by Claire Adams
“Are you excited for the game tomorrow?” I asked Ainsley.
She shrugged as if going to NFL games wasn’t a big deal. I guessed in her world it wasn’t, but I knew plenty of other kids who would be very excited to get to hang out in the owner’s box or down in the front of the stands.
I knew I was excited. I couldn’t wait to see Milo play. I debated on what I was going to wear. It wasn’t something I ever really thought about, but I wanted to look good. I wanted to show him I wasn’t the girl always in pajamas like I had been almost every time I had seen him in the past couple weeks. I wanted him to see me as an attractive woman, not the girl he’d had sex with five years ago and accidentally made a baby with.
Chapter 24
Milo
Game day is always a whirlwind from the minute I woke up. It’s all about getting ready for the game, playing your ass off for four hours and then locker room lectures and press conferences. In the past, I liked game days. They kept me busy, and I didn’t have time to worry about much else. But today, I kind of regretted the fact that I wouldn’t have time to spend with Ainsley.
I was sure they would be at the game. Liza had mentioned she went to all the home games to support her dad. I wanted to prove to her I wasn’t only a better man, but a more dedicated player. I was in it to win it now. I was a professional, and I wanted her to see the new me. I wasn’t that cocky kid from the past who played his ass off with the sole goal of showing off.
This was my job. My career. I wanted my team to win because I knew how much it meant to Coach and to guys like Luke. Liza had texted earlier to wish me luck. She said she would bring Ainsley to see me on the field once the press had cleared out and headed for the press junket area. I knew she wasn’t ready for the world to know about our daughter. I agreed with her—for now.
“Hey, Pastek!” Luke hollered from the other side of the parking lot. “You got your new rig! How do you like it?”
I grinned. “I love it. Thanks again for helping me out.”
We walked in the side entrance of the stadium and headed for the locker room, chatting as we went.
“I feel good about this game. Coach talked to me and said to be ready; that if we could get some points on the board, he would put me in. No pressure or anything, but can you please make that happen. I want in.”
I laughed. “You do realize that is my goal every game, right?”
He grinned, and his youthfulness was evident. “I know, but today it is really important. Try harder.”
“I’ll do that, just for you, Luke.”
We got dressed, went through the pregame ritual and hit the field to warm up. The stands were already packed. That was a good thing. Coach had made it clear if we couldn’t get butts in the seats, all of our jobs were on the line. It was an effective incentive.
The game was amazing. I felt as if I had been born to play football. It was all very natural. When Luke came in, I did what I could to give the kid a chance to prove himself—to Coach and the rest of the team. He caught a long pass, and I’ll be damned if that kid didn’t manage to move his ass down the field and score a touchdown.
I listened to the crowd roar and was buoyed by their enthusiasm. I imagined Ainsley and Liza somewhere in the stands and hoped they were proud of me. Luke was over the moon.
We won the game, buoying all of our spirits. I made my way down the sidelines, doing the press thing and being very careful not to flirt with any of the ladies. I knew Coach would be watching all of the interviews. It wasn’t only Coach I was worried about, either. I didn’t want Liza to think I was still that guy. I wasn’t, and I wouldn’t be.
By the time I managed to make it back to the locker room, I was very anxious to find Liza and Ainsley.
“Pastek!” Coach Summers yelled.
I looked up to see him standing with a ball in his hands.
“Yeah, Coach?”
“We, the team, would like to give you the team ball from tonight. You were certainly our most valuable player out there.”
The locker room erupted into cheers. I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. I wanted to play it cool, but it was impossible. I was too excited. This was a huge deal.
“Thanks, guys. Really. We kicked some ass today!” I shouted, raising the ball above my head.
More cheers rang out as I made my way back to my locker. I was stopped several times by my teammates who wanted to thank me for pulling the team together and playing well. I felt as if I were on top of the world and I couldn’t wait to share it with my little girl and her mama. I wanted Ainsley to have my MVP ball. After all, it was because of her I played so well.
I sent Liza a quick text to find out where she was. She instantly replied she was in the private parking lot. I headed that way, really anxious to see her.
“Daddy!” Ainsley hollered, the moment she saw me headed her way.
I grinned and sped up my pace. Liza started to make her way towards me as well. It felt like something out of a movie. Ainsley was running for me as if she hadn’t seen me in months.
“Hey, big girl!” I heard Coach yell from behind me.
I froze in my spot. I should have known the warm welcome from Liza and Ainsley wasn’t for me. It was for Coach Summers. My earlier excitement evaporated as I moved over a couple feet to make way for Ainsley to get to her grandpa. She was running so fast I was worried she would trip and skin her knees, or worse.
“Daddy!” she yelled again, just a couple feet away, and launched herself at me.
Thank God for quick reflexes. I managed to catch her little body and cradled her close, spinning around with her as she clung to my neck.
“Hey, Red. It’s good to see you,” I whispered close to her ear.
“Mommy said you played a really good game and your team won!” she exclaimed.
“Thank you, sweetie. It was a really good game.”
I turned to see Coach staring at me and immediately felt guilty and out of place. I gave my little girl a quick kiss on the cheek and put her down. “Actually, it’s your grandpa’s team, but yes, we did win.”
