by E. L. Todd
“But—”
He shoved himself inside me when he felt my objection waver, overpowering my grip on his hips and entering me. He held my gaze as he did, sliding his thick cock into home base.
“Oh god…” It felt a million times better when there wasn’t anything separating us. His cock moved past my bare skin, sliding though my slickness with ease. I could feel the enlarged head of his cock as it pushed deeper inside me.
“You still want me to wear a condom?” He had the most arrogant smirk on his mouth I’d ever seen.
I locked eyes with him and gripped his wrists.
“Tell me, sweetheart.” He rocked his hips slowly, pushing all the way inside before he pulled out again.
My mind was totally in the gutter now. I could barely form coherent words.
He moved his arms behind my knees, pinning my legs back so he could deepen the angle.
“Oh god…”
“Tell me.”
“No…I don’t want you to wear a condom.”
He gave me a look of satisfaction before he rocked into me at a regular pace, rewarding me with long and even strokes. Quiet moans escaped his lips as he moved in and out. He didn’t kiss me, his eyes focused on mine the entire time.
My tits shook every time he rocked into me, and I felt myself tighten around him. An orgasm was bubbling on the horizon. I could feel it slowly approaching, like when the sun set over the edge of the Earth just before dark.
“Fuck…” He pressed his head to mine as he worked his ass and hips to pound his dick inside my pussy. “Sweetheart…”
My hands moved up his chest, and my fingers snaked into his hair, feeling the damp sweat collect over the back of his neck. I took his length balls deep every single time, and I loved feeling his sac smack against my ass.
He pulled away and looked me in the eyes again. “I love you.”
I stopped breathing when I heard the words, floored by the confession I hadn’t heard him make until now. He told me he wanted to be with me, to grow old with me, but he never said those words to me like that before.
“I miss this…” He kissed my forehead before he rested his head against mine.
I was already on the verge of a powerful climax, and he pushed me over the edge. I plummeted down violently, the spasms of pleasure vibrating through my body. “Cypress…god.” I yelled in his face, unable to keep my voice down and under control. My slickness increased in waves and soaked his cock.
“Mmm…” He closed his eyes as he enjoyed me, probably feeling the way my body reacted to his. He positioned himself farther over me, deepening the angle so he could get every inch inside me.
I grabbed his ass and pulled him harder into me, knowing he was just about to come. My nipples were hard as daggers, and my body was warm, ready to feel that mound of come sit deep inside me.
He came with a moan and filled me, his breathing rough and ragged. He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me tighter against him as he pinned me against the mattress, making sure not a single drop was spilled. He wanted to give me everything he had.
And I wanted to take it just as much.
He remained glued to me as he caught his breath, his cock still inside me and his come mixed with mine. Slowly, he began to soften, and the pressure inside my channel decreased. He pulled away and looked me in the eye, his body flushed with heat and redness from the pounding blood. “I’m not finished with you.”
We spent the rest of the day in bed, switching from making love to talking during the breaks in between. Cypress placed a bottle of wine on the nightstand along with two glasses. We sipped it as we enjoyed each other’s company and that of Dino, who’d followed Cypress when he came back with the wine.
I tried not to think about what I was doing. Whenever I did that, I felt guilty for my actions. But sometimes overthinking it was the worst thing you could. Just living in the moment and going with it were often the best approaches.
Cypress had himself propped on one elbow as he drank his wine and watched me.
I stared back, feeling his gaze roam over every feature on my face. He could stare for hours and hardly blink. It was a look he hadn’t given me the first time we were together. It was a new trait he must have picked up after we got married.
I eyed his clock on the nightstand. “It’s getting late.”
“Yeah. I’m old and barely stay up past ten anymore.”
“Me too. But I like being up early. It’s nice when you have the whole day ahead of you.”
“True.”
I’d spent the whole day having sex with him, and I wasn’t sure if I could get out of the bed without spilling his seed everywhere. He stuffed me as much as he could, and I knew it was on purpose. I hoped I could make it to the bathroom without getting it everywhere. “I should get going…”
He grabbed my wrist and kept me in place. “Why should you get going?”
“I should shower and go to bed. We both established we’re old and need our beauty rest.”
“I have a king-size bed right here.” He set down his wine then placed his palm over his chest. “And a personal heater here. You’ve got everything you need.”
“You know the hospitality isn’t the problem…”
He turned more aggressive. “Sweetheart, stay.”
“Cypress, I shouldn’t…”
“Why?” he demanded. “You’re the one who asked me to hang out. We spent all day making love. Give me one good reason why you should leave when I’m asking you to stay.”
“Because I don’t want to rush anything. I told you our physical relationship was meaningless.”
“It’s not meaningless, and we both know it. Now sleep with me. Don’t fuck me and then leave. I’m asking you to stay.”
I searched his eyes, seeing the sincerity that was borderline desperate. “Why is it so important to you?”
He loosened his grip on my wrist when he realized I wasn’t going to slip away. “I slept beside you every night for months. When you left… I’ve never been able to sleep the same since. It’ll be nice to feel you beside me again, even if it’s just for a night.”
