by Walsh, Chloe
And of course, Kyle was doing what Kyle did best; avoiding me.
After our talk in his car the other week, I’d hoped that we were getting places, solving some of our issues, but, nope, I’d been wrong, again.
Two days after our talk, I had broached the subject of going back to work, in my foolish assumption that, Kyle, was a conciliatory person.
He had shot me down without listening to my argument, which in turn, had elicited an even bigger argument.
A lot of stuff was said, mostly by me, and we hadn’t spoken more than a handful of sentences since.
I guessed he was giving me space, but by avoiding me, he was just making this living arrangement unbearable.
I knew why he was keeping his distance, which, at first, had made me feel bad, but now just aggravated me. I was feeling guilty, and I was mad at Kyle for making me feel guilty.
Maybe I was clutching at straws, but I needed to hold on to my anger. I wasn’t ready to forgive and forget. Or maybe I was, and I was angry with myself for giving in too easily.
Out of sheer loneliness, I’d phoned my father yesterday, to check in.
Daddy had been happy to hear from me, and was recovering well from his heart attack, in November. Most importantly of all; he had sounded sober.
We hadn’t spoken for long, just a couple of minutes, but those few minutes had given me a little peace of mind.
To be honest, I’d needed the comfort of hearing his voice.
It was a crazy thing to need, after eighteen years of hell, but Jimmy Bennett was the only family I’d ever known. As insane as it sounded, I’d needed to hear my father’s voice.
My life had changed so much in the past year that I needed the anchor of familiarity.
*****
I’d spent most of the evening outside, scooping up Bruno’s poop, and sheer boredom had induced me to pulling weeds and dead-heading the limited shrubbery in our back garden.
By the time the watery, April sun, went down, I was feeling icky and gross, and smelled a little funky. I needed a shower. I truly did.
Pressing my ear against the door of the downstairs bathroom, I could hear Derek belting out the chorus of ‘LMFAO’s Sexy and I know it.’
He’d been in the shower for over forty minutes, and considering he’d already performed two renditions of ‘Take another little piece of my heart;’ I figured he was only warming up.
“What are you doing?” Cam asked, as she rounded the corner of the hall.
I blushed, and moved away from the bathroom door, hovering awkwardly. “Nothing, I was just checking if Derek was nearly done.”
Cam sighed, and shook her head.
Grabbing my hand, she pulled me towards the stairs. “Come here, I need to show you something.”
Following Cam, I shuffled up the stairs, freezing to the spot, when she put her hand on the door knob of the upstairs bathroom.
“Cam, I can’t go back in there,” I whispered horrified.
I couldn’t. I never wanted to step foot inside that room again and see those tiles, that toilet bowl…I backed away to the far side of the hallway, my back pressing against the cool, steel door knob.
“Lee, you know I love your bones, but you need to get a grip on this, and face your fears. Come on, this is for your own good.”
“I am not ready to go in there,” I snapped, anger boiling to the surface. “Back off, Cam.”
“You are acting like a baby, you need to get a grip,” she said impatiently, stepping towards me. “You have to face this and move on. Just go in there and stop being so ridiculous. The bogeyman isn’t going to jump out of the toilet, Lee.”
“My life fell apart in that bathroom, Camryn,” I screamed, my body heaving in panic. “I collapsed on those tiles, experiencing more pain than a human body should, as my unborn child bled out of my body in clumps of blood. How I felt that night…You have no idea what that feels like, so don’t you dare judge me.”
“And that, is exactly why you need to get your ass in that room, so you can get over it.”
Cam moved towards me and grabbed my hand, just as the door I was leaning against swung inwards.
Stumbling backwards, a pair of strong arms caught me under my arms and broke my fall.
Kyle turned me in his arms.
“Shh, baby, I got you,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around me protectively.
“What the hell are you doing, Cam?” he growled, while he rubbed my back tenderly.
I sagged in his arms, and held him just as tightly.
“I can’t go in there, Kyle,” I sobbed, tucking my face into his chest.
“She needs to get over this, Kyle,” Cam screamed. “She was sneaking around downstairs, waiting to use my bathroom. It’s ridiculous. She’s needs to get a hold on this grief. I’m trying to help her.”
I felt Kyle’s arms tense around me. “She can use whatever the hell bathroom she wants.”
The steps of the stairs creaked, as Derek bounded towards us, with a towel wrapped around his waist, and pink shower cap on his head.
“What the hell is going on?” he panted.
“Shut up, Derek,” both Cam and Kyle shouted, not taking their eyes off each other.
“Kyle, this isn’t healthy,” Cam started to plead, but Kyle interrupted her.
Tucking me into his side, he pointed a finger at Cam, glaring violently.
“And what the hell do you think, forcing her into that room will achieve?” he asked. “Do you think it will automatically wipe the slate clean?” Kyle shook his head. “You don’t know shit, Camryn, so keep your fucking self-righteous tactics to yourself. You don’t force Lee to do anything, you got it? No one does.”
Cam shook her head in disgust. “Fuck you, Kyle. I was the one who sat with her, day in, day out. I know what I’m doing. You…You are babying her, treating her like a child. She isn’t made of glass, she needs to face this.”