“Hi, Papa,” Ainsley said, apparently just noticing him standing next to us now.
Liza was standing on the other side of me, and I could feel the tension between father and daughter. I was in the perfect spot—right in the middle of them. It was a very awkward moment, and I didn’t know what to say. Ainsley had her arm wrapped around my leg and was leaning against me. I put my hand on her head as if to shield her from the tension.
“Hi,” I said to Coach before looking at Liza, offering her my support without saying anything.
“Hey, good game,” she said, talking to him, but looking at me first, before looking at her dad. “You guys all did really well out there today. Best I’ve seen the team play in a couple of years.”
“Thank you,” Coach and I said in unison.
Instantly, I felt like an idiot. Another strike against me. I wasn’t exactly winning any points with the man. Thankfully, I had played well, or I would be kicking rocks down the road by now. Liza reached up a hand and touched my bicep. I knew she was trying to tell me it was okay, but it didn’t feel that way. I had a lot of respect for the coach, and I didn’t want to let him down in any way.
“Papa! Papa!” Ainsley was yelling, looking up at him.
“Ainsley! Ainsley!” he replied, imitating her as he reached out and ruffled her hair.
“This is my Daddy!” she said, with a great deal of pride.
Coach pretended to be shocked. I wasn’t sure if the man was angry or embarrassed. “He is?” he said, a hand over his heart and his mouth gaping.
She nodded. “Yep. This is my daddy.”
“Well, Daddy, it’s good to meet you,” he said, extending his hand to me.
I looked at Liza before reaching out and shaking his hand. It was a little weird, but if this was how he wanted to play it, I was cool with it. The adults all had to play nice in front of the child.
The
sound of Liza letting out a deep breath was evident. I think we had both been holding our breath ever since Coach had approached. She may have been more relaxed, but I was still feeling very out of place, standing between father and daughter. I knew he wouldn’t hit me, but I was still on guard.
“It was a really great game. So exciting. I don’t know if I sat down at all the entire game,” Liza chimed in. “Dad, you’ve have managed to turn the team around. The fans were over the moon. I don’t think I heard a bit of jeering. I’m sure the owners are going to be very pleased.”
He chuckled. “I couldn’t have done it without this guy. Milo, I’m glad you’re here. I think you’ve won the respect of your team as well. Don’t think the next week of practice is going to be easy, though. I’m going to bust your a—”
“Dad!” Liza stepped in.
He looked abashed, smiled down at Ainsley and cleared his throat. “Butts. You and that kid, Dawson, you guys play like you’ve played together for years. I want to use that more in the next game. That means more practice. You better get your arm ready, because there will be no mercy.”
“I’m ready, and I know Luke is. The kid is eager, and he’ll put in the time and effort. I like him,” I said, nodding my head. I couldn’t wait to see Luke’s face when he heard he was getting off the bench.
“I need to get going,” Coach said, leaning down to kiss Ainsley on the cheek. “I’ve got more calls, and I need to watch the game before tomorrow.”
“Bye, Papa!” Ainsley said, not letting go of my leg.
“Bye, Dad,” Liza mumbled.
Coach looked at her, nodded his head and turned to walk to his truck parked a few spots away. He stopped, turned around and looked directly at me. “I expect you’ll be at family dinner tomorrow night?”
I gulped, “What?”
“Monday night is our weekly family dinner. My house, Liza?”
“Yes,” she squeaked out.
“Good,” he said, holding my gaze. “I’ll see you all tomorrow night. How about fried chicken with the works? I’m craving something terribly unhealthy. It will be our celebration dinner, and don’t tell me I can’t have it,” he said, switching his gaze to Liza. “I want fried chicken.”
“I’ll pick some up and bring it over,” she told him.
“Good. I’ll see you then,” he said and got into his truck.
I stood there, unmoving. I couldn’t budge and felt as if nails had been driven into my feet, holding me right where I stood. My lungs felt as if they were constricted. I couldn’t take a deep breath. Prying Ainsley’s arms off my leg, I pushed her towards Liza. If I was going to pass out, I couldn’t do it with my little girl attached to my leg.
“Milo?” Liza asked with concern.
I shook my head and took a few shaky steps back and away from the two of them. My head was swimming. Everything felt like it was closing in on me. There weren’t any physical walls, but it felt like it. My heart was pounding so hard it was making me nauseous. It was the F-word. I didn’t like it. It terrified me.
“Milo?” Liza asked again, now stepping towards me.
“No,” I croaked out. I didn’t know what I was saying no to, but it seemed like the right response. No, I wasn’t okay. No, I didn’t want to go to a family dinner. No, no, no! I wanted to scream the word.
She stopped and stared at me. My eyes darted around the parking lot. I needed to escape. I could see my new SUV. I needed to get there and drive away as fast as I could. Unfortunately, my legs wouldn’t move. I was stuck.
Chapter 25
Liza
A million things crossed my mind as I watched Milo. At first, I had thought maybe it was the stomach bug Ainsley had, but it didn’t take long to figure out it wasn’t anything viral at all.
“Milo, are you okay?” I asked several times.
