I need to talk to Robert. I don’t want to be perfect and alone. I want to be flawed and on that imaginary flight with him. He might tell me no, and it will be awful and humiliating and terrible, but I have to do it anyway.
I bounce from my bed, quickly shower and throw on some clothes. It’s already after nine. The ploughs will be here soon and we’ll all go our separate ways again. This whole weekend will pass from present to memory. I’ve got a lot to do before that happens.
As I pound down the stairs I see Auntie Lou. ‘Auntie Lou!’ I sweep her up into my arms. ‘Have I told you how much I love you? You’ve always been my favourite auntie, and you would be even if I had a hundred to choose from.’
‘Well, thank you, dear! I love you too.’ She peers at me. ‘Are you quite all right?’
‘I’m wonderful, Auntie Lou, just wonderful. Are Mum and Dad in the dining room?’
Mum, Dad, Granny and Marley are enjoying their breakfast when I bound over. ‘Good morning!’
‘Good morning, my love,’ says Mum. ‘Did you sleep well?’
I shake my head. ‘Nope, I slept terribly, but that doesn’t matter because today is beautiful!’ I stare at the twinkling Christmas tree and want the whole holiday to begin again so that I can enjoy it properly. How am I going to wait another 360 days?
‘Someone’s had too much coffee already,’ Marley mutters.
‘Not an ounce of caffeine yet. I’m just happy.’ I sit beside her, grabbing her hand. ‘Marl, I want to thank you for making me your bridesmaid. You have no idea what you’ve done for me. You’re the best sister anyone could ever hope for. If I can be one tenth as happy and loving and warm as you are…’ My voice catches. ‘I’ll be very lucky. I’m going to try.’
‘Carol! Are you crying?’ Dad asks with alarm.
‘Yes! Isn’t it wonderful? I can’t seem to stop.’ I lunge, kissing him on the temple. ‘I’m a chip off the ol’ block after all. How do you like that?’
He hugs me. ‘I love it, Carol,’ he says quietly.
‘Welcome back, my love,’ says Mum. ‘We’ve missed you, you know.’ She looks uncharacteristically overcome.
‘Mum, I’ve missed me.’
But the person I really need to talk to isn’t here. Instead, I see the cousins sitting quietly (of course) with Uncle Frank.
‘Marley,’ I whisper. ‘What are the cousins’ names?’
‘Seriously? I’m not sure whether I’m more worried that you don’t know their names, or that you want to know their names.’ She points discretely around the table. ‘Rachel, Laura, Charlotte, Rebecca and the little one is Emma.’
‘I promise I’ll only use the information for good.’
‘Hello,’ I say to them, pulling up a chair. ‘Which one of you is the dress designer?’
They stare at each other as if I’ve asked them to rat out the drug mule amongst them. One of them points to her sister. ‘You are Charlotte?’ I ask, pleased to use her name. ‘Did you go to school for it?’
‘No, I went to Cambridge.’
‘But I went to Cambridge. When were you there?’
‘The same years as you,’ she says.
‘How did I not know that?’
Although maybe I do remember Mum mentioning it a few times. I was pretty wrapped up in my studies and in Skate.
She shrugs.
‘Do you work in fashion now?’
She laughs, a surprisingly lovely laugh. ‘No, it’s just for fun. I’m a loss adjuster for the Prudential.’
‘What a shame you can’t make a living doing something you love,’ I say truthfully. I think of Skate, who’s always done exactly what his heart told him to rather than what his head did.
‘Oh, but Rachel loves her job!’ one of them pipes up (Laura, I think).
Rachel tries to wave away the attention but Laura carries on. ‘She teaches violin at Birmingham City University. She was second chair at the Christmas concert this year. We’re so proud of her.’
I look at my mousy cousin. ‘Wow, I can’t believe I never knew any of this. Did you all go to the concert?’
I imagine everyone together listening to carols in the flickering candlelight. The vision is surprisingly pleasing.