“I was there, too, Cam,” he snarled. “Every fucking night, I never left. So don’t pull your condescending bullshit with me.”
“Guys, please stop fighting,” I begged. “Please, just stop arguing. I can’t…I can’t.”
My voice cracked, tears blurred my vision.
Kyle responded to my pleas by tightening his arms around me. “It’s okay, baby. We’re not fighting. There’s nothing to worry about.”
“See,” Cam said in a high pitched scream. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. This…Mollycoddling, it isn’t healthy.”
“Jesus, Cam,” Derek snapped, moving forward. “Stay out of it. Their relationship has nothing to do with us.”
“Oh, you would take his side,” Cam hissed, as she started to cry.
“I’m not taking his side,” Derek said calmly. “I’m making an unbiased observation, babe, and you are out of line.”
“Fuck you both,” Cam hissed. “She is my best friend. I know what’s good for her.”
“You don’t know shit,” Kyle shot back.
“Fine,” I screamed, half choking on my tears.
Pushing away from Kyle, I staggered towards the bathroom door and flung it open.
“Does this make you feel better?” I screamed stepping inside.
My stomach lurched, and I dove for the toilet, vomiting excessively.
Kyle rushed to my side and held my hair out of the bowl, until I stopped retching.
Lifting my head, I looked straight at Cam, who was standing, pale faced, in the doorway.
“Did I pass your test?” I spat, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “Am I fixed now?”
Cam shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Lee, god, I’m…I was wrong.”
“Damn, fucking straight, you were wrong,” Kyle snarled, as he helped me up. “She is seven months pregnant, Camryn. Do you think this is good for her, or the baby?”
“Kyle,” Derek said quietly, coming to stand next to Cam. “Back off dude, she knows. She’s sorry.”
“I’m sorry, Lee,” Cam cri
ed, before turning on her heels and rushing away.
*****
Kyle
Fury, pure fucking rage was coursing through my veins. I needed to hit something. I needed to break something.
Ignoring her protests, I lifted Lee into my arms and carried her into my room. No fucking way, was I letting her out of my sight. Not now, that Cam had lost her damn mind.
“Should I call a doctor?” I asked, as I sat a trembling Lee down on my bed, and moved away to lock the door.
“No,” she whispered. “I’ll be alright. It was just the shock.”
“I can’t believe she did that,” I muttered, rooting in my wardrobe for some clean clothes. “Cam’s lost her damn mind.”
Passing Lee an old red t-shirt, I turned my back so she could change, and rummaged around for some sweats.
“Maybe she had a point,” Lee whispered. “I mean, I think I get what she was trying to do.”
I jerked my head back to stare at Lee, standing next to my bed, dwarfed in my shirt.
“No,” I said as calmly as I could. “Nobody is going to do that to you. Do you hear me? I won’t allow it.”
“Kyle,” Lee sighed.
Sitting on my bed, she played with the hem of the shirt I’d given her.
“I’ve been home with over two months, and for the most part, I’ve been afraid to even walk, too close to that door. Cam was wrong in trying to force me, but she right in what she said. It isn’t healthy. I’m not dealing.”
I shook my head, trying to take in what Lee was saying. “So, what are you saying? Do you feel, like you need to see a therapist, or something?”
I crouched down in front of her, placing my hands on her knees. “Whatever you need, baby, you tell me and it’s yours.”
“Maybe a new bathroom?” Lee joked, cracking a smile. “But seriously, I need to take a shower, and I think I need to go in there, and just…deal.”
I shook my head. “You don’t have anything to prove, princess. Not to Cam, or me, or anyone else.”
“I need to prove it to myself,” she confessed, staring right into my soul with her deep, gray eyes. “I need to know that I’m strong and that night didn’t break me. I need to claim my life back.”
I pulled her into my arms, probably squeezing her too tightly, but I needed to feel her in my arms. I needed that proof for myself.
“Will you come with me?” she whispered against my chest, and I couldn’t breathe.
I didn’t dare breathe.
She pulled back, looking into my eyes. “I know it’s weird, and we’re not together, but I just…I really need you with me right now.”
Lee pushed away from me, and unlocked my bedroom door. I followed her across the hall, my heart thundering in my chest.
I stopped at the door.
“You’re sure this is good idea?” I croaked out.
Lee took a deep breath, pushed the bathroom door open, and walked in slowly.
Standing in the middle of the bathroom, she turned to face me.
“I’ve never been much good at knowing what’s good for me.” Lifting the corners of her shirt, she pulled it over her head. “But right now, I’m sure about what I need.”
I closed the door behind us, and made my legs move towards her.
*****
Lee
There was a completely new bathroom installed upstairs, two days later, reminding me of how much money Kyle had.
I stood in the doorway, looking in. It looked nothing like the last one.
The old tiles had been replaced with gold and white ones, along with a white toilet, sink and glass double shower. There was an additional feature that hadn’t been there before. A white, oval shaped bathtub, sat against the center of the back wall.
Derek joined me in the doorway.
