by ANDREA SMITH
Love,
Bryce
I’d just finished the letter and was sealing the envelope when somebody pounded on my front door.
I opened it to find Avery standing there. The look on her face said it all.
Shit was about to get real.
Chapter 19
“Chaos is a friend of mine.” - Bob Dylan
Avery
“Well?” I asked as the thick air of silence hung like a shroud over us, “Is Mandy the girl you left behind, Bryce?” My voice cracked and I hated that it did.
Bryce turned from me and ran a hand through his still damp locks. “Come in,” he said, “Tell me what she said.”
I followed him inside and watched as he went through the motions of pulling his boots on. He was too calm. Too devoid of emotion. I was freaking out here but Bryce was cool as a cucumber.
“She showed up at the house looking for you. My dad answered the door. He came up and got me to fetch you. Her belly is out to here,” I continued, “And she has a black eye. She said you’re the father. There. You now know as much as I do, Bryce. Who is this girl to you?”
“She’s nothing to me, Avery,” he said with a sigh, “We had sex one time. I used protection. She’s probably lying about it all. I’ll go talk to her. Send her on her way. I don’t do drama.”
That wasn’t an appropriate answer in my book. “You admittedly had sex with her,” I snapped, “As much as you want to send her on her way, one night stand or long term relationship, the girl came a long way to find you if it’s a lie, don’t you think? Why now?”
“I don’t know,” he snapped, “I’ll deal with it, Avery. This has nothing to do with you.”
“Nothing to do with me? Seriously, Bryce? How can you say that? It has everything to do with us! You realize this is a no-win situation, right?”
He stood there, one hand on his hip, the other rubbing his stubbled jaw and gazed down at me under those thick, sooty lashes. “Don’t start tripping, Avery. You’re jumping the gun here. I need to get the facts first.”
“You do that, Bryce,” I snapped, “And then you tell me where we stand,” I finished, turning on my heel. “I’ll send her up to your cottage. We don’t do drama at the main house.”
I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I was out the door and jogging down the walkway towards the steps. My mind kept replaying those two words over and over again: Why now?
This was an impossible situation. Bryce was simply avoiding the obvious. If he turned his back on this girl who was possibly carrying his child, I’d never respect him again. If he did take responsibility for her and the child in some way, we would never be the same. I could see this, why couldn’t he?
Tears blurred my vision as I went through the back door into the house. My father was right there, pulling me into his arms. “Can you have someone take her to Cottage 3, Daddy?” I asked, trying to muffle a sob. “That’s Bryce’s cottage. I’m going to my room. Can you let Mom know I won’t be going to the barbecue today? I don’t feel well.” I pulled away from him, taking the back staircase up to the second floor, running to the solace of my room before my tears let loose full force.
About an hour later there was a soft tapping on my door. “Avery?” Mom called out, “Can I come in?”
I pulled myself up into a sitting position, and wiped my eyes. I was all cried out for now. “Come in,” I said.
She came in and by the look on her face, Dad had filled her in on everything. I was glad he did. I doubted whether I could’ve made it through the story without shedding more tears.
She sat down on the edge of the bed, and brushed a few locks of hair off of my face. “You know, these things have a way of working themselves out. I know at the moment you must be feeling vulnerable and threatened by what happened, Avery, but I want you to stop and think about the girl who showed up here. Can you imagine how scared and vulnerable she feels at the moment?”
“I get that, Mom,” I replied, “But why now? I just don’t get it.”
“Maybe she had her reasons. But if you really care about Bryce, which appears to me you do, then you have to give him some space to deal with this situation. Trust him to do the right thing.”
“That’s just it, Mom,” I said, my voice sounding small and defeated, “I think he will do the right thing, and it scares me. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s the truth.”
“Just give it time, sweetie. One way or another, it will work itself out. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Nobody knows that better than me.”
“It hurts, Mom. We’ve barely just begun, but it hurts so much. I think I might love him.”