Now if I left I would feel like a terrible human being. Cypress was two different people in my eyes at the same time. He was sweet and loyal, the kind of partner that would never hurt me. At other times, he was the guy who broke my heart and would do it again. Right now, he was that first guy. “Okay.”
He got comfortable beside me and wrapped his arms around my body, hugging me against him. His masculine smell washed over me, hinting of pine needles and body wash. He pulled my leg over his hip and rested his hand against the skin between my shoulder blades.
Now I wanted to stay there forever. Getting my memory back and realizing my life had passed me by and I’d missed so much of it disturbed me. It was terrifying seeing that my nieces had grown so much, my business had changed, and my sister was dealing with a divorce I never knew happened. But Cypress made me feel better about all of that because he was the one thing I could rely on. He was always next door to me, and he was always patient, telling me about everything I missed and explaining it in such detail that I got to experience it.
Sometimes his cheating seemed irrelevant when I thought about all the other sacrifices he’d made.
Like taking care of me every day even though I hated him the whole time. Well, except the times he got me into bed.
His phone rang on his nightstand, vibrating loudly.
Cypress sighed against me, refusing to move.
“Are you gonna get that?”
“Couldn’t care less who it is.”
The phone went silent.
I closed my eyes and felt Dino move at the end of the bed, repositioning himself so he could get comfortable. Cypress’s regular breathing acted as a hypnotic sound, making my mind slowly drift away.
Then his phone rang again.
Now I wondered who was calling him. Was it a woman looking for a booty call?
Cypress sighed then turned
over. He snatched the phone, looked at the screen, and then ignored the call before he set it on the nightstand again. He turned back to me and got comfortable.
He obviously had no intention of telling me who was calling him at nine in the evening, and my curiosity was getting the best of me. What if it was a woman? Maybe he had hooked up with someone, and tonight she was calling to see if he was interested in another round. Now I couldn’t go to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was jealous and hurt over a phone call I knew nothing about.
Was this how I would always feel?
Would I always be this paranoid? This insecure? This jealous? I didn’t like it at all. It wasn’t who I was as a person.
Cypress must have felt the tension because he opened his eyes and looked at me. “What?”
If I didn’t get to the bottom of it, I would always wonder. I needed to know who it was that was calling him this late. “Who was that?”
“Blade.”
“If it was him, why didn’t you answer?”’
He raised an eyebrow. “Because I’m with you.”
It didn’t seem like he was lying, but in the back of my mind, I wondered if he was.
Cypress sighed before he grabbed the phone off the nightstand then showed me the call list. “See?” He scrolled through the entire thing, showing me all the people he’d been in contact with recently.
I felt terrible.
He opened his text messages and did the same thing. The only correspondence he had was with the gang and a few other guys I didn’t recognize.
I didn’t like this at all.
“I have nothing to hide, sweetheart.” He set his phone on his nightstand. “Go through my phone all you want. Doesn’t bother me one bit.”
But I didn’t want to go through his phone. I didn’t want to be this person. I wanted the paranoia and suspicions to go away. I wanted to be the easygoing person I once was, not this psycho, jealous person. “I don’t want to be that person. I don’t like who I turn into anytime a woman walks by or your phone lights up.”
“Then trust me.”
“I can’t do that either.” I kicked the covers back and got out of bed.
Cypress didn’t fight me this time.
I got dressed with my back turned to him, not wanting to see his look of disappointment after I’d already agreed to sleep there. Now I wanted to leave, to think about what I was really getting myself into.
Cypress got dressed without uttering a single protest, knowing he was going to walk me to the door and say goodnight.
That walk across the house was awkward.
We arrived at his front door and barely made eye contact with each other. There was nothing Cypress could say that hadn’t already been said. And I didn’t have anything to say either. I wished I could forget what he did and hop back into bed with him, but something always came up. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah.” It was the first time he’d actually seemed mad at me. He wasn’t affectionate or gentle like he had been just a few minutes ago. The resentment washed over me like the ocean tide, cold and powerful. “See you tomorrow.”
I walked out and didn’t expect a hug or kiss goodbye. I went down the steps and heard his front door shut. Normally, he’d wait until I was in my house or walk me to the doorstep. But he didn’t do either of those things this time.
This time, he gave up.
“Is it too late to call?”
Amelia sighed into the phone. “Bree, you know there’s no such thing as too late when it comes to me. What’s up?”
“Are the girls asleep?”
“Yeah. They were pooped out today. We went shopping, had lunch, and then went to the beach.”
“That sounds nice. Was Ace with you?”
“No. Why?”
“No reason…just curious.”
“So, what’s up?” she asked.
“Well…I spent the day with Cypress.”
“That sounds nice. How’d that go?”
“It went pretty well until this pretty woman started talking to him at the beach. I got so jealous and upset. He told me she’d made a pass at him before, and I can’t stop wondering if he hooked up with her. He said he didn’t, but I can’t get myself to trust him. And then Blade called him when we were in bed together, and I had a hard time believing that too. He had to show me his phone to give me peace of mind.”
