by E. L. Todd
Awkward.
Different.
When I reached the table, I looked down at the woman paying him a visit. The second I saw her face, I recognized her.
Like I could ever forget such a skank.
Vanessa.
His ex.
The woman he cheated on me with.
And she was sitting in my seat.
“Hey.” She gave me the fakest smile I’d ever seen, obviously confident that she’d seduced Cypress when he was committed to me. She didn’t feel any remorse at all. And the fact that she was sitting across from him told me she wasn’t done with him.
That she would never be done with him.
I felt so much rage. I couldn’t contain it all. The last time I was this pissed was when I walked in on Cypress while he was fucking her. I could grab the glass of wine and throw it in her face. Shit, I should break the bottle over her skull.
But I didn’t do that, keeping my head held high and controlling the situation. “Hey.” That was all I could spit out right then.
Cypress cleared his throat. “My wife and I were just having dinner. It was nice to see you, Vanessa, but our entrees will be here any second.” He rose out of his chair and came to my side, physically choosing sides so there was no misinterpretation.
Vanessa brushed it off with a smile. “Of course. I’ll see you around.” She got out of the chair, showing off her flawless figure in a skintight dress. She gave a beautiful smile that was only reserved for Cypress.
All the happiness I’d had just moments before vanished.
She walked to the other side of the room where her table sat. Another woman of the same age was with her. They were probably two friends who decided to go out for a drink and a meal.
I moved away from Cypress and sat down, not exploding the way I wanted to in order to save face in front of Vanessa. If she knew her little charade got under my skin, she would win. So I sat down and took a long drink of my wine.
Cypress moved into the other seat, his shoulders slumped and his eyes lidded like he was tired. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed, as if he was on the verge of falling asleep right at the table.
Thankfully, the waiter arrived and placed the dishes in front of us, giving us something to do other than sit in awkward silence. I avoided eye contact, so I wasn’t sure if he was staring at me. He probably was.
We started eating, and I forced the bites down my throat. I was hungry at the beginning of the evening, but now I felt like I could throw up. The food was tasteless even though it was obviously exquisite. All the bile had risen up into my throat and burned my taste buds away.
Cypress ate, but he didn’t seem impressed by the food.
Would it be totally rude if I asked for the check?
I kept my gaze down and tried to get through the meal, but time seemed to be passing so slowly. The encounter with Vanessa kept playing over and over in my mind, and I couldn’t swallow the hurt it caused. Seeing her only reminded me of what she did. She obviously thought she and Cypress were friendly, and that made the paranoia set in.
Did he sleep with her while he was married to me?
The fact that I wasn’t sure stung.
The fact that I didn’t trust him was painful.
Seeing her only reminded me of what Cypress did, of how he broke my heart on that horrific night. If I didn’t think about it, it didn’t seem so bad. But now that Vanessa was still real, still friends with Cypress, it made me realize she would never go away.
And I would never trust him.
When we left the restaurant and walked outside, the cool evening breeze was a gulp of fresh air. It evaporated the sweat that had formed on the back of my neck. Cypress’s arm circled my waist, and I didn’t push it away, hoping Vanessa saw it from her seat in the restaurant.
Cypress and I hadn’t said more than a few words to each other. He must have known it was stupid to provoke me in the middle of the crowded room with the whore still present. Only when we were alone together could the real conversation happen.
We walked down the hill until we arrived at our two houses sitting quietly on the dark street. The sun had set an hour ago, so there was little light to navigate with. It was one of the rare times my mind was completely blank. I was usually thinking in some capacity, but now there wasn’t a single thought going through my brain.
I shut down.
Cypress sighed before he spoke. “She came over to say hi to me. I didn’t know she was there until she sat down.”
I crossed my arms over my chest as I looked at him, unable to ask the question that was gnawing at me.
“She means nothing to me.”
But she meant enough to cheat on me. “You guys keep in touch?”
“No, not really.”
“It seemed like she thought you were friends, so you’ve obviously talked to her.” I accused him in the most delicate way possible, not wanting to explode the way my heart already had.
“She’s come into the restaurants a few times since she lives around here. But that’s it.”
I still couldn’t ask. A part of me didn’t want to know. And another part of me wasn’t sure if I could believe him even if he said no.
Cypress stared at me with his hands in his pockets. He didn’t look angry or annoyed, just afraid. I’d never seen him look like that before, restrained and silent.
I couldn’t keep it in any longer. My mouth wouldn’t retain the words, and my chest had already cracked in two. “Did you sleep with her while you were married to me?” My voice was so quiet I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t hear me.
“No.”
I took a deep breath, and the cold air burned my lungs.
“I didn’t.” He sighed, either in disappointment or sadness.
“You were alone for eighteen months. How can I expect that to be true?”
“If I’d slept with her, I would tell you,” he said calmly.
“Not when we’re on the rocks.”
His eyes narrowed. “I fucked up one time. But I’ve never lied. So don’t punish me for a crime I never committed. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I’m an open book, sweetheart.”