She wrapped her arms around me in a motherly hug. “Sometimes love can hurt. But you can’t go through life without risking it, sweetheart, I can tell you that much. We’re all here for you, Avery. Now come on, we want you to go with us to the barbecue. Believe it or not, your family will always be there to support you in times like this, so consider it one of the perks in having a large one, okay?”
I nodded and gave her a hug back. “Give me ten minutes, Mom. I’ll be ready.”
It turned out Mom was right about family. I filled the twins in on the latest, and although Hannah knew Bryce from over the summer, Sarah was just as horrified as her twin. “What do you think he’s going to do?” she asked. “How can he really be sure he is the father if this chick is well…easy?”
“Duh, Sarah, have you heard of DNA testing?”
“Well yeah. But they can’t do that until after the baby is born. When is she due, Avery?”
“How the hell should I know? You two know as much as I do. All I know is this: from this minute on Bryce Slater is history for me. I know Mom is trying her best to soothe my hurt feelings, but I’ve kicked into survival mode now. I will wipe him from my mind and go on with my life. I no longer have any expectations. He said it has nothing to do with me, so be it. He has nothing to do with me from this point forward,” I said, taking a sip of wine. My mother hadn’t objected when I’d poured myself a glass.
I was nineteen. Not officially legal, but I felt as if the last few hours had pushed me up and over the age of twenty-one, so I deserved it. At least, that’s what I thought.
She hadn’t seen me pour the other two though. By the time we left for home, Bryce Slater was absolutely positively the last person I ever wanted to see again.
Unfortunately, he was the first person I saw at the barn the next morning as I finished writing up the two page list of additional things I needed him to complete for the day. Yeah, I knew it was a bitchy thing to do, but what the hell? I was hurting. Being a bitch was my coping mechanism of choice.
“Hey,” he said coming up beside me as I stuck a tack into the list I was placing on the bulletin board that hung over the time clock, “I wanted to talk to you. I’m getting my phone reactivated today, but I needed to see you before that happens. I owe you an explanation.”
I turned to face him, looking up into his tortured eyes. “You owe me nothing, Bryce. I’m late for class. Here’s your list for today.”
“Avery–wait, please. I need to talk to you. I need to see if it’s okay if Mandy stays with me…well at least until I get things figured out. She has nowhere else to go.”
My heart crumbled into a million tiny pieces. He was going to live with Mandy. They were expecting a baby together. I could never ever compete with that. “Sure Bryce, no problem. Just make sure there’s no drama or all bets are off. I have to go.”
He reached out, grabbing my arm as I turned to leave. “Will you please fucking let me explain shit to you?” he demanded, his blue eyes now morphing into a scary shade of dark grey. “This isn’t as simple as you think.”
“It’s perfectly clear to me, Bryce. You and me? Yeah, that’s over. So, if you want to cohabitate with Mandy, raise a family in that tiny cottage, well–that’s your gig. But the first time it becomes a problem for Sinclair Stables, LLC, all of you are out of
here, got it?”
His eyes blazed a hole in me. I couldn’t believe my words and I’m the one who’d just tossed them out there. He studied me for a moment in disbelief. As if I was the one being unreasonable. Fat freaking chance.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to get to. Make sure you get everything on this list completed to my satisfaction.” I turned and walked toward the door of the barn, but I heard his words behind me.
“Yes’m Ma’m. I sure will,” he said with a Southern drawl that he didn’t own and a military salute.
Fuck him for mocking me.
Fuck him for breaking my heart.
Chapter 20
“My past is a little checkered.” - Kid Rock
Bryce
October 16th
Fuck me for trying to wrap my head around this and not be the total dick I wanted to be. When Mandy showed up yesterday afternoon, big round belly and a black eye to boot, my first thought was to send her on her way and remind her of just how many dudes she’d hooked up with over the past year. At least that’s what the rumor mill had said. Hell, I’d seen her with different guys at the few parties I’d gone to before they’d gotten really lame. They weren’t the same as the D.C. parties I’d been used to, but the point was, yeah, she’d gotten around.