Amelia took all of it in, listening attentively. “It’ll take time to trust him again. No one blames you for being uneasy about it. I know it’s hard to believe, but Ace, Blade, and I didn’t listen to anything he said for a long time. We were just as distrustful as you are right now.”
“I know, but…I don’t like what he’s turned me into.”
“I don’t catch your meaning.”
“Like, I don’t want to be that woman who has to check his phone all the time. I don’t want to accuse him of lying every time he says something to me. It turns me into this person I despise. I used to be so much more relaxed and chill. And now…I feel like a bitch. I don’t like Cypress because he makes me this way. I know I’m not making sense…”
“No, I totally understand,” she whispered. “I just hope I’m not like that when the next guy comes around, paranoid and insecure. After the way Evan left me, I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. We’ve been scarred by men, and that’s hard to erase.”
“But I don’t feel that way about all men. If I started dating someone else, I wouldn’t think twice about that. But with Cypress…he made a fool out of me. I never thought he would hook up with his ex again. I planned a birthday party for him while he was screwing her. I just feel so embarrassed.”
“Bree, don’t be embarrassed. No one thought less of you for that. We just hated him.”
“Bottom line is, I don’t like what he turns me into. There are times when I think we could make it work. He’s sweet, loyal, funny, and super sexy. I love it when he smiles. I love it when he holds me. But…this stuff always comes back to haunt us. Every single time we’re together, it happens. And I suspect that’s never going to change.”
“It will—”
“I don’t think so. And I don’t want to be in a relationship with him if that’s how I’m going to be all the time—spying on him. That’s not a relationship.”
“I agree. Which is why I keep telling you to take your time. You’ll trust him again. Just be patient.”
“I don’t know, Amy…”
“You will. I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes. Remember that.”
I was skeptical. I knew myself pretty well, and I didn’t think this was going to change. I cared about Cypress a lot, as much as I hated to admit it. He’d become a friend to me—something more than that. I didn’t want to treat him this way, to make him feel like an asshole every single day of our lives. “I love Cypress. And I think that’s why we need to go our separate ways.”
“Bree, hold on—”
“He doesn’t deserve to be insulted every single day. He made a mistake, and I believe he’s sorry about it. I believe he’s a good guy. But I’m never going to get over this. He deserves to have a clean slate with someone else, just as I deserve to have the same thing with someone else.”
“You’re just upset right now. Sleep on it—”
“Do I sound upset?” I asked calmly. “I’m just being logical here. We’re trying to make this work because we’re already married. If we weren’t, this wouldn’t be happening. We’re just forcing it.”
“You’re forgetting that you guys made it work the first time. You’re forgetting that you fell in love with him and you were the happiest I’d ever seen you.”
“Well…something must have been different then because that’s not how I feel now.”
“Cypress isn’t going to accept that. He’ll keep fighting for you.”
“I think after we talk, he’ll change his mind.”
She sighed. “Trust me, he won’t.”
“We’ve been doing this f
or two months, and it’s not working. I’m pulling the plug.”
“Bree, listen to me. I’m your sister, and I only want the best for you. I really think Cypress is the best for you.”
There was no doubt that I loved spending time with him. There was no doubt I was attracted to him. That I cared about him. “Maybe one day. But not right now. I need to see Cypress the way you guys do. That’s not gonna happen if he’s constantly seducing me and manipulating me. It has to be natural. And right now, it’s not.”
Amelia finally went quiet when she realized nothing would change my mind.
“I’m sorry. I know you guys all wanted this to work, but it’s not working. I think this is the best thing for Cypress too, even if he doesn’t see it right now.”
Amelia still didn’t say anything.
“Amy?”
“I’m here,” she whispered.
“Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not,” she said quickly. “I know I have to respect how you feel. When you wanted to get back together with him the first time, I told you to forget about him and he wasn’t good enough for you. I warned you he would hurt you again. Obviously, he proved me wrong. But I know how I felt at the time…so I can’t hold this against you.”
“Thank you.” I was glad someone finally understood where I was coming from. They all had these memories of Cypress, memories I couldn’t acquire no matter how many stories I heard. It had to be this way, and there was no way around it.
The next morning, I walked back to his front door and knocked. His windows were closed today, so I assumed he was pissed and wanted his privacy. But this conversation needed to happen.
He opened the door in just his sweatpants. He was the sexiest on lazy weekends, when he forgot about the shirt and left his chest bare. His hair was messy because he hadn’t showered, but that looked good too. “What’s up?” He wasn’t warm like he usually was. In fact, he was pretty damn cold.
“Can I come in? I want to talk to you.”
He opened the door wider and walked to the kitchen table. He plopped down with a clenched jaw, like he already anticipated what I was going to say.
I sat across from him and tried to ignore his obvious hostility. Maybe he would accept my decision because he was so fed up with me. It would certainly make things easier. “I’ve been doing some thinking, and I don’t think this is going to work. I’m never gonna get past my insecurities and trust issues. I wish I could, but I can’t. And it’s not fair to you, Cypress. I hate being this cold and shrill person when I know that’s not who I really am.”