“So you were never with a single person in that period?”
“No.”
“You never slept with anyone?”
“No.”
“You never kissed anyone?”
Cypress closed his eyes, dead silent.
Now my heart really was broken. “So you were with someone?”
“I didn’t sleep with anyone. It was nothing. Not even worth mentioning. I’m only bringing it up because you directly asked.”
“And you didn’t mention this before?”
“Again, you never directly asked.”
“Wow, you’re an asshole.”
He closed his eyes again, his jaw clenching.
“You kissed Vanessa?”
“No,” he said quickly. “I haven’t touched her since the day you were in my life again. I’ve hardly looked at her.”
I wanted to believe him. He’d just confessed something else, so why would he lie about her? “Who did you kiss?”
“It doesn’t matter. It happened one time, and it lasted thirty seconds before it was over.”
“If it doesn’t matter, why did you kiss her?”
He looked at the houses, refusing to make eye contact with me.
“Cypress.”
“What?” he whispered. “It didn’t mean anything to me—”
“It didn’t mean anything when you fucked Vanessa either. It seems to be a pattern with you, cheating on your wife with women who don’t matter. Then I must not matter.”
“That’s not how it is.”
“Who did you kiss, Cypress?” Why wouldn’t he tell me?
“Because it doesn’t matter,” he repeated.
“You cheated on me—again. It does matter.”
“I didn’t cheat on you.”
“Kissing another woman constitutes as cheating
. It doesn’t matter if it was thirty seconds or thirty minutes.” I felt stupid for taking a chance on him when I knew it would never work. Now we were back to where we were, me hating him. I thought we could work this out, but I was stupid for ever having that fantasy. I was an idiot for thinking that dream could ever come true. “Cypress, I’m done. This isn’t going to work out, and we both know it. I tried. I really did. But I’m never gonna feel secure in this relationship. And now that you’ve also kissed someone…you disgust me.” Tears burned behind my eyes, but I didn’t let them fall. I wasn’t crying over this man anymore.
“I’m telling you, this kiss wasn’t anything great. It was meaningless and uncomfortable. It doesn’t count.”
“It doesn’t count?” I asked incredulously. “Yes, it does count.”
“Your imagination is far worse than what really happened.”
“Then why don’t you just tell me exactly what happened? And exactly who it was with?”
He still didn’t give me an answer.
“Does she work for us?”
Nothing.
“Is she a regular at one of our restaurants?”
Not a peep.
“Or is it really Vanessa?”
“It’s not her,” he repeated.
“If this is so meaningless, why didn’t you tell me in the first place?”
“Because I’m not a liar,” he snapped. “Yes, my lips touched someone else’s. You asked, and I told you. But it wasn’t sexual. It wasn’t intense. It happened, and then it was over. It never should have happened in the first place.”
“But yet, you did it anyway.” I was finished with this man. I no longer had a single drop of hope. All we could ever be at this point was friends. And even that I was unsure of. “I’ll talk to a lawyer tomorrow and get those divorce papers ready. You can’t change my mind this time, Cypress. I gave this relationship a try, and now I’m certain it’ll never work. Respect my wishes, and let it go.”
He stood across from me without moving. He didn’t say a single word or come closer to me.
I turned to my house and walked up the stairs, feeling worse than I had when I’d first gotten my memory back. I was more desolate, more depressed than before. Cypress wasn’t someone I could trust. My own husband betrayed me—twice. He might be beautiful, kind, and generous, but he wasn’t the kind of man to keep it in his pants.
He was a manwhore.
Cypress didn’t object to my exit. He didn’t say he wasn’t going to give up on us. He just let me go, knowing there was no reason to fight.
Because there was nothing left to fight for.
15
Amelia
A knock sounded on the door while I was making dinner in the kitchen. I hadn’t spoken to Evan since he spent the night, and I suspected he was the one dropping by. Ace and I hadn’t communicated with each other outside of work, so I doubted he would drop by anytime soon. The wound was still too fresh, the awkwardness still heavy.
I opened the door, and sure enough, Evan was standing there.
He was in jeans and a hoodie, looking more handsome than usual because I knew how hard his body was under those clothes. “Hey. Am I interrupting anything?” He held a bottle of red wine.
“The girls and I were just about to have dinner.”
“Can I join you?” He held up the bottle. “I got this Bordeaux for you.” He turned the bottle so I could read the label.
It was the same wine and the same year that we used for our wedding.
As if that was a coincidence.
When I hesitated, he invited himself inside. “What are you making?”
I knew he and I were going to have to speak about this eventually, so we may as well get it over with. “Meat loaf.”
“Ooh…sounds amazing. I miss your meat loaf.” He opened the bottle of wine at the counter and poured two glasses. “Hey, girls.”
“Hey, Dad.” Rose waved from her spot at the table right beside Lily.
“Daddy’s gonna eat with us?” Lily asked.
“Yes, princess.” Evan set the two wineglasses down and sat at the head of the table, exactly where he used to sit before he ruined our marriage.