Randy Sheldon, Marcus Dean, Sami Lee. I’m sure there were others. But the truth was, if there was a miniscule chance—and there was—that I was the father, I wasn’t raised to point fingers elsewhere until I knew the absolute truth. And I would know the truth. I’d made that perfectly clear to Mandy.
“Well, well, well, Bryce. Nice little set-up you’ve got going here,” she said, rubbing her rounded belly with her right hand, looking around my cottage. “I think we can both be comfortable here for now.”
“First things first, Mandy,” I said. “We’re gonna talk. I’ve got questions. I need answers.”
“Sure thing, sugar,” she replied, flopping down on the couch in the living room. “Ask away. I’ve got nothing to hide. Well, except for my feet which are getting harder and harder to see from up here. But no worries. You’ve got a New Year’s present coming Bryce. The Santa Stork is bringing us a baby after the first of the year! Cheers!”
And for the next hour I grilled her with questions that anybody in my predicament would have. It wasn’t pretty.
“How do I know the baby is mine?”
“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”
“Where did you get the black eye?”
“Why are you here?”
“What are your plans?”
“What do you expect from me?”
“Are you keeping the baby?”
“Did you tell my parents about this?”
Her answers ranged from:
“I’m not a whore Bryce; the rubber came off, remember?”
“The reason I waited was at first I considered abortion; and then I considered adoption, and now I’ve decided to keep it so it’s time I brought you into the loop. And you disappeared so it wasn’t like I saw you around town, you know?”
“My father gave me the black eye. He isn’t pleased with the situation.”
“I’m here because I’ve got nowhere else to go. Been kicked out of my house. I’m over eighteen. My parents have no legal responsibility anymore and they made that all perfectly clear.”
“My plans are to find a local OB-GYN. I’ve got a medical card and I get food stamps, so I can help out, you know, until the baby’s born? After that I’ll get a job. You’ll pay child support, and I’ll get out of your hair…I mean, if that’s what you want. At the minimum, I expect you to take financial responsibility, do your part. And no, I didn’t tell your parents anything. But don’t you think they’ll want to know they’re about to be grandparents? I thought you’d like to deliver the good news yourself.”
And then I’d made myself perfectly clear to Mandy. I explained I would expect a paternity test to be conducted once the baby arrived. I told her that there would be no cohabitation while she was staying with me, and that I’d have to clear it through my boss to see if she was even permitted to stay here. She hadn’t liked that part at all. I also told her that once paternity was established, I’d take responsibility if I was the father, but she’d have to find her own place because there was no relationship between her and me, and there never would be. I loved someone else. That had really pissed her off, but I was honest.
I told her she could take the bedroom and I’d take the couch. She asked if I’d go to the parking lot and get her suitcase, which I’d done. She hadn’t brought much which was good because there was just the one closet. I’d been surprised her car had made the trip. It was a pretty beat up old model Chevy Cavalier. I made a mental note to call home tomorrow and let them know I’d be making a trip up to pick up my truck. Reliable transportation was now a necessity not a luxury.
My exchange with Avery from this morning had not turned out the way I had hoped. Sure, I knew she’d be freaked out about this, the same way I was, but she treated me as if she hated my guts…like what we had together had suddenly vanished. She wasn’t going to give me the time of day. And from the long list of extra chores I was given, I could damn well see that she had some pent-up anger. I wanted to explain things to her. I wanted to tell her I loved her for the first time. But she wasn’t having any of it. She had closed herself off from me. She’d shut down and I wasn’t sure how long that would last. Maybe forever.
I was totally not prepared to see that side of Avery. She seemed cold and hard, with a steely edge to her I’d never have imagined.