Each time he would look at me as if I were a monster with three heads cornering him against a wall. I could hear him breathing hard and fast. His face had paled, and I could see a fine sheen of sweat across his forehead.
“Come over here,” I said, taking the keys he had in his hand and pushing the button on the fob to unlock the doors of the new rig.
It was pretty fancy, but I couldn’t focus on that now. I yanked open the passenger door and ordered him to get in and sit.
He was still staring at me wide-eyed, but he did as I asked.
“Now, relax. Take a few deep breaths and relax.”
I was pretty sure this was a panic attack. I left the door open, letting the breeze wash over him while he sat there looking as if he wanted to run into traffic.
“What’s wrong with Daddy?” Ainsley asked, from beside me.
“He’s okay. Just a little out of breath. We need to let Daddy have a little rest,” I explained, not wanting to scare her.
Putting a hand on Milo’s thigh, I could feel how tense he was. I was beginning to worry and debated calling an ambulance but didn’t want to make a bigger deal out of the situation in case it was nothing.
“Milo?” I said, softly.
He looked at me, but it didn’t feel like he was really seeing me. I was nervous and now fighting back my own panic. I looked into his eyes and saw fear. He was scared to death. I did what came naturally— leaning forward, I wrapped my arms around him, offering comfort and then kissed him.
My lips pressed against his, gently at first, then more firmly when he didn’t pull away. I felt him relaxing, and it wasn’t long before one of his hands came to rest on my back, and he was kissing me too. I pulled back after a bit and rested my forehead against his. My heart was now beating fast, but it was for entirely different reasons.
“You good?” I whispered.
He didn’t immediately answer. I pulled back and looked into his eyes. The fear was gone, but I could still feel the tension in his body.
“I’m good. Better anyway.”
“Want to tell me what happened?”
“Why did you kiss me?” he asked instead.
“Are you okay, Daddy?” Ainsley said, popping her head around the car door.
He smiled, “I’m okay, Red. So?” he asked again, looking at me.
I shrugged a shoulder. “I didn’t know what else to do. It was either that or an ambulance. It seemed like the best option in the moment.”
He grinned, “It was an excellent option.”
“That was different,” I commented dryly.
He shook his head, clearly embarrassed. “Sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I should go.”
I chuckled. “There is no way I’m letting you drive anywhere. Look, you’re still shaking,” I said, picking up one of his hands.
“I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. Come on; I’ll drive you to my place. We’ll sit, relax, get some food in your system, and if you’re all better, I’ll bring you back to your fancy new truck here.”
He grinned and looked at the dash. “It is pretty cool, huh? And, it is one of the safest SUVs on the market.”
“You don’t say?” I teased.
“Yep, I figured if I have Ainsley in the car, I want to make sure there are enough airbags around her to make her think she’s in a pillow if something should ever happen.”
I chuckled, thinking I needed to have him read up on airbags and kids, but was very glad he had thought so practically. It was a good sign. He wasn’t thinking flashy and sporty, but practical and safe, instead.
“Let’s go,” I said, stepping away from the car. I picked up his heavy duffel bag and handed it to him. “Do you need this?”
“No,” he said, tossing it in the back and locking the vehicle before following me to my much smaller and far less cool car.
He managed to squeeze his large body in my little Nissan Altima. It was a little funny to see and reminded me of one of Ainsley’ cartoons.
As we drove to my apartment, I could tell he was winding down but was still a little off. I tried to make small talk to help calm him down. He did his best to keep up with the
conversation, but I knew it was a struggle. I wanted to keep his mind off whatever had sent him into the panic attack and figured mundane conversation was the way to do it.
When we got home, I put Milo on the couch to relax while I got Ainsley ready for bed. She protested at first, wanting to hang out with her Daddy, but when I promised her there would be plenty of time for her to see him in the coming days, she finally relaxed a bit. I read her the new Curious George book he had bought her and tucked her in.
Checking on Milo, I found him in the same spot I had left him in.
“I still don’t have any beer in the house, but do you want a glass of wine?” I offered. I certainly did.
He shrugged but didn’t answer.
He was getting a glass of wine. I needed one. I suddenly felt like my nerve endings were exposed. Pouring two glasses, I took them into the living room. I handed his to him and then sat down on the far end of the couch, feeling like I needed to keep as much distance between us as possible.
“That game was amazing,” I blurted out, and suddenly felt like an idiot. Realizing I’d sounded like an enamored fan.
He slowly nodded his head, staring at a blank space on the wall. “Yeah, it was.”
He was still holding the wine, not drinking it. I was beginning to wonder if I should have taken him to the hospital. Maybe this was the result of a head injury.
“You played very well. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched a game that good.”
He nodded but didn’t say anything. Clearly, he wasn’t in the mood to talk. Things suddenly felt very weird. I didn’t know what to say. My body was not being kind. There were tingling sensations in places that had no business tingling. My breath was coming fast, and I could feel my heart racing, sending heat through my body.
“Are you excited for next week’s game?” I asked, feeling the need to fill the quiet in the room. Instantly regretting my words, I vowed to stop babbling.
He looked at me. “Are you okay?”