Heart of Gold (Firecats Book 1)
Page 15
Ratchet looked away, shaking his head. Sadness poured off him. His fists clenched. “Not this time, lamb. It wasn’t enough.”
Shit.
Knife. To the chest.
God, she knew she was broken. But he had accepted her like that. Wanted to put her back together.
“I wasn’t enough?” she squeaked.
His head snapped around and he looked furious. Mad enough to punch a tree. She imagined that’s what he would look like when he finally killed Bastian.
“No, mate. Me. I wasn’t enough. I can’t bring the firecat out, no matter how much I love you.”
What the hell was the firecat? Enough with the code.
“And without it, I’ll never be enough to keep you safe. I have too many enemies and so do you. And now… there’s another life to think of. You have to leave. And I have to let you go.” He closed the distance between them, tucking his knuckle under her chin to bring her eyes to his. “Set you free.”
Freedom. He was giving it to her but now she didn’t want it. What she wanted was a choice.
And she still didn’t have that.
Maybe she never would.
“I don’t want to do this alone. Be alone. I want to be with you. You make me feel good things. I’m not walking away from that.”
Ratchet looped his pinky around hers, and pulled her up to his chest. His big palm settled over her belly where a new life grew. One she already felt protective over.
“You have to, lamb,” he said.
And she knew he was right. Whatever was to happen in the future, right now, she had to protect the innocent life they had created. Until Bastian was no longer a threat, and the Alley Cats’ cruel world shifted…
She had no choice.
***
Leah’s hands shook as she hung up with her son and hurried to dial Skittles’ number. The ring of the phone sounded like betrayal.
“Yeah.” Skittles sounded distracted.
“We need to do this now. She’s ready.”
“And Ratchet? He away?” His voice got quiet. “Because if he finds out I’m doing this, he’ll have my balls on a skewer. Shit, worse than that.”
“He’s letting her go. Wants her gone. And he won’t know you’re helping. I’ll get her out and meet you at the shed.”
There was a long silence. So long she almost pulled back her phone to see if the call had dropped.
“Bullshit, Mama,” he hissed. “He’d never let her just leave.”
“He called me. I didn’t even have to convince him. He’s letting her go, and he’s trusting me to get her out safely.”
Her stomach twisted. Was she really doing this? Giving Marlee back to the vilest of men.
Skittles hadn’t batted an eye at helping her. He was doing what was good for the clan, giving Marlee back. A second in command through and through. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but the tiniest resistance would have at least let her know the witches’ curse on her boys was doing its job.
“You still with me?” she asked, half hoping he said no.
Because if he said yes… Leah was going to betray her heart in the worst way.
For Thomas, she reminded herself.
A long sigh came through the phone. “Yeah, fine. Meet in ten.”
“We’ll be there.”
“Oh, Mama?”
“Yeah.”
“Not the shed. Meet me out by the trucks. Back row, got it?”
“Got it.”
She hung up the phone feeling dirtier than she ever had. She hoped this was worth it.
Because she was going straight to hell.
Chapter Nineteen
Ratchet examined the contents of the duffle bag one more time. He had packed Marlee’s clothes, an extra sweatshirt of his, all her treasures he’d brought her over the past weeks, a pocket knife, whatever portable food he could scavenge from the kitchen… water...
Fuck.
Some bathroom items, a flashlight…
Goddamn it.
The wad of cash he’d stashed in the hole in his closet wall.
Shit.
He was trying hard not to break anything. When Marlee was gone, he’d do enough of that. He’d punch a hundred holes in the walls just to remind him what his fucking heart would look like without her around.
He looked over at her. She stared at the bed, her eyes looking numb. The green not so brilliant. She hugged his t-shirt—the one she wore that first night—to her chin.
His chest locked up.
Who would hold her when she had a bad dream in the middle of the night? Who would make sure there was always a light for her when it was dark? Or turn on Glimmer Girls when she couldn’t sleep?
Maybe he shouldn’t let her leave. Maybe—
Keep mate safe, the beast growled. Young too.
It had taken a battle like nothing he’d ever fought to convince himself this was the only way. The beast didn’t want it. The human didn’t want it. But both new it was necessary.
The wounds of that war, were hidden inside and he’d never recover from them.
At least he hadn’t marked Marlee. Now she could go on, and have a life without him. Without feeling like her heart was ripped from her chest. And she wouldn’t find her way back to him. There’d be no mating bond to draw her back. Not after this.
It would fade for her.
But never for him.
Just as well. He was done with females. He’d found his. He was letting her go. And there’d be no other. Ever.
He forced his feet over to her, tugging the shirt from her grip and adding it to the bag.
“Smells like you,” she murmured.
He nodded stiffly. His throat ached with holding back tears he didn’t even know he could cry anymore.
“Keep it, lamb.”
“Do… do you want something of mine? T-To remember?”
The whole fucking room, the roof, chicken pasta, the goddamn chair. It was all a memory of her. He didn’t need anything to remember her by. She was emblazoned on his fucking heart. She’d branded him. He wouldn’t take one breath in this room without smelling her.
But he answered, “Yeah,” anyway.