I was rubbing liniment on one of the horses, deep in thought when I heard footsteps approaching. One part of me hoped it was Avery. Maybe she’d finally had time to process this shit and be reasonable about it. I turned to greet her only to see it wasn’t her.
“I guess you’re here to rip into me too, Hannah. Go for it,” I said, shaking my head and turning back to the task at hand.
“First of all, I’m not Hannah. I’m Sarah. Her twin? We haven’t met. I won’t let first impressions cloud my opinion, Bryce.”
I whirled back around and straightened up. Damn if she didn’t look like a mirror image of Hannah. Put them next to one another, I couldn’t have picked one from the other. She saw my head to toe assessment and laughed, “Yeah, it’s an identical twin thing, Bryce.”
I wiped my right hand on the side of my jeans and held it out to her. “First impressions have never been my thing, Sarah, but toss a twin into the mix and I can damn well guarantee you I’ll totally screw it up.”
She took my hand, shaking it, and didn’t bother to hold back a laugh. “Understood and forgiven,” she said, “You got a couple of minutes to chat?”
“Sure thing,” I replied, walking over towards a stack of hay bales and extending my arm towards it, “Take a seat, Sarah. This is the best I can offer at the moment.”
She smiled and sat down, patting the space next to her for me to join her. “I don’t bite, Bryce. That’s where Hannah and I differ. And I know you’re on the clock, so I won’t stay long.”
I plopped down next to her.
“I go to school out of state, and rarely get back. I did want to take this opportunity to meet you. Hannah goes on about you and well…I’m pretty sure that Avery thinks you’re special–”
“Not anymore,” I interrupted her. “All that has changed.”
“No, no it hasn’t Bryce. But I understand why you might think so, but it isn’t true. Avery is simply trying to protect herself from getting hurt, but it’s too late. It’s not going to work.”
“And you know this how?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“It’s a girl thing, silly,” she said. “Plus, I’ve known Avery all of my life. Even though I’m not around her as much since I started college, it does give me the advantage of being a bit more objective. So, while my sister pretty much wants to string you up by your…well, you know
,” she finished without saying balls, but I got the picture, “I think I can give you some constructive advice here. That is, if you want it.”
I ran a hand through my hair, and turned to her. She seemed sincere. Way different disposition than her twin, that was obvious. “I’ll tell you, Sarah, I don’t pretend to understand chicks, and up to this point, that fact never bothered me. Avery’s different. I don’t want to think we’re over, but the situation I find myself in doesn’t give me a lot of hope. At least not in the short term. And as time goes by, I think she’ll probably move on and find someone else. Someone better. She deserves better than me.”
“Okay,” she interrupted, “While I think it’s noble how you’re doing the whole ‘falling on your sword thing,’ it’s not necessary. I think Avery is a good catch, no doubt about it, but she seems to think you are too, believe me. She wouldn’t have wasted her time or put her heart out there to you like she has if she didn’t. So, here’s what you need to do. You need to give her some time. Let her process the situation. See, I get that right now you’re in a no-win situation. If you turn your back on this…”
“Mandy,” I supplied.
“Mandy,” she continued, “Avery would think you’re a shit. If the baby is yours, and you don’t step up to the plate to claim responsibility and help in whatever way you can after it’s born, Avery will think you’re an even bigger shit. Worst case scenario is you need time for all concerned. The situation isn’t insurmountable if you two really do love each other.”
“I love her,” I admitted, “But she’s never said she loved me. I’m not sure—”
“Have you told her you loved her?” she interrupted.
“Well no. I was waiting for her.”
“Bryce,” she replied with an eye roll, “Lesson one–the guy always says it first. That’s just how it’s done.”
“Hey, this is a first for me, Sarah. I already told you I’m not good with this stuff. I would’ve gotten around to it eventually, but as you already know, there’s been an interruption in our relationship. I’m trying to do the right thing. Mandy was a one-night stand. We were never together,” I explained.