I felt like he was purposely manipulating me with the past, reminding me of the happiest moments of my life. I had plenty of food, so I served him a plate then took my seat. The girls were obviously happy having both of us at the dinner table. Rose kept asking Evan about his day then asked if he would buy her a turtle.
She was not getting a turtle.
“You’ll have to ask your mother,” Evan said, giving the right answer.
“But she already said no,” Rose said. “And I don’t like that answer.”
Evan laughed. “That’s too bad. Looks like you aren’t getting a turtle.”
“How about a puppy?” Lily asked. “We love puppies.”
“Nope,” I said. “When you guys are older, we’ll talk about it.” I was already overwhelmed being a single mom with two kids. Throw in a puppy that needed to be potty trained, and I would lose my mind.
Rose’s face fell in sadness. “Mommy never lets us do anything…”
“Mommy is mean,” Lily whispered.
These were the moments when I hated being a mom. My children were too young to understand everything I did for them, that I never faltered in taking care of them even when my world was ripped apart. They’d always been the center of my universe no matter what. But no matter what I did, I wasn’t good enough. I drank my wine, taking the biggest gulp I could without choking.
“Your mother isn’t mean,” Evan said firmly. “She’s the best mom in the world, and you know it. Who makes you breakfast every morning? Who takes you to school and picks you up every day? Lily, what would you do if Mom didn’t show up one day? Where would you go? Do you know how to get home on your own?”
Lily picked at her food with her fork, her eyes downcast.
“Rose.” Evan’s authoritative voice rose in the room. “What would you do if Mom didn’t help you with your math homework? Would your teacher be happy about that? Would you get a check minus?”
Rose didn’t have anything to say to that.
“Never say your mother is mean again,” Evan continued. “She’s always been there for you. Always.” He looked down at his food and didn’t meet my look.
I was touched by the speech because it didn’t feel staged. It seemed genuine, as though he wasn’t just trying to get into my good graces again so we could get back together. He finally gave me the credit I was due and admitted to being an inadequate father—to his own kids.
It definitely made me look at him differently.
Evan helped me clear the table and load the dishes into the dishwasher. Then he got the girls to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. Once they were tucked in for the night, he joined me in the kitchen.
I started the dishwasher then washed my hands in the sink. I looked out the window and tried not to meet his gaze, afraid of having any kind of intimacy with him. I dried my wet hands with a towel then finally turned around. “Thanks for saying that.”
He leaned against the opposite counter, facing me. “It needed to be said. It’s true.”
“That’s the only thing I hate about being a mother. They never appreciate me.”
“Only for now,” he said. “When they get older, they’ll understand. And when they’re adults, they’ll be your friend. You aren’t the only parent to go through this.”
“I hope you’re right.” Rose was only seven. I had ten more years to go before she became an adult. And even then, she still probably wouldn’t be mature enough.
“You’re a great mom. Of course, I’m right.” He gave me an encouraging smile as he held on to the counter behind him. His hair was done well that afternoon, and the hoodie he wore emphasized his body even though the muscles were covered.
I waited for him to leave, but he obviously had no intention of going anywhere. I had to have the dreaded conversation with him, to tell him
our hookup couldn’t happen again. I had just been depressed and stupid. “I know we got carried away the other night, but I don’t think we should allow it to happen again.” I kept my voice steady as I spoke, hoping he would receive the message well.
He continued to stare me down, his gaze unreadable.
“I want to be friends and partners, but that’s it. I don’t want anything else.”
Evan walked toward me, moving past the empty barrier between the kitchen counters.
I held my breath, forcing myself not to respond to his proximity.
“I think you want more than that.”
“I don’t.” I looked him in the eye as I said it. “I was just depressed about Ace, and I wasn’t thinking clearly.”
“You used me to stop thinking about him. Why don’t you use me to get over him?”
Both of my eyebrows rose at the offer. “You want to sleep with me even though I’m in love with someone else?” How could that not wound his pride? How could that not disgust him?
“I think that’s fair after what I did. I can be patient.” His hands moved to either side of the counter, and he pressed farther into me, his face lowering toward mine. “I can make love to you until I’m the only man you think of.”
I was still attracted to Evan. That much was obvious. But I hadn’t forgiven for him what he did. I would never trust him again. The only reason he was still in my life at all was because he was the father of my children.
He leaned in to kiss me.
If I didn’t stop it, it would happen again. It would be another mistake that I would regret in the morning. I pressed my hand against his chest and steadied him. “No.”
He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers before he pressed his lips against mine. “Yes.”
My phone wouldn’t stop ringing on the nightstand. I had no idea what time it was, but it was way past my bedtime. I fumbled in the dark until I finally found the phone next to my alarm clock. I answered the call without looking at the screen and kept my eyes closed. “Hmm?”
Evan turned over and faced the other direction, trying to get away from the sound of my voice.
“I’m sorry to wake you,” Bree said into the phone. “I’m standing outside.”