“Damn, that guy moves fast.” He let out a whistle. “Do you think you could ask for a pool, next time, or one of those hula-hula girls with the grassy skirts and coconut bikini tops? Lee, with you around, the possibilities for this place are endless.”
I laughed. It felt good. I hadn’t felt much like laughing since my fight with Cam.
I was hurt, and confused, and really embarrassed.
What I had asked Kyle to do; to shower with me…I cringed thinking about it.
He had been so gentle with me. He had held me in his arms, stroked my hair, my back, my arms.
We had stood completely naked, under the warm spray of water, holding each other.
It had been one of the most intimate moments of my life.
And nothing had happened…Nothing, not even a kiss.
“Have you spoken to Cam, today?” Derek asked, stirring me from my reverie.
I shook my head, and headed downstairs. “No, I haven’t seen her since the other night.”
Cam was doing a pretty good job at avoiding me.
“She hasn’t come home,” Derek muttered. “I’m worried.”
We walked into the kitchen.
“Has she called, or text?” I asked, as I plopped two slices of bread into the toaster.
Derek leaned against the refrigerator and sighed. “One text, saying that she’s sorry, and that she needs space.”
The concern in Derek’s voice was heartbreaking.
“It will be okay, Der,” I said moving towards him.
I wrapped my arms around his waist. He returned my hug and chuckled.
“Hey, look how far you’ve come,” he teased gently. “This time, nine months ago, you were afraid to breathe too close to me.”
Stepping back, I looked up at his face and grinned. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I had a lot going on back then.”
I’d been dealing with a very real fear of men, when I first moved to the hill.
My father’s alcohol induced abuse and beatings, had given me more than enough to fear, but it was Perry Franklin’s attempt at raping me that had terrified me to my core. All of that seemed so long ago now....
Derek ruffled my curls with his hand. “You got there once.” He grabbed his keys off the table. “And you’ll get there again. You’re a tough little ball of curls. This stuff you’re going through, isn’t even tipping the scales on what you are capable of handling.”
I stood there in shock, as Derek waved and headed out. That boy could say the nicest things, when he wasn’t being a douchebag.
*****
Lee
I paced outside Kyle’s bedroom door.
I’d been doing this with the past five minutes. I didn’t know why I was so freaking nervous. Kyle had asked to be involved.
It wasn’t a big deal.
I should just knock the door and say what I had to say.
Moving forward, I raised my hand to the door, then quickly retreated. I was such a wimp.
Just do it, just knock on the damn door.
My thoughts were spared when the door opened out and Kyle stood in front of me, wearing nothing, but a pair of black boxer shorts.
My heart catapulted in my chest, as my eyes fed upon his carved stomach.
Everything on his body was just so pleasing to the eye. From his broad, defined, sun-kissed chest, to the rippling mass of muscles in his stomach, to those sexy indentations between his narrow hips, and that strip of dark hair trailing from his belly button, south….There wasn’t one unappealing slither of skin on the man’s body.
Oblivious to my ogling, Kyle stretched his arms over his head, his biceps bulged, as he yawned widely.
“Princess, what are you doing banging around out here?” His voice was thick from sleep as he scratched his bare chest, and looked around the hall. “All the footsteps…I thought someone had broken in. What time is it?”
“Uh…” I cringed.
It was five forty-five, way too early for the normal people of the world to be up-or at least creeping around outside bedroom doors.
His eyes rested on me, blinking twice, before a concerned look crossed his face.
“Are you okay? Is the baby all right? Are y
ou in pain?”
He was throwing questions at me, quicker than I had time to answer them.
“I’m fine. We’re fine,” I said quickly. “I was just going to… I just wanted to let you know, to ask you really…” I was babbling.
Kyle smirked.
Reaching out, he briefly stroked my cheek with his fingers. “Say it, baby. Say what’s on your mind.”
I breathed deeply, steadying myself.
“I have an appointment at the hospital today, and I was going to get Mike to take me, but he has work and I don’t want to mess his day up. And you said you wanted to be involved. But if you’re busy, I totally understand. I mean, I know you have a busy schedule, and I just dropped this on you, I don’t expect you to drop everything. I just…”
Kyle put his finger over my mouth silencing me.
“Of course I want to go. I’m not busy. There is nowhere else I’d want to be.”
I exhaled a huge lungful of air and nodded.
“Great. Good, I mean that’s cool. We have a couple of hours before we have to go, so I’ll let you get dressed, or sleep, or shower.”
I blushed, then scurried away, mortified.
“Hey, princess?”
I was at the top of the stairs, and turned back.
Kyle was standing at his bedroom door, his head tilted to one side as he rubbed his hand over his chest.
“Yes?” I asked nervously.
He smiled. “Thank you.”
I nodded, blushing, before turning around and climbing down the stairs, shakily. I thought I heard Kyle chuckle from his doorway.
*****
Kyle
I couldn’t sit still.
My knee kept jerking as I tried to sit patiently next to Lee, while we waited for her name to be called.
My heart swelled up with pride as I sat beside her. She looked beautiful today, wrapped up in her khaki coat and tight faded jeans.