She rushed forward, ripping the bag out of his hands and rummaging through it. When she found what she was looking for, she took his hand and set the reminder in the middle of his palm.
A green jewel-toned marble. The exact color of her eyes. With a couple scratched up places that could probably be fixed with toothpaste.
Ratchet couldn’t take his eyes off hers as she closed his fingers around it and whispered, “So you don’t forget.”
“No chance of that, lamb. Not ever.”
She gave a brave watery smile. Weak, but it was there. “Maybe after things are safer we can be together again. After—”
The knock at the door interrupted her. Melting the smile into tears.
Ratchet pulled her forward by her neck, pressing urgent kisses to her face. “Gonna be okay,” he forced out. “You can do this, Marlee. You are strong. So strong.” He, on the other hand, was going to crumble to shit when she was gone.
Another knock had him pulling away to fumble with the lock of the door. He cracked it open and his mom slipped in, shutting it behind her.
“Ready for this?” she asked, and he noticed the nervous shake to her voice.
Ratchet nodded. “You sure taking her out the front is the best plan?”
“Yes. Everyone is in the lounge. I can get her through the offices and out of the warehouse.”
“Okay. And you’ll drive her straight to the bus station, right? And don’t leave until she’s on the bus. And watch for the bus to pull out of the station. And—”
“I got it, son,” she assured. “I know exactly what to do.”
Her eyes went to Marlee, and Ratchet saw sadness there. His mom was getting what she’d wanted from the beginning though. She’d told him he would have to let Marlee go.
She was right.
“You re
ady, hun?” Her voice shook. And why did that set him on edge?
Ratchet shook it off, and went to his mate. One last time, he knelt before her, pulling her belly to his cheek.
Last time. Say goodbye.
He kissed her there, not caring that his mom saw him like this. Broken like this.
“Be healthy,” he whispered. “And when you’re old enough, look out for your mama. She doesn’t like the dark. So you be the light. Make her smile sometimes. Or lots of times. For me, okay? And… don’t let anyone ever take your skin. Don’t let them make you hard. Yeah… okay.”
He hugged her close, feeling her hand in his hair one last time. Breathed her in one last time.
When he stood and found his mother again, her expression was tortured. He knew how she felt about bringing young into the clan.
“Thomas, what have you done?”
“We,” Marlee interrupted. “What have we done.”
His mother looked between the two of them, her face running a gamut of emotions.
“Are you with young?” she breathed.
Marlee frowned. Looked to Ratchet.
“Yes, ma. She’s carrying my cub.”
His mother seemed to age ten years right before his eyes.
“But I’m doing it right. I’m getting them both out of here. Far away from this life. They’re going to be safe, away from me. Away from the crew. Away from the hate and the curse and all of it. Mom, I’m not letting mine be hurt. See? I’m doing right by them.”
She blinked over and over. Seconds passed. He couldn’t guess what was going through her mind, but eventually she nodded. “We… we need to go then. Right now. Before it’s too late.”
Marlee moved for the door, but his mother stopped her. “No! Uh, let’s take the roof.”
Ratchet frowned.
“Changed my mind. Don’t want to chance taking her through the offices. I think it will be safer to cross the roof and go down the other fire escape. The one by the shed. No one ever goes over there.”
“Okay.” He pulled Marlee toward the window, climbing out first and helping his mom onto the landing.
He reached back in for Marlee, but she was over at the dresser writing something on a piece of paper.
Scanning the lot, he motioned for his mother to start climbing, and looked back in to see Marlee messing with the bed pillows before she ran to the window carrying her loaded down duffle bag.
He helped her out, and stood watch as she climbed up after his mom.
And then they were all on the roof, and his beast rumbled inside feeling all the mixed up pain and satisfaction. Pain of losing something so precious. Satisfaction knowing he was doing the best thing for the people he loved.
Loved. Fuck yeah.
He’d done it.
Whether it broke the curse or not, he’d learned to love. And love hard. He couldn’t love his Marlee any harder. And if that wasn’t enough to undo what the witches did to him, then fuck it. Because he’d made magic of his own. And it was growing inside his mate.
And best of all? He could do the noble damn thing. He could do it even though it hurt like hell. And nothing felt righter than doing the noble damn thing for her.
The lion could protect the lamb.
It just meant… he had to sacrifice.
Well… done. Fucking. Deal.
“No time to waste,” his mother murmured.
Ratchet turned to Marlee. Shit. This was it.
He pulled her close, dropping the softest kiss to her lips. But he hadn’t even finished when a sob escaped her throat and she pressed in hard enough their teeth clashed. He tasted her tears, her breath, and soaked it all in to keep for later.
Staring into her emerald eyes, he told her the truth…
“You’re Marlee Benson,” he whispered. “You’re twenty-eight years old. And you are finally free. I love you. Don’t forget, don’t forget, don’t forget.”
Tears streamed down her cheeks and he didn’t bother wiping them away.
His mother wrapped an arm around Marlee’s shoulder and led her across the roof.
His heart attacked his ribs as he watched her walk away, fighting back the tears that wanted free of his eyes. And while the mangled thing was breaking, pieces of it shattering and raining down like broken glass, all he could think was… he was so damn proud of her.
