed. “That might be too much to ask. But yes, that too.”
“I’m still trying to get my head around this,” said Julie. “Not that I’m not going to support you in whatever you want to do. It just seems so incredible.”
“It is,” said Melissa. “But this didn’t happen overnight. And you know Richard. The typical guy looks at something emotional as a problem to be solved. But Richard does more than that. He not only wants to solve it, he has suggestions. Richard really wants me to be happy, and he’s coming up with all these ideas to make sure of it, and that makes me love him all the more. But what’s so ironic is it’s this very nature of Richard, him being so nice, that contributes to our other problems—my other problem. Could you imagine Marcus suggesting that I sleep with another man?”
“Wait, wait,” said Julie. “I missed that part. Richard doesn’t just want you to reconnect with Marcus to see how you feel, he wants you to sleep with him?”
“I think he’s willing to let it go where it goes. Richard really wants this resolved, one way or another. Obviously it might not come to that. I probably couldn’t do it.” She hesitated. “Marcus might not even be interested.”
“He’s a man,” said Julie. “He might be the best looking, hottest man I’ve ever seen, but in the end he’s a human male. He’ll be interested.”
“I’m not so sure,” said Melissa. “He had a lot of women throw themselves at him. I’m sure he didn’t sleep with all of them.”
“You forget I used to hear the two of you sometime,” said Julie. “You weren’t just any woman to him.”
“Maybe,” said Melissa. “Anyway, he might be married.”
“I doubt that,” said Julie. “I just can’t imagine Marcus married.” She hesitated. “Melissa? What if you see Marcus, and feel he is actually the one you want, but he doesn’t want to marry you?”
Melissa shrugged. “Someone told me that it’s not the ring that makes a relationship.” She looked at her wedding band. So much it implied, and yet, it guaranteed nothing. But would she be able to trust Marcus without one from him? “I’ll deal with that if it comes up. Right now, I need your help.”
“What can I do?”
Melissa was relieved. Julie would come through. “I looked on the reunion RSVP list, and Marcus isn’t listed. I guess I’m not surprised, I didn’t really expect him to be. I’m going to register today. I need you to get Marcus there.”
“Me? How am I going to do that?”
“The reunion committee must be looking for volunteers to contact people in our class about going to the reunion. You could volunteer, and offer to make some calls to the people you know. . .”
“Okay, I can do that. But if I get in touch with him, what do I say if he isn’t interested in the reunion?”
“Tell him whatever you think might get him intrigued.”
“You mean about you?”
“Yes. Not all the details, of course, but just that I’d really like to see him. See if that works.”
Julie laughed. “I help sell industrial widgets for a living to people I’ve never met. I’m sure I’ll have no problem selling my best friend to someone who’s had wild sex with her.”
Chapter 9
A week went by, and Melissa resisted the urge to call Julie to ask her if she had made any progress. She knew Julie would tell her the minute something happened, but still Melissa kept thinking about it. She also checked the reunion RSVP list constantly.
She found her own name within a day; they were updating the list often. But no Marcus.
Richard was away on a three day trip. They had spoken little about the entire matter since their return from New Orleans. Both of them seemed to have oddly relaxed a little since deciding on a course of action. It was as if they didn’t have to face a major decision for a while. It also meant that they had both fully accepted that their problem was real, and had to be dealt with.
At night, Melissa’s mood swung wildly, from sadness to anticipation, from feeling her marriage was at risk and that she had taken the wrong path, to the thrill of having a chance to do something few woman got the chance to do, to get a do over, another shot at a potential missed opportunity. Her mind would shift to Marcus, wondering what he was like, whether she’d feel the same, whether she’d be able to find out what she needed to know.
And knowing the only way to really find out might to sleep with him. Maybe not at the reunion, but sometime.
Just the thought of it drove Melissa wild. She masturbated more during those three days than she had ever remembered. Different scenes played out in her head. Her first time with Marcus. Vern and Marcus fighting over her. Marcus taking her, with Richard watching. Crazier and crazier scenarios, with only one constant.
Marcus.
Just when Melissa thought she could no longer stand the suspense, Julie finally called.
Breathless, Julie said, “I did it!”
“What? You convinced Marcus to go?”
“Well, not exactly.” Melissa could hear the excitement in Julie’s voice. “Here’s what happened. I did what you suggested, contacted the reunion committee, they were happy to get some help, just as you thought. I gave them a list of names of people I knew, they gave me the contact information. I called Marcus. I wasn’t sure if he would know my married name and was afraid he wouldn’t pick up. But he did.”
“What did he sound like?” Melissa could feel her heart beating faster.
“As sexy as ever. Sexier, if that is possible. You know, that voice, his whole I’m focused on you even though I’m really hot thing he has. It even comes through over the phone, did you know that?”
Melissa did. “What did he say?”
“He said he already got a call from someone asking whether he was going to the reunion. But he didn’t sound pissed that I had called. The first thing he asks is, ‘Who else have you called?’ I kind of lost it for a second, then I said I was starting with the long shots, just for fun, and he kind of laughed, but I wasn’t sure if he believed me. He said, ‘So I guess you’ll be calling Melissa too?’ And I said you had already decided to go. He didn’t say anything, so I thought I’d try to tease him
a little, and I said, ‘What made you ask about Melissa?’ But he didn’t take the bait. He just said, ‘You two must talk all the time.’ And right then I got the feeling that he knew, he knew you’d put me up to this, that you wanted me to get him to go.”
“You must have said something to tip him off!” Goosebumps ran up and down Melissa’s arms.
“I swear, I didn’t. He brought you up first, not me. I just asked that one question. Maybe he was just being cocky, or trying to get some information out of me about you.”
“I doubt that,” said Melissa. “He already knows I’m married.” She thought about it. Had Marcus, in his own way, been trying to find out something else about her? He wasn’t the type to sound interested to be polite. “So what did he say? About the reunion?”
Julie’s voice sagged. “He didn’t commit. After your name came up, I couldn’t risk pushing it. I didn’t think you wanted me to go into what you wanted—”
“No, you did the right thing. Telling him specifics might have been the one sure way to make sure he didn’t show up.” Although, Melissa thought, how easy this would have been if he knew, and wanted to see her. “What else did he say?”
“He said he might ‘stop by’ the reunion if he wasn’t busy. I didn’t know how to take that.”
“Huh,” said Melissa. That actually had promise. If Marcus had decided he wasn’t going to go, he would have just said so. Saying he might show up actually meant exactly that, it was a possibility. Had that been prompted by Julie’s call? By Marcus now knowing that Melissa was going to be there?
Or was he just yanking her around, knowing Julie would tell her?
“Unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to find out if he’s married, or would be bringing someone,” said Julie.
Melissa was a little deflated, but she laughed. “Don’t worry about it. He wouldn’t have told you anyway.’
The next few weeks were agonizing. Just knowing that Marcus might go was almost worse than knowing he wouldn’t go at all. At least then she might be able to think of some other way to see him. Now all Melissa could do was wait.