‘Oh, yes,’ says Emma, the youngest. ‘And Marley and Jez and your Mum and Dad too.’
‘I wish I’d known. You could have sent me an invite.’
She looks doubtful. ‘Well, you don’t always seem very approachable. To be honest, you’re kind of scary.’
I nod. ‘I’ve heard that a lot lately.’ Movement in the doorway catches my eye. Robert! ‘Maybe we can talk more later? I feel like we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.’
When they all nod and smile, I realise how happy that makes me. I rise and kiss each cousin on the cheek. To my delight, they all kiss me back.
‘Is she drunk?’ I hear Uncle Frank ask Charlotte.
I shake my head. ‘Not drunk, Uncle Frank, just a bit smarter.’
‘The ploughs are here!’ Jemima announces, looking out the window just as Mrs Campbell strides in.
‘The coaches will be ready to depart in thirty minutes,’ Mrs Campbell says.
That means I haven’t got much time.
I approach Jemima, who flinches when I throw open my arms. ‘I’m really happy for you and Karl,’ I say as I hug her. ‘And I’m sorry that I’ve sometimes been short with you. I hope we can see more of each other in London.’
She nods, hugging me back. ‘I’d love that. Thanks, cousin. I’d really love that.’
My heart is in my throat as I approach Robert. ‘Can we talk, please?’
He’s about to spoon sugar into his coffee. ‘Of course.’
We walk into the hall. ‘Robert, I want you to know something.’ I take a deep breath. Once I say this I can’t take it back. ‘The thing is, I’ve been an idiot. Not just this weekend, but for months… years. I equated emotions with hurt, and perfection with happiness.’ I shake my head. ‘When I sealed myself off I did stop feeling hurt. But I also stopped feeling everything else. And I may strive to be perfect but that’s not necessarily making me happy. I’ve boxed myself in to such a little life that there’s no room for anything but work.’
I’m crying again. I guess I’d better get used to this.
‘But I don’t want to live like that anymore. Being here this weekend has shown me that, so when we leave in a few minutes, I’ll be travelling without a lot of the baggage I came with. I can’t promise to be perfect. In fact, I don’t want to be perfect. I just want to be me. And I want you to be you because I love you. I loved you when you surprised me with the Bali trip, and I loved you on that trip, and I loved you after it. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you that before.’
He’s just staring at me.
‘Robert? Please say something.’
Now I know how he felt at the restaurant before our trip.
‘Let’s go for a walk.’
‘I’d love that.’ But my mind is racing. Is he trying to distract me so he doesn’t have to answer? Still the tears squeeze from my eyes – prompted by fear that this is all too late, anger at myself for being so blind… and a tiny ray of hope that I, Hendrix Carol Colbert, the biggest Scrooge in modern history, just might get a Christmas miracle.
‘You’ll need to change your boots. You’ll ruin those,’ he says.
I look down at my lovely butter-yellow leather boots. ‘I don’t mind. They’re only boots.’
He takes my hand and we walk outside together. As the cold air hits my face, Robert gathers me to him. ‘I love you too, Carol. You’ve just given me the best Christmas present I can imagine.’ Then he kisses me until I feel like my heart might explode.
We don’t need to be perfect. We just need to be together, and be true to ourselves, and to each other and our feelings. Then we’ll have a fighting chance, no matter what life throws at us.
Which reminds me. I take my BlackBerry from my pocket, scrolling down the screen. ‘I’ve been reading up on spina bifida,’ I s
ay. ‘Do you know your risk of passing it on to our children would be reduced by 70 per cent if I took folic acid? And another study says–’
He smiles, then gently takes my BlackBerry and drops it. It disappears into the white powder.
I take his hand again and we stomp messy tracks together across the perfect snow.
The End
If you enjoyed Christmas Carol, you’ll love Michele’s / Lilly’s other books!
The Big Dreams Beach Hotel
Wriggle your toes in the sand and feel the warm breeze on your face when you check into the hotel that’s full of dreams…
Three years after ditching her career in New York City, Rosie never thought she’d still be managing the quaint faded Victorian hotel in her seaside hometown.
What’s worse, the hotel’s new owners are turning it into a copy of their Florida properties. Flamingos and all. Cultures are clashing and the hotel’s residents stand in the way of the developers’ plans. The hotel is both their home and their family.
That’s going to make Rory’s job difficult when he arrives to enforce the changes. And Rosie isn’t exactly on his side, even though it’s the chance to finally restart her career. Rory might be charming, but he’s still there to evict her friends.
How can she follow her dreams if it means ending everyone else’s?
“Absolutely gorgeous!” Debbie Johnson | “Full of enjoyment, humour and utter brilliance” 5* Ali the Dragon Slayer | “Wowzer, it’s phenomenal! Rosie is one of the best characters I’ve read this year” 10 out of 10 Paige Turner Reviews | “Witty dialogue, engaging and relatable characters” Books of All Kinds | “A beautiful story – a perfect pick-me-up – such a lot of laugh-out-loud moments” BrizzleLass Books
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The Carlton Square books are feel-good stories that are as scrumptious as your favourite slice of cake!
Get them here
The Big Little Wedding in Carlton Square
You’re warmly invited to the Wedding of the Century with all your favourite friends. It’s the most gorgeous vintage fun you’ll have this year!
When Emma’s boyfriend Daniel pops the question with a ring the size of a small country, she realises just how different their worlds are. Her family can only afford a low-key wedding while Daniel’s mother is expecting a society party that their high-brow guests won’t forget!
How will Emma put together a sophisticated champagne-sodden celebration fit for Lords and Ladies when her dad can’t accept any help from Daniel’s family, her best friend Kelly has become a world-class Bridesmaidzilla and her cross-dressing Uncle Barbara is dying to strut his stuff up the aisle?
The big day is three months away. Just don’t look too closely, because nothing is as it seems!
“Full of fun…I loved it” Cathy Bramley | “A funny, feel-good romcom… the perfect read to curl up with” FABULOUS magazine | “A really fun, heartwarming rom-com” Sally Akins | “Guaranteed to lift your spirits” Rachel’s Random Reads
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The Second Chance Café in Carlton Square
A feel-good story that’s as scrumptious as your favourite slice of cake!
Emma’s new café will be perfect, with its gorgeous strings of vintage bunting, mouth-wateringly gooey cakes, comforting pots of tea and quirky customers who think of each other as friends.
It’s a long road to get there, but as her business fills with freelancing hipsters, stroppy teens, new mums and old neighbourhood residents, Emma realises that they’re not the only ones getting a second chance. She is too.
But when someone commits bloomicide on their window boxes, their milk starts disappearing and their cake orders are mysteriously cancelled, it becomes clear that someone is trying to close them down.
Will the café be their second chance after all?
‘Fun, flirtatious and fresh’ Alex Brown | “Incredibly well written and highly enjoyable to read. 5*” Rachel’s Random Reads | “It is a story with a beautiful message to share.” Whispering Stories | “My favorite to date… with fresh characters and a story that was both touching and real.” Mrs Mommy Booknerd | “The characters are genuine, funny, and appealing. 9/10” What’s Better than Books | “This book is generous, heartwarming, community spirited and restores your faith in humans." Cosy Books | “An absolutely wonderful read. [Emma is] the kick-arse heroine that we all need.” Chick Lit Uncovered
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About the Author
Lilly Bartlett is the pen name of Sunday Times and USA Today best-selling author, Michele Gorman, who writes best-friend girl-power comedies under her own name.
Michele writes books packed with heart and humour, best friends and girl power. Call them beach books, summer reads or chick lit ... readers and reviewers call them ‘feel good’, ‘relatable’ and ‘thought-provoking’.
She was raised in the US and lives in London. She is very fond of naps, ice cream and Richard Curtis films but objects to spiders and the word ‘portion’.
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Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Christmas at the Falling-Down Guesthouse Page 18