So fucking proud of his mate. His mate that carried his baby. His mate that he’d never see again. Because that’s what it took to make her safe. And he would always, always choose the thing that kept her safe.
It was a promise he’d take to his grave.
Chapter Twenty
Brokenhearted, Marlee followed Leah down the ladder on the other side of the roof. The one that didn’t come out near Felix’s window. The one that would lead her to the shed. To the place where it all began.
She dashed her tears away. They wouldn’t quit coming, but she hefted the duffle onto her shoulder and tried to be brave like Ratchet believed she could be.
Jumping from the ladder to the lot, she landed with a quiet thud and followed Leah to the long metal building where she’d taken shelter after escaping Bastian.
Everything had come full circle.
Her captor was her liberator. Her despair was her hope. Her escape was the place she’d been snared.
It was irony, or she had the worst luck of any human alive.
But this part of her story wasn’t over. No matter what Ratchet said, this was not goodbye.
It was only goodbye for now.
“Come on, hun,” Leah rushed. “We need to get you in the shed before anyone sees. Once you’re in, you move straight for those back doors. It’s dark in there. Watch for the empty barrels. The door on the left will open to the street. You wait out there in the alley, and I’ll bring the truck around. We’ll get you to the station and on a bus and…” The older lady sighed, looking down at Marlee’s stomach, and her face broke into the saddest smile. “You take care of that baby, okay? Tell him about his grandma Leah. That you didn’t get to know her that well, but she made good chocolate cake and bad choices. But it all worked out in the end.”
Marlee nodded, more tears coming. She pushed her chin forward. “I will. I promise.”
With a big breath, Leah pulled open the door to the shed.
But before Marlee could slip inside, the area flooded with light and an earsplitting alarm went off.
She froze. Leah did too, looking confused and panicked.
Boots crunching on the gravel as someone neared couldn’t even spur them into moving. The alarm was loud enough to wake the entire block. The kind that announced a fire or… or… something.
A tall, wide man covered in brightly colored tattoos skidded to a halt in front of them.
“Aw shit, Mama. What are you doing?” His eyes were big and round as they went from Leah to Marlee and back. “I told you to stay away from the shed.”
Marlee recognized the voice. This was either Skittles or Monster. Going off the tattoos and lack of facial scars, she was going to guess Skittles.
“I-I-I changed my mind,” Leah stuttered. “I couldn’t do it. She’s with young.”
Skittles’ eyes went impossibly wider as his gaze fell to Marlee’s abdomen.
She stared at Leah who’d turned pale. Couldn’t do what?
“Hell, Mama,” Skittles spat. “I wasn’t going to hurt her. I was going to ask for her help.”
Help doing what?
But she couldn’t ask because the sound of more people running toward them had her panic soaring. A low, eerie whistle floated along the air as men came to a stop behind Skittles. Some stumbling like they were drunk, but snarling like they were ready to fight. Others, lucid, glaring angrily. They crowded around her and Leah, seemingly awaiting a command.
Alley Cats. So many of them. Enough she knew she wasn’t getting out of there unharmed.
Skittles caught her gaze, staring hard. He was trying to tell her something, but she couldn’t know what.
He carried that familiar Alley Cat snarl and his golden eyes seemed morbidly excited. Like a predator who was anxious to give chase. A different kind of lion… who’d found a lamb.
“Well, well, well,” he purred, pacing closer. His voice sent chills of terror rolling over Marlee’s skin. Dangerous. This one was dangerous. And not like Ratchet was. Felix would hurt her. Hurt anyone. “What the fuck do we have here, cats?”
“Mama Kitty found her getting in the shed,” Skittles lied easily. He grabbed Marlee roughly by the arm, earning a cry. She clamped her mouth shut, remembering Ratchet’s warning. Don’t look weak. “I’ll get rid of her.”
“Not so fast,” Felix said, narrowing his gaze on her. “She’s new. And pretty. And she cries. Maybe I want to play with her.”
“No,” Leah said, her voice snapping out like a whip. “You don’t need to do that, okay? You have women upstairs who want you. Use them.”
His expression went hard and he twisted his gaze to Ratchet’s mother. “Since when do you care who I play with, Mama Kitty? Huh?”
He marched forward, ripping Marlee’s arm from Skittles’ grasp and twisting it behind her back. She hissed at his nearness, but his hands were less rough than Skittles’. He was weaker, even if he was meaner.
“What’s this female to you, Mama?”
Felix stared down into her face turning her toward the light so he could get a good look. And Marlee saw when recognition dawned in his eyes.
“I know you,” he growled. “You’re Bastian’s. He’s been looking for you, little girl.”
The words did something to her. Hit her all wrong. Brought her fight back a hundredfold.
“Not his,” she snarled back at him. “Never his. I belong to the one who gives more than he gets. The one who set me free.” She jerked her arm in his hold, not caring about the pain it brought.
Felix tightened his grip, growling out an earsplitting warning. But she didn’t care. She wasn’t giving up without a fight. And she wasn’t letting him take her back